Chapter Twenty-Five
The tension went, exploding into silver filaments, dragged from the base of his spine to leave him bone-heavy. Beneath him, Skye was still trembling, the raised edges of the extra skin layers that marked her body feeling soft and dry against his chest.
He wanted to speak. Wanted to say something profound, something about having found himself. The ice melting. But he couldn’t utter a word, couldn’t even make a sentence line up inside his head, because his brain still felt as if it had liquidised and was, even now, pooling inside his skull. Even the jealousy he’d briefly entertained towards Geth couldn’t stage a comeback with all these good feelings pounding away through his bloodstream. She doesn’t want Geth. She wants me. And, for once, I think I can feel it and return it.
It was like coming out in the land of the living after years in the underworld — everything was suddenly bright and real. He understood all those songs about love and loss as magically as if someone had taught him a new language; the air seemed warmer and the sky a brighter shade of blue. Life was sharper and it was all because of this lovely woman, now drowsing in his arms with occasional shudders still rippling inside her.
He touched her hair, her mouth, and she looked up at him with a slow smile that, against all logic and laws of biology, made him stiffen again.
‘Hey.’ That was all she said. Just acknowledging his desire with one word and a little shuffle of her hips until he thought he was going to die of perfection. This is it. I’m human again. Moving, feeling that pull and tug of her, the silent friction that built towards the ultimate release.
And then remembering. All the things he hadn’t told her. What was she going to say when she found out about those? Would she think he’d had sex with her under false pretences? Will she hate me? His rhythm slowed and broke. Skye made a small noise, slightly disappointed, but he knew it was for the best as he pulled back and coiled his body away from her, ashamed. Feeling the colour leaching from life again, feeling the ice settling in his blood.
I told her I was no good for her. I’m no good for anyone. Kill the feelings. I’m better off this way.