Chapter Two #2
As she went back to her desk, it occurred to her that she had to keep Hergie and her father away from each other at all costs.
She didn’t want them comparing notes and deciding that she needed to be in special classes and go out for special awards.
Even the thought gave her a bellyache. Why couldn’t they all just ignore her?
Secretly, Helen had always felt she was different, but she thought she had done a pretty good job of hiding it her whole life.
Apparently, without realizing it, she’d been sending out hints of that buried freak inside of her.
She had to try to keep her head down, but she wondered how she was going to do that when she kept getting taller and taller every damn day.
“What’s up?” Claire asked as soon as Helen returned to her seat.
“Just another motivational moment from Hergie. He doesn’t think I’m applying myself,” Helen said as breezily as she could.
“You don’t apply yourself. You never do your work,” Zach replied, more offended than he should have been.
“Shut it, Zach,” Claire said, crossing her arms belligerently. She turned and faced Helen. “It’s true, though, Lennie,” she told her apologetically. “You never do your work.”
“Yeah, yeah. You can both shut it,” Helen said, chuckling.
The bell rang and she gathered her things.
Matt Millis gave her a smile but hurried away as they left the room.
Feeling guilty, Helen realized that she hadn’t spoken to him yet.
She hadn’t meant to ignore him, especially not on the first day of school.
According to Claire, “everyone” knew that Matt and Helen were “supposed” to be together.
Matt was intelligent, good looking, and captain of the golf team.
He was still sort of a geek, but because Helen was practically a pariah ever since Gretchen had started spreading rumors about her, it was a compliment that everyone thought she was good enough for someone like Matt.
Unfortunately, Helen never felt anything special for him.
Zero tingles. The one time they had been shoved into a closet together at a party to make out, it had been disastrous.
Helen felt like she was kissing her brother, and Matt felt like he was being rejected.
Afterward, he was sweet about it, but no matter how many times he cracked jokes, there was a weird tension between them.
She really missed him but she worried that if she told him he would take it the wrong way.
It feels like everything I do lately is being taken the wrong way, Helen thought.
The rest of the morning Helen wandered on autopilot from class to class. She couldn’t concentrate on much of anything, and every time she tried to make herself focus she felt nothing but irritation.
Something about the day was off. Everyone—from her favorite teachers to the few acquaintances she should have been happy to see—was annoying her, and every now and again while she was walking down the hall she would suddenly feel like she was inside an airplane at ten thousand feet.
Her inner ears would block up, all the sounds around her would become muffled, and her head would get hot.
Then, as suddenly as it had come on, the discomfort would go away.
But even still, there was a pressure, a pre-thunderstorm energy all around her, even though the skies were lovely and blue.
It got worse at lunch. She tore into her sandwich thinking that her headache was the result of low blood sugar, but she was wrong. Jerry had packed her favorite sandwich—smoked turkey, green apple, and brie on a baguette—but she couldn’t force herself to take more than a bite. She spat it out.
“Your dad make another dud?” Claire asked. When Jerry had first partnered up with Kate he’d started experimenting with creative lunches. The Vegemite and Cucumber Disaster of Freshman Year was legendary at their table.
“No, it’s good old number three. I just can’t eat it,” Helen said, shoving it away. Claire gleefully picked up the remainder and started eating it.
“Mmm, ’is really good,” she mumbled around a full mouth. “Us a ’atter?”
“I just don’t feel right,” Helen said.
Claire stopped chewing and gave her a worried look.
“I’m not sick. You can go ahead and swallow,” Helen assured her quickly. She saw Matt approaching and chirped, “Hey!” trying to make up for that morning.
He was deep in conversation with Gretchen and Zach and didn’t respond, but still came to his habitual spot at the geek table. Both Gretchen and Zach were so engrossed in what they were saying that they didn’t notice that they had wandered into geek territory.
“I heard they were movie stars in Europe,” Zach was saying.
“Where did you hear that?” Matt asked, incredulous. “That’s ridiculous.”
“I heard from at least two other people that Ariadne was a model. She’s certainly pretty enough,” Zach argued passionately, hating to be wrong about anything, even gossip.
“Please. She’s nowhere near thin enough to be a model,” Gretchen hissed bitterly, before catching herself and adding, “Of course I think she’s pretty, if you go for that exotic, voluptuous look. But she’s nothing compared to her twin, Jason—or her cousin! Lucas is just unreal,” she gushed.
The boys shared a knowing look but silently agreed that they were outnumbered by girls and should probably let it go.
“Jason is almost too pretty,” Claire decided solemnly, after giving it a moment’s thought. “Lucas, however, is an über-babe. Quite possibly the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen. And Ariadne is a stone-cold fox, Gretchen. You’re just jealous.”
Gretchen gave an exasperated huff and rested a fist on her hip. “Like you’re not,” was all she had for a comeback.
“Of course I am. I’m almost as jealous of her as I am of Lennie. But not quite.” Helen felt Claire turn to her to see her response, but she had her elbows on the table and her head cradled in her hands, rubbing her temples.
“Lennie?” Matt said, sitting down next to her. “Does your head hurt?” He reached out to touch her shoulder. She stood up abruptly, muttering an excuse, and hurried away.
By the time she got to the girls’ room she felt better, but she splashed a little cold water on her face for good measure.
Then she remembered that she had put mascara on that morning in an attempt to make an effort.
She looked at her raccoon eyes in the mirror and burst out laughing.
This was the worst first day of school ever.
Somehow she made it through the last three periods, and when the bell finally rang she gratefully made her way to the girls’ locker room to change for track practice.
Coach Tar was all fired up. She gave an embarrassingly optimistic speech about their chances to win races that year and told them how much she believed in them, both as athletes and as young women. Then she turned to Helen.
“Hamilton. You’ll be running with the boys this year,” Coach said bluntly. She told everyone to hit the trail.
Helen sat on the bench for a moment, debating her options while everyone else filed out the door. She didn’t want to make a fuss, but she was mortified by the thought of having to cross the gender line. The muscles in her lower abdomen started to spasm.
“Go talk to her! Don’t let her push you around,” Claire said indignantly as she left.
Confused and afraid she was going to get a bellyache, Helen nodded and stood up.
“Coach Tar? Can’t we just do it the way we always do?” she called out. Coach Tar stopped and turned around to listen, but she didn’t look happy about it. “I mean, why can’t I just train with the rest of the girls? Because I am a girl,” Helen finished lamely.
“We’ve decided that you need to start pushing yourself more,” Coach Tar responded in a cold voice. Helen had always gotten the feeling that Coach didn’t like her much, and now she was sure of it.
“But I’m not a boy. It’s not fair to make me run cross-country with them,” Helen tried to argue. She jabbed two fingers into the spot between her belly button and her pubic bone.
“Cramps?” Coach Tar asked, a touch of sympathy creeping into her voice.
Helen nodded and Coach continued. “Coach Brant and I have noticed something interesting about your times, Helen. No matter who you’re running against, no matter how fast or slow your opponents are, you always come in either second or third.
How can that be? Do you have an answer?”
“No. I don’t know. I just run, okay? I try my best.”
“No, you don’t,” Coach said harshly. “And if you want a scholarship, you’re going to have to start winning races.
I talked to Mr. Hergeshimer. . . .” Helen groaned out loud, but Coach Tar continued, undeterred.
“It’s a small school, Hamilton, get used to it.
Mr. Hergeshimer told me that you were hoping for an athletic scholarship, but if you want one you’re going to have to earn it.
Maybe forcing you to match the boys will teach you to take your talent seriously. ”
The thought of displaying her speed for the world to see had a physical effect on Helen.
She was so afraid that she was going to get some kind of cramp or bellyache that she started to have a mini panic attack.
She began to babble. “I’ll do it, I’ll win races, just please don’t single me out like that,” she pleaded, the words tumbling out in a rush as she held her breath to hold back the pain.
Coach Tar was a hard-ass, but she wasn’t cruel. “Are you okay?” she asked anxiously, rubbing Helen between her shoulder blades. “Put your head between your legs.”
“I’m okay, it’s just nerves,” Helen explained through gritted teeth. After catching her breath she continued, “If I swear to win more races, will you let me run with the girls?”
Coach Tar studied Helen’s desperate face and nodded, a bit shaken from witnessing such an intense panic attack. She let Helen go to the girl’s trailhead but warned her that she still expected wins. And more than just a few.