Chapter 16 #2
“Are you kidding? I could have fucking paid your rent for a decent place. And paid Sadie’s tuition.
It’s nothing. All you had to do was ask.
” I’m sick at the thought that she carried this all by herself for so many years.
I love her father. He helped me get my shit together when I was in rehab.
But I can’t believe he left the country and made her responsible for this burden all on her own.
“And that just shows how fucked up this world is that we live in, that an amount that’s so insignificant to you would make such a difference to most people. But still. It’s my problem. Not yours. You’re my boss.”
A hollow feeling settles in my stomach. Do I know Emma at all?
I thought I knew her. She knows every detail about me, from what I have for breakfast to what type of boxers I prefer.
But as I look around her apartment, I feel our relationship rearrange in my head.
She knew all those details, not because she was my best friend, but because she needed to.
She was my employee. And I was her boss.
I didn’t need to know the details of her life.
I thought that because she was sassy and funny and often told me like it is, it meant that she never held back about herself. But now, I realize she held back all the time. She never showed who she was behind the scenes.
The intimacy I imagined wasn’t there, at least not on her side. It was her doing her job.
Somewhere deep inside aches. I recognize the feeling from that part of me I thought I buried long ago, the small boy who bonded with nanny after nanny, just to have them leave without a backward glance.
Hell, besides Emma, the main constant in my life has been Marie. And I pay them both.
Something desperate threatens to freeze me in place.
I’ve done this my whole life. Getting work, family, and friendship all mixed up in my mind. Imagining relationships when it was just transactional.
Not that Emma is a user. She’s the opposite. She wouldn’t ask for anything, not even when she was struggling to pay her bills.
“Sadie just graduated. So you can move now, right?”
Emma shoots me a flat look. And I realize—she just quit her job and is starting a business. She doesn’t have the money to move.
My desperate need for her to stay working for me takes on a different flavor. I have to help her. I know she’ll succeed in anything she does. But setting up a business takes time. And I can’t stand the thought of her staying in this apartment, at least not alone.
It’s not a safe neighborhood.
She’s been there for me day in and day out these last seven years.
And I was too self-involved and unaware of all the shit she had to deal with while she was making sure my life was in perfect order.
Yes, I paid her well for it, but I always thought of her as more than an employee.
A friend would have known. Friends know things about each other. Friends visit each other’s houses.
Maybe she’s never truly seen me as a friend. But she’s still one of the most important people in my life. I have to fix this.
“Why are you here?” Emma repeats. She walks over to the small table and takes a seat.
Pull yourself together. I take the chair opposite her.
The table is so small my legs brush hers. She sucks in a breath and rearranges her legs to the side so we aren’t touching.
“I’m sorry about intruding. But I promised you I wouldn’t call.”
She laughs. “So you thought this was more appropriate?”
A million questions about her life fly through my brain, questions it never occurred to me to ask. Questions it never occurred to me to wonder about.
A loud shout sounds from outside.
“Does Sadie live with you? You’re not here alone, are you?
” Worry shoots through me, along with something primitive, protective, that I only seem to feel with her.
It was there when she went out with that fake doctor.
It was there multiple times tonight. Maybe it’s always been there, but I haven’t wanted to articulate it.
“Not usually,” Emma says, confirming my fear. “She worked as an RA in the dorms. It was a great deal for her—she got free rent and some money. But she’d always stay here during longer breaks when the dorms closed.”
“She’s graduated, right? So, she’ll move in now?”
“No. She has an internship in New York for the summer. It’s a very competitive position. She won a big-deal design competition this year,” she says proudly.
I’ll call Duncan tonight and get security posted here, I decide.
I won’t tell Emma that, though. She’d fight me on it.
Just like I know she won’t take any money I offer for her to move.
She’s always been stubborn. But her safety is nonnegotiable.
I don’t think about what it would mean if I arranged for security for an ex-assistant, if she really quits.
I look around. “Where is your sister now?”
“She’s at her new… situationship’s place.” She sighs. “The guy she was with the night you picked me up from the bar.”
We’re both silent for a minute; memories of that night are loud between us.
My eyes track down her body, admiring her in that figure-skimming black dress. “How was your date?” And then I blurt out, “Simon Reeves is a player. I don’t know what the fuck Olivia and Chase were thinking.”
She sighs. “My date was fine.”
“He didn’t come in?”
“No, he didn’t come in. I met them all at the restaurant and drove myself home. I always drive to a first date. Even though I trust Olivia and Chase. You can never be too cautious.”
I nod, glad that she was careful, but hating the idea of Emma having enough dates to have a system.
I want to ask her if she liked him. If he kissed her good night.
But who the hell was I kidding? Of course she liked him. And of course he kissed her. She’s Emma. Who wouldn’t want to?
Acid burns in my stomach at the thought. She keeps getting farther and farther away. If I don’t turn this around, she’ll disappear from my life entirely. I can’t let that happen.
She sighs. “So… talk. What was so important that you couldn’t wait until morning?”
“I-I just… I wanted to make sure you were okay. Simon Reeves has crazy fans. And stalkers. And photographers following his every move.”
“Just like you do.”
“Yes, but I’m good at managing them. He’s not.”
She snorts. “You’re horrible at boundaries.”
I nod. “I know.”
Surprisingly, she lets it go at that. “What does Allegra think about your midnight visit to your assistant?” she asks lightly. “Isn’t she back from Morocco?”
“I stopped seeing her last week.”
“W-when?”
“The night you gave your notice.”
Emma’s eyes widen in surprise. “Why?” she asks and then grimaces. “Never mind. That’s none of my business.”
“I’m not the one worrying about crossing lines.”
Her mouth quirks up in humor. “You’re standing in my apartment. So… clearly.”
Our eyes meet, and despite the heavy air around us, we both grin. She looks away first.
I shrug. “I realized that temporary is better, at least for me. And she said things that were unacceptable. About people I care about.” It’s too close to the awkward truth.
She nods and chews her lip, her brow knitted. It’s one of her tells that she’s brooding about something. Silence is loud in the room.
She puts a hand on my arm. “I’m sorry. I know you liked her. If I can do anything…” Her voice is soft and slightly rough in the quiet night. She shakes her head. “I mean, in the week I have left working. Before I… leave.”
Less than a week. That’s all I have left with Emma in my life on the daily. Unless I can convince her to stay.
She drops her hand and shivers. I normally try not to watch her too closely. But I do now. Dark circles bracket her eyes. And her face is gaunter.
Suddenly, I feel self-conscious. I just showed up, crashed into her life tonight, not caring that she probably needs to sleep.
But I can’t regret it, not entirely. I learned more about Em in this last hour than I learned in years working with her. The urge to protect her, even from myself, is overwhelming.
“You need to get some rest,” I say gruffly, standing.
I want to insist that she come with me, that she not stay in this apartment on her own, but I know she’ll refuse.
And I can’t force her. I’ll call Duncan as soon as I get to my car.
He’ll be able to get a guard dispatched right away.
And I can keep watch from afar until he does.
Until I can figure out how to get her into a safer home.
She nods and walks me to the door.
It’s time to say goodbye, but my feet are rooted to the floor. Her face tips up. Maybe it’s just the exhaustion I can sense, but her eyes are unguarded, raw. They gut me. And I wish she weren’t wearing any makeup so I could count every single freckle on her nose.
But bosses don’t count freckles.
Do friends?
As a friend, I feel wrong leaving her like this when I have a twenty-room mansion that’s an echoing vault of emptiness.
Emma has always been my right hand. And now I realize maybe she needs me as well. Maybe this relationship doesn’t have to be one-sided anymore. I can also be her right hand. Because I’ll be damned if I lose her.
But with every day that passes, there’s a bigger chance that I will.