Chapter 28 Rodriguez
RODRIGUEZ
Practice is optional today but here I am anyway, because sitting at home means thinking and thinking means spiraling into places I don’t want to go.
Juliette’s working on an injury assessment case study that Marnie thinks will be beneficial for grad school. She left at six this morning, kissed me goodbye with sleep still in her eyes, told me she’d see me tonight.
I’m trying not to think about how natural it feels having her here. How right it is waking up next to her, watching her get ready, kissing her before she walks out the door.
I’m also trying not to think about Sienna’s Instagram DM from yesterday. The one I deleted so fast I almost dropped my phone doing it.
And now I’m at the facility at eight in the morning because guilt turns out to be a hell of a motivator.
The gym is nearly empty. Just me, a couple trainers who nod as they pass, and the distant mechanical whir of the zamboni on the ice below. The barbell feels heavier than usual as I load it up for squats. I’m on my third set when Dex walks in looking like death.
“You’re here early,” he says.
“Couldn’t sleep.”
“Join the club. Goldie couldn’t either. Being pregnant means you have to pee nonstop, apparently.” He leans against the wall next to me, watching me finish my set. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Because you’re doing optional practice on a recovery day and you look like you want to murder that barbell.”
I rack the weight and grab my water bottle. “Just restless.”
“Uh huh.” Dex doesn’t buy it. I can see it in his face. But he doesn’t push. “Goldie says Juliette’s coming to book club tomorrow.”
“Yeah.”
“Good. She likes her. Says she fits in well with the group.” He pauses and I know what’s coming before he says it. “Don’t fuck it up.”
“Why does everyone keep saying that?”
“Because you have a history.”
“One relationship. That’s not a history.”
“Sienna wasn’t a relationship. It was six weeks of you trying to convince yourself you liked her more than you did.” Dex leans back against the wall, arms crossed. “And when you ended it, she went psycho.”
My stomach drops. “She didn’t go psycho.”
“She showed up at three different games after you broke up. That’s textbook psycho.”
“She just wanted closure.”
“And did she get it?”
“I don’t know. Haven’t heard from her in months.” The lie tastes bitter in my mouth but I can’t tell him about the DM. Can’t tell anyone. “She moved to Portland. Got a new job. Moved on.” At least that’s what I keep telling myself every time I think about that DM sitting in my deleted messages.
“You sure about that?”
“Positive.”
Dex gives me a look that says he knows I’m full of shit but he doesn’t call me on it. “Just saying. Be careful. Don’t lose Juliette because your ex can’t let go.”
He heads toward the locker room and I stand there holding my water bottle, thinking about the message.
Hey. I’m back in Seattle for work this week. Would love to catch up if you have time.
I’d deleted it so fast. Didn’t respond. Didn’t tell Juliette.
Because what was I supposed to say? Hey, my ex who I dated for six weeks last year just messaged me and wants to meet up?
That conversation goes nowhere good. It ends with Juliette looking at me the way she looked at Garrett, with that mix of hurt and betrayal and there’s no way I can have her looking at me that way.
Better to just ignore it. Sienna will realize I’m not interested and move on. Again.
I finish my workout and head to the showers, hot water beating against my shoulders while I try to convince myself I made the right call. Tonight Juliette’s making dinner. I need to stop at the store, grab wine because she always forgets and then complains when we don’t have any.
I’m mentally making a grocery list when I walk out of the facility into the parking lot.
And see Sienna leaning against my Jeep.
Fuck.
She sees me and waves, all smiles like we’re old friends. “Romeo! Hi!”
I look around on instinct. The parking lot is mostly empty but there are still guys hanging around. Anderson’s near his SUV. Brody’s on his phone by the entrance.
This is bad. This is really bad.
“Sienna. What are you doing here?”
“I’m in town for work! I sent you a message but didn’t hear back, so I thought I’d just swing by.” She steps closer, her hand landing on my arm like she has the right. “You look good. Really good.”
I step back fast, putting space between us. “Thanks. Look, I’m kind of in a hurry—”
“Oh come on, we haven’t seen each other in months. Can’t we grab a quick coffee? Catch up?” She tilts her head, giving me that look that used to work on me. Before I knew better. Before Juliette. “There’s a Starbucks right down the street. Please? Just fifteen minutes.”
Every instinct I have is screaming at me to say no. To get in my Jeep and drive away and text Juliette immediately to tell her what just happened.
But Sienna’s standing there looking hopeful and I glance back at the facility to see Anderson still watching us. If I make a scene, if I tell her to leave, it’s going to be a whole thing. Everyone will ask questions.
And it’s just coffee. Fifteen minutes. Then she’ll leave and I’ll never have to see her again. I’ll tell Juliette about it tonight at dinner and we’ll laugh about how awkward it was and everything will be fine.
“Fine. Fifteen minutes.”
Her smile widens and I immediately regret agreeing. “Perfect! I’ll drive. My car’s over here.”
“I’ll follow you.”
“Don’t you trust me?”
No. “I just need my car after.”
She pouts but doesn’t argue. “Okay. See you there!”
I get in my Jeep and sit there for a second, hands on the steering wheel, staring at my phone sitting in the cupholder. Already knowing this is a mistake.
I should text Juliette right now. Should tell her what’s happening. Should be completely transparent because that’s what you do when you’re in a real relationship with someone you actually care about.
Instead I pull out of the parking lot and follow Sienna’s car toward the Starbucks, telling myself it’s fine. It’s just coffee. Fifteen minutes. What’s the worst that could happen?
The Starbucks is packed with people hunched over laptops and students with textbooks spread across tables. We grab a spot in the corner and Sienna orders some complicated drink with extra pumps of this and oat milk and caramel drizzle while I get black coffee I don’t want and won’t drink.
“So I’ve been in Portland for the last six months,” she’s saying before we’ve even sat down. “New job, new apartment, totally fresh start. It’s been really good for me.”
“That’s great.”
“But I realized I never got closure with you. With us.” She leans forward, elbows on the table. “The way things ended was so abrupt and I just, I wanted to clear the air, you know?”
“Sienna, we talked about this. Multiple times.”
“I know, but I was emotional then. I couldn’t really hear what you were saying.” She reaches across the table and touches my hand. “Now I can. Now I understand.”
I pull my hand back fast and wrap it around my coffee cup instead. “There’s nothing to understand. It just wasn’t working.”
“But it could work now.” Her eyes are bright, intense in a way that makes me want to leave. “We’re both different people. More mature. And you seem happy. Really happy.” She pauses and I know what’s coming. “Are you seeing someone?”
My phone buzzes in my pocket. Probably Juliette texting about dinner or asking how my workout went or sending me some random thing that made her think of me.
“That’s none of your business.”
“So there is someone.” She sits back, arms crossed. “Wow. Okay. That’s, I’m happy for you, I guess.”
The way she says it makes it painfully clear she’s not happy at all.
“Sienna—”
“No, really. I am. I just thought—” She pauses and her voice drops. “I thought maybe we could try again. Now that I’m back in Seattle. Now that we’re both in better places.”
“I’m with someone.”
“But are you serious about her? Or is it just casual?”
“It’s serious.”
“How serious? Because when we broke up you told me you weren’t ready for anything serious.”
“Things change.”
“Apparently.” She’s looking at me like I betrayed her somehow. Like I owe her something. “What’s her name?”
“That’s not—”
“I deserve to know. After everything we had.”
“We didn’t have anything, Sienna. We dated for six weeks.”
“It meant something to me.” Her eyes are getting wet now and I recognize this trap. I’ve been in it before. “It meant everything to me.”
This is why I should have just ignored the DM. Why I should have told Juliette about it this morning instead of deleting it and pretending it didn’t happen.
“I’m sorry,” I say, and I mean it. I never wanted to hurt her. “I’m sorry I hurt you. But I’m with someone else now and I’m happy. I need you to respect that.”
She’s quiet for a long moment, staring at her untouched drink. Then she nods. “Okay. I get it. You’ve moved on.”
“I have.”
“Can I ask one thing?”
I should say no. Should stand up and walk out. Should have never agreed to this in the first place.
“What?”
“Is she better than me?”
“Sienna—”
“I’m serious. What does she have that I don’t?”
Everything. She has everything. She’s kind and funny and smart and she doesn’t play games or manipulate or show up at my work after I’ve made it clear we’re done. She makes me laugh. She calls me on my shit. She looks at me like I’m worth something.
But I don’t say that. Instead I say, “She’s just, she’s right for me. In a way that you weren’t. I’m sorry.”
Sienna stands up abruptly, chair scraping against the floor loud enough that people look over. “I should go.”
“Okay.”
“Thanks for the coffee.” She grabs her bag and for a second she just looks at me. “You know what? I hope she breaks your heart the way you broke mine. I hope you know what it feels like.”
She leaves before I can respond.
I sit there for another minute, staring at my untouched coffee going cold, and realize this was so stupid. I should have shown her the DM and asked what she thought I should do. Should have been completely honest instead of sneaking around like I had something to hide.
Because now it looks like I had something to hide.
My phone buzzes again. I pull it out.
JuJu
How’s your day going? Mine’s boring without you here.
Good. Busy. Miss you.
JuJu
Miss you too. Still on for dinner?
Yeah. I’ll pick up wine.
JuJu
Perfect. Can’t wait to see you.
She trusts me. She’s at my apartment waiting for me to come home because she can’t wait to see me and I’m sitting in a Starbucks after having coffee with my ex that I didn’t tell her about.
I should tell her tonight. Should explain what happened and why I made the choice I made and hope she understands.
But what if she doesn’t? What if she spirals the way she did with Garrett? What if this is the thing that makes her realize she can’t trust me? What if I lose her over this?
No. It’s fine. It was just coffee. Sienna got her closure and now she’s gone and there’s no reason to worry Juliette over nothing.
The drive to the liquor store feels longer than it should. I keep replaying the conversation with Sienna, trying to figure out if I said anything that could be misinterpreted. Trying to convince myself that I did the right thing by hearing her out instead of just telling her to leave.
But the feeling in my gut says otherwise.
The feeling that says I just made a huge mistake.
I grab two bottles of Juliette’s favorite wine, the Pinot Grigio she likes that she claims is too expensive so she never buys it for herself.
Head home while practicing what I’ll say if she asks about my day.
I’ll keep it vague. Say I ran into someone from my past, had a quick conversation, nothing important.
That’s not really lying. It’s creative editing. For her benefit. To protect her from worrying about something that doesn’t matter.
I reach for my buzzing phone.
Dex
Saw you talking to someone in the parking lot. Everything good?
Shit.
Yeah, all good. Just ran into an old friend.
Dex
Didn’t look like a friend.
It’s complicated.
Dex
If you say so. Be smart, Rodriguez.
I don’t respond. What am I supposed to say? That I just had coffee with my ex and didn’t tell my girlfriend? That sounds worse than it is. It was nothing. It meant nothing.
By the time I pull into my building’s garage, I’ve almost convinced myself that this is fine. That I’m making the right call by not telling her. That there’s no point in worrying her over a fifteen-minute conversation that meant nothing.
Almost.
But when I walk into my apartment and see Juliette in my kitchen wearing one of my t-shirts, her hair up in a messy bun, humming along to music while she chops vegetables for dinner, the guilt crashes over me.
She looks up and smiles. “You’re home!”
“Yeah.” I set the wine on the counter and pull her into a kiss, trying to push away the feeling that I’m already lying to her just by not saying anything. “Traffic was bad.”
“Well you’re here now.” She goes back to chopping, the knife making rhythmic sounds against the cutting board. “How was your day?”
This is it. This is my chance to tell her.
“It was fine. Worked out. Hung around the facility.” The lies come easier than they should. They taste wrong in my mouth but I keep talking. “How was yours?”
“Good! Marnie let me observe this really complex assessment. I got to see the whole diagnostic process. And she said if I keep shadowing her through April, she’ll write me a recommendation letter for the PT program.”
“That’s great, JuJu.”
“I know! I’m really excited. I mean, the program doesn’t start until August but it feels real now, you know?” She looks over at me and her smile falters slightly. “You okay? You seem distracted.”
“I’m fine. Just tired from the workout.”
“Go sit. Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes.”
I do, settling on the couch with my phone, scrolling mindlessly while trying not to think about the choice I just made.
Trying not to think about Sienna’s parting words: I hope she breaks your heart the way you broke mine.
Trying not to think about the fact that I’m already keeping secrets from Juliette and we’ve only been together for a few weeks.
This is fine. Everything is fine.
It has to be. Because if it’s not, if she finds out, I’ll lose her. And I can’t lose her. Not when I just got her. Not when waking up next to her is the best part of my day.
So I’ll keep this to myself. It was nothing. It meant nothing. And what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
I just have to hope I’m right.