Chapter 31
Noah unscrewed the flask of hot chocolate that Faye had made for him earlier upon learning that he would be working on the boat again that evening.
He hadn’t intended on stopping for a break so soon but somehow Beth’s story of her childhood had rendered his to-do list regarding the renovation of the boat somewhat unimportant at that moment.
He had always considered his own childhood as pretty awful. But at least his dad had tried to be a father. Sort of. In any case, he hadn’t abandoned him. Not like his mother. Somebody had wanted him, unlike Beth.
‘You never wanted to trace your parents?’ he couldn’t help but ask.
She shook her head. ‘It was really expensive to look into and, to be honest, I really don’t think I’d have had much luck. No name, no way of tracing whoever left me on the steps of that hospital. How do you begin to try and find someone that doesn’t want to be found?’
‘How come you weren’t adopted?’ he asked, as he handed over the mug of steaming hot cocoa. ‘I’m guessing you were pretty cute as a kid.’
She blew across the steam to cool the drink down a little. ‘I guess when faced with the possibility of dealing with a poorly child all the time, it was just too hard for people to cope with. And I get that.’
‘You were ill?’ he asked.
She pulled down the neck of her sweatshirt and he could see the top of an almost invisible scar that ran vertically down, although he didn’t know how far. ‘Heart defect which couldn’t be operated on until I was old enough to cope with it.’
Noah was shocked. ‘That’s a lot for a child to go through alone,’ he said.
‘I wasn’t always alone,’ she told him. ‘My various foster carers were great. But by the time I’d had my operation at sixteen, I was too old to be adopted.’ She shrugged her shoulders but he could see the usual sparkle had dimmed in her eyes. ‘It was too late for me to have a family of my own.’
He felt stunned by her story, thinking that it was ironic that Beth’s heart had been defective when she appeared to have the biggest, most generous heart of anyone that he had ever met.
He suddenly felt very protective of her, wanting to shield her from any more pain.
‘I think it’s amazing that you’ve remained a very positive person,’ he found himself saying.
‘That sounds like a criticism,’ she replied, laughing.
‘But yeah, I want to embrace all that life has to offer. I have to be optimistic. I mean, what choice do I have otherwise? To be miserable and alone for the rest of my time? No way. My childhood wasn’t Disney perfect but I’m not going to let it cast a shadow over me now, am I? ’
He gave a start. Is that what she thought of him? And was it true?
Thankfully he didn’t need to say anything as Beth had clicked back into chatty mode.
‘Friends and having a family of my own are so important to me these days. That’s why I believe in love and happy ever afters.
I’ve had to. Some days it was the only thing that kept me going.
That’s why you were the perfect fake boyfriend material.
You don’t believe in love and I want nothing but the real deal.
’ She looked at him. ‘I don’t want to be alone ever again.
Not that I am. I mean, I have my best friends and they keep me going in the worst of times.
Thank goodness. I didn’t really have any friends growing up.
Life was pretty lonely going in and out of hospital all the time.
I don’t want to feel like that ever again, to be honest.’
Noah considered what Beth was telling him and, for the first time, began to question whether his choice to remain on his own had rendered him lonely as well.
Some days in the past when he had been working in the boatyard, he didn’t see or speak to another living soul.
He’d even considered getting a dog at one stage, just to offset the isolation.
He was still somewhat overwhelmed by the closeness of everyone who lived at Maple Tree Lodge but perhaps he envied them as well? Deep down, he knew that was true.
Beth took a sip of hot chocolate and looked at Noah. ‘Anyway, enough of the doom and gloom of my childhood,’ she carried on with a wide smile. ‘In any case, it’s hard to take things too seriously when you look through a telescope and see just how small and insignificant you are in the universe.’
Something had obviously shown in his face because she suddenly reached out to take his hand in hers.
‘You okay?’ she asked. ‘I know you hate talking about anything personal so I’ve probably made you deeply uncomfortable.’
He blanched at her touch but then relaxed and gave her hand a squeeze in return, grateful for her friendship.
But then he noticed a long strand of dark hair was caught on her lips and he found himself tempted to draw it away.
He suddenly realised that he had never wanted to kiss anybody more than at that moment.
‘So let’s change the subject,’ she carried on, letting go of his hand. ‘What are you going to do with this boat when it’s finished?’
He cleared his throat which had suddenly become dry. ‘Walter says I can store it here,’ he told her. ‘But I want to go out on it somewhere. I’ve always thought sailing to the Channel Islands in the spring would be great.’
‘Sounds lovely,’ she told him. ‘Well, I’d better give you a hand if you’re going to get the boat ready in time for your dream to come true. I might be rubbish with a hammer but I can give extremely precise measurements and understand the science as to what makes them float.’
He looked at her before draining his mug of hot chocolate.
It was true what Beth had said. He didn’t believe in love.
At least, that’s what he’d always told himself.
But the truth was that he did love. After all, he had loved his father in a strange, convoluted way.
And he did probably love Walter as well.
There were different types of love, not just the romantic type that Beth wanted so badly.
All his life, he had avoided women just like her. Those who believed that there were soulmates for everyone and wanted the whole happy-ever-after show.
And yet he found himself drawn to Beth, more than any other woman he had ever met.
He understood now why she dreamed of a family of her own and why she had put so much emphasis on finding her life partner.
He also knew her to be courageous, given what she had gone through with her serious heart issues throughout her childhood.
He knew that they were incompatible as far as their futures were concerned.
He knew that their kisses in front of Jeremy had been only for show.
However, he liked her as a person. As a friend. He’d never had many friends and certainly not a female one. But, despite never trusting anyone and wanting to keep everyone as far away as possible from himself, he trusted Beth.
When he glanced at her, he found Beth watching him with a question in her eyes.
He stood up. ‘So you want to know about boats?’ he asked.
‘Absolutely,’ she told him, also standing up. ‘All the best astronomers have an insatiable curiosity. They’re always asking questions and then gathering data to get their answers.’
‘So I’m research?’ he asked.
She laughed. ‘Don’t worry. I won’t publish a scientific paper on you. I’m not sure anyone would believe me,’ she told him with a cheeky grin.
He smiled down at her, aware how close they were now standing to each other. ‘Thank you for trusting me with your story,’ he told her. ‘I’m sorry you had such a tough time of it growing up.’
She shrugged her shoulders. ‘You can’t change the past, as they say,’ she replied, in a bright tone of voice. But still, he could see the pain in her eyes and wanted to help her however he could.
He hesitated for a moment before putting his arms around her and holding her close for a moment. She was initially stiff with shock before she relaxed against him. He could smell her perfume and felt the softness of her hair brushing against his chin.
Finally she stepped back to smile up at him. ‘I hope this doesn’t mean that you’ve fallen in love with me,’ she joked.
‘Don’t worry,’ he told her. ‘You’re safe with me.’
As they walked towards the boat, he knew that it wasn’t love. But he did feel fond of Beth. And wanted to know more, much more about her. But just as a friend, he reminded himself.
Because he could never give her what she truly wanted.