Chapter 50
Despite her overwhelming happiness for Ben and Lily, Beth’s heart still ached.
Even more so, she felt the pain of having to leave this happy family home the following day. But there would be a joyful wedding day later that year to look forward to whilst she was away.
However, her happiness was tinged with sadness that she would never have what Ben and Lily had together. They loved each other as equals. And anything less, she couldn’t endure.
When a familiar hand slipped into hers and gave it a squeeze, she knew without even turning her head that it was Noah. When had she grown so used to him that she knew his very presence, she wondered.
‘Isn’t it lovely?’ she murmured, as she watched Lily smiling with joy as she glanced down at her new diamond ring once more.
‘It is,’ he told her. ‘I’m happy for them.’
She looked around at him and was pleased to see nothing but the truth in his eyes. At some point he had lost that cynicism and had grown close to his family. She was glad. He deserved to be happy.
When the family celebrations died down, it was the most natural thing in the world to go back to the lodge with him. Jeremy had left already so there was no need to pretend any longer that they were a couple.
And yet she couldn’t stop herself from going with him.
One more night, she promised herself. Then she was leaving the next day.
Thankfully Antarctica was so far away that she wouldn’t be back for a few weeks, maybe even months if she took on another job somewhere else.
By then, her heart might have healed, although she doubted she would ever get over Noah.
As soon as they closed the front door, she couldn’t stop herself from slipping into his arms. She only had this night and it had to last forever in her dreams and memory.
However, nothing lasts forever and when she woke up the following morning, her stomach dived in misery.
It was time to leave. Time to say goodbye.
She wasn’t ready but perhaps it was better that way.
She just wanted to get out of there with a smidgen of dignity.
Most of all, she wanted to protect Noah by not putting him under any pressure to be anything other than himself.
So she fixed on her happiest of expressions and leapt out of the bed as soon as the sun rose.
‘Coffee time!’ she announced, grabbing her trousers and jumper which were lying on the floor and slipping them on.
Noah stared at her from the bed with a surprised expression on his face. ‘Okay,’ he said, with a soft smile. ‘Although for the record, you seem hyper enough already.’
‘It’s okay for you, sleepyhead,’ she told him, picking up his jeans from the floor and throwing them at his head. ‘But some of us have got to get going.’
‘Why?’ he asked, laughing.
‘I’ve got to get packing. I’ve got so much to do,’ she told him, picking up the handbag which she had carried with her the previous evening and placing it on the coffee table.
She had a couple of larger suitcases back in Maple Tree Lodge.
She only needed to retrieve them and then she would be done.
Lily had reluctantly promised to box up any of her additional items to clear the spare bedroom for when Ella came to stay.
‘Packing?’ he asked, sitting up in bed suddenly. ‘Where are you going?’
‘Didn’t I tell you?’ she asked, all innocent.
‘That job in Antarctica. They accepted me for the cruise, isn’t that amazing?
It’s a great opportunity for me and can you imagine the skies up there?
The first plane leaves tonight so I’ve got to get going.
Now, where did I put my gloves? Oh, here they are. ’
‘Wait a minute.’ Noah swung his legs out of bed and quickly slipped on his jeans. ‘You’re leaving today?’
‘Of course,’ she replied briskly. ‘You should see the flight connections! They’re so tight and at this time of year it takes even longer with all the snow and stuff so I’m on a bit of a time frame.’
‘You’re leaving?’ he repeated.
Finally she forced herself to look at him.
I’m not going to cry, she thought, desperately willing herself not to show any emotion in front of him. She loved him. But what was the point in telling him that now? It would only make him feel worse and she cared too much for him to hurt him. She truly loved him but it was over.
She fixed on a sunny smile. ‘You know, I think it’s great that you’re staying here.
You have a home now, with your family. It’s great.
’ She winced at the repetition. ‘Maybe I do need that coffee after all if I’m going to keep repeating myself.
I’ll get a large one to go from the Boathouse Café.
Hannah’s trialling some new Colombian beans and they taste amazing. ’
She couldn’t stop talking, anxious to fill his shocked silence as he stared at her.
‘You can’t leave,’ he said, walking across the room and taking the gloves out of her hand and flinging them over her handbag.
‘Of course I can,’ she told him, giving him a winning smile. ‘The job is done. The meteor shower happened. Everybody’s happy.’
‘Not me.’
Okay, thought Beth. Time to be the bigger person. Time to fake it one last time.
‘You know that this thing between us had to come to an end at some point. It was just a bit of fun. You know that, right?’ she said.
‘I don’t know anything other than nothing has ever felt more right than being here with you,’ he told her.
She gulped at his words but forced herself to carry on. ‘We’ve had a great time, haven’t we?’ she asked him.
He nodded, although his eyes were still boring into hers.
‘Listen, I want to say thank you,’ she carried on.
‘Truly, from the bottom of my heart. I know I threw a bit of curveball at you with this fake dating thing and yes, it’s been nice that we’ve become friends too.
But you’ve taught me so many valuable lessons about love and dating.
Everything I used to be so bad at! It means that the next time I fall in love, I’ll protect my heart just a little bit more. ’
He looked aghast. ‘The next time?’ he stammered, before looking at her more closely. ‘What’s wrong? Something’s going on with you.’
‘Nothing,’ she said quickly.
‘Tell me,’ he said softly. ‘You can tell me anything.’
Finally her fake smile dropped and she shook her head, unable to keep up the pretence for much longer. ‘Not everything.’
He took her face in his hands and forced her to look up at him. ‘What is it? Why are you leaving?’
She pressed her lips together but lying didn’t come naturally to her.
She gave a little sob and the words bubbled up inside of her.
‘Because I love you!’ She shook her head out of his touch and walked away, wrapping her arms around herself.
‘I’m such a dummy. All these years I think I was just in love with the idea of love.
All those failed relationships and dating disasters.
They weren’t right for me. I think I was pretending, hoping to feel love.
Then you came along and I wasn’t trying to fall in love and it happened anyway.
’ She groaned to herself. ‘I need a total body change. Maybe even a lobotomy.’ Finally she looked at him.
‘It’s okay. I understand,’ she told him.
‘You see there’s only one reason for me to stay and you don’t want that, do you? ’
He was silently staring back at her and she knew that she finally had the answer she had been expecting from him.
She went over to the coffee table and picked up her handbag. ‘If you find anything of mine around here, just keep it. I’ll be back in, ooh, three months, maybe not until summer. Anyway, take care. I’ll see you around.’
She couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t bear to look into his eyes so she turned away and headed over to the front door.
‘Beth, wait.’
Finally he had spoken but she knew she didn’t want to hear what he had to say. Those words of pity about how he couldn’t feel the same way. All the things she already knew.
So instead she flung open the front door and was just about to step outside when he spoke.
‘What if I change the rules of our fake dating?’ she heard him say.
She turned around. ‘Isn’t it a bit late for that?’ she asked with a forced laugh. ‘The horrible ex has gone. Good riddance, I say. So what’s left for us?’
It was tearing her apart to be so close to him and yet not be in his arms kissing him.
‘Us?’ There was a softness in his gaze as he walked towards her. ‘There’s everything left for us.’ He stopped in front of her.
She shook her head. ‘You don’t have to say any more. I know how painful this is for you.’
‘But it’s because of you that I can talk about it,’ he told her. ‘And I want you to understand how much I’ve changed. Because of you.’
‘Me? I’m just stupid enough to believe in happy ever afters and all the sunny, sunshine stuff. It’s ridiculous.’ She sighed. ‘You were right and I was totally wrong.’
‘No, you weren’t.’ He reached out to take her hand in his. ‘You’re the brightest, most beautiful, funniest, sexiest woman I’ve ever met and I’d be the biggest idiot if I let you walk out on me.’
She looked up at him. ‘Noah, please don’t do this because you pity me. Honestly, I’ll be fine. I’ll get over you.’
It was a lie but she knew she would say anything to protect him.
He frowned. ‘I don’t want you to get over me,’ he said sharply. ‘I don’t want you to move on. I want you to stay here, with me.’
‘You want to fake date again?’ Although as she spoke the words, she knew deep down that she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t bear the pretence of having him close but not having his love.
Noah shook his head. ‘No. I want a real relationship,’ he told her with a determined look on his face. ‘I want you. I love you. And I’m really hoping that you mean it when you say you love me too.’
‘Hoping that I…?’ Her voice trailed off as the tears ran down her face. ‘You love me?’
He nodded. ‘Why are you crying? Are you upset?’ he asked, looking concerned.
She laughed. ‘They’re happy tears,’ she told him. ‘I love you so much.’
He pulled her close and held onto her tightly. ‘I know I’m going to stumble occasionally,’ he murmured, bringing his forehead down to touch hers. ‘That you’ve been in love before and I haven’t.’
‘I haven’t either,’ she told him. ‘It wasn’t true love. I think I was in love with the idea of it but with you, it was different. Better. Real. And I’ve loved you even more because of it.’
He searched her face with worried dark eyes. ‘Can you forgive me for not trusting you? For almost letting you go? I was terrified.’
‘That makes the both of us,’ she replied. ‘Thankfully it was almost. Not forever.’
‘No, this is forever. You and me.’ He stroked her cheek. ‘I want to propose to you, just like Ben did last night. I want to have a family of our own with you. I want all of it. The whole happy ever. I was wrong. I do believe in love and it’s because I love you.’
Finally they reached for each other and she knew as their lips met that it was forever. She had finally found the love of her life.
‘One more thing,’ he told her, once they drew apart. ‘I need to prove it to you.’
‘You don’t think that kiss proved everything to me?’ she asked, slightly out of breath.
‘Grab your coat,’ he said. ‘Give me one minute to get dressed. I have to show you something.’
They headed outside and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close, as if he were reluctant to even let her go for a second. She didn’t know where they were going but found she didn’t care. They were together. That was all that mattered.
They walked around the lake but he didn’t stop at Maple Tree Lodge and continued along the path instead. Finally, they turned off the track and he led her to the barn where his boat was stored.
Outside the door he turned to face her. ‘The fake dating thing was never going to last,’ he told her. ‘Because nothing about us feels fake when it’s just the two of us. It feels like the most real thing that I’ve ever come across. I love you. And if you ever feel like you don’t believe me…’
He didn’t finish his sentence but turned around to unlock the large door and opened it up.
She followed him inside and stopped short as she saw the boat. It was almost finished and there was a new addition on the paintwork. The boat finally had a name.
‘I painted it yesterday,’ said Noah. ‘For you.’
She looked at the name ‘Beth’ handwritten on the hull. Then she turned to him and saw the love in his eyes. Real love.
‘I’ll spend the rest of our lives convincing you how much I love you,’ he told her.
‘No need,’ she told him. ‘I believe you.’
They both stepped forward at the same time and when their lips met, it was a kiss of forever love, the type of love she had always dreamt about.