Chapter 14 #2
“Definitely. It was chaos,” she laughed, but Nate could hear the badly disguised pain behind it. It made him want to gather her in and hold her, but that wouldn’t be a wise idea.
“Mum seemed to attract chaotic men,” she said, finding another flat rock and running her fingers along the smooth edges. “Grandad was loyal to Nan his whole life. Not everyone thinks that’s important.”
“No, they don’t.” Nate knew that all too well.
“That’s why I love it here so much. The river reminds me of him. Always here. Whenever you need it. Just peacefully doing its thing.”
“Would you move out here some day, do you think?”
Jess skipped the stone across the river. “That’s the plan,” she said quietly.
He could see the attraction. Trading the rumble of the city for the gentler rush of the river. A woman like Jess to walk beside him. Someone who apparently cared about loyalty, if she could be trusted at her word and he didn’t see a reason not to.
But it would never work like that in reality.
This was all just part of the escape. Part of his fake world.
One day, not too far away, he’d have to return to real life.
To a cancelled wedding and answering everyone’s questions.
Saving his job and his apartment. Salvaging what he could and starting over again.
He had to stop running and get his life and medical career back on track.
Then again, what if he started a new life? Jess was still dripping wet, her mascara from the filming now smudged and running down her cheeks, her clothes clinging to her curves. So beautiful inside and out. Would it hurt to open himself up to the possibility?
She caught him looking and smiled at him, a soft, genuine smile, as if she couldn’t think of a better place to be than beside this river with him.
Right now, neither could he.
SINCE THE WALK WITH NATE, JESS COULDN’T SHAKE the warm, glowing feeling.
She’d promised herself, and her best friend Poppy, no more men.
No more chaotic hookups. One guy after another and a wake of messy text messages and hurt feelings to navigate.
But being down by the river had softened her defences.
She shouldn’t have invited him, definitely shouldn’t have started a water fight, but watching him strip off his wet shirt back at the cottage, it was hard to feel bad about her decisions.
She was right about the flat abs, too, she noted, trying not to stare directly.
Nate was gorgeous and, unlike most of the guys she dated, didn’t seem aware of it at all.
“I saw one of those indoor washing lines in the cupboard,” she offered, trying to shake herself back to reality.
“Here?” he pointed to a tall cupboard in the kitchen, found the clothes rack, and hung out his clothes, still shirtless. Jess leaned awkwardly against the bench, finding it difficult to form coherent thoughts, let alone make small talk.
“I saved room for yours,” he said.
How dare he be thoughtful and sweet while half naked. It was too much.
“Thanks,” she said, rushing to the bedroom to get changed before she did anything stupid.
Dressed in her least sexy polka-dot pyjamas and a sweatshirt, she returned to hang her wet clothes next to his.
Apparently, the cotton and polka-dots didn’t deter him as much as she’d hoped.
She could feel his eyes on her, and the rush it gave her, the feeling of being desired, made her want to take as long as she could.
“So, do you, ah…” She stood next to the wet clothes, unsure if she should stay or head to her room. She should leave. Then why wasn’t she?
Glancing at Nate, she tried to get a read on what he wanted, but he examined the fold-out couch, his expression unreadable.
“Need a hand with that?” she finished, deciding, perhaps unwisely, to stick around a little longer.
“That would be much appreciated. Thank you, Jess.”
Always the gentleman. It didn’t feel put on, though, like it did when she first met him. It wasn’t fake charm. This was who he was. How rare.
She helped him pull out the bed and found a fresh pair of sheets in the linen cupboard. Unfolded, the bed took up almost the entire lounge area.
“It’s not a huge place,” she said and, without thinking, perched on the edge of the bed, blushing deeply when he sat next to her.
“Kind of perfect, though, don’t you think?”
The warm rush spread through her again, and she pressed a hand to her chest to calm her pulse. What was all this blushing and shyness around him about? ‘Shy’ wasn’t in her typical repertoire of emotions.
“It’s completely perfect,” she agreed, trying to get hold of herself. “This is exactly the kind of house I want to buy one day.”
“I can see why.”
They sat in silence, their hands centimetres apart on the thin mattress. The tiny space between electrically charged.
“I’m sorry,” Nate said, breaking the silence. “I…” They locked eyes, and she could feel her throat tighten with anticipation.
I what? I want to kiss you? I want you to leave?
Why did this man make her feel like a silly school girl?
“I wanted to say thank you.”
“For what?” she asked, thinking of everything that had happened since the morning: the waitress collapsing, acting in the show, taking Lilia to hospital. It felt more like a week than a day.
“For taking me to see the river. And sharing your memories about your grandad.”
Jess lowered her head and stared at their hands. She could move over, just the tiniest move and they’d be touching. His fingers looked strong and warm, like they could hold her and treat her gently.
“Yeah,” she replied. “Thanks for helping me out today on set, too. I…”
I what? she wondered again. I want to kiss you? I want to leave now?
It had never felt like this before. Jess was confident, bold with men. But she was usually in a nightclub in a tight black dress and sexy lingerie: her armour. Not sitting on the edge of a fold-out bed in polka dot pyjamas and an oversized sweater. She felt more vulnerable than if she’d been naked.
Looking back up, their eyes met: his filled with sadness and hunger at the same time. The combination was completely irresistible.
Giving in, she leant towards him and he met her halfway, letting their foreheads rest against each other, their eyes closed.
She couldn’t believe she’d resisted this; it was so natural to touch him.
When Nate cupped her face in his hand, he was as warm and strong as she’d expected, and she leant into his palm, allowing his touch to calm her.
Slipping her arms around his waist, she ran her fingertips lightly down his back.
She could feel his desire radiating off him and it drew her in closer, their lips so close now she could feel his breath on her tongue.
“Can I kiss you?” he whispered.
She nodded, struggling to make her voice work. Her lips tingled at the idea. There was nothing she wanted more than to kiss him. Her need drew her in like water flowing downhill. Inevitable. Unavoidable.
Tipping her head, she brought her lips to his, letting a sigh escape into his open mouth. He kissed her softly, his lips finding hers, his hand stroking her hair, pulling her close. So gentle with her it made her heart ache.
The kiss gave her courage, and running her hands up his forearms, his shoulders, across his bare chest, she explored him, feeling his muscles tense beneath her touch.
He kissed her harder, taking her in his arms and pulling her onto his lap, then sprinkled small kisses down her neck, finding the dip where it met her shoulder.
“You’re so lovely, Jess, I can’t believe…” he mumbled into her hair as his hands slipped over her shoulders and across her collarbone.
Letting her head fall back, she closed her eyes, softening under his caress. To just feel her body under his hands. The heat. The need. She wanted this. Wanted him.
“I really like you,” he whispered, running his hands under her sweatshirt and lifting it over her head.
They moved back onto the mattress, lying side-by-side.
Nate traced his fingers along the shoulder seam of her pyjama top and down to her waist, like he was memorising her.
Treasuring her. He cupped his hand around her pyjama-covered hip and tucked her up against him, kissing her deeply.
He wasn’t much taller than her, but she still felt tiny up against him.
She wanted to feel the weight of him on her. Feel that familiar feeling. The pressure on her chest. Their breath in each other’s ears. Letting herself get lost in him. Lost in his desire. She knew the deliciousness of that feeling.
But then what? Jess pulled herself back slightly. Then the awkward morning. The potential stream of texts or strained conversation.
The empty feeling she’d try to ignore.
Pressing her hand against Nate’s chest, she created a space between them, allowing cold protective walls to click into place around her heart.
The confusion in his eyes was hard to miss.
It would hurt him, but she couldn’t risk it.
Right now she wanted him, but this—the easy hookup, the shallow, fast relationship—wasn't the life for her anymore. She turned away.
“I can’t…” she said, stumbling to her knees and off the bed. “I’m sorry.”
She scooped up her discarded sweatshirt, hugged it to her chest and rushed into the bedroom, closing the door behind her.