Chapter 32 #2
I memorized every detail, desperate to capture what I’d only seen in portraits.
Her hair hung in a thick sheet down her back, the same texture as mine but fair where mine was dark.
She had my winged eyebrows, my stubborn chin.
And he had the same turquoise blue eyes I saw in the mirror, the same way of holding his shoulders when thinking.
They were beautiful together—young and strong and so desperately in love.
And they were going to die.
I took another rasping breath, and somehow, she heard it. Her eyes, deep blue, met mine. She disengaged from him and made her way over. My chest felt caught in a vice and I struggled to breathe.
“Are you alright?” she asked gently.
How in the name of Erde was I to answer that?
She reached out a hand, stopping fingertips away from where my heart fluttered weakly. “May I?”
I think I nodded—I couldn’t form words—but she pressed her hand to my heart. The moment we touched, her healing channels reached out instinctively, and I felt the gentle touch of her soul channel meeting mine. It was as if I was wrapped in the softest blanket imaginable, cocooned by her love.
Her eyes flew wide, the deep blue darkening first with shock, then wonder, and finally heartbreak. “Lexa?” she whispered, as if saying my name too loudly might make me disappear.
I lost the battle for any scrap of control and launched myself at her.
She caught me in her arms, and for the first time in my memory, I was held by my mother.
She was smaller than me, more delicate, but her embrace felt like coming home.
She smelled like healing herbs and something floral, and when she drew my head down to her shoulder, cupping the back of my head, I felt something inside me that had been broken my whole life finally, finally, fall into place.
“Oh, my darling girl,” she whispered into my hair. Her voice was everything I’d imagined my entire life.
Tears streamed down both of our faces as twenty-three years of grief came pouring out.
“Mira?” Thom had followed her over, confusion and impatience warring in his voice. “Mira, we don’t have time for you to heal every soul in distress—”
“Shut up, Thom,” came a quiet voice from behind me. Violet had appeared again, coming to stand next to her brother.
My father looked at us, sobbing together. I saw the exact moment he realized who I was, as his eyes took in my dark hair, my build, the way I clung to his wife. His eyes snapped back and forth between our faces, noting all the shared features.
I released my mother and flung myself at my father. He put his hands up in time to catch me, his arms just as strong as I’d always dreamed. “Lexie? Is that really you?” he asked incredulously as I sobbed into his chest.
“Okay, okay, everyone get inside,” Violet said, pushing my father’s back.
I stepped back, my father reluctantly releasing me as the three of us stared at each other. My mother gently touched my arm, assuring herself that I was truly present.
“Inside!” Violet barked.
We jumped, but did as she said.
“Gods above. How did this even happen?” my father asked as all three of us squeezed together to sit on Violet’s cot.
I was in no condition to answer, and my mother was focused entirely on me. We now sat hand in hand, just staring at each other.
Violet shrugged. “Magic. Obviously.”
My father let out a frustrated sigh. “You seem very calm about this, Vi.”
She grinned, her teeth startlingly white in the pitch black. “I’ve had a whole, oh I don’t know, hour or so to get used to it. Catch up, Thom.”
With a few words, that I was sure were completely disjointed, I acquainted them with the details of where I was from and why I was here. Surprisingly, they accepted it even quicker than Violet had.
“Told you it was magic,” Violet said from the corner.
My father glared at her. My mother had said little during my babbling explanation, just somehow knew whenever I needed reassurance, squeezing my hand in those moments.
“But here’s my question,” Violet said, her voice carefully controlled.
“I get why you don’t know me—I always expected to fall here.
” She waved dismissively at my mother as she started to interrupt.
“Mira, we’ve talked about this. I’ve always known where my end was. And I made peace with it long ago.”
“The prophecy doesn’t—” Mam started.
“You don’t know it like I do.” Her lips twisted wryly. Dismissing that subject, she turned back to me. “But why don’t you know them?”
The question hung in the air like a blade poised to fall. I couldn’t meet their eyes.
The silence that followed was deafening.
I watched my father’s face crumble, his shoulders sag.
My mother’s hands, still in mine, began to shake.
My parents looked at each other, and that one glance spoke volumes—shock at the realization that today was the day they would die.
At the terrible unfairness of not being able to be there for their daughter.
At the grief of never seeing that daughter grow up, of abandoning their child to a cruel world, filled with darkness, where the sun had disappeared.
Tears formed in my father’s eyes as they broke contact with each other to look at me, their gazes drinking in my features the same way I had done to them earlier.
My mother faced me with desperate intensity. “Your first word was da-da. You used to fall asleep on his chest during storms.”
I swallowed the cry that wanted to burst through me.
“I cherished those moments,” my father added. “Tell me you’ve been happy,” he said urgently. “Tell me my mother took care of you. Kept you safe.”
I nodded, unable to speak through the lump in my throat.
My mother stroked a hand down my braid, smiling faintly through her tears. I felt rather than saw her joy at having this moment—the chance to see her daughter grown. See who she had become.
And finally, as they looked back at each other, I saw their love and partnership, combined with the resignation and acceptance of what they must do.
“This is so fucked up.” Violet turned away, her voice breaking. She moved to the desk in the corner and busied herself with papers I doubted she could see beyond her tears.
“If you’re here looking for answers,” Mam said carefully, “that means it bought you time.”
“Time to grow up. Time to become strong.” Da’s voice was fierce with pride and pain. “Time to become the woman who would travel through time itself to save her people.”
They were talking about their own deaths as though it was a strategy discussion. As if choosing to die for their daughter was just the next in a series of tactical moves. But I could see my father’s white knuckles as he clenched his hands tightly together. The tears my mother kept blinking back.
Their casual acceptance wasn’t casual at all. It was the most brutal act of desperate love. And it broke something in me, a crack through my heart that I knew would never be repaired.
“Well, my darling,” Mam said, forcing a smile through her tears, “if I only have these few moments to impart a lifetime of wisdom… You have a mate?”
Violet turned from her desk where she had been scribbling something to see my reaction.
I nodded hesitantly, not having truly admitted it to myself. But what else could that be?
Despite everything, Mam’s smile became radiant.
“I can feel it. It’s strong, even unaccepted.
When the time comes, don’t hesitate. Don’t let fear or duty or anyone else’s expectations keep you from claiming what’s yours.
” She looked at Da with so much love. “The bond will be your anchor through the dark times ahead. Trust in it. Trust your heart. It won’t lead you wrong. ”
“And when the world tells you that love is a luxury you can’t afford,” Da added, covering both of our joined hands with his, “remember that love is what you’re fighting for.”
Mam looked over at my father, a sad smile lingering on her lips. “No matter what happens. Love is what makes every sacrifice worth it.”
He reached around me to grab her hand. “It was all worth it.” Turning back to me, his voice took on a sense of urgency. “You are loved. Every day of your life. Even when we weren’t there.”
“Especially when we weren’t there…” Mam trailed off, unable to continue.
Time was running out as I desperately soaked in their features. Memories flashed through my mind of all the lonely, painful, and happy times I’d wished I’d known my parents growing up.
A horn blasted in the darkness and I jumped. My parents shared a resigned, aching look. Even if I had just met them, I knew what that meant.
We were out of time.
“I am so sorry it’s come to this. That we will leave you alone. I love you, my darling girl.” Mam cupped my face one last time. “More than all the stars that should be shining in the sky.”
“I’m so proud of you,” Da added, his voice thick with emotion. “Give them hell, little one.”
I followed them to the tent flap to see sparks flying through the dark as more and more torches were lit, bonfires burning brightly and illuminating the scene that laid before us.
I almost wished for the darkness again. At least in the darkness I could imagine the scene wasn’t worse than all of my nightmares combined.
Thousands upon thousands of hufen stretched as far as I could see through the sooty air, spreading through the barren riverbed that in my time rushed with such force no one dared approach it.
They moved as one, mindless automatons, listening only to the voice that drove them on, forward, up the mountain of Valdris.
This wasn’t a battle. It was a slaughter waiting to happen.
The numbers Finn had quoted from history books were echoes in my mind. Ten to one, maybe worse. We had sat right there, in the library, not a hundred meters away. The castle that in my lifetime was always lit, teeming with life, stood dark and empty. A silent sentinel to the fight that was upon us.