Chapter 23 #2
Turning his attention back to Jess, she silently returned his gaze, clearly waiting for him to make the first move. Waiting for him to ask her out, maybe? He’d always found this part so awkward, which was why he’d barely dated anyone before his ex. “So…when does your shift finish?”
“I’m on call today.”
Why was this so hard? Just ask her, he scolded himself.
“Would you be free for dinner…tonight?”
Jess’s brows furrowed. “With you and Samantha?”
The mention of his ex’s name was a slap across his face.
Of course Jess thought they were back together.
He remembered the reporter. What had she said?
Is this your fiancée? He instantly regretted not chasing after Jess that night when she left the premiere and being clearer about his feelings right then and there.
Politeness and a sense of duty to the show had held him back, but he should have ignored all that and run after her.
“I’m not with Samantha, we—”
“I saw your engagement announcement. I thought you must have… worked things out.”
She must have seen the social media posts. “No, well, yes, she’s engaged. I’m not. I mean—” He was royally messing this up. “She’s not engaged to me. Samantha is marrying my old school friend. The one she cheated on me with.”
Jess’s features softened. “Oh. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not. Not anymore. I’m happy for them.”
“Right. I’m sure.”
“I know it sounds…odd, but I realized a lot of things back in London, and one of them was I needed to make a change. That life wasn’t right for me.”
“And rural life in New Zealand is?” Jess frowned, unconvinced. “Leaving behind Doctor Famous and all the glory of celebrity?”
Nate scoffed. “That was the easiest part to leave behind. No, I was back in my role at the hospital and I realised I needed more time for fun in my life. Someone reminded me of that when they were getting me soaking wet at a river.”
He frowned at Jess, faking annoyance, and made her laugh.
Her laugh, free and unrestrained, lit a fire within him.
Jess was like no-one else. So relaxed in her own skin.
So unapologetically herself. Next to her, he could drop all pretences and just be.
She didn’t care about etiquette or status or any of that.
“Not engaged then?” Jess said. Did he detect a hint of relief in her voice?
Nate spread his hands. “Completely unattached.”
Jess smiled. “Yes.”
“Yes?”
“I’m free for dinner tonight.”
JESS SAT IN THE PASSENGER SEAT of Nate’s car, stealing glances at his profile.
Having a crush on Nate was safer when he was far away in London, and then being angry at him felt even better.
With him right next to her, driving her out to his new house for a dinner date, the reality of it all made her head ache.
She wasn’t quite sure how to feel now that she knew he was single.
He wasn’t the cheater. He’d been telling the truth about being cheated on, which was why he’d been all weird about Dave.
Hard not to have trust issues after an affair.
Clearly, she still had a few trust issues she needed to work on, too.
Could Nate be a guy she could do that with?
All the puzzle pieces rearranged in her head, shuffling to create a different picture.
Maybe it wouldn’t matter; this date could be entirely platonic. Two friends eating a meal, like they’d done many times after filming. She’d been the one to suggest a friendship. Why did it make her heart hurt?
“I think you’ll like my place,” Nate said, turning down a long country road lined with yellow and green paddocks full of sheep. His eyes twinkled in a way that set her skin on fire. She turned to look at the window to avoid him seeing her blush. There was something very familiar about this road.
“Here we are,” he announced, pulling into a long driveway.
Jess’s breath caught. It was the driveway to the cottage. Her dream cottage. “Did you buy—?”
“Amazing, right? It was on the market and I—” It was Nate’s turn to blush. “I had some good memories of it.”
“I tried to buy it,” she said. “But my offer was too low.”
“I’m sorry.” The guilty look in his eyes made Jess feel bad for saying anything.
“It’s not your fault,” she said quickly. “I’m glad you got it.”
And it was true. Even if they were just going to be friends, at least someone owned it who she knew loved it as much as she did. Nate would take care of the place.
They pulled up alongside the cottage, got out of the car, and she followed Nate up the path. He fished the key from under the windowsill, in the same spot they’d kept it when they’d shared the place.
“Now you can break in anytime you like,” he said.
“Don’t think I won’t.”
He opened the door and paused in the doorframe. “You know,” he said. “I kind of bought it with this stupid idea that one day—” He dropped his eyes, as if he was considering whether to say more.
“One day what?” Jess pushed.
“That one day we might share it again.”
Thrown by his sincerity, Jess laughed. “You’d be on the couch,” she joked and immediately wanted to take it back.
Nate wasn’t love-bombing her. Not once, the whole time she’d known him, had he pushed, chased, or tried to manipulate her.
Could he be the guy who’d give her the relationship she deserved?
The new picture of him forming in her mind told her he could.
He was kind, loyal, genuine. All the things she wanted.
Why couldn’t she let herself open up to him?
“It was a stupid—,” Nate said, apologetically. “You’ve probably got a—”
Jess took his hand. “No, it’s a really sweet thing to say.”
Turning towards her, Nate lifted her hand up to his lips and kissed it lightly. It was such a sweet, old-fashioned gesture it made her heart skip in her chest.
“I’m sorry I didn’t contact you while I was in London. I thought about you all the time. I just needed to get things sorted. I didn’t want to have all that baggage and—”
“I get it.” Jess stepped closer. Maybe she could let this man in. She placed her other hand on his chest, his breath quickening under her palm. “I thought about you all the time, too.”
“Even though you thought I was engaged?” Nate wrinkled his nose and smiled teasingly.
“Which is why I didn’t message you or answer your calls.” She smiled back and punched him lightly on the chest.
He let go of her hand and wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her closer. With a cheeky look in his eye, he swept her up into his arms and carried her over the threshold of the cottage.
Jess laughed and leant into his chest. How was this happening? She wanted to do the cliche thing and pinch herself, it was so surreal. After all these months, they were back in the cottage, together again, as if no time had passed.
He placed her gently down inside, into the familiar smell of tea, the wood piled against the wall, the gentle breeze in the trees outside.
It felt like coming home. Not just the cottage which she’d been dreaming about for months, but being in Nate’s arms: he felt like home.
Leaning forward, she kissed him lightly on the cheek.
He took her face in his hands, gazing at her with so much warmth and intensity in his eyes she felt like the only person in the world. “You’re so beautiful.”
The phrase triggered a memory, and she pulled back, suddenly remembering how much she resembled his ex. When he looked at her like that, was he seeing her or another woman? She wouldn’t be anyone’s second best.
Nate frowned, dropping his hands to hold her loosely at the waist. “What’s wrong?”
“How do I say this?” Jess pushed her hands against his chest, ready to press him away. Why had she imagined this was a good idea? She wanted to run. To throw her walls up and protect herself. “Am I just a replacement for her?”
HE COULD SEE THE HURT in Jess’s eyes and wanted to comfort her, hold her close and make it all better. To lose her now, after he’d just had her in his arms again, would be devastating. If only he could think of the right words to convince her.
It looked bad. He couldn’t deny that there were similarities on the surface—the reporter wouldn’t have mistaken her otherwise—but the two women were also so different. Once he got to know Jess, he hadn’t even noticed the resemblance anymore.
When he looked at Jess, he didn’t see his ex. He saw the kind, fun, incredibly talented woman he was falling in love with. But how to convince her of that?
“Please believe me. It’s not like that at all.”
“What is it like, then?”
He took a step closer. She stepped back.
“I clearly have a type, but—”
“You don’t say.”
This was not going well. Nate ran a hand through his hair, desperate to think of the right words.
“You remember when you took me down to the river?”
“Of course.”
“And you told me about your grandfather teaching you to paint and your dreams about living in the country?”
She nodded. Did he see a slight softening in her eyes?
“I started falling for you that day. Not because of how you look. I mean, you’re gorgeous, but if anything, your resemblance to my ex was off-putting.”
“Thanks,” Jess said sarcastically, her stance hardening again.
Oops. How would he get this back on track?
“I didn’t mean—what I’m trying to say is, I fell for you because of who you are, not how you look. I saw you helping people and how great you were with all the film crew and…I’m not explaining this well.”
Jess stared at him. Giving up, Nate turned toward the door, intending to head to the car and drive her back to Rangiora. This dinner date was obviously not going to happen now. He’d made such a mess of things.
Jess caught his hand. “Wait,” she said, her eyes soft again. “I’m listening.”
Her skin was silk against his, her fingers long and delicate in his palm. He ran his thumb over the back of her hand, took a breath, and tried again, his voice calmer now, more sure of what he wanted to say.
“It’s the way you hum Tina Turner songs when you walk around the supermarket, even though the 80s were well before you were born.”
“And how you’re not at all scared of spiders, but you totally freak out over butterflies, which is so cute and weird. You know that, right?”
Reaching up, he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
“And that your grandad gave you yellow flowers every birthday and that’s why yellow is your favourite colour, but it’s also why yellow makes you a bit sad, so you never wear it.”
“And you’re the happiest when you’re barefoot and running through the grass, but you pretend to be a city girl, because you want to keep that part for yourself. But for some reason, you let me see the real you. And that— that’s who I see when I look at you.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
“Okay?”
Jess stepped closer to him. “I don’t know if it’s smart, but I believe you.”
“I mean it, Jess. You’re the one I want. No-one else.” He hated how desperate his voice sounded, but this woman was the one for him and he’d do anything to prove it to her.
His skin tingled and he held his breath as she traced her fingers from his temple down to his jawline, following them with her eyes.
She tipped her head in thought. “I guess you do look exactly like this handsome TV doctor I knew once.”
He laughed. “Really?”
“He was a jerk, though.”
Nate circled her in his arms and held her close to his chest. “You liked that?”
“For some stupid reason, I like you,” Jess said, wrapping her arms around his back.
She tucked her head into his neck, the softness of her hair brushing against the stubble along his jawline, her lips lightly touching his skin.
All this time wondering if she liked him and if he’d missed his chance, but she was here, in his arms, smelling so good—sweet and floral, like lavender or spring blossoms.
He kissed her shoulder and she responded by kissing him lightly at the base of his neck, stirring a familiar sensation within him.
He couldn’t wait a second longer to kiss her.
Heat rose through him, a warmth that made his chest tight and his body restless.
He’d been waiting for this, aching for it, thinking for months about their last kiss.
Ever since that night he’d left for London, walking away like a fool, he’d replayed their goodbye on an endless loop: the way she’d looked at him, silently asking him to stay.
His lack of action had haunted him and left him kicking himself.
He should have sent the taxi away, missed the stupid flight. And above all, he should have stayed.
Then at the premiere, he’d had a second chance, but instead of chasing after her, he’d frozen. But somehow, miraculously, she was here now in his arms, and he swore he wouldn’t miss his chance again.
Cupping her face again, the softness of her skin under his palms overwhelmed him as he brought her lips up to meet his.
“I like you so much,” he mumbled against her lips, tasting the sweetness of her strawberry lip-gloss. He pressed his mouth over hers, finally giving in to the hunger he’d carried all this time. Her lips softened against his and she melted into him as if she’d waited just as long.
Nate slid his hand down the curve of her back, pulling her closer, needing her close enough to erase the months they’d been apart.
He kissed along her jawline, lightly down her neck, and then back up to find her lips. When she wrapped her arms around his neck, when she leaned into him with a delicious moan against his mouth, something inside him nearly broke and his whole body tightened with desire.
“Can we take it slow?” Jess whispered, almost shyly, uncertain, as if she wasn’t sure herself if slow was possible.
But of course it was. Love wasn’t a race. He’d waited this long for her, waited for the timing to be right, and he would wait for as long as it took.
“We’ve got all the time in the world.” He stroked back another strand of hair that had unwound from her ponytail, brushing his thumb across her cheek.
Of course, part of him wanted to devour her, but he also wanted to hold her gently in his arms, talk with her, enjoy everything about her. He wanted to live life with this woman and feel the years stretch out ahead of them, not missing a minute of it.
“Hungry?” he asked.
Jess laughed. “Starving.”