Chapter 26 #4
‘I want to think it because it’s how I feel.
Because I’ve seen the way you talk about Aspen.
I’ve seen how deeply you care for me – so much so that you’d rather let me hate you than put me in harm’s way.
I’ve seen the way you act when you think no one’s looking, and I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you that you’re a good person.
You can’t change your past, but your future …
that’s up to you.’ I clasped his fingers in mine.
‘No matter what other people try to tell you. And your present, you took control of that today, didn’t you? You stopped Ashton and saved my life.’
Cliff’s lips were tightly compressed, silent.
For a while he studied our hands, self-loathing oozing out of him every single second.
The expression beneath it was no less dark: worry.
‘I don’t know how to protect you from him,’ he confessed softly.
‘How to protect you from all of them. The council approved Ashton’s motion, and they decided to eliminate you. ’
I wondered what was wrong with me, because I wasn’t even all that concerned. Something about Cliff’s nearness made it impossible to be afraid. ‘But you’ve decided not to go along with it.’
He gazed at me in despair. ‘But I don’t know how I’m ever going to do it alone.’
‘You’re not alone.’ I did my best to smile serenely, although I sensed fatigue creeping back over me.
My mind was overwhelmed, and the rest of me was exhausted.
Whatever Ashton had done to me, it had left a mark.
‘I’m here. And we’re going to figure this out, together.
In case you haven’t noticed, I’m pretty clever. ’
Cliff smiled and raised his free hand, brushing my fringe back from my face. He ran his fingers over the string of freckles across my temple, the way he often did to his scar, which was in the same place.
‘Your scar,’ I said, going on instinct. ‘Aspen said you came home one day and you were different. Did you do it to yourself?’
He nodded. ‘My own body had one. Since then, I’ve taken it with me whenever I—’
‘Whenever you move?’ I completed the sentence with a half-grin that slid into a yawn.
Cliff was watching me, equal parts amused and exasperated. ‘Your clever brain won’t help us much if you’re not on top form.’
I wanted to argue, but instead of a sentence, out came another yawn. Cliff drew back his hand as if to let me go, but I allowed myself to be led by the movement and leant in towards him. He stiffened briefly, before at last he sighed and opened his arms so that I could nestle close to him.
‘Your survival instincts are looking pretty rusty,’ he said, smoothing my hair carefully over my shoulders so it didn’t get caught.
I couldn’t help laughing, burying my face into the fabric of his jumper.
His scent dispelled the last remaining trace of unease.
It was impossible for someone bad to smell so good.
Absolutely impossible. ‘Hopefully, Ashton disagrees.’ It felt like an eternity since then, although it had only been a couple of hours.
Gingerly, I prodded around again in my insides.
At all the places that had hurt while Ashton tried to break me open.
‘The parts of … my soul that he took, are they gone forever?’
‘Energy is pretty fluid. Ashton didn’t take as much as he could have, and you’re tough. You just need to get your strength back.’ He kissed the crown of my head, then rested his chin on it.
‘And what about Zoe?’ The thought suddenly occurred to me. ‘Do you think he’s taking it out on her?’
‘Don’t worry. It’s more likely that he’s at the pub, feeding on several different people at once. He’s impulsive, but he’s not completely reckless.’
Relieved, I pressed my ear against his body, at the exact spot where I felt his heart beating.
Whatever he said about his body, that was definitely his heart.
It had to be, because it beat faster as I let my fingertips wander over his jumper.
For a few minutes, we just lay there, then I forced myself to lift my head again and look at him directly.
‘If I fall asleep, is there anything I need to be afraid of?’
Instantly he tensed. ‘I would never—’
‘I didn’t mean that,’ I interrupted quickly. ‘Just … you might decide you regret this decision.’
I knew he understood what I meant. Not just saving me, but how close he was letting me get to him right now. The way he held me in his arms, stroking my shoulder with his thumb, his eyes fixed on mine. On what was hidden in them. Not on my face, only on me.
‘It doesn’t matter if I regret it, or wish I’d done it differently,’ he said softly, caressing my cheekbone. ‘I made my choice the moment I first saw you. And there are so many reasons why this can’t work, but … here we are. And here we’ll stay. As long as we can.’
I smiled, murmured, ‘Here we’ll stay.’
Cliff slid further down onto the sofa and pulled me in tighter. His heart against mine, his soul so close to mine that I was sure they must have interwoven. ‘Go to sleep now, Pica.’
I snorted, my eyelids drooping of their own accord. ‘Only because I want to. Not because you’re telling me to.’
‘Of course.’
His smile was the last thing I saw before I drifted off. In the arms of an immortal soul-jumper, in the arms of a multiple murderer. I had never felt safer than in this embrace. It had been a crazy night, but that was the craziest thing of all.