Chapter 13 Mabel
Mabel
I fidgeted restlessly in my seat. The voice of the professor, leaning against her desk at the front of the room, was so tightly interwoven with those of my fellow students that my ears felt blocked.
No matter how hard I tried to pay attention, I’d barely heard anything of the seminar.
Even Zoe, sitting next to me, seemed more on the ball than I was.
Ever since last night, my mind had been on other things – on the bridge, and the girl I’d pulled out of the water with Blake’s help.
The paramedics had taken her away in an ambulance, assuring us her condition was stable, but the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach remained.
I’d wanted to go to the hospital that same night, but they wouldn’t have told me anything – after all, I wasn’t family – and besides, I wasn’t really in any fit shape myself.
My body had been so cold that I couldn’t feel much.
The river water had gnawed away at my muscles, and my thoughts were consumed with worry and confusion about Paulina and what had happened.
Blake had walked me to my staircase, and when I nudged the curtain aside in my room, I saw he was still standing in the court outside, a dark outline that stirred up starkly conflicting emotions.
Emotions I’d been ignoring ever since, almost as diligently as I’d been ignoring the one thing I was actually supposed to be concentrating on: my academic work.
With a furtive glance at the professor, I reached again for my phone.
There were several texts from Davie, responding to a voice note I’d left him this morning, but that was all.
I’d asked the hospital to get Paulina to call me the minute she was awake and up to it. That was almost five hours ago now.
Just as I was about to put the phone away, the screen lit up.
One glance at the unknown number, and my pulse quickened.
I hesitated briefly, knowing the professor hated it when students left the room in the middle of a seminar.
Only a second or two, then I stood up with an apologetic gesture.
I’d never have believed it, but this was more important than university.
As soon as I was outside, I took the call. There was a moment’s silence, then someone cleared their throat at the other end of the line. ‘Hey, I … so I don’t think we’ve actually ever met. This is Paulina. Paulina Gallagher.’
I breathed a sigh of relief. ‘Hey. So … how are you feeling? Are you still in hospital?’
‘I’m all right, just a bit of hypothermia and some bruises. They’re keeping me in for a few more days, but the doctor says I’ll be fine. I was lucky, and she told me that’s partly down to you. You were there yesterday when I…’ she trailed off, cleared her throat again. ‘She said you helped me.’
‘It wasn’t just me, but … yeah. I saw you jump,’ I explained in a low voice, retreating around the corner to stand in a large bay window.
The corridor was empty. I could hear the muffled babble of voices behind a couple of doors, but otherwise there was only heavy breathing and rustling down the line, as if Paulina were fretfully smoothing her sheets.
‘Yeah, they said that too, but I don’t understand why I did it. I don’t … I don’t want to die.’
For a moment I hesitated. I didn’t want to overwhelm Paulina, but it was probably best to talk to her while the memory was still as fresh as possible.
‘I think someone made you do it. Just before it happened, I saw you: you and Jack. He said something to you, and straight after that you … ran to the bridge.’
‘That’s not possible. Jack would never hurt me.’
At least she still knew who he was. ‘Have you known each other long?’
‘A couple of weeks. I met him at a university event. We got on well, exchanged numbers, went out a couple of times. He even took me to meet his friends.’
I tried to recall if I’d ever seen her before, but I was always too focused on Ashton and his friends to notice anybody else. ‘Did anything ever strike you as, I don’t know, a bit weird?’
‘No, not really. Just … afterwards, I felt a bit funny sometimes. Like, I’d be drinking a normal amount, not too much or anything, but I was just constantly knackered, like I had the worst hangover of all time. I even blacked out once or twice, and I never do that.’
‘And Jack? Did he ever bother you, put any pressure on you?’
Paulina didn’t hesitate. ‘No. I mean, we kissed, but that’s as far as it went. I wanted to, though – want to. I like him. I … I’d do anything for him.’
I felt goosebumps rise on my skin. Not because of the words themselves, but because of the way she said them.
I heard it every time Zoe talked about Ashton: the unconcealed devotion and admiration that smoothed the edges off every syllable.
‘Do you remember what happened yesterday?’ I persisted hoarsely. ‘Did he tell you to do it?’
‘No, that would be… No. All I remember is that I bumped into him in the courtyard and asked if he wanted to hang out. He was being sort of grumpy, but he wouldn’t tell me why. There was another guy with him, a friend of his, one of that group he’s always hanging out with.’
‘Victor.’
‘Yeah. We were chatting, and … it was nice. I always feel so warm when I’m with Jack.
Everything feels so much lighter and more bearable.
’ Her voice was softening. I could almost see her smiling dreamily.
Until she coughed again. ‘Anyway, and then … I don’t know, it’s all a blur.
’ She broke off and took several gulps of air, as if trying to breathe the memories in.
‘It’s all right,’ I said, as gently as I could, although I wished she could remember more.
I’d heard enough of Victor and Jack’s conversation to be convinced, but I hadn’t recorded it, and whatever Jack had said to her, only the two of them knew what it was.
She was the only person who could report him to the police.
Him and his friends. I closed my eyes as instantly another face crossed my mind. Not now.
‘Do you think he’ll come to visit me?’
It took me a moment to realise who she was talking about. I frowned, exasperated. Apart from the fact that Jack was obviously involved in what had happened to her, I’d seen how he treated her. How could she have forgotten? ‘Do you want him to?’
‘I shouldn’t, should I?’ She was still trying to sound upbeat, until she suddenly started sobbing, so heart-rendingly that I felt the tears well up in my own eyes. ‘Then why do I feel like I’ll fall apart if I don’t get to see him again? I feel so empty inside. Like I’ve already … disappeared.’
* * *
My professor was leaving the room as I came back. She gave me a nod, eyebrows raised, but not even her disapproval upset me. How could it, after everything that had happened?
Zoe was sliding her folder into her bag, while the others drifted one by one out of the room. ‘Everything okay?’ she asked.
‘I spoke to Paulina on the phone.’
‘Poor girl, I really hope she gets the help she needs.’ Zoe pulled a sympathetic face.
I’d given her a quick run-down of the incident over breakfast. Specifically, I’d censored everything except for the fact that I’d found Paulina on the bridge and then jumped in after her to rescue her.
I didn’t know how to tell Zoe the rest without risking an argument.
I shoved my things distractedly into my bag. ‘She says she wasn’t trying to kill herself. She doesn’t know why she did it.’ I darted Zoe an uncertain glance. I knew it was unwise, but I couldn’t hold it in. ‘She went out with Jack a couple of times. He’s one of Ashton’s friends.’
Zoe had been combing her fingers through her hair, but now she froze and narrowed her eyes ominously. ‘Mabel—’
‘No, listen,’ I interrupted, taking a step closer. ‘She was at their parties too, and the way she talks about Jack is exactly the same way you talk about Ashton.’
Zoe crossed her arms and leant back against the table. ‘So what? Being in love isn’t a disease.’
I knew it was the worst possible reaction, but I couldn’t help myself: I snorted derisively.
Not that I disapproved of the sentiment: I was just appalled at the person she had chosen to fall in love with.
And because I was so sure he didn’t share her feelings.
‘That’s not love, it’s … I don’t know, an addiction.
Something unhealthy, at any rate. He’s just using you – he doesn’t actually care about you at all. Like Jack doesn’t care about Paulina.’
Zoe blinked, wounded. ‘Wow, thanks.’
‘It’s got nothing to do with you, it’s not your fault,’ I added hurriedly. ‘But those people are dangerous. And they’ve been dangerous for a really long time.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘I’m talking about the League of Starlings,’ I blurted.
I could almost see Davie face-palming, but I pressed on, ignoring my guilty conscience.
I had to tell Zoe. After everything that had happened to June and Paulina, I had to make sure she learnt the truth.
Or at least the part I knew. ‘It’s the name of a secret society that Ashton and the others are members of.
It’s been around for more than a century, and it’s been linked since the very beginning to dozens of crimes and … deaths.’
‘Deaths?’ Zoe stared at me, baffled. Clearly Ashton hadn’t mentioned anything about it.
‘Yes. People who cross paths with them die, Zoe. Like June. Like Paulina, if Blake and I hadn’t been there.’
‘Blake?’ She shook her head, visibly torn between perplexity, mirth and annoyance. ‘Ashton’s best friend, who according to you must be part of all this too? What reason would he have to save Paulina’s life if they’re trying to kill her?’
She had a point. One that left me stumped. I kneaded my temples, frustrated. ‘I … have no idea. He’s different, somehow.’
Zoe laughed hollowly. ‘Oh, right, so the guy you like is different, but the one I happen to be in love with – a guy I feel really good about, for basically the first time ever – is a serial killer?’
‘I know how it sounds.’
She smiled bitterly and pushed away from the table, tying her scarf around her neck. ‘It sounds like you think I’m a terrible judge of character without a single ounce of common sense.’
‘That’s not true,’ I replied firmly. ‘But Davie’s been gathering evidence about them, he—’
‘Davie’s been roped in too? Hang on, is this what you’ve been doing for the last few weeks when you were supposedly revising?’
I could see her vexation giving way to another emotion: hurt. There was nothing Zoe hated more than being left out.
‘We weren’t trying to hide anything from you, we’re just worried about you.’
She threw back her head with a groan. ‘I can’t listen to any more of this.
How many times do I have to say it?’ She looked at me.
‘Ashton is just a nice, normal guy. He’s not in any sort of creepy cult, he and his friends aren’t criminals, and what happened to June and Paulina is tragic but it isn’t their fault. Okay?’
I could only stare at her. Her face was set. I could see she had made up her mind that Ashton deserved her loyalty, which was very obviously not okay. But how was I supposed to explain it to her when Davie and I were still trying to figure things out ourselves? ‘Zoe, please. I’m just asking you—’
She reached for her bag and slung it over her shoulder.
‘No, Mabel. I’m asking you. Don’t ruin our friendship because you’re paranoid.
’ She stepped towards me and took my hands.
Her fingers were warm and soft, and I could smell the peach-scented cream I’d bought her for her birthday.
‘I love you, but this needs to stop now. I just want to be happy. Why can’t you let me? ’
‘Of course I want you to be happy,’ I replied incredulously. ‘But—’
‘No buts. Trust me. I know what I’m doing, okay?’
She beamed at me, her smile so endearing and so confident that my objections melted away. Not that they’d disappeared – I just couldn’t risk saying them out loud. I didn’t want Zoe gone as well. So I forced myself to nod. ‘Okay.’
Zoe squeezed my hands one final time before she let them go. ‘Thank you. Anyway, I’d better head off, I’ve been invited for dinner.’
Something about the way she said it put me even more on edge. ‘With Ashton?’
Zoe paused in the doorway and turned back to me, a mixture of resignation and warning in her eyes. ‘We haven’t seen each other for more than a week.’
I bit my lip, but the words forced their way out regardless. ‘And you haven’t noticed how much … better you’ve been feeling?’
The sigh she let out didn’t sound especially annoyed, probably because she was already thinking about their date tonight. Her face was aglow with the tenderness that only Ashton could bring.
‘Maybe you should let me decide that for myself.’ And she slipped out through the doorway with a wave, not giving me the chance to reply.
Not that it mattered. It was obvious by now that it would take a lot more to keep Zoe and Ashton apart. So that was what I needed. More.