22. Sophie
Iglanced out the open window and sighed. The night was still and clear, thousands of stars pricking the darkness above. I kept grinding my herbs in the pestle and mortar. Was Kasten able to see the stars? Had they attacked the fortress by now? Was he still alive?
However hard I tried to concentrate on other things, my mind always returned to Kasten. The more I thought of what he had done for Kasomere and me and how unfair life had been to him, the more I wanted him to come home.
Callum had said I could make him happy with little things, but I had done nothing for him.
Beatrice placed a thicker shawl around my shoulders. “My lady, you should go to bed. It is ever so late, and you have a busy schedule tomorrow. Remember, you’re looking over the ledgers of the food store with Mistress Rose. You’ll need to be rested to concentrate.”
I shook my head and kept grinding the medicine, the only thing I could think of that would help the war effort. If the soldiers made it home, many would be injured and need treatment. Anesthetics and antiseptics were expensive. I wanted to help, even if my contribution was small.
“I can’t sleep, Beatrice. Every time I lay down, I can’t stop thinking about our soldiers and my husband. I hate not knowing how he is.” I turned to her. “Go to bed. I can manage alone. I’ll see you in the morning.”
She frowned. “At least close the window. The night air is becoming cold.”
I shook my head. Somehow the night air made me feel closer to Kasten. We were both under the same sky, the same stars, breathing the same air.
Beatrice gave me a worried look before bobbing another curtsy. “As you wish, my lady. I’ll bring you a hot drink from the kitchens before I retire. Please rest soon.”
I nodded as she left and concentrated on grinding the herbs. I listed their names and properties over and over in my head. Anything to keep my mind off Kasten and the fact he could be dead right now, and I wouldn’t even know.
If he did make it back and was injured, I wouldn’t let him down like I’d let Frederick down. I would know how to help him this time instead of hiding helpless in a corner.
I would not let another husband die before my eyes.
Kasten
The Kollenstar soldierswere focusing on defense, manning the outer walls along inside and lining the top, arrows and wall catapults focused outward. None of them paid any attention to the courtyard behind them. They must have assumed the fire had dealt with whomever had attacked their commander trapped behind that locked door, and now, they focused on the enemy at their doorstep. Even wounded and with a single functioning arm, I dispatched three lone guards before they saw me. The courtyard was lit by the flickering light of the burning tower above us all, a giant torch that blocked out the stars with smoke. The flames were dying now, presumably as they became starved of what little wood was up there, and a blackened and cracked stone skeleton was slowly being revealed. I just prayed the whole thing wouldn’t end up coming down on my head.
I kept the map firmly in my mind as I slipped through the shuddering shadows to the back of the fortress where a small doorway, barely large enough for a single man to squeeze through, was triple bolted shut. It was a passageway designed to sneak out messengers while under siege. Only one guard was standing in front of the door, and thankfully they weren’t a soulless. Without my freisk knife and with my useless arm, I didn’t stand a chance against one right now.
I snuck behind the guard, padding through the shifting shadows and hoping his focus on the flames had destroyed his night vision. I dispatched him with a quick knife to the throat. It took more effort than usual to drag the body, but I was cautious about using what little strength remained in my reserve device as I hid him behind a rain barrel.
I took a moment to rest against the wall before pushing onward. Using the fansifold knife, I burned through the hinges and melted the latch of the tiny door—the blade just long enough to reach—and caught the door before it could clatter to the flagstones. I was clumsy and weak and barely softened its fall, but thankfully, nobody came running at the noise as it thudded to the ground. The sounds of the dying fire were creating strange echoes off the tall stone walls. On the other side of the fortress, I could hear the clank of the portcullis being lifted followed by hoofbeats and footsteps as more Kollenstar troops left. I assumed they were heading for our camp. I squinted, searching the grounds for a new commander giving directions, but no one was obvious.
How long had I been unconscious? How long could my men have been under attack? The smoke-clogged sky made it impossible to tell the time from the stars.
I squeezed through the door, slipping out of the fortress, and pressed the button behind my detector. It made a low drone that only others wearing detectors could hear. It was our warning alarm or rallying point. I prayed somebody would be close enough to hear it. The scouts were trained to keep hidden and spaced out around the enemy.
Long minutes passed. The only sounds were soldiers shouting in Kollen and the crackles of the dying fire. Then Sir Cley appeared through the shadows, as quiet as a mountain cat. He performed a small salute, frowned at my sling and bloodied clothes, and took in the open door behind me.
“You burned down half of Whitehill?”
I grimaced at the embers floating through the air. “It wasn’t my intention. Thankfully, it’s worked in my favor. A few soldiers escaped the room while I was fighting their commander. Which means they knew there was only one of me and probably think I haven’t survived. They just shut the fire off from the rest of the castle with locked doors and they assumed I couldn’t get through them even if I got that far. They’re not looking for me now. They’re distracted by our army.” I looked back at the jagged, glowing ruins of the tower. “It’s almost out now, anyway.” The king would not be pleased when he heard of the damage, but I couldn’t care less.
Sir Cley nodded in confirmation. “The enemy is amassing and about to attack the camp. We’ve only had the chance to erect basic defenses and their numbers are growing. Mostly soulless. Thankfully, they haven’t caught us by surprise.”
I nodded. “They’re over-confident. They shouldn’t have left the fortress. Go back, tell my battalion to sneak here in groups of ten without detection as quickly as possible. Just that one battalion. We’ll take the fortress while the bulk of the Kollenstar soldiers are distracted by attacking our camp. We’ll need to be quick—two regiments won’t hold them back for long, even with yadum arrowheads.”
He nodded, then looked me up and down. “You should come back with me, my lord, and rest. You’re badly wounded.”
I shook my head. “I’ll guard the door. If we lose our way in, all our men will be slaughtered. Now go.”
Dawn was lighting the sky,making our plan riskier by the moment as more of my soldiers snuck against the back of the fortress walls, the Kollenstar soldiers mostly focused on the front and the road that would be easy for an army to march down.
We couldn’t risk waiting any longer. It was a matter of time until we were seen in the growing sunlight. My battalion were elite soldiers, all one hundred of them fully equipped with devices and ruthlessly efficient at taking down both soldiers and soulless. Less than half had arrived, but they would do to start our attack. I gave the first ten soldiers orders to take the back wall inner staircase, dispatching the men hidden in the archery slits. They were invisible inside the wall, so it would be hard for the Kollenstar soldiers to see them disappearing. When they were clear, they would take the top of the wall, but we had to reduce their archers first, or my men would become easy targets.
I sent the next ten inside the east wall and the ten after them into the west wall. I sat by the door and guarded it, trying to rest while waiting for more men to arrive. With my injuries and dwindling strength, I was of little use other than giving orders. My eyelids felt heavier by the hour, the pain of my wounds was starting to increase again, and the blood loss had given me a pounding headache, not to mention waves of dizziness. I was a mess.
I waited until twenty more men arrived before sending them to the front wall where there had to be at least fifty Kollenstar soldiers with arrows trained on the roads or oiling the catapults. So far, we had avoided detection.
Maybe, just maybe, we could do this.
Another ten arrived, and then another, all pressing themselves against the wall. In the growing light, I saw the movement of more of my men sneaking between the low hills.
In the middle of the courtyard, a warning bell sounded; it was harsh and jarring. I gripped my sword and crouched beside the rain barrel. It was hard to see what was going on. Shouts echoed, followed by the rasps of drawn swords and the thuds of armored boots across the stone. Soon they were joined by the zips of arrows darting through the air.
Our cover was blown.
I spun back to the door. “Get in, get in!” I hurried the fresh soldiers through, and they sped into the courtyard at a run, diving for cover as the Kollenstar soldiers on the walls turned their attention inward and started to fire. Shouts and screams echoed. I held my sword at the ready but had never felt more useless.
Sir Cley appeared beside me. “Don’t even think of fighting anymore, my lord. The battle at the camp is not going well; we’ve lost over a third of our soldiers. I couldn’t free the remainder of the battalion. This is all we have.”
I closed my eyes and suppressed my rising sorrow and anger. I nodded. “Then it will be enough. Go and give the order for the camp to retreat at full speed back inland. Even better if the Kollenstar army gives chase for a while. It will keep them distracted while we win back the fortress. But keep the lives of our people your highest priority.”
Sir Cley nodded and disappeared through the door, expertly running from the wall to a bush and then the ley of a hill.
I turned back to the courtyard and tested my bad arm. It was agony to roll my shoulder, and I still couldn’t lift the useless limb. Soulless poured into the courtyard. I was next to useless against them. Next time, I would bring a second spare freisk knife. My five normal knives wouldn’t even slow them.
Everywhere I looked, my soldiers were falling to arrow fire as they fought soulless with their freisk knives. I cursed the king. Cursed the court. Cursed Fenland for putting us in this position.
I fidgeted with my sword. I would be useless, but I couldn’t just stand here and watch. I took a step forward searching for a fallen soldier’s discarded freisk knife, then stopped as my battalion finally reached the top of three of the walls and started taking down the archers. The tide was turning in the courtyard. My battalion gained confidence to leave their places of cover as they cornered the final soulless, taking them in pairs as we’d trained; one to distract and defend, giving their partner an opening to stab with yadum. Soulless weren’t capable of fear, but the Kollenstar soldiers began showing signs of horror as they realized they had nowhere to retreat since the portcullis remained closed, and they were cut off from their main army.
Sir Cley reappeared, his face gleaming with sweat. “We’ve taken heavy losses, General, but our main force is in retreat. The Kollenstar army didn’t give chase. They’re heading back this way. I think news reached them that the fortress is under attack, and they’re coming to help.”
I nodded. “We can’t let them retake the fortress. Let’s block this doorway with rocks from the tower.”
He nodded and helped me move the fallen rubble. Our soldiers reached the front wall and helped take down the remaining archers. There were so few of my battalion left, but slowly they closed the distance on the wall.
I dared to cling to a thread of hope that we would pull this off.
I barked orders to the soldiers in the courtyard to go and help clear the remainder of the wall, while ordering the men from the back wall to go through the stables, armory, and remaining rooms for any Kollenstar men who might be hiding. We needed to find every last one so that nobody could admit the returning army while our guard was down.
A cheer made me look up, blocking my eyes from the sun. My soldiers waved down from the front wall, raising their swords in the air.
By the kingdoms, we had actually done it. The cost had been high, but we’d taken back Whitehill.
And I was still alive.
I half laughed in disbelief and turned to grin at Sir Cley.
My smile dropped in shock. Sir Cley was looking down at his chest in surprise where an arrow protruded from beside his sternum. He met my eyes just before crumpling to the floor, red already staining his jerkin.
No, no, no.
I ran toward him and ducked as another arrow barely missed my head. Cley’s breathing was labored and shallow. Where were those arrows coming from?
I collapsed to his side, my fingers brushing his shirt to find and staunch the flow of blood when a force punched me in the stomach and jolted me backward. I looked down in shock at the arrow that had appeared in my abdomen. My fingers automatically surrounded it, applying pressure to stop the bleeding. I turned back to Sir Cley, but his eyes were open and vacant. Blood trickled from his mouth, already congealing.
Grief and a sense of failure kicked me in the chest as I rolled to one side. Someone shouted from within a wall, and the arrows ceased.
I tried to stand but fell. Footfalls sounded; I could feel their vibrations through the floor. I looked back down at the arrow. Was it even possible to survive that?
After all I had done to fight death, it hadn’t been enough.
A man took me by the shoulders and started ripping bandages. I waved him off. “Get everyone to the walls. The Kollenstar army will return here soon. Defend Whitehill.”
I motioned away from myself again, but my vision was blurry, and it was hard to focus on what was going on.
I lay down. It was easier that way. Every movement was an effort that was quickly becoming more pronounced. My clumsy fingers found the ribbon Sophie had given me, threaded through my lapel. It felt right to die holding it. A great pressure pushed down on my body, refusing to let me move any more.
My eyes were already closed. I waited, wondering what dying felt like.
But I didn’t feel the peace I’d expected.
I had been prepared to let it all go. To die happy that I had done at least one good thing in my sorry life by making Sophie safe and free. But as I felt the softness of the bloodstained ribbon, my mind wouldn’t go to that blissful oblivion.
Words tortured my consciousness.
‘Promise me you will fight death.’
‘When you return, I hope we can get to know each other better.’
Silly, foolish dreams. Dreams I didn’t deserve to even consider.
But I wanted to see her again. I wanted to live for her.
I’d never wanted to live for anything before.
I groaned and found I couldn’t open my eyes. I couldn’t move. I drained the last of the strength from my reserve and fought to stay conscious—if this could be called consciousness. It was really only pain.
Voices faded in and out.
Excruciating pain exploded in my abdomen as the arrow was yanked from my stomach.
Agony.
Silence. Blackness.
Voices again. Fluid on my lips. Being carried. Callum’s voice. “We did it, Kasten. They didn’t try to take back the fortress. They went back to Kollenstar. You’re a luckier man than you have any right to be. Stay with me now. Don’t you dare die.”
I felt anything but lucky. I tried to open my eyes again, but my lids were too heavy, so I fought in silence, refusing to give in to the pain, keeping my mind moving, willing my heart to beat so I could return to Sophie and keep her safe.
I vaguely registered a carriage. More voices. Rough hands on my wounds. Pain.
Blackness again.
Hands. A cup to my lips. Choking on bitter fluid. Swinging back and forth in a stretcher, every part of me in agony.
Another carriage. An eternity.
Then Sophie’s alarmed voice. Her touch on my arm.
Was I hallucinating? But the touch didn’t leave. I could hear her crying as she sobbed my name.
I wanted to reach out and tell her not to be sad for my sake, but I couldn’t move.
I’d never meant to make her cry.
Then her voice became purposeful as I heard her talking to another, and I felt myself lying on a soft mattress.
Sophie wasn’t crying anymore. She was here with me. She was safe.
I’d made it home.
Blackness.