Chapter 20
Noah sat on the bed watching Beth as she pulled a blanket over her head, feeling stunned by her anger towards him.
He thought about what she had said to him. Yes, of course he kept everyone at a distance, including his extended family. But wasn’t it completely obvious why that would be? They all knew his history, after all.
It was hard growing up knowing that your own mother didn’t want you. Even his dad didn’t always want him around either. So he kept everyone away before they inevitably let him down. Because that’s what everyone did.
And yet, despite feeling trapped into staying at Maple Tree Lodge, he cared that he had upset Beth. And he felt rattled too. So rattled, in fact, that he couldn’t sleep.
Her words came back to him. What was it she had called him? You’re unwilling to think about anyone and anything other than yourself, she had said. Selfish. And other words.
He didn’t like the thought of upsetting gentle Faye either. Perhaps that had been wrong of him.
The trouble was that nobody could understand what it had been like for him growing up. He had had to take care of himself and he had been doing it for so long that it had become second nature. He wasn’t used to family dynamics and sharing his life with anyone.
He didn’t answer to anyone, and that included Beth, and yet he continued to mull over her words.
He lay there for a while, hearing her toss and turn.
In the end, he got up from the bed, slipped on a sweatshirt and went downstairs.
He just needed to be anywhere other than near Beth’s silent disdain for him.
He headed downstairs in the darkness. What he really wanted to do was leave and never come back, to run away as he had done from his dad all those years ago.
However, he had made a promise to Walter that he would stay until the storm had passed.
The wind was dying down outside but he couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to Walter and it was too early to rouse him.
Too early to make his escape. He just needed to get through the sleepless night until it was time to say his goodbyes and leave Maple Tree Lodge.
Deep in thought, it wasn’t until he was downstairs in the entrance hall that he saw a light glowing in the kitchen.
He had intended to go into the lounge, hoping that the fire was still burning low, but instead he went towards the kitchen, thinking that somebody had left a candle alight and went in to blow it out.
Assuming the room was empty, he was surprised to find Ben sitting at the table, surrounded by candles and tubs of what appeared to be ice cream.
Noah thought that perhaps he should walk away and leave him in peace but Ben looked up and spotted him.
‘You couldn’t sleep either?’ asked Ben.
Noah shook his head, thinking that his cousin looked in as much emotional turmoil as he felt.
‘Come in,’ said Ben, gesturing at the table. ‘Grab a spoon and dig in. It’s all defrosting anyway.’
Noah went across and sat on the opposite side of the table. The hour was late but he thought Ben looked particularly tired that evening, as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Noah grabbed the nearest tub of melting ice cream and took a few spoonfuls of delicious salted caramel. His stomach rumbled with the lack of dinner and he instantly regretted turning down Faye’s offer. Another regret over many that he had with himself, he thought.
‘I keep thinking about Grandad after his accident today,’ said Ben, suddenly into the silence. ‘He looked so frail lying there on the ground.’
‘He’ll mend,’ replied Noah. ‘He’s pretty tough.’
Ben sighed. ‘He’s not as tough as he thinks he is,’ he said.
‘Are any of us?’ Noah told him softly.
Ben nodded thoughtfully. ‘I know. It just reminds me of his age, although don’t tell him that. By the way, thanks for all your hard work today clearing the fallen trees. It’ll help get things up and running a lot quicker.’
‘No worries,’ replied Noah.
They ate in silence for a while until Ben spoke once more.
‘I hated to see all this go to waste.’ He gestured at the ice cream. ‘Not that it was going to get eaten anyway. We’ve had to ring round all the people due to stay this week. Who knows when the power’s going to go back on, so we can’t let them come here if it’s not safe.’
‘You can’t make do?’ asked Noah. ‘I mean, you are in the middle of the countryside. Surely this happens from time to time.’
Ben shook his head. ‘No heating. No lights. Can’t make it work unfortunately.
’ He looked downcast and sighed to himself before he caught Noah’s eye.
‘By the way,’ he added, ‘I didn’t have time to say thanks for giving me a hand helping Grandad to the taxi yesterday.
You were pretty handy in an emergency and I was grateful, to be honest.’
Noah gave a shrug. ‘I had enough experience whenever Dad was too drunk to get to bed,’ he replied.
Ben frowned. ‘Yeah. I see. By the way, I’m sorry I couldn’t make the funeral last month.’
Noah thought back. Apart from Walter and Dotty, it had been a small affair. His dad had upset so many people over the years. He had always been seen as good for a laugh but not so great at repaying debts and had fallen out of favour with many so-called friends over the years.
‘That’s okay,’ Noah told him. ‘And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry I didn’t make your dad’s funeral last year either.’
Ben took another spoonful of chocolate ice cream. ‘Every day has been a struggle since then, you know?’ he told him, his voice flat and sounding beaten. ‘I’ve been grieving as well as trying to keep this place afloat so everyone has a home. And I’m still not sure it’s been enough.’
‘The hotel’s in trouble?’ asked Noah.
Ben grimaced. ‘Yeah. I was in London, getting on with my life. I didn’t really think, or maybe I didn’t want to know, just how bad things were here.
It was only after Dad died so quickly and I started to look through the accounts that I realised just what a state everything was in, especially our finances. ’
‘That bad?’ Noah couldn’t stop himself from asking.
‘Awful,’ said Ben, with a heavy sigh. ‘Dad wasn’t a very good businessman, to be honest. He was a wonderful dad thankfully, but hopeless with finances.
Anyway, the hotel had never been a great success but it turned out that in recent years, things had become so bad that he had to take on an extra mortgage.
We were up to our eyes in debt. Well, when I say we, I mean Maple Tree Lodge.
Only Dad knew. I think Grandad suspected how bad things were but we’ve never really discussed it.
I know what kind of stress it put on Dad’s health so I can’t put that on Grandad as well. ’
Noah didn’t say anything, trying to take it in that Maple Tree Lodge could be a burden as well as a blessing as a family home.
‘It’s partly my fault,’ carried on Ben, as if to himself.
‘I should have known how bad it was. We nearly lost the lot. Can you imagine me telling Grandma and Grandad that they’ve got to leave the only home they’ve ever had?
That Mum would have to leave her home so soon after losing Dad?
Let alone Hannah, who never wanted to leave and go anywhere anyway?
And now we’ve even got Frankie living here, although she’s a great comfort to mum and a brilliant asset behind the bar.
’ He shook his head. ‘Don’t get me wrong, it’s home and I love it. But it’s not exactly been a party.’
‘But you’ve got guests now,’ said Noah, thinking back to what Walter had told him. ‘The Boathouse Café does good business. And the light festival has been successful, hasn’t it?’
Ben nodded. ‘We just sail so close to the wind every month. And these power cuts put us back in the red every time because we have to cancel bookings.’
‘Can’t you do anything about the power supply?’ asked Noah.
Ben grimaced. ‘You should see the quote I’ve just got for a generator.
I mean, it would be brilliant going forward, especially when it kicks in each time the power gets cut.
But it’s so expensive that it would be all of our summer profits wiped out just like that.
’ Ben blew out a long sigh. ‘Just when it felt as if we were finally getting ahead. Those lodges are going to be needed more than ever. It was all my idea, you see. Still trying to be the architect I was all those years. I thought I could contribute to the place, bring in something new and maybe even leave a little bit of a legacy here as well. My contribution, if you will. Something that might just be standing here long after I’m gone.
And yeah, we thought they might bring in a tidy profit as well.
Apparently these kind of places are very popular to hire. ’
‘Sounds like a decent plan,’ said Noah.
‘It was,’ replied Ben. ‘But the idea was that Grandad and I did most of the work to keep the costs down. The wood is free, obviously. Just the furnishings and fixtures that would need paying for. Get it done this winter and then start getting our money back as soon as we could next spring. At least, that was the plan. Trouble is, I’m not the one with the skills.
Yeah, I can wield an axe but it was Grandad’s knowledge that even got this place standing up.
I don’t think I’ve even got the skills to complete the roof on that first lodge, let alone three more just like it. ’
Noah sat in silence as he thought about Ben’s words.
The weight of responsibility hung over Ben in a way that he had never considered.
After all, Noah had only ever had his dad to take care of.
Ben had his whole family, their home and their livelihood to worry about.
It was a lot for one man to take on, he realised.
Ben appeared to try and brighten himself up.
‘Don’t mind me. I’m just wallowing in self-pity.
And probably shock from too much sugar.’ He pushed the ice-cream tub away from him across the table.
He looked across at Noah. ‘Anyway, about what I’ve just told you?
I’d be grateful if you could keep it to yourself.
I try and keep as much of the worry as I can away from the family.
There’s been enough loss for them to deal with.
The business side is my inheritance, my burden to share. My problem, not theirs or yours.’
Noah thought for a moment.
Family was an alien concept to him. And yet he felt for Ben.
He had seen how close they all were. Then he thought of Walter’s words about family.
His surname was Jackson, after all. Then he remembered Beth telling him that she thought he was cold and unemotional.
It was how he had survived a childhood full of constant disappointment.
But it had also made him lonely. Seeing the Jackson family so close to one another had only highlighted that.
Noah thought back to what Beth had also accused him of when she had been so cross upstairs earlier that night. She thought that he was selfish. But she also thought that the family needed him. Was it true? It certainly sounded as if Ben needed him and, in turn, the rest of the family as well.
‘What if I made it my problem?’ he found himself saying.
Ben looked at him, confused. ‘What are you talking about?’ he asked.
‘I’m talking about me giving you a hand around here,’ said Noah.
‘Well, any time you can give me before you leave tomorrow would be greatly appreciated,’ Ben told him.
‘And what if I don’t leave?’ carried on Noah.
Ben looked surprised. ‘I thought you had a job to go to.’
‘I forgot to tell you with everything else going on,’ Noah found himself saying. ‘My next job got cancelled. The boat isn’t ready yet for me to begin work.’
‘Uh-huh,’ said Ben, with a nod, still deep in thought.
It wasn’t an absolute lie, Noah told himself. His next project had been delayed by a week or so. But perhaps it was fortuitous in that respect. Perhaps he was needed elsewhere at that moment in time.
‘So if you want, I can stay on and help out with building the lodges,’ carried on Noah. ‘Get them finished over the winter. If you need a hand, that is.’
The penny seemed to finally drop as Ben looked at him and almost sagged in relief. ‘Are you sure?’ he asked, wide-eyed. ‘I mean, that would be incredible but I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want to, even if that includes staying. And I’m pretty sure Grandad wouldn’t either.’
‘I’m sure,’ Noah told him.
‘It’ll give you time to work on that boat as well,’ said Ben. But just as he was about to smile it turned into a frown. ‘I can’t afford to pay you, that’s the problem.’
Noah shook his head. ‘Don’t need paying. Just give me the free board and we’ll call it quits.’
Ben sank back in his chair. ‘That’s quite an offer. Are you sure?’ he asked.
Noah nodded. ‘Absolutely.’
‘Thanks. I mean really, thank you,’ said Ben, finally breaking into a smile. ‘Take all the ice cream. As much as you can eat.’
Noah laughed but again Ben’s smile faded.
‘You know, I saw you once take food from in here and stuff it in your pockets,’ he said, frowning.
‘It was a couple of bread rolls off the counter. I thought you were stealing from us and I hated you for that but I should have pitied you. I was young and thoughtless. It wasn’t right if you were going hungry. ’
‘I don’t want anyone’s pity and never have,’ said Noah, feeling defensive.
Ben shook his head. ‘It was the wrong verb to use. Not pity. I should have offered help instead of judging you. I’m sorry.’
‘I probably wouldn’t have taken you up on the offer anyway,’ Noah told him. ‘I never was much good at accepting anyone’s help.’
Ben nodded. ‘I understand,’ he said. ‘But if there’s anything we can do now… I feel like we’re taking a lot from you and not giving anything back in return.’
‘You’re giving me bed, board and acceptance,’ replied Noah. ‘In my world, that’s pretty much everything.’
Ben looked startled. ‘Okay. Well, hey, what are families for?’
Noah shrugged his shoulders. ‘I wouldn’t know,’ he confessed.
Ben looked at him. ‘Hopefully you’ll find out if you’re able to stick around,’ he said.
‘I’d like that,’ Noah found himself replying.
‘Grandad will be pleased you’re staying as well,’ carried on Ben. ‘He’s got quite a soft spot for you.’
Noah nodded. ‘Feeling’s mutual,’ he said. Then he held out his hand across the table. ‘So it’s a deal?’
‘Deal, yeah, definitely,’ said Ben, looking delighted as he shook his hand. ‘And thank you.’
Noah’s flight mode had never felt stronger in that moment. The need to run, to not let anyone close to him was as strong as ever. And yet, as he sat at the table with Ben, he could feel himself beginning to relax, thinking that perhaps family wasn’t something to be feared after all.