26. Sophie
Idrummed my fingers on my windowsill and chewed my lip. It had to be past midnight. Why wasn’t Kasten home yet? Maybe he’d stayed the night somewhere else in Kasomere. An inn perhaps, if he’d grown too tired. The thought made me uncomfortable. What if he was in pain?
I chewed my lip hard enough to taste blood. What was he up to? He’d been close to death only ten days ago and now he was out of the castle and in the city for an entire afternoon and half the night without a word. How could he be so irresponsible? I hadn’t even taken his stitches out yet.
I opened the pane of glass, wrapping my thick shawl tighter around my shoulders though I wasn’t cold. The night was clear with thousands of stars twinkling in peace. This far east, the air didn’t cool much at night, though it was pleasant to feel a slight chill on my face and the breeze bringing the scent of warm, damp earth.
I should go to bed, but I wanted to wait up just in case he returned and needed me to check his wounds. Not that he really needed me for anything. My mood sank further, and I folded my arms on the sill and rested my chin on the back of my hands. What was I doing? Desperately, trying to make myself feel like I actually belonged in his life? He said I had saved him, but he didn’t need saving anymore. I thought we’d grown closer over the last few days, but he was still effectively shutting me out of his life. At least, he’d agreed for the dinner to be tomorrow evening.
It was getting late; I should go to bed or I’d regret it tomorrow. I didn’t want to oversleep again, and I was still so tired from barely leaving Kasten’s side for a week.
Bobbing lights at the inner wall caught my attention, and I perked up when I saw horses appear in the courtyard. One of them whinnied sharply. It sounded distressed. Shadows and lights thickened into a throng around it as people flooded the space. I leaned farther out the window, my hands digging into the carved sandstone. Was that him? Was he all right? What business could involve him coming home in such a hurry at this hour, risking his injuries? Callum had made it sound routine when he’d spoken to me just after midday, but surely this couldn’t be anything good.
The bustle in the courtyard died as quickly as it appeared, and I watched as shadowed figures climbed the stairs to the front door before disappearing from sight.
I closed the window and fastened the shutters, the smell of sandalwood calming my nerves for a moment and helping me compose myself. Would Kasten summon me if his wound was hurting? Probably not. He wouldn’t want to disturb me, and never admitted to being in pain. I hesitated, then fastened my shawl with a brooch as I left my room. I was his wife. Of course, I should check he was well.
The corridor was deserted. Even Dame Tara, my personal nighttime guard, wasn’t at my door. Had Kasten summoned her? Or maybe she was just as curious as me. She thought I had gone to bed hours ago.
I kept my pace quiet and careful as I crept through the silent corridor, the kryalcomy lamps dimmed to light the way in a faint blue haze. Distantly I heard a crash and a hushed shout.
Something was definitely going on, and the noise was coming from the floor above mine, not downstairs.
I took the smaller staircase to the third floor and followed the noise past Kasten’s office and drinking room. I frowned as I realized where the noise was coming from. The east wing. I was about to enter the part of the castle that was deserted due to unsafe flooring—the part everyone had kept me away from.
I steeled myself and crept past the final kryalcomy lamp into dusty darkness. As I turned the corner of the corridor into the east wing, the carpet underfoot ran out to bare floorboards. Floorboards that felt perfectly solid. Cold ran down my spine with the reminder that I was not supposed to be here. But had the whole household been lying to me about this place?
I rounded another corner, keeping one hand trailing the wall to guide me in the darkness. The muffled shouts were growing louder, mingled with quiet, strangled screams, and my heart started to pound with unease. A door was ajar with light streaming through, and shouts were definitely coming from it. I knew I should go back to my room, but the pull was irresistible. I had to know what was going on.
“My lady, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go in there.”
I jumped, emitting a squeak. It was so dark, I hadn’t seen the guard beside the door.
I straightened and tried to not look like a naughty child. “What’s going on? Is General Kasten in there?”
The guard merely opened and closed his mouth as if unsure of what story he should tell me. But I was fed up with the lies. Before he could stop me, I pushed open the door.
I stopped in my tracks, rooted to the spot.
Restrained on a bed, a woman lay in a dress so torn, it was barely decent. She was pale and thrashing around, desperate to escape. A leather strap between her teeth served as a gag. Two guards held her arms down while Kasten leaned over the low headboard, his hands on either side of her face, tangled in her hair. He was murmuring softly to her. I couldn’t tell if the words were meant to be calming or threatening, but his face was a stony rage. Callum was mixing something on a table to the side, his back to the others.
The woman kicked and made strange, strangled screams around the gag. The sound was one of pure agony, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. The soles of her feet were bloody, leaving red swathes on the bedsheet.
I forced my dry, heavy tongue to move. “What’s wrong with her? What are you doing to her?”
Nobody even heard me.
I swallowed, stepped forward and spoke louder. “What’s wrong with her? I can help if she’s injured. I could…”
Kasten’s face rose, and his gaze met mine. His eyes widened in shock. “Which fool let her in! Get her out! Now!”
His words cut through my determination like an icy knife.
My courage wavered. He hadn’t even talked to me directly. I tried to muster my strength. “But I can…”
“Out! Get her out!”
Meena appeared beside me and took my arm. “It’s best you leave, my lady. Quickly now. I’ll show you back to your room.” She didn’t meet my eyes.
I half turned to the door, unbidden tears pricking my eyes as the utterly brutal rejection made me want to crumple in on myself.
The woman choked out another scream, and I turned back. She sounded like she was in so much pain.
But pain was something I could help with. I knew I could. I could show that I wasn’t useless or fragile and could cope with being included. I wouldn’t be intimidated by this woman. Kasten was injured. I could take over from him.
I shook free of Meena’s grasp and took a straight-backed step closer to the thrashing woman. There was something wrong with her eyes as she noticed me. “What are her symptoms? I can help…”
My words were cut off by a new, more terrible scream as she thrashed her head back and the gag slipped to her chin. Without warning, the woman launched upright, ripping her arms free from the two guards and scrambled toward the edge of the bed with strange, unnatural movements. The men yelled and Meena grabbed me by the arms, yanking me back and down as the woman pounced at me.
Quicker than should have been possible, Kasten was behind her. He grabbed her arms, jerking her back, and locking them behind her so all she could do was scream and squirm against his chest. He pressed her down on her stomach onto the bed and the guards rushed to tie ropes around her arms and legs, tussling with her. Kasten slipped her gag back up, tightening it with brutal yanks around the back of her head.
My husband turned to me and his normal cold, collected demeanor was gone. He stood right in front of me and yelled with pure fury.
“You idiot! What do you think you are doing! I told you to get out! Do you have any idea what harm you almost caused?”
I took a step back in alarm. All that hard-to-muster confidence inside me cracked as I felt my very being disintegrate. Cold fractured through my center like lake ice buckling under a weight it couldn’t hold.
I needed to stop making everything worse. Like I had when I’d tried to treat Frederick.
I turned and I ran. I ran and ran as tears burned my ears and my chest refused to properly inflate. I ran and ran until my muscles burned.
I needed to get out of this stifling place where everything was whispered and nothing explained. Get away from the husband who didn’t even want me.
I needed freedom.
I just needed…