20. Medical School
Chapter 20
Medical School
Fourth Year
I was once again a drop of blue in an ocean. Only this time, I felt like a drop that carried some weight to it, like a drop that could make a vast ripple in the world, even when falling into a pool as large as this one. I found myself once again in the row of bleachers assembled on the steps of Low Library.
I was a very different person than the woman I had been when I sat here four years ago. The graduates of Columbia College sat to my left, and I could almost picture a younger version of myself sitting there today. That girl was riddled with anxiety, desperate to outgrow the weight of her father’s shadow. That girl was about to discover that her best friend was moving across the country.
Now, that woman was in love with that same best friend.
I was trying not to let the obsessive thoughts of Javi and how we were going to make long-distance work distract me from this momentous day. I was graduating from medical school , I had to remind myself. My graduation gown was the same Columbia blue as my undergraduate gown, but it had wide bands of black velvet down the front and sleeves. It was made of thicker material, and my neck was adorned with the green doctoral hood. The hexagonal velvet cap with its gold tassel sat atop my thick brown hair, in curls to my shoulders.
The commencement speeches were made. The dean of the medical school led my class in the recitation of the Hippocratic Oath, pledging to do good for the world and for our patients. After today I was to be known as Diana Richards, M.D.
But throughout the speeches, my brain kept wandering back to him. Somewhere behind me on the lawns, Javi was there, watching me achieve my dreams. John Jay, where we had met nearly eight years ago, looked down on us from the corner of the courtyard like an old friend.
As the speeches ended and the caps were tossed, my heart thudded in anticipation, knowing I was finally free to find him. Blake found me in the crowd and squeezed me tight, already crying.
“I’m going to miss you so much, Di!” she exclaimed.
“I’m going to miss you!” I told her, meaning it fervently. She had been such a fierce friend to me. She was going to have the best time in LA, and I had already promised her I would visit as much as I could.
“Got to go find my family,” she said. “Give Javi my love, will you?”
“Of course I will.”
I hugged her again tightly before we said our goodbyes. I weaved through the clusters of blue-gowned bodies as I made my way back toward the lawns filled with waiting family members.
I found Javi waiting for me in front of John Jay. I threw my arms around him immediately .
When I drew back from him, he said, “I’ve got a surprise for you. Well, a couple of surprises, actually?—”
Before he could finish, I was bombarded with the weight of six pairs of tiny arms in a massive hug. I pulled myself from his arms, looking down and around to see his nieces and nephews, all but the newest baby. My heart leapt with delight, and I looked around wildly until I saw them— all of them . All the Valenzuelas had come for my graduation.
Tears immediately filled my eyes at the sight. I ran to them, crying and hugging each one of them. Javi’s father looked good—strong and getting stronger. I lost it the second his mother held me in her arms. Gaby, Manuela, and Valeria each embraced me, kissing me enthusiastically on the cheeks and leaving red lipstick stains all over my face. I didn’t mind one bit.
I looked at them all, overwhelmed by the love they had shown me by traveling all this way for me.
“I can’t believe you’re all here,” I blubbered, wiping at my tears. Javi moved to my side, wrapping an arm around my waist.
Gaby looked over my shoulder and cleared her throat. “Diana, I think that couple is waiting for you.”
I turned, seeing my parents standing twenty feet away, looking expectant.
I looked at the Valenzuelas and then to Javi. “I’ll be right back, okay?”
He looked over my shoulder at my father with concern in his eyes. “You want me to come with you?”
“No,” I declined immediately. “I got this. Be back in a minute.”
I approached my parents resolutely, crossing my arms in front of my chest when I made it to them. They looked as uncomfortable as I should probably feel after our less-than-cordial goodbye two months ago, but I couldn’t feel any shame over how I had acted that day. My mom and I had texted a few times since then, but I had adamantly refused to acknowledge my father’s existence. My life had been all the better for it.
When my mom started to get teary, some of my resolve broke. I hugged her to me.
“We’re so proud of you, Diana,” she murmured into my ear. “Please, hear your father out.”
I let go of her slowly, glancing at my father. His face was impassive, betraying no emotion at all. My mom walked away, settling on a bench down the pathway, watching us nervously. I looked at my father expectantly. His stoic resolve cracked suddenly, and he rubbed a hand down his face, looking tired and older than I remembered. My brows furrowed, my frown deepening at the sight.
“Diana,” he began, finding it difficult to look directly at me. He peered up at Butler Library beside us instead. “I’m not good at this kind of thing.”
I pursed my lips in annoyance. He didn’t have to tell me . I had twenty-six years of proof. I started to turn to leave.
“Wait, please,” he begged, and when I turned back to him, he finally met my eyes. “As I said, I’m not good at this, but I’m pretty sure if I don’t try your mother will divorce me.”
I narrowed my eyes.
“Sorry, bad joke,” he said miserably. “Look, Diana, I know this may be hard to believe. But however badly you think I’ve treated you, however horrible I have been at communicating or showing you affection, know that your grandfather was worse. ”
I raised an eyebrow. I had never heard him talk about my grandparents before, only to say that they had died when I was very young.
“It’s not an excuse,” he continued quickly. “I just want to explain that my dad left me with a terrible example of how a father should be, but I know that it’s my fault that I never tried to be any better. My job was so demanding that it was easy to let your mother raise you, for me to only connect with you on the most superficial level. And now you’re grown, and you don’t need me for anything. You’ve made it on your own. You wouldn’t even let me pay for medical school. I realize now that if I want you in my life at all, I have to work to be better.”
I sighed. “It honestly feels a little too late, don’t you think?”
“You’re right,” he agreed. “It is. But I’d still love it if you’d give me the chance. I can see how easy it would be for you to cut me out of your life entirely, and I don’t want that, Diana. You’re my child.”
My eyes narrowed, my fist clenching at my sides. “Just tell me one thing. And please don’t lie to me.”
“Anything,” he replied, his eyes searching my face hopefully.
“Did you pay Columbia to accept me to the medical school?” I stared at him resolutely as I asked the question, looking for any sign, any flicker in his eyes to tell me the truth.
He swallowed hard, looking guilty. “I won’t lie. I considered it. Attempted it, actually. When you didn’t get any other interview offers besides Columbia, I was concerned. I wanted you to get in because I thought that’s what you wanted. But when I called my friend on the admissions committee, she said you had wowed them at your interview. You had already been unanimously accepted by the committee. I can’t guarantee my role at the medical school had nothing to do with it, but I made no donations to get you in, if that’s what you want to know.”
I was mildly peeved, though not surprised, at his admission. But more than that, I felt a sense of triumph. All these years, a part of me had always been certain that he had paid for my acceptance. The degree I had earned today had always felt like it was built on a lie. But I had wowed them. I grinned.
“Thank you for your honesty,” I told him. “Dad, all I ever really wanted from you was your approval, but I don’t really need it anymore. It would be nice if you could just be my dad . Just support me and the path that I’ve chosen for myself.”
He nodded. “I do. I will . I know I haven’t been good at showing you, Diana, but I am so proud of you.”
A small, hopeful smile pulled at my lips, and I tipped my head toward him in acknowledgement as I began to walk away. When I turned, I saw Javi watching me in the distance. I turned back to my father once more.
“Oh, and Javi and I are together now,” I told him, as an afterthought. “If you want to be in my life, get used to him being there too.”
He blinked in surprise but chuckled. “You two weren’t together this whole time? I’m pretty sure I heard your mom calling the Plaza last week to book the wedding.”
I rolled my eyes, laughing. That sounded about right for my mother. I waved and headed back toward Javi.
When I made it to his side, I looked around in confusion. His family had disappeared.
“How did that go?” Javi asked
“Pretty well, actually. Where did everyone go? ”
“They went to get set up. They’re throwing you a full fiesta back at the Airbnb.” He beamed at me, and my heart swelled at the prospect. “But in the meantime, Dr. Richards, you and I have important plans.”
My stomach fluttered with the sensation of butterfly wings.
“We do?” I asked, excited.
“We certainly do,” he replied. He took my hand and led me to the familiar gray door on the side of Butler Library. His eyes darted around to make sure no one was watching us before he led us inside.
“Guess who still works here?” Javi asked.
“Loretta?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“Loretta,” he confirmed, and we made our way up the stairs, running like we were kids racing each other, laughing the whole way. A gentle breeze greeted us as we emerged onto the roof. We moved to the edge, where we could see our old view sprawling out before us, comforting and familiar and so special to us. When we had had a moment to revel in being up here once more, we looked at each other.
There was a single moment of hesitation before we launched at each other. We kissed each other with all the intense desperation that our weeks of separation and wondering and longing had left in us, until we were gasping for breath. Only after we were temporarily sated did we pull away.
“I missed you,” he whispered, resting his forehead against mine.
“I missed you,” I replied, but the phrase was not enough to express just how true the sentiment was. Nothing in my life at the moment was enough to distract myself from the longing for him—not the preparations for residency, the prospect of moving, the final days of medical school. Nothing could overcome the incredible emptiness in my life without him there. The absence of him was a physical ache, one that had grown so much stronger and more painful since the conference. One that I hadn’t yet learned how to manage. One that I knew I would have to learn how to manage, if I wanted to be with him.
And my God, did I want to be with him.
He pulled away from me to fetch a bag that I hadn’t seen before, that had been waiting for us up here on the roof. He pulled out a bottle of champagne and two champagne flutes and poured us two glasses of the golden, bubbling liquid.
“To the two luckiest people in the whole world,” he said, holding his glass up to mine.
I echoed his sentiment and clinked my glass against his, but before I could drink, he added, “And to the incredible, brilliant, beautiful, caring doctor who I am completely in love with. My best friend.”
Warmth flooded my cheeks. I didn’t know what to say to such lavish compliments, so I simply drank from my glass.
I thought about the last time we were up here together, almost exactly four years before, when Javi had planned to tell me he loved me. I could picture it—the alternate universe in which we had admitted our feelings for each other three years sooner. In that version of our story, would Javi’s invention ever have made it out of the lab? Would I have ever learned how to go through my life without my anxiety governing my every thought and action?
I looked at Javi, resolved. “I’m glad you didn’t tell me you were in love with me on our graduation day.”
He lowered his champagne glass, his eyes going wide. “You are?”
I nodded. “Back then, I was using you like a crutch to manage my anxiety. It wasn’t fair to you. And I think if we had started our relationship then, I never would have learned how to do it on my own.”
“I never minded helping you,” he replied. “Not once.”
I reached over and squeezed his hand. “I know. But I had to learn how to love you without needing you. I wasn’t ready to love you four years ago.”
“And now?” he asked.
I reached up to touch his face. “Now, I am so ready to love you, Javier Valenzuela. And I know you’re afraid of how things will work long distance, but?—”
“I’m not afraid,” he said softly.
I clamored on, “I know we can make this work. What we have is worth it. I know my schedule is going to be tough, but I’m sure we can find ways to see each other?—”
“We’ll be seeing a lot of each other,” he insisted.
“We’ll FaceTime every night,” I agreed.
“It’ll be odd to FaceTime each other from the same room,” he replied, his tone curious.
I paused abruptly in my rant. “What?”
“I sold the Artemis. Everything. The whole company.” The words fell from his lips so abruptly that I almost didn’t believe he had said them at all.
“You did what?” I asked, my jaw going slack. “Javi, don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying,” he said, sounding hurt by the idea of it. “I would never lie to you.”
“What do you mean, you sold it?” The words were sharp on my tongue, accusing. “We’ve been talking about this for years. You would never sell the Artemis.”
“I already did. I signed the final contract three weeks ago,” he said, and for once, he wasn’t smiling. His face was completely calm, completely serious. It was unnerving to see him without a trace of mirth in his expression .
I shook my head frantically, like I was an animal trying to rid my ears of flies, trying to shake the words from my brain like they were nothing more than annoying pests.
“Javi, that doesn’t make any sense,” I insisted, sounding like I was trying to bargain with him, like he hadn’t already done the unthinkable. “A company like that isn’t going to take care of the Artemis like you will.”
“No, they won’t,” he agreed, nodding a little sadly.
“Then why, Javi?” I demanded. “The Artemis is your baby, your legacy. It’s your uncle’s legacy.”
“Nothing they can do can take that legacy away,” he said, as if trying to console me. As if it shouldn’t be me consoling him—like he hadn’t signed away everything he had ever worked for. “I’m not quitting. I’m taking a step back. Taking more of a peripheral role in the company. I’ll still be involved, just not responsible for everything. I won’t have to fly around the world to advance the product.”
I felt tears spring to my eyes, still unable to wrap my head around what he was saying. “But why, Javi? Why would you give it to them? The Artemis is everything to you.”
“The Artemis is not everything to me,” he disagreed.
“Yes, it?—”
“ You are everything to me, Diana,” he said, with a finality that left me silent and dumbstruck. I stood still, convinced I could not have heard him correctly. He took my stunned silence as an opportunity to keep going.
“It has always been you, Di. Why do you think I named the device what I did? I named it after you .” His tone was firm, begging me to believe him.
“What?” I shook my head, more confused than ever. “You named it after that statue and after your Uncle Arturo?—”
“I made it for my Uncle Arturo, so families wouldn’t have to go through what mine went through when he died,” he agreed. “But I named the device after my very favorite person on this earth, my best friend in the whole world. I named it after you. Didn’t you ever make the connection? The Artemis ?”
I shook my head again, unable to wrap my brain around anything he was saying.
“The idea did come to me that night at the winter formal,” he explained, but that did nothing to help me either.
He sighed. He took both of my shaking hands in his. His hands were so warm, touching his skin chased away all the cool terror that had crept its way into my veins since his confession.
“Artemis was the Greek goddess of the hunt,” he said slowly. “But the Romans knew her by a different name.”
I blinked at him, disbelieving.
“Diana,” I supplied, the final piece finally snapping into place. My heart felt like it might burst out of my chest.
“ Diana ,” he confirmed, and my name on his lips felt like a declaration. Like everything he was saying could be explained by the way he said my name alone. Like he held every second of our history and our future together within that breath.
I shook my head as tears started to stream down my face. He took my face in his hands and kissed the tears away before kissing me full on the mouth. The kiss tasted salty sweet.
“I can’t believe you did this,” I whispered. While I had wanted to sound stern with him for giving up his company, I instead sounded amazed, dumbstruck at this gesture.
“I’m all in, Di,” he explained reverently. “We have spent the last eight years loving each other but too afraid to stop and admit it because our dreams came first, and I did it. I got my dream. But it wasn’t when I made the Artemis. It was when I fell in love with you. You are what I want. I will do whatever I have to do to make this work.”
“You’re moving to Houston?” I asked, my voice thick and shaking with emotion.
“I’m moving to Houston,” he confirmed, sealing the promise with another kiss. “And if you go to fellowship, I’ll go there too. I’ll follow you wherever you go and for however long you will let me.”
I kissed him with profound desperation—like I was drowning, and he was my last source of air. He lifted me off the ground, and I wrapped my legs around his hips. He leaned me up against the inclined wall that acted as a ramp leading up to the highest part of the roof. I pulled away from him momentarily, running my hands down his chest until they reached his belt buckle. I started to undo it slowly, and his eyes darted in surprise from my hands back up to my eyes.
He let out a startled laugh. “Up here?”
I flashed him a wicked grin, nodding. “Up here.”
He groaned when my hands found him, starting to stroke him. His lips found mine again, and he unzipped my graduation gown. He grasped my thighs where they clenched around his hips, moving upward beneath the fabric of my dress, until his thumbs brushed against the creases of my thighs. His hand dipped beneath the fabric of my panties, teasing me. I gasped against his lips.
He pulled my panties down, letting me stand long enough to let them fall to the ground between us, before he lifted me back up onto the wall once more. I shoved his pants and boxers down past his hips and positioned him at my entrance. I shuddered when he finally filled me. We froze for just a moment, completely immobile, appreciating the feeling of being joined again after so long apart; reveling in the knowledge that we would not have to learn to live without each other any more. He was mine. And I was his. And we would be together .
He kissed me, breaking the temporary spell we had fallen under. I reached up to curl my fingers in his hair as he thrust into me. He kissed down my neck, burying his face between my breasts as they heaved over the neckline of my dress.
He increased the pace and power of his thrusts, and I knew he was close. I gripped his hair tighter as I approached my own climax. He made one final, deep thrust into me, his hands gripping onto my ass as we both tensed and gasped with the explosion of our pleasure. He held me aloft long after we had finished, and I leaned back against the wall, still gasping for breath.
I laughed, and he looked at me curiously, as if he couldn’t imagine anything less funny than what had just transpired. “What are you laughing at?”
He finally released me, and I slid down his body until my feet met the concrete roof beneath us once more.
“I was thinking about the girl I was when you first met me; how scandalized first-year-of-college Diana would be if she knew future Diana would not only regularly trespass onto the roof of the library, but also have sex on it.” I laughed again at the thought, as I straightened out my dress and graduation gown.
Javi laughed, buttoning his pants. “I can tell you right now that first-year-of-college Javi would be absolutely thrilled by this unexpected turn of events.”
The thought brought the image of that boy into my mind, with those kind brown eyes and infectious smile. The boy who had wrenched an anxious introvert out of her shell and showed her how marvelous life could be when you really lived it. I was so grateful to that boy. And so wildly in love with the man he had become.
I leaned up to kiss him. We collected our discarded champagne flutes and the bottle and turned back to the exit. When we made our way through the door, I stopped. Javi looked at me expectantly, watching as I turned and plucked the very battered copy of The Iliad from the door. Without the thick book propping it open, the heavy door slammed shut. I tested the handle, confirming that the exit was now locked.
It was a definitive move, but it felt right. Some part of my heart and my mind knew that this would be the last time that we would ever come up here to the roof—the place that had been so pivotal in the development of our friendship and our love. Nothing could ever top what happened here today. Now, we couldn’t go back.
I put the book in the bag Javi carried, next to the champagne. He raised an eyebrow at my actions.
“A souvenir,” I explained. “Something to remember this day.”
He grinned as he took my hand and led me back down the stairs.
Javi and I made our way to his family’s Airbnb very slowly, taking the long way. We went to Riverside Park and strolled along the pathways hand-in-hand, chatting about what life would be like together in Houston, with me starting residency and Javi starting his new role as “consultant” for the Artemis. It was a salaried position—a generous one at that. And with his payout from selling his company, he had all the time and resources he could ever desire to plan his next venture.
As he spoke with enthusiasm about this new start, I was pleased to see that old spark in his eyes, a reminder of that kid who spoke about inventions and ideas with such passion. I hadn’t realized how much the years dedicated to the business and manufacturing side of his invention had dulled that spark until now. But seeing it in that moment, seeing him so excited to be free to move onto new ideas after so many years dedicated to one, finally put me at ease that this was the right path for us both.