Chapter 34
Emma
I always knew I was full of shit.
At the beginning of this little journey into the land of fake engagements and only-one-beds, I decided that I would have the fun without the falling. I thought I could just enjoy things, no overthinking.
Ha. I was delusional.
I had fun. And I fell. Hard. There was never any question of it.
I, Emma Reynolds, have had sex with Sebastian Blake. And, despite what I wanted, it wasn’t the no-feelings type of sex. There were feelings. So, so many of them.
My sated body is lethargic; happy hormones are still firing through it.
But my always-restless mind is fully online with a million questions.
He said all these lovely things while we were together.
But was it just pillow talk? What did this mean?
How does he feel? Is this a one-night thing?
A one-Napa-holiday thing? Are we friends with benefits now?
Or more? And finally… will we do this again? Because yes, please, I want to.
I know I should be cool. Unbothered. Like a girl who is used to having amazing sex. Who is used to having amazing sex with a mega superstar.
Except, my questions just get louder. And they aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. Internally, I curse my very un-chill brain.
“Sebastian?” I whisper after more lengthy silence. I’m lying on top of him, and I burrow my head into his chest.
“Hmm?”
I want to ask about the two of us. But I chicken out at the last second, and another question emerges from my mouth. “How do you feel about…” Me? “Allegra?”
Ugh. I’m a coward.
“I mean, what happened between the two of you?” I amend, trying to sound like this is totally normal.
“Are you kidding? I don’t want to talk about her now, of all times.”
“It’s a legitimate question.” I double down. Now that I’ve asked, I’m genuinely curious.
He sighs. “We were never compatible. I shouldn’t have tried dating her. It was stupid.”
Does that mean him trying any relationship was stupid? Or just with her. Inquiring minds want to know.
I want to kick myself. This inquiring mind does not need to know the answer.
I’m in bed with my ex-boss, someone I’ve tried to get out of my heart for years.
This is me living. This is me having a once-in-a-lifetime experience without having a twenty-page list of dos and don’ts mapped out in advance.
I know I’ll likely have a broken heart at the end of this long weekend, or at least a slightly dented one.
I don’t need to make it worse by overthinking things.
I need to just enjoy this for the short time we have.
Naughty daydreams are okay.
Daydreams about hitting the Forbes’s “30 under 30” list are okay.
Engagement ring fantasies are not.
No matter how good and how special this is, when we leave here, I will go back to making my practical, real-life dreams come true by building a business. And he will likely go back to film sets and yachts and famously beautiful women.
He whispers a kiss against my hair, and my heart turns over, despite all the defenses I’m trying to put back into place.
“I-I’d always been scared of relationships,” he explains. “Seeing the example my parents and grandparents set, I was raised believing that if you let people too close, it would turn toxic.”
“My parents taught me that also,” I admit.
“But the way your dad spoke about your mom… I thought they had an epic love story.”
“They did, before she died,” I say slowly.
I’m not used to sharing things about my past. But I find myself opening up more and more to the man beside me.
“They were deeply in love. And look how that turned out. My dad couldn’t function because of his grief.
He buried himself in drugs and alcohol. And my aunt, who raised Sadie and me, turned into a hoarder who could barely leave the house when my uncle passed.
” I shake my head. “We Reynoldses love impossibly hard. But it decimates us when we lose that love. Maybe I used working for you as an excuse because you didn’t leave me with a lot of time to get on Tinder,” I joke.
He tilts my chin up. His expression is deeply sincere. It’s very un-Sebastian-like, but I’m realizing that the boss I thought I knew so well has depths that I haven’t begun to fathom.
“I’m sorry, Em. I’m sorry it took you quitting to open my eyes.
To make me see so much. And I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you at first, didn’t respect what you were trying to say about going after your goals.
I figured if you had more time off, if you had your own assistant, that would solve the problem.
But now I see how happy Dream Space makes you when you talk about it.
You glow.” His mouth quirks. “Getting coffee for me does not light you up like that.”
“Hmm, it depends. Sometimes I very much enjoyed bringing you coffee in bed. Especially since you have a tendency to sleep naked,” I tease, touching my finger to the small indentation in his chin.
He kisses my forehead. “You said your family loves impossibly hard. Have you ever been in love?” he asks.
Besides with you? The thought pops into my head, unbidden. I kick it away. I’ve fallen in deep, deep like. But it can’t be love. Love would be reckless, and I’m not a reckless person.
I shake my head. “I thought I was once. But it wasn’t real.
I was so damn grateful for my first boyfriend.
I thought he was the first person who looked past my background.
Who really saw me for me. We met in high school, and then we went to community college together.
I realize now that I was just desperate for stability.
We were a couple for four years until he transferred to a university a few hours away.
He said we’d be together forever. But it only took a month of separation for him to break that promise.
One day, he stopped returning my calls. I saw on social media that he was with a cute sorority girl.
And that was it. He never officially broke up with me or explained.
He just ghosted. We’d been talking about moving in together and then… nothing.”
“I want to fucking kill him.”
I laugh, gratified by his feral expression. “Same. I can’t believe I wanted to live with that asshole.”
“He didn’t deserve you.” He runs a finger down my face to my chin and lightly brushes my lips. “We’ve lived together,” he smirks.
“I’m not sure if your giant mansion counts,” I tease.
“That wasn’t the only time. Remember being on set in the middle of nowhere, Australia, when we were both staying in that small condo filming the Kahale brothers movie?
You’d stayed with me plenty of times in Malibu or on set before.
But that was the first time we’d been in such tight quarters. And I fucking loved it.”
My heart races at his words. I hadn’t originally planned on joining him in Australia, so when I tried to book accommodations, the tiny town was completely sold out.
I stayed with Sebastian while I was there.
It made sense. It was a two-bedroom, and he was always on set. But it felt unexpectedly intimate.
“That place was so small. We even had to share a bathroom,” I say.
“Ah, yes. The bathroom.”
“Why do you say ‘bathroom’ like you know something I don’t.”
“I was looking for dental floss. And I found your pink toy in the drawer under the sink.” His wicked grin makes it quite clear what toy he’s talking about.
My face is a mask of horror. “Sebastian! No, you didn’t see that!” Living so closely with The Sexiest Man Alive meant I was in a constant state of… want. Need. And the bathroom was the only place I had any privacy.
He groans. “I couldn’t not see it. And once I saw it, I couldn’t not think of it.
I couldn’t get you out of my fucking mind.
I’d lie there at night imagining you on the other side of the wall, pleasuring yourself.
It got me so worked up. Every night, I’d jerk off to that image.
And it wasn’t just that. I craved being near you and spending time with you.
But you were my assistant. I felt like a complete lecher.
I was afraid that if you knew what I was thinking, you’d be disgusted.
Or I feared we’d hook up and things might get weird.
I couldn’t risk you quitting. And I’d be no better than my dad hitting on the nannies. ”
I put the timing together. “You started dating Allegra in Australia,” I say.
“We spent most of the month hanging out, watching movies at night together. We even had that giant puzzle going. And then you got distant. And I couldn’t figure it out until Allegra flew in.
You spent a long weekend in Sydney with her. ”
“I couldn’t get you out of my head. I’d dream of you all night.
And at the end of a long day on set, all I wanted was to be with you.
I wanted to see how intensely competitive you’d get trying to finish that absolutely bonkers five-thousand-piece puzzle of the constellations.
But I knew I couldn’t act on anything. So I needed distance.
Allegra had just gotten out of a bad relationship.
She told me that we could have fun. Plus, you’d just started dating that jerk Todd. ”
I furrow my brow. “Who?”
“The dude. The guy you were talking to and messaging the entire time you were in Australia.”
“Oh! Him. I mean, we went on a few dates, and we talked while I was away. But there wasn’t really anything there. I tried to like him. But it kind of… fizzled.” Probably because I was temporarily living with my way-too-attractive boss.
“I’m glad,” he says. “It made me crazy thinking of you with him.”
The idea of Sebastian jealous has me weak-kneed.
“I-I fantasized about you too,” I admit.
“I know.” He smirks.
“What? How?”
“Because when you were drunk that time I brought you back from the club, you asked me to,” he whispers in my ear, “make love to you.”
“I didn’t,” I gasp out.
“Oh yes. You did.”
“That was so unprofessional of me.”
“Almost as unprofessional as me jerking off to visions of you fucking your sweet pussy with that pink dildo. Damn, I wish I’d packed it. A missed opportunity,” he says with a cheeky grin.
My lips twitch in amusement. I never know what he’s going to say. But that’s what I love about him. He balances me and my sometimes too-serious personality.
His dick hardens even larger against my thigh.
I squirm against him.
“Ignore that,” he rumbles with a groan. “I’ve already worn you out. And you’re barely recovered.”
“I don’t want to ignore it,” I say, but I ruin the effect by yawning.
“You’re tired, baby. This,” he says, pushing into me in a way that has me groaning, “will still be here tomorrow.”
“Promise?”
“There’s no way it won’t be.”