Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Leaving the cabin was always difficult because Cole knew what waited for him in town.
This time it was even harder because he was leaving someone.
Not that anyone would believe him if he mentioned there was a monster in his cabin.
They’d look at him as if he’d lost his mind.
Which was exactly the reason he stayed quiet after the accident.
He didn’t need another reason for people to whisper about him. However, this time it wasn’t a dream.
His fingers brushed over the gold-wrapped stone hanging around his neck.
Akai had braided grass into a cord for the pendant to hang from until he could choose for himself if he wanted leather or a gold chain.
He wasn’t sure he wanted either as he didn’t wear jewelry, but it would’ve been rude to refuse.
He tucked it beneath his shirt, not wanting his parents to notice when he got home.
As he pulled into the driveway alongside his father’s work truck, the sense of dread and expectation swelled and threatened to crush the air out of his lungs.
He wanted to turn around and drive back to the cabin, so he didn’t have to be there.
He wanted to run away even though that was selfish, as there were people who’d love his kind of job security; they might even be jealous of his family.
But was it selfish to want to live his life the way he wanted, even if he wasn’t sure what it was he wanted?
All he knew was that this wasn’t it.
Living in the cabin full-time wasn’t it either.
Listening to Akai talk about the way he traveled from place to place, exploring the old mines and making jewelry, made him envious of the freedom. Yet at the same time, he’d also been able to see and understand that Akai was alone, with no family, or at least none nearby.
He turned off the engine. And sat there for a few minutes, usually he returned from the cabin with a sense of peace because at least he had somewhere to go that was his. This time being up there had only amplified the feeling of resentment.
He tipped his head back against the seat and drew in a couple of breaths, trying to find some kind of equilibrium. Fuck it, he’d go back to the cabin on the weekend.
And if Akai wasn’t there?
Well, their paths would cross again at some point in the future. That was the whole point of fate, wasn’t it? It was inevitable, like the stars.
It took far too much effort for him to get out of the truck, grab his bag, and head inside. As usual, his parents were relieved to see him back safely. Mostly, they worried about the drive now that he had finished building it. During the construction, they’d worried that he’d hurt himself.
Everyone was always worried that he would get hurt; no one cared that he was already hurting.
No one wanted to hear about that. One therapist called it survivor’s guilt.
But he didn’t feel guilty about surviving the car crash.
He resented the fact that his cousins had died and left him with their mess.
Mom called out from the living room. “I set your dinner aside.”
“Thanks.” He dropped his bag on the floor at the bottom of the stairs, ready to haul it upstairs to his room and unpack.
She said something to Dad, or possibly his uncle, then he heard her footsteps drawing closer, as if he needed supervision to heat up a meal. He put the plate in the microwave and watched it spin.
“Did you enjoy your weekend?” she asked when he didn’t turn around.
“Yeah. I saw the meteor shower.” Shot a monster, stitched him back up, talked about life and loss. The usual.
It had been more meaningful than many conversations over the last five years because it had been about something other than work, football, or the accident.
He wanted to learn more about monsters and abandoned mines.
If he went back, and Akai was feeling up to it, perhaps they could go for a hike to the stream or the mine.
He’d definitely take more food.
“That must’ve been very pretty from up there.”
He smiled. “It was…I’m thinking about going back this weekend. I need to cut wood and get it ready for the colder weather.”
“Maybe I should come with you. Keep you company and make sure you don’t cut anything off.”
Cole laughed, then stopped when he saw her face. Oh god, she was serious. He could not take his mother to the cabin while Akai was there. “It’s fine, Mom.”
“No, you’re right. I should come and see the cabin now that it’s finished.”
The microwave beeped, announcing that his dinner was done. “Um…” He rubbed his hand over his hair. “The thing is…I’m meeting someone there.”
“Oh.” She put her hand over her heart. “I don’t want to intrude. I thought you might be lonely up there.”
That was kind of the point. To be alone.
“I didn’t realize you were meeting someone up there.” She stared at him as if expecting him to fill in the blanks about who it was he was meeting.
“It’s a recent development.” And it would end as soon as Akai could fly…wouldn’t it? How could it continue? Not only that, what would they be continuing?
They were barely friends, accidentally tied together by fate. But he couldn’t deny that he was interested in learning more about monsters. Or at least one monster. There’d been a few times when Akai had watched him a little too closely, making his heart beat a little too quickly.
It was ridiculous to think that a monster was attracted to him. Or that he could be attracted to a monster. He wasn’t. He was just curious. Yeah, curious about what it would feel like to run his fingers through that silvery fur and feel those claws against his skin.
They were the thoughts that had kept him up last night.
He was pretty sure they were thoughts he shouldn’t be having.
Normal people didn’t think about the monster sleeping in their bed and wonder what it would be like to sleep with the monster.
That was, of course, assuming the monster wanted to sleep with him. Maybe he was projecting.
“I will take you up there. Just not next weekend.” He had put the invitation out there, so he shouldn’t have been surprised that she’d finally accepted.
“No, no, it’s okay. I’m glad you’re not up there alone. It means I’ll worry less about you.”
He smiled. “You don’t need to worry about me.”
“You’re still my kid, and you’ve been so unhappy lately.”
Not unhappy, dissatisfied like he was stuck in a trap and couldn’t figure out how to escape. But he couldn’t say that, because once he started, he wouldn’t be able to stop, and he didn’t want his parents drinking the poison that was slowly killing him.
Cole shrugged, not wanting to admit anything.
“I hope whoever you are meeting makes you smile again.”
He grabbed some cutlery, thinking about drinking beer and playing games on the deck, and even this morning as he’d walked around with Akai while he foraged for some plants.
A simple activity—with him carrying everything—but he had enjoyed the ease of conversation and the sun on his skin in a way he hadn’t for a long time.
He couldn’t imagine Akai coming grocery shopping with him or eating dinner with his parents. Standing in the kitchen, it was almost like he made everything up. A fantasy so he didn’t have to exist in this reality. The pendant was warm against his chest, reminding him that it was real. “We’ll see.”
He could at least enjoy the little time they had while their paths crossed. And the knowledge that his cabin was on a route that Akai liked to fly, so he’d see him again at some point.
“You’ll need to let your father know you’re not available on the weekend, so he doesn’t schedule any work.”
“Why doesn’t he hire someone for the weekends specifically?” Then he’d be able to reclaim a bit more of his life.
She pressed her lips together and looked away. “It’s a family business.”
“I know that…I’m only asking for the weekends. Maybe his brother can get out on the tools for a bit?”
“I don’t think that’s going to work,” she said with a sigh.
“Well, I can’t keep going the way I have been. This isn’t…” He needed to stop talking.
“It’s not what you wanted.”
Cole closed his eyes, torn between the truth and the palatable lie. “It’s not. And I’ve tried, am trying, and I don’t know what else I can do, but at the moment I don’t even have the time to think about other options.”
She nodded. “I’ll talk to him. Remind him that you’d like the weekends off.”
Cole snorted. “He thinks I’m being lazy, going out there and doing nothing.”
“That’s what you built it for, though. So you could go up there and unwind.”
“Yeah.” Along with a thousand other reasons, some of which he’d only just discovered.