Chapter 36
Chapter
Thirty-Six
I think I met my mate today.
— From the journal of Violet Andrever
We were both still in bed and I wasn’t confident we were going to leave until we absolutely had to return.
Griff was seated with his back against the headboard and I was nestled between his legs, using his chest as a backrest. The covers were pulled up to my armpits; the warmth Griff gave off could only do so much against the evening chill.
One of his hands was splayed across my stomach, tracing lazy patterns on my skin, while the other rested just beneath my breasts, keeping me firmly tucked against him.
I curled my fingers around his forearm and felt his muscles flexed in response.
If only we could stay like this forever.
The golden place next to my channels, the place I now knew was the mating bond, pulsed with joy. Testing a theory, I thought down the bond, “Griff?”
“Princess?” There was no surprise as he brushed a kiss onto the top of my head.
This was a deeper connection than when I used my mind channel.
Instead of talking mind to mind, this was soul to soul.
Understanding finally dawned; this was why I sometimes felt a mysterious confirmation when I needed it most, or that inexplicable strength when I was faltering.
It had always been Griff—perhaps unknowingly, perhaps deliberately—reaching across that invisible thread that connected us.
“How long have you known we can do this?”
I felt a tingling of ruefulness stretch between us.
“A while. It’s common with mating bonds.
At first, I could tell when you were hesitant, or scared, and I attempted to reassure you.
It wasn’t until the mountain with the hufen and I lost sight of you”—his arms tightened around me—“that I tried to send words through it.”
“How far will it stretch?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve heard of mates being able to contact each other at great distances. But since I don’t plan on being separated from you, I hope we won’t have a reason to test that theory.”
Out loud, I asked, “Is this also why you can just fling yourself into the ether and always end up where I am?”
“Fling?” He sounded offended by the word.
“Got a better description?”
“It just sounds so… lame.”
I laughed as I snuggled deeper and nuzzled his neck. “Probably should have asked this earlier, but any clue where we are?”
All I knew was I felt safe here. And it was more than just the safety I felt whenever I was with Griff.
I had no idea why a seemingly abandoned cottage in the hills brought me so much peace, but I knew with absolute certainty that we were the only two souls here and that this place would keep it that way as long as we desired it.
And in some strange way, it felt like mine. The thought settled into me with deep conviction that went directly to my soul.
“There have long been stories of the gods’ refuges,” Griff said slowly. “I think this was Solais’s house.”
I stared at him in surprise, even as my soul channel hummed in agreement.
He shrugged, one corner of his mouth tilting up. “I do listen sometimes when Finn talks.”
At Finn’s name, reality came crashing back. “Tell me what happened while I was gone,” I said softly.
His hand tightened involuntarily on mine. “Are you sure you want to know?”
I looked over my shoulder at him and gently kissed him. “I think I need to.”
I turned back around and settled deeper against his chest, tucking my head under his chin. He sighed and brushed a kiss against my bare shoulder before opening his mind to me and letting me in to see the memory.
I was walking down the hallway when it hit me—a pain emanating from my chest that nearly brought me to my knees.
I staggered against the stone wall, clutching my chest. The golden thread that always connected us, that constant warm presence beside my own power, had gone instantly dark.
I reached through our bond, preparing to throw myself into the ether to reach her side.
Empty.
Her space was empty.
“Finn!” The mental shout tore from me.
Silence. I could tell that bond was still active, but he wasn’t responding. Either he couldn’t hear me or he was deliberately blocking me. When I went to teleport to him directly, something prevented it.
Fucking wards.
This panic was foreign. The calm, the control, that I’d built my reputation on had shattered the moment her light disappeared.
What the fuck was happening?
I stumbled along, hand on the wall to support myself, the pain and emptiness inside threatening to consume me. My breaths were coming in gulps, my lungs failing to take in enough air.
“Griffin?” Andrei appeared beside me, a steady hand on my shoulder. “Lad, what is it?”
“Lexa.” Her name came out strangled. “Something’s happened. I can’t—” The panic fumbled my words. “I can’t… feel her.”
“Alright, lad, we’ll sort this out.” Andrei’s grip tightened. “But first you need to calm—”
“No.” I ripped myself from his grasp. “You don’t understand. I can always find her. Always. The bond… it’s like she’s been torn away from me.”
Finn’s presence finally registered behind me. Thank all seven gods. He would help.
I whirled on him. “Lexa’s gone. We have to find her.”
His expression was entirely too neutral for him. “I didn’t think you’d notice so quickly.”
I had him by the shoulders before I realized I’d moved. “Notice what? Where. Is. She?”
Finn held my gaze. “She went to see Violet.”
“Violet is dead.” The words came out flat, daring him to contradict me.
He grimaced, whether at my grip or my tone. “Here, yes. But not in the past. She didn’t want me to tell you.”
I released him as the pounding of my heartbeat in my ears nearly drowned out his explanation about bonds, present and past. All I could process was one simple fact—my princess had left without telling me. Had told Finn instead.
Chosen him over me.
The control I’d spent years perfecting shattered like glass shards. When Finn reached for my shoulder, still providing what I was sure he thought was an explanation, I whirled and put my fist through his face.
“You punched Finn?” I said incredulously, pulling myself out of the memory.
Griff ran a hand over his face ruefully.
“You felt my panic. I wasn’t thinking clearly.
I hadn’t punched him since we were twelve.
” He paused, then added defensively, “Besides, he deserved it. He admitted as much afterward. And now I know he doubly deserved it.” His expression darkened. “I still can’t believe he kissed you.”
I covered his hand with mine and he stared down at our entwined fingers.
“I’m here with you, not him,” I reminded him gently.
The tension left his shoulders, and his hand moved back to my arm, squeezing gently. “There’s more.”
I found myself in her room—our room, as I’d started thinking of it—pacing like a caged beast, my heart working in overtime. Panic and anger alternated for the top emotion. How could she do this without telling me? Throwing herself into reckless danger? After what we had admitted last night?
Every surface held some trace of her. I picked up her hairbrush as her comments about how she was just a duty, how we were just friends, played over and over in my mind. It was incomprehensible that she could believe that. Believe that we weren’t… us.
I had tried to fight this. Told myself Serentyn came first, that her safety mattered more than my wants. That I should keep my distance, give her a choice in all of this, when she’d had precious little choice so far. But that pretense had crumbled the moment I felt her disappear.
If she didn’t come back—
No. When. When she returned.
When she returned, no more careful distance.
No more restraint. I was going to tell her exactly what she meant to me.
What this bond was. I should have done it last night, should have done it months ago, instead of letting her walk away with doubts about where she stood with me.
Should have followed her to our room and shown her exactly how I felt about her until we were both breathless and she was thoroughly claimed as mine.
That’s exactly what I’d do the moment she was back.
Finn’s words about the bond came back to me. A bond there: Violet. A bond here.
I sank onto the bed, pulling her pillow against my chest and breathing in her scent. Maybe she did understand what this was between us. Maybe she had seen through the mask I’d worn to hide the depth of my feelings from everyone, including myself.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you,” I said. I pulled away from the memory again, turning to face him. “I just thought… I needed you here to bring me back and I didn’t think you’d let me go.”
“First of all, Princess, I don’t let you do anything.
” He cupped my face, fingers digging into my hair.
“I know I can’t stop you from putting yourself in danger.
Although, that doesn’t keep me from being fucking terrified every time you do.
” His thumbs smoothed over my cheekbones.
“But please promise me you won’t keep me in the dark again. That I can’t handle.”
“I promise.”
He settled me back against him, opening his memory to me once more.
I had apologized to Finn and he had forgiven me. I thought.
Sleep had been impossible in her bed without her, but when I’d gone to my own room, it had no longer felt like mine.
So I’d returned to hers, settling in her chair to stare at the empty bed and wait.
I focused on the place deep in my chest where her light should have been, clinging to Finn’s words about the bonds and praying it meant what I hoped it meant.
Then I felt it. The faintest tug. The faintest flicker of light in that dark space.
I grasped that flicker and held on with every fiber of my being.
Come back to me, Princess. Fight your way back. I can’t lose you. Come back, come back, come—
Something shimmered along that connection, and before I was conscious of the thought, I followed it into the ether.