Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
The following day was the charity polo match.
Willow had missed a couple of calls from Logan, deliberately ignoring them because she wasn’t in the mood to have to explain herself, didn’t want to hear his take on things.
She imagined him with Noah and Brodie in The Firestone after practice the night before, talking about her, Brodie filling them in about Dylan.
It made her cringe, the idea of them discussing her, rolling their eyes at her outburst.
She was in two minds about whether or not she was going to go to the polo later.
She sat at the kitchen table trying to fill in the answers to the crossword clues her dad hadn’t known, while wondering if Dylan was leaving today and what he thought about Thunder doing so badly at the race.
She itched to get in the car and drive over to find out.
Her mom was standing at the stove making cordial for The Silver Pantry. Big pans of apples and cherries simmered, filling the kitchen with the sweet scent of sugar and fall. Through the window, the low sun gilded the horizon.
The screen door to the kitchen bashed open. Willow looked up to see her dad stride in, collar of his shirt turned up, hat shading his eyes.
She put down the pencil she was holding, aware from his stance that his mood wasn’t good.
He took his hat off, hung it on the peg, smoothed his hand through his graying hair.
“You all right, Emmett?” Martha asked from where she was stirring the vat of bubbling cherries, red checkered apron tied around her waist.
He ignored her, walked straight up to the table, put both hands on the back of a chair and looking directly at Willow said, “Did you go to Diamond Creek when you told us you were going to New York?”
She felt the blood drain from her face, sat frozen staring back at him for a second.
Every inch of her being willed her to deny it as she shrank from his accusatory glare.
But then her mind flashed with an image of her standing in front of Logan and Brodie the day before reminding them that they weren’t children anymore.
That included her.
Keeping her gaze fixed on her dad’s, she swallowed and said, “Yes, I did.”
He bashed the back of the chair making her jump.
Her mom turned the stove off and came over to the table. “What’s going on?”
Emmett pointed Willow’s way and said, “She’s been lying through her teeth to us ever since she’s been back.”
“What do you mean?”
Willow felt shame speckle up her neck to her cheeks.
“Rudy Myers has just come up to me saying how surprised he was to see my daughter with Dylan Hawkins at the Diamond Creek racetrack.”
Martha frowned. “What? When was this?” She turned her attention to Willow. “What’s he talking about?”
But her dad didn’t give her a chance to reply.
“I don’t care what you do in your spare time, Willow.
You’ve got your own life,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m not happy about the fact you’ve got something going on with Dylan Hawkins—you been shooting your mouth off about how great he is to half the town—but I’m not having you lying to me—us—while you’re here under my roof. Taking us for fools.”
Willow didn’t know what to say, shocked into momentary silence that her dad knew what had been going on with Dylan.
“I—” she started, ready with all sorts of answers to defend herself, then she looked at him, all angry eyes and clenched jaw, and felt suddenly tired by the subterfuge and everything unspoken.
She felt her shoulders slump as she said instead, “I didn’t want to lie, Dad.
” She stood up from her chair. “But I couldn’t tell you the truth because you’d have been so mad. ”
“Well, I’m mad now, believe me,” he said, turning away, shaking his head with disappointment.
She knew she should leave it, wait till he’d calmed down a bit, but she was fed up with waiting, with none of them saying what they really felt. “You can’t accuse me of something and then walk away,” she said. “It’s not fair.”
“Not fair?” he replied incredulously. “I’ll tell you what’s not fair, Willow.
Your mom sitting in bed at night fretting about you being in New York, pushing yourself too hard, worrying that you aren’t taking care of yourself, all the while you’re galivanting around racetracks with Dylan Hawkins, of all people. I’m ashamed, I’ll tell you that.”
Willow swallowed. “You’re ashamed of me?” she repeated more quietly.
Her mom stepped in. “He doesn’t mean ashamed, Willow.”
But Emmett didn’t counter.
Willow couldn’t believe it, after everything she’d ever done, after how hard she’d tried all her life, and he could throw that at her so casually.
She felt the injustice of it prickle through her whole body.
“Yes,” she said, as calmly as she could, “I shouldn’t have lied about going to Diamond Creek, but I only did it because I couldn’t tell the truth.
” She looked her dad square in the eye. “You know what Dylan Hawkins lived through over there in that house? Right under our noses?” She paused, saw his eyes narrow in misunderstanding.
“Well, if you did, you’d be ashamed,” she carried on.
“We should all be ashamed. We let him down, and Tyler, and his mom.” Emmett’s gaze flicked momentarily to Martha who was listening, brows drawn.
Willow stood up straighter, realized she was almost taller than her dad nowadays.
“And yeah, I like Dylan—he’s a good guy.
Nicer than Brodie was in that football game.
Better than Noah at training horses—so, yeah, I’ll recommend him.
If we want to talk about shame, I’m ashamed of how I’ve let this carry on.
Why did I keep it secret?” She stared at her dad, at the lines on his face and the familiar hooded, unreadable expression in his eyes.
“So as not to disappoint you. It’s always not to disappoint you!
But then you didn’t bother to come out of the house to watch Zoey’s recital.
You can’t wait to see Logan and the others in some two-bit charity game, but you never come and watch me dance.
You’re more interested in the darn cattle than me.
” She pushed away from the table and went over to the door, could feel the hitch of emotion in her throat and didn’t want to wait around for more arguing, but she paused just long enough to add, “Maybe sometimes, I’m ashamed of you, too. ”