7. Vani
My stomach was hurting so bad that I was moaning in my sleep. “Vani!”
When I heard Darius sounding panicked, my eyes opened, and I frowned from the pain.
I had gone too hard the night before. We were celebrating Hailey’s birthday, and I got so drunk I threw up twice before passing out.
There was a foul taste in my mouth. I zeroed in on Darius looking overly concerned.
“Bae that’s yo’ period? The bed got hella blood in it.”
I sat up and the moment I did, a gush of fluid came out of me.
It was so warm and felt like so much that my eyes grew wide.
We stared at each other for a moment. I looked down between my legs, and it looked like a massacre had occurred.
I started my period at ten and never had my day one started so heavy and aggressive.
Another cramp ripped through my abdomen.
“I think something is wrong,” I began to panic.
Darius rushed over to the bed to pick me up as I tried to remember when my last period had occurred.
We’d been living together for three months, and we fucked like rabbits.
Me getting pregnant wasn’t a far-fetched idea at all and even though neither of us wanted kids at the moment, we weren’t doing a lot to prevent it.
Darius pulled out sometimes. But when he was drunk which was damn near every weekend, he didn’t.
He carried me to the bathroom, undressed me, and put me in the shower.
Dazed I watched the blood leak into the tub and mix with the running water.
I was still borderline drunk, but I knew my period had only come once since I’d moved in with Darius.
When I wasn’t braiding hair, I was at home cooking or cleaning, riding around with Darius or partying with Lo and Hailey.
Lo had started community college, but she still didn’t pass up the opportunity to go out.
My life was so busy and nonstop that I didn’t even miss my period not coming.
I had been going so hard smoking and drinking the poor kid was doomed anyway.
Closing my eyes I gritted my teeth and tried to get through the pain as Darius quickly washed me off.
When I was done, he looked underneath the sink and grabbed a pad.
He dressed me and even brushed my teeth.
I sat on the bed in agonizing pain waiting for him to get ready.
Darius drove like a mad man through the streets of Diamond Cove and got me to the nearest hospital.
He was in such a frenzy and telling them that I was bleeding everywhere I went straight to the back.
When it was all said and done, I had been nine weeks pregnant and had miscarried.
The doctor gave me something for pain and told me mostly everything had passed and that my uterus would clean itself out.
He didn’t give me anything too strong but with the alcohol and weed I consumed the night before, how late I went to bed, and the medicine, I was ready to go to sleep as soon as we got in the car.
“You good?” Darius glanced over at me, and I nodded.
“You sad?”
“Not really. We move around too much for a baby, and I’m not really ready to sit down. I’m going to get on birth control because your pullout game is obviously trash,” I mumbled.
“Damn my bad,” he pushed out a soft sigh. “I guess once you keep getting away with something it’s easy to become careless.”
I only had one appointment scheduled for later, but I was going to have to cancel on her.
I hated to do that, and I rarely did. I was going to tell her if she could wait until the next day, I’d fit her in bright and early.
For the moment, I just wanted to sleep. The doctor suggested I stay off my feet for a few days, but I could braid sitting down if I really needed to.
“You hungry?”
I had been in so much pain food wasn’t on my mind.
The cramps in my belly had felt like period cramps on steroids which said a lot because my regular period cramps could bring tears to a person’s eyes.
The pain had subsided and when I thought about it, I could eat.
“Yeah, I’ll order take out from Egg’scuse Me. You want something?”
Darius nodded before giving me his order.
We ate there often, so he knew exactly what he wanted.
His phone began ringing, and I settled in my seat and leaned my head against the headrest. I wasn’t even sure how to feel.
I had been irresponsible, but I didn’t want any kids at the moment.
However, it seemed wrong to view a miscarriage as a blessing.
Maybe it was just more along the lines of God knew what I didn’t need at the moment.
It had nothing to do with Darius. He was a great boyfriend.
He made my relationship with Craig look like child’s play.
When I got my hair done, went to the nail shop, or even the club, I caught the stares from females.
I heard the whispers. My name had more than likely been changed to ‘That’s Her. ’ Or, ‘That’s Darius’ Girl.’
Some of the glances were inquisitive. Some were filled with envy but unless I was delusional, none of the looks appeared to be amused.
I prayed every day that Darius wasn’t making me the laughing stock of Diamond Cove.
When I got together with Lo and Hailey most of the gossip consisted of which couple in the city was going through some crazy drama.
STD’s, baby mama drama, fights, paternity tests, vandalized property.
There was always some tea to spill. God forbid the day ever come when it was my tea being sipped on.
I wasn’t slow or green. I didn’t put anything past anybody, but I simply wasn’t interested in watching Darius like a hawk.
When I rode around with him, he was the one that requested my company.
When his phones would be vibrating off the hook, I never picked them up to see who was calling.
I didn’t go through his text messages. I refused to live my life paranoid.
What I was choosing to do was enjoy the good times and trust in God that if Darius was doing anything wrong in the dark, it would come to the light, so I could be out.
I loved Darius so much. More than I had ever loved a man that wasn’t family, but I wasn’t going to let that love make me foolish.
Young or not, I refused to willingly be dumb.
Darius picked my food up, and we went straight home.
We ate our food together then I got comfortable in bed.
I was shocked when Darius began taking his clothes off.
I watched with dipped brows as he got behind me in the bed and wrapped his arms around me.
It was usually about the time he left the house to start making moves.
Darius would sit still for a bit on Sunday’s but Monday through Saturday, he was a straight road runner.
“You not going to make money?” I asked over my shoulder.
Darius kissed my shoulder, grabbed me a little tighter, and snuggled a little closer. “Nah. I’m ‘bout to lay with you.”
Three days later, I sat across from Hailey at a popular brunch spot, Scrambled.
The food was good, but people came more for the bottomless Mimosas, music, hookah, and vibes than they did the food.
Day two, I went to the shop and did my client’s hair, but my stomach was still cramping, and I was bleeding annoyingly heavy.
After I did her hair, I didn’t leave the house again until I met Hailey for brunch and caught her up on what had happened.
“Damn friend, that’s crazy. Nine weeks? So, you were like two months.”
“And I had no clue. Anytime I felt sick, I thought it was from drinking too much. I need to take a break from alcohol,” I sighed. “My damn liver is probably screaming for help.”
Hailey chuckled. “I need to be taking one with you. Baby, I was so lit last weekend, I woke up Sunday still drunk as hell. I didn’t even know that was possible. We be having a ball though,” she smiled.
“A ball!” I co-signed with a giggle. The server came with our pitcher of Mimosa’s, and we laughed harder. “Starting tomorrow. We’re taking ten days off from alcohol.”
“Bet,” Hailey nodded. “That baby would have been so cute,” she gushed making me frown.
“Cute and annoying. Babies are a lot of responsibility. I just want to be an adult for a few years without having to take care of anybody but myself. And as much as I love Darius, I get scared. Every time a street nigga goes to the Feds or gets killed, there’s a wife, girlfriend, a few side chicks, and kids always left behind. ”
There had been many hood horror stories from jack boys kicking in doors to Feds running up in cribs twenty deep.
Cars being riddled with bullets, people killed execution style.
I wasn’t na?ve to the consequences that came with the life Darius lived.
Every time he came in the house and asked me to help him count large sums of money, my throat constricted, and my chest tightened.
That money came with a lot attached to it.
There was no way I’d ever be one hundred percent comfortable with the way he made his money, and I didn’t want to bring a child into that world.
The thought of losing Darius in any capacity made me feel like I couldn’t breathe.
There were plenty of days I wished he would just retire from hustling and become a barber for real.
Every time my parents mentioned him being a barber I almost asked them what the heck they were talking about.
The trips, clothes, shoes, all of that was nice.
But we could live a decent life with him cutting and me braiding.
He could also invest. Life just felt like there was a timer attached to it, and I kept waiting for it to go off.
Any time things were going too well and I was too happy, I’d become scared out of nowhere.
There were days I’d almost have a panic attack because I kept thinking life was too good to be true and at any moment the fallout would come.
“I feel you on that. Nesha’s ass is dealing with that right now. Nook just got sentenced to twenty years, and they have three kids under the age of four.”
“Oh my God.”
My gaze lifted, and I saw one of the servers coming our way with menus in her hand. Behind her was Bree and another female. Bree was scowling like a rank odor had hit her nose as she ogled me, and that made me chuckle.
“Bitter bitch to the left,” I told Hailey, and she looked as they were passing.
“Girlllll,” she drawled. “You left out old. An old bitter bitch.”
From the corner of my eye, I watched Bree and her friend walk to the booth the hostess led them to. “You think he has feelings for her?” I tried to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“Girl, what?” Hailey’s face balled.
“No, I’m saying. He got his car in her name a year ago.
That means she’s been around for a lil’ minute.
As long as the car is in her name, he has to deal with her in some capacity.
I don’t know. It just doesn’t seem like she’s really going anywhere.
” I hated to appear insecure, but Hailey knew me better than a lot of people did.
I had to be able to keep it real with somebody.
“Vani, please don’t start tripping. She’s been around for a minute putting stuff in her name for him and getting dicked down, but he wifed you in wayyyy less than a year.
Darius likes you. You live with him. Not her.
You did in a few months what she couldn’t do in a year, and that’s why she’s mad.
You’re better than me ‘cus I would have made him give that shit back.”
Her comment made me snicker. “Nah, he can keep it. I feel like if I make him give the car back, it would only be fair that I get one in my name for him. And I don’t know if I’m ready for all that.
If we don’t work out, then I have to see his face every month to get the money for the car payment.
You know he’s a street nigga, so he’s not using a debit card or no shit like that.
Straight cash. He refuses to even get Cash App. ”
“Y’all are going to work out,” she waved my comment off. “You’re not going anywhere and neither is he.”
I hoped that was true. I really did, but these days you could never be too sure. I wanted to believe with my whole heart that Darius would never hurt me, but that wasn’t something that I could predict, and that was the scary part.