Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Shea
I woke up the next morning fully aware of the—thankfully dry—padding between my legs.
I was laying on Theo’s chest, and they still slept soundly beneath me.
Sitting up, I removed the pacifier from my mouth and stretched over Theo to set it on the nightstand.
I did need to go, but I was big and I thought that using a diaper for the first time should be something I did in Little space.
Theo stirred as I climbed off the bed. “Want some help?”
I sighed with relief. Of course there was no pressure in their voice—there never was. They hadn’t even opened their eyes. “No, I can handle it.”
“Clothes are on the table. Take whatever you need.”
With that, they rolled onto their stomach and dozed off again.
I snickered. Theo’s ability to fall asleep at the drop of a hat had always made me jealous.
With them fast asleep, I stood in the bathroom doorway and admired them for a moment.
They’d kept on the sports bra from last night but stripped their denim cutoffs to sleep in the boy shorts they wore underneath.
The blanket pooled around their hips—they’d always slept hot—giving me a view of the spans of their back, black and gray angel wings inked down their shoulders, large enough to disappear behind the blanket.
I had half a mind to ask them to shower with me.
Hell they’d already seen me naked—both before and after my transition—but something in me stopped me from doing it.
I changed, showered, and when I exited the bathroom, Theo was sitting up and scrolling on their phone.
They offered me nothing more than a smile as they rose from the bed. “All finished?”
I nodded.
“Good; I’m dying.”
I laughed, the blur of them rushing into the bathroom and shutting the door. “You could’ve come in,” I called.
“I didn’t want to assume!”
“You didn’t happen to grab my meds, did you?” I asked, scanning the area.
“No, but don’t wait around on me. Go take them and get some breakfast.”
Something about separating from them tugged in my chest. “Are you sure?”
The toilet flushed, and the door cracked open. Goddamn, Theo looked good all mussed from sleep. Their voice was still raspy too. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to push my meds a little longer…
“I’m sure. I need to shower and check in at the office. You don’t want to push your meds off too long.”
Shamelessly raking my eyes over their smooth stomach and toned legs, I nodded. “Okay. Thank you for last night.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that, Shea. I’m always here if you need me.”
With that, Theo stepped away from the door.
When the shower turned on, I took that as my cue to leave.
It was still really early, but the sun was already high in the sky.
Heat and humidity lingered in the air like a thick fog, the lake almost beckoning me to jump into the cool water awaiting me.
Despite the short journey to the Snoopy cabin, sweat beaded along my hairline and dripped down my face.
The couple was gone, but Tyler was in the bathroom brushing his teeth.
He garbled something at me when I walked in, but I couldn’t have even begun to understand what it was.
Thankfully, he rinsed his mouth and repeated himself. “Feeling better?”
Trying to hide my embarrassment, I nodded. I wasn’t entirely proud of causing such a fuss in the middle of the night. I hadn’t had a nightmare like that in forever. “Yeah, I am. Thank you for calling them.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that.” He raised his arm, wiping toothpaste off his mouth.
He was shirtless, wearing only his jeans.
My eyes were naturally drawn down to where the fluffy edge of his diaper poked over the waistband.
“Sorry,” he murmured when he noticed me watching.
He grabbed for his shirt sitting on the counter. “I forget about it sometimes.”
“Don’t be sorry. I um…” I squirmed, rubbed the back of my neck. “I wore one last night.”
I didn’t even know that I wanted to talk about it until the words were out of my mouth, but I suppose it was for the best. I knew I could have talked to Theo, but maybe talking to another Little about it first would help—someone with experience.
The night before, Tyler had been the one who found me hyperventilating on the shower bench in the bathroom, making a desperate attempt at calming myself.
He was walking funny and despite me trying to get him to go back to bed, he sat with me until Kaylee showed up, wiggling in place.
I knew he was wet, and likely uncomfortable, but he refused to leave me on my own.
Even after Kaylee arrived and helped me hop onto the changing table, Tyler lingered nearby.
Instead of using the private changing room, he grabbed what he needed and ducked into a toilet stall to change while Kaylee cleaned up my face.
Watching him had only piqued my curiosity, and I should have known that Theo would pick up on it.
They’d always been able to read me like a book.
“And?” Tyler asked. He still tugged on his shirt, and I could only hope that he wasn’t doing it because he thought I was uncomfortable. “Did you enjoy it?”
“I did.” My answer was instant, without hesitation, but shame heated my cheeks. “I couldn’t bring myself to use it though.”
Tyler lifted one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. “That’s okay. Some people don’t, but if it’s for you, that’ll come with time.”
He moved to leave, but I called him back. “C-can I…”
Tyler smiled, taking me by the hand and tugging me with him. “Let’s go get breakfast. We can talk there.”
“Thanks.”
I grabbed my meds on the way out, and we walked silently to the dining hall.
My stomach churned the entire way, but Tyler acted as if it were any other day.
We both filled our plates with chocolate croissants and blueberry muffins, reluctantly taking a piece of fruit after scolding looks from the caregivers.
“You have an allergy, right?” Tyler asked once we sat down.
“Mhm, bees—wasps too, but bees are worse.”
“And you carry an EpiPen?”
I nodded, mouth full of chocolate, and handed him the pen. Tyler studied it, reading the instructions on the side. “Could you teach me how to use it?”
Maybe he missed the demonstration the other night… I didn’t hesitate in my answer. “Yeah, of course. I have a tester in my bag.”
Tyler returned my pen. “See how easy that was?”
“What do you mean?”
“Me asking questions about something I’m unfamiliar with.”
Oh, we weren’t talking about allergies anymore Bashful, I turned my attention to my plate, picking apart one of my muffins. Tyler continued. “You can ask me anything, Shea. I mean it. Are you new to being a Little?”
“Not really, but I’ve only ever done temporary scenes. I’ve never had a caregiver long term.”
“Which makes diapers tricky.”
“Exactly.” I wasn’t sure if I’d ever adjust to being able to talk about age play without checking the space around me.
I still found myself scanning the dining hall.
Some people sat on their own, some in their caregivers’ laps.
Most fed themselves, others had someone doing it for them, and the act tugged at something in my chest. Occasionally, I’d see someone’s shirt ride up, and the edge of their diaper would poke free.
“How did…” The question on the tip of my tongue was a bold one, and not something I’d find myself asking in everyday life.
But Tyler watched me expectantly, and the kindness in his dark eyes gave me confidence.
“How did you end up actually using the diapers? How did you…”
“Un-potty train myself? The first time was an accident—literally. My Daddy at the time was really into the desperation, and I didn’t mind it.
A long road trip combined with putting my favorite juice in front of me--I’m sure you can guess what happened.
I tried to fight it but… the act itself was…
freeing, and I didn’t have to worry about making it to the bathroom or even getting my clothes off.
Plus, the aftercare was incredible. Being taken care of like that really helps me slip into my Little space.
Learning to take care of myself was harder after the breakup, which is why places like this and Playhouse are so amazing.
You’re surrounded by caregivers, Shea. Now is the perfect time to learn about these things. ”
A familiar laugh caught my attention, settling in my belly and warming through my veins.
My eyes instinctively searched for the sound, and they landed on Theo who’d just walked in the door.
They knelt by Kaylee, letting a girl feed them bites of her yogurt.
Only, the girl missed and Theo now wore a drop on their nose.
“Or maybe,” Tyler said, “one specific caregiver.”
“Is it that obvious?”
Tyler gave me a deadpan look. Of course, it was that obvious.
I’d woken up in the middle of the night crying their name—and not for the reasons I might have imagined.
But there were a lot of years between us.
Years where we’d led different lives, become different people.
There were… so many things that Theo needed to know, and that conversation was going to be one of the most painful ones of my life
A warm hand on my back jolted me out of my thoughts. “Hey, sweetheart.”
My heart leapt into my throat. I looked to my right, where Theo was kneeling beside me now. They smiled up at me, the sun reflecting off their beautiful brown eyes, highlighting the flecks of gold sprinkled into their irises. “Did you take your meds?”
“Mhm,” I said softly, nodding.
“Good. Are you feeling better?” Another nod. “Did you want to talk about anything that happened last night?”
I wasn’t sure how Theo expected me to speak at all with their warm palm across my lower back, and especially with their thumb slipping beneath the hem of my shirt and stroking the skin there.
Their touch lit up sparks across my body, ones that zapped right through me and seemed to short-circuit my brain. “N-not right now,” I managed.
“That’s okay.” They rose to their full height, turning their attention to my plate and pointing to my fruit. “Make sure you eat that. You know you need more than sweets on your meds.”
I nodded, and Theo ruffled my hair. “You too, Tyler,” they added as they walked away.
“Yes, Theo.”
Returning my attention to my food, I pointedly ignored the shit-eating grin that Tyler was giving me. I didn’t need to look up to see it—I could feel it. “Shut up.”
“I will get that story out of you—one way or the other.”
I crooked a brow at him. “What story?”
With a chunk of muffin in his hand and blueberry smeared across his face, Tyler gestured between me and Theo, who was at the table behind us talking to someone else. “There’s more there than just a crush, and I’m determined to figure it out.”
My stomach flipped. Yeah, I’d say there was much more than a crush between me and Theo.
I kept my head down, resisting the urge to seek them out again.
The feelings I had for Theo had never faded—ever.
They lingered, dormant, in the deepest parts of my head, waiting and biding their time until something brought them out of their hiding place.
But nothing in my wildest dreams could have measured up to the real thing.
Seeing Theo now, and recognizing that tattoo, it felt like something in the universe just clicked right into place.
My feelings for Theo weren’t just a teenage infatuation, well beyond affection and crushing desire in their footsteps. Having Theo back in my arms was a raw, visceral need.
One that wasn’t going to be satiated easily, and one that I would go to the ends of the earth to fulfill.