Chapter 6 #3
He regarded me unhappily, and I lifted my chin. I wasn’t about to cave now. For one thing, it was true – I knew Zoe wouldn’t let a few half-baked rumours keep her away from Ashton. For another, frankly, I was curious. If Davie was right, then I had to find out more. I wanted to find out more.
After a while, Davie let out an exasperated sigh. ‘You’re so fucking stubborn, Golding.’
I permitted myself a tiny, triumphant grin.
‘Then spare us both the effort and back down, Waverly. You know you need me. It’s public knowledge that you work for the newspaper.
If you start trying to infiltrate a group that’s managed to keep itself a secret since forever, they’re not exactly going to welcome you with open arms. You need someone low-profile.
And that someone just so happens to be sitting right in front of you. Let me be your informant.’
He gritted his teeth, but I could tell he’d been thinking the same thing. I didn’t doubt that he’d prefer to keep me out of harm’s way, but we both knew that his journalistic instincts would always win out over concerns for his – or anybody else’s – safety.
‘Fine,’ he replied at long last. ‘You can help, but only under certain conditions. One: no going rogue. Everything you do, you discuss it with me first, okay?’ He waited for my hesitant nod before carrying on.
‘Two: no unnecessary risks. That means no obvious prying, no snooping, no getting creative with hairpins.’
I pulled a face, amused. ‘Hairpins?’
‘I was there the other day when you forgot your key and didn’t want to wait for Zoe, remember?’
I bit my lip. ‘Sure. Anything else?’
‘If things get too dicey or we stumble across something really bad, we pull back. No hesitation, no argument. Promise?’
‘Promise.’ The word fell too glibly from my lips.
I wasn’t a good liar, but although I wanted to mean it, I couldn’t in all sincerity make that promise.
Ever since that first night with Ashton and his friends, part of me had known I was on the threshold of something.
Something so murky and opaque that I couldn’t tell where the next step would lead.
It wasn’t that I felt no fear. But the dull sense of panic that had been coursing through me ever since that first night was nothing compared to how I felt when I imagined leaving Zoe alone with those people.
She was the most vibrant person I knew. And she was worth venturing into that darkness for, even if I still couldn’t make out what lay in its shadows.
I could tell from Davie’s face that he’d heard the lie in my voice. ‘Try and keep this promise better than the last one, okay?’
I hope I can, I thought, as I slid the list towards him with a faint smile. ‘Let’s get started.’
* * *
I raised my hand with a frown and knocked for a third time on Zoe’s door.
When I’d got home earlier – around nine – I texted her about returning a book she’d borrowed from me.
Just an excuse to check in on her, really.
Then I made myself a coffee and changed into more comfortable clothes, but by the time I was finished Zoe still hadn’t answered.
The walls were pretty thin, so I could hear her music.
Cigarettes After Sex, her favourite band.
Zoe almost never bothered knocking, so I felt only a slight twinge of guilt as I turned the handle.
The ceiling lamp was off, but the fairy lights over Zoe’s bed bathed the room in a warm yellow glow.
Drops of rain were spattered across the half-open window next to her desk, which, like always, was a mess.
The candles on her bedside table guttered in the autumn wind, and I shivered.
‘Can I—’ I stopped abruptly when my eyes fell on the bed.
Zoe was lying fully clothed on her lavender duvet, eyes closed, her arm wrapped around the person next to her. For a few seconds I stared at her fingers, which were twisted, claw-like, into the collar of his white shirt, until at last I tore my gaze upward.
Ashton was smiling at me. ‘Good evening, Mabel.’
‘Sorry, I … just wanted to grab a book for my Shakespeare essay. I didn’t realise…’ Again, I looked at Zoe, who still did not react, although I could hear her breathing. ‘Is she asleep?’
‘Mmm.’ Ashton ran the pads of his fingers along the sliver of shoulder revealed by her rumpled sweater.
For a brief second, it occurred to me that Zoe’s choice of music might have clued me in on what they’d been doing, but Ashton was also fully dressed.
‘She was pretty tired, so I told her to have a rest.’
‘She gets tired a lot when she’s around you. Something for you to consider, perhaps.’
It was just so … odd. Zoe got so animated whenever Ashton’s name came up that I was surprised she was willing to miss a single second of the time they spent together.
Besides, this was Zoe – she was almost never tired.
She was one of those people who started the day in unbearably high spirits and kept them at an eleven until late into the night.
Or she used to be, anyway, before she started hanging out with Ashton’s clique.
He smirked. ‘You can’t stand me, can you?’
I had to give him credit: at least he was direct. ‘I don’t know you well enough to answer that.’
Gently, Ashton lifted Zoe’s head so that he could sit up. As he did so, his shirt slipped, baring more skin. From what I could see, his body was as eerily flawless as his face. He felt so … unreal. Wrong, I corrected myself inwardly, he feels wrong.
‘And yet you’ve come out with us twice now. Didn’t you have fun yesterday?’
I felt like snorting, but if I wanted to find out more about them, I probably shouldn’t let him know I thought they were nuts.
‘Sure,’ I said matter-of-factly, taking a few steps further into the room. ‘I did. Your friends are … interesting.’
His smile broadened as he toyed lazily with Zoe’s hair. ‘A couple of them would say the same of you, were you aware of that?’
Again, a familiar face crossed my mind. I hated myself for it.
After last night, it was painfully obvious that Blake wasn’t interested in me.
She’s nobody. His words had dug a pit in my chest, and no matter how hard I tried to fill it with dislike, what remained was a dull wound that ached when I prodded it.
With an effort, I suppressed a frown. ‘How do you mean?’
‘There’s something about you. You seem … older than you are. As if your personality were mature beyond others of your age.’
This time I couldn’t resist the snort. ‘Others of my age? If I recall correctly, you’re only twenty-two.’
‘She’s told you about me?’ Ashton looked down at Zoe, who nuzzled closer to him at that moment. Part of me wanted to shake her awake, wipe the complacent smile off her face. Even in her sleep, it was obvious how much she adored him.
‘We tell each other who we’re seeing. We look out for each other.’
He bit his lower lip. ‘That’s good. But I wish you’d accept that you don’t have to worry about me. Come on, ask me something.’
In a flash, hundreds of questions were racing through my head. But I remembered what Davie and I had just agreed. If I pushed too hard now, I risked making myself unwelcome in their group. So I pointed at Zoe and asked, ‘What’s going on between you two?’
‘I like being near her.’
‘Why?’
He raised his eyebrows. ‘Do I really need to explain to you what’s so attractive about your best friend?’
‘No.’ I knew the effect Zoe had on people.
Especially men. But the way Ashton looked at Zoe was different.
Less admiring, more … greedy. Which made no sense, given that according to Zoe, he had never tried it on.
She’d mentioned them kissing once or twice, but in a way that was so innocent I couldn’t quite square it with his expression.
‘But you do have to explain why I’m not buying it,’ I added.
Ashton laughed softly. ‘Maybe because you have trust issues.’ He lifted Zoe’s head again, settled it carefully on the pillow, and shifted to the bottom of the mattress. I tensed as he came closer to me. ‘My turn now. Answer me one question, will you?’
I took a nonchalant step backwards and promptly felt the edge of the desk pressing into my bare legs. ‘Go for it,’ I replied, in as cool a voice as I could muster.
Ashton was still a foot or two away from me, his eyes fixed on mine, insistently, unpleasantly intense.
As if trying to read the answer before I’d even heard the question.
And perhaps he could, because I knew immediately what he wanted to know before he’d even opened his mouth. ‘Where did you first meet Blake?’
My cheeks flushed with heat, eating through my skin and directly into my tongue. The next word was trembling. ‘Who?’
Ashton chuckled again, although the laugh did not reach his eyes. ‘Funny. He reacted the same way when I asked him about your little run-in at the fountain. However you met, it must have been fascinating, or you wouldn’t be acting this strangely.’
I exhaled with relief. He seemed to know nothing about our other encounter. Or all the questions I had asked. ‘Or maybe we genuinely don’t know each other.’
‘Hmm. Unfortunately, he’s my best friend. He can’t lie to me. And you’—he leant in—‘don’t take this personally, but I’m afraid you can’t lie at all.’
I lifted my chin. ‘Right, well, don’t take this personally, but I’d like you to go now. I’m not leaving you alone with Zoe while she’s asleep.’
Ashton grinned, and suddenly he was looming over me.
I flinched, but instead of touching me he reached past me to the desk.
Shakespeare’s face on the cover of the book, Ashton’s very close to mine as he held up the paperback.
‘Hell is empty and all the devils are here.’ He smelt of Zoe’s scented candles, Zoe’s washing powder, Zoe’s perfume.
Not of himself at all. ‘That’s my favourite quotation. Do you know it?’
I swallowed and reached for the book. ‘Yes.’
One corner of Ashton’s mouth curled, and he drew back. ‘Goodnight, Mabel. I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other soon.’
I couldn’t stammer out a reply before he left the room. All I could think was: You can count on it.