32. Sophie
Despite Kasten’s warnings, I felt nothing but excitement and anticipation when the time came to leave for our house in Adenburg, the day before the ball. Kasten rode next to the carriage and occasionally called down to point out landmarks or birds or ask if the motion of the carriage made me feel sick.
Beatrice and Lucy sat in the opposite seat and grinned every time Kasten spoke to me. Their teasing was enough to make my cheeks heat.
The summer sun had baked the surrounding hills to ochre. It was refreshing to see the gradual change to green as we journeyed westward and the return of taller, luscious trees. The air itself felt lighter. However, leaving Kasomere filled me with a surprising pang of loss. I hadn’t realized how much I saw it as my home now.
We arrived in the evening and Kasten locked himself away with some of his men, explaining they were the ones who kept an eye on Lord Lyrason’s halfsouls. I went to bed hoping he wouldn’t go out patrolling the streets himself tonight.
The following morning was spent preparing for the ball. When important people visited Adenburg from their country estates, it was customary for them to call on their neighbors of higher station and for those lower in station to call on them. But it seemed Kasten’s reputation scared away any potential visitors, and although Kasten was illegitimate, we were still higher in station than all our neighbors due to his royal blood. I would have to see if I could improve that situation and encourage some guests, but I was secretly glad I could save my energy for the conversations this evening.
After a light lunch, I was surprised by a knock on the door. Kasten entered, and my maids bowed before leaving. I didn’t think Kasten had ever entered my rooms before.
He held out a jewelry box fastened with ribbon. “I had this made for you.”
I studied his blank expression as I took it from him. “Thank you.” The fluttering sensation returned to my stomach as I slowly opened the box.
Inside was a simple silver necklace with a locket. On its front was a blue flower, its petals made by tiny sapphires and emeralds forming its leaves. I smiled as I freed it and held it up to the light. “It’s beautiful. Please, could you fasten it for me?”
Kasten cleared his throat as I pulled my hair over one shoulder. He took the chain and fastened the clasp around the back of my neck. He seemed to take great care not to let his fingers brush my skin, and I tried not to let embarrassment creep in with his closeness.
“This necklace has a reserve disk on its back, where it rests against your chest. It’s fully charged. In an emergency, you can draw on it for strength.”
I looked down in wonder. “How do I do that?”
“You press down on the center of the flower and ensure the back is touching your skin. The longer you press, the more strength you’ll get. I had it made after the incident with the men who followed you in Kasomere. It should give you a chance of outrunning any future threats.”
I nodded and turned to face him. “Thank you. I will always wear it.”
He licked his lips, keeping his eyes on the floor. “Wear it tonight. Even if it doesn’t go with your dress or whatever things are meant to go with. I know it’s not that grand, but I would feel better knowing you had it.”
I twiddled it between my fingers. “Of course. I was thinking of wearing blue and silver anyway, since they’re our house colors. You’ve given me so many lovely gowns. It’s going to be nice to finally wear one out of the house.”
He glanced at the multiple dresses spread out on my bed before returning his gaze to me. His eyes studied my face, slipping down to my mouth, then darting back up to my eyes. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I…er…shall see you at five o’clock then.”
He gave a sharp nod and left the room. I clutched the necklace and twisted it between my fingers, smiling to myself. He had given me many presents before, but this was the first he’d given me in person. I had been taking my homemade tonic to increase my blood pressure, but if I ever did feel dizzy again, maybe strength from this would keep it at bay so I wouldn’t have to feel weak anymore. I grinned and rang the bell for my maids.
I feltlike I was walking on clouds as our carriage pulled up in front of the palace. Kasten had been tense and silent beside me, and I tentatively rested a hand on his knee for comfort, glad when he didn’t pull away from my touch. He wore black again with gold embroidery on the cuffs and lapels of his coat. It was understated but suited him perfectly. Callum, on the other hand, wore a shoulder cape of red and blue, a frilly cravat and a tear drop earring on a chain from one ear. He couldn’t look any more ostentatious.
I frowned at him as the carriage door was opened by a servant.
“Are you even allowed to be here, Callum? Your name wasn’t on the invitation.”
He shrugged. “Probably not. But as Kasten’s guest, I would thoroughly enjoy watching anyone try to take that up with him.”
He grinned at my husband who sighed and looked out of the window as if his friend’s antics bored him. “Nobody would dare kick Callum out. He’s the illegitimate son of the king’s cousin but has never been granted a title. Nobody knows what to do with him. He comes to these things because he loves how his presence makes everyone awkward, since everyone guesses his station differently. Also because of his habit not to use anyone’s title in return.”
He grinned and spread out his hands. “All the money, none of the responsibility.”
I gaped at him. “You have royal blood, Callum? Wait—you two are related? Why didn’t you tell me that when you introduced yourself?”
Callum mock-scowled at Kasten. “Why would I ever volunteer that I am related to him?” He leaned forward and placed a hand over his heart with a long-suffering expression. “I’m just here to make sure Kasten doesn’t accidentally kill somebody that he would regret later.”
I studied him, trying to work out if he was being serious underneath his humor or not.
Kasten straightened his lapels as he motioned for me to get out of the carriage first. “I’m not going to kill anyone at a party. After you.”
Callum tried to follow behind me, but Kasten pushed him back into his seat before joining my side, linking his arm through mine.
I glanced up at his emotionless face as he rested a hand gently over mine and felt my cheeks warm. I looked away to hide a smile. Kasten was definitely not as he appeared.
The night was colder than I was used to in Kasomere, and torches burned on tall sticks to mark the path up to the grand palace entrance, shadowed by marble pillars.
As I entered, it felt like I was being swallowed by a pastel dream, and I wanted to see everything. This was the royal palace. A year ago, I would have never imagined I would be here.
Servants directed us down cream-colored, carpeted corridors to a series of rooms for socializing linked by large gilded double doors that had been thrown open to create a single space. We wouldn’t go to the ballroom until after dinner. Immaculately dressed servants wafted about with plates of canapes and glasses of sparkling wine.
I spun around, taking in the giant crystal chandeliers and extravagantly dressed guests. However, it appeared that Kasten planned to wait out this part by lurking in the corner and glaring at servants who tried to approach. Callum lounged against the wall. “Are you sure you’re not planning to kill somebody, Kasten, because I think that servant just wet himself from the look in your eyes.”
I half-strangled a cough at Callum’s vulgarity. And here in the palace of all places! He apologized to me and bowed with a wink while Kasten glared at him. “Excuse me, while I go find some food before Kasten scares it all away.”
I stood beside my husband and smiled at passersby, hoping to counteract his cold demeanor. At length, a grandly dressed lady came and introduced herself as Baroness Clarissa Stansburg. I took in her dress and hairstyle. It was remarkable how quickly the fashion in Adenburg changed now I was living away from it all.
I bobbed a curtsy, slightly deeper than my rank warranted. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. You are probably already acquainted with my husband, but I am Lady Sophie Batton. This is my first time here at the palace.”
Baroness Clarissa turned her expression to Kasten, whose face was already one of long-suffering boredom. He nodded to her.
“General Batton. I must admit, I’m surprised you came to this gathering. Normally, you seem to avoid them.”
Kasten just cocked his head to one side and glared at her in what was definitely an intimidating ‘I can’t be bothered with you’ look. On an adolescent, I would have called the look sulky. On Kasten, it hinted of casual violence. My heart rate picked up, and I smiled in apology, standing a little in front of him. “He’s very busy defending our borders. I’ve never known somebody who works so hard.”
“Of course, of course.” Baroness Clarissa returned my smile, ignoring Kasten. “We are all very grateful that Fenland has such a brave general.”
I turned back to Kasten, hoping for a polite response, but he held his bored gaze for a second longer before simply walking off.
My mouth opened at his rudeness. How could he behave like that?
I turned back to the Baroness and curtsied again. “My apologies. Please excuse us.”
I caught a glimpse of an unsavory look in her eyes as they followed Kasten’s retreating figure. “Not at all.” She returned her attention back to me with a charming smile. “Do call in for tea sometime, my dear. It would be nice to get to know you better.” She inclined her head, before tapping her fan closed on her wrist. I turned to catch up with Kasten.
I had just reached his side and was pulling on his sleeve when an older man approached wearing a jacket that was an outrageous shade of purple silk. Suddenly, Callum didn’t seem ostentatious at all.
“General! You’ve not introduced me to your new wife. And such a young, beautiful one at that!” He didn’t even look at Kasten but came straight to me and grabbed my hand, kissing it with moist lips. I resisted the urge to free my hand too soon and gave him a bright, practiced smile.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you. I am Lady Sophie Batton.”
He smiled up at me, standing a little too close for comfort. Kasten moved closer to my side until his arm was brushing mine, and hostility radiated out from him. I hoped the man wouldn’t notice.
“Lady Sophie. Ah, a name as beautiful as your face.” The words were accompanied by a flourish of his hands. His words had a lilting accent I couldn’t place, and I guessed he wasn’t originally from Fenland.
I looked down and smiled as if touched by his words. “Thank you, sir, that is very generous. I’m afraid I don’t know your name?”
“Ah, I am Viscount Von Rubeck of Cerith, ambassador of the glorious emperor, at your service.” He flourished a bow. “Now where has the general been hiding you away? It’s a crime to keep such a beauty as you concealed.” Something about the way he was looking at me sent spiders crawling down my spine.
Kasten’s hand touched the small of my back, and I relaxed a little. He still didn’t speak.
“I’ve been settling into Kasomere, Your Grace.”
He pulled a face. “Backwater place. You must be dying of boredom there. Especially with your husband away on his campaigns. He must never be at home. You should visit Adenburg more often. You have a house in Highfair, do you not? Then we can become better acquainted, and the city would be a brighter place. If your husband is absent I’m still sure I would be able to get you invitations to the best parties.” He grinned again and looked me up and down slowly.
Kasten tensed and his arm wrapped around my waist. I inclined my head with a smile and managed, “That’s very kind,” before Kasten pulled me away.
“Please excuse us,” I said over my shoulder.
“What are you doing?” he murmured curtly in my ear. “You don’t have to smile and agree with a man who is?—”
A smartly dressed man blocked our path, forcing us to an abrupt stop. I racked my brain for his name. Duke James. Frederick had mentioned him before, and though I’d seen him across the room at high-ranking social events, I had never spoken to him. He was highly favored by the king and was in charge of something to do with the city guards.
He nodded as he stood in front of us, his arms folded, and I was just about to curtsy when Kasten took my arm and pulled me in a wide circle around him. “Not him. Don’t even speak to him.”
I looked back at the duke, mortified, and inclined my head in apology. “Kasten, these are the most important people in Fenland. We can’t be so rude!”
Kasten pulled me to a quiet corner and took a deep swig of his wine before glaring out at the room. “You don’t have to apologize to them on my behalf, Sophie. You’re not my servant.”
I pulled my arm free from his grip and looked down, swallowing my emotions with a deep breath. “I’m sorry, my lord.”
Kasten took an abrupt step forward, causing me to step back. “Don’t do that. Don’t just apologize and avoid my eyes. Say what you’re thinking.”
Something inside me snapped, and I barely restrained a glare at his neck, careful to avoid his eyes. I spread out my hands and let my words spill out in a hushed voice. “What do you expect me to do? Everything I do or say seems to be wrong.” The words came out sharper than I had intended.
He stepped closer again, causing my heart to leap to my throat, and I was forced to look up into eyes filled with anger and intense concentration—concentration that was completely focused on me. My mouth dried. This man was impossible to please, and it was hard to think when he was looking at me like that.
“Say what you’re thinking,” he repeated, the words slower and softer this time.
With Frederick, I would have retreated inside myself and closed down until there was nothing left of me to see. But this was Kasten, who was—right at this moment—being simply infuriating. I clenched my fists and buried them into the side of my skirts. “Why are you being so rude? I’m trying to smooth over relationships and help your reputation. What’s the point of me working hard to please these people if you undermine everything I do?”
His lips twitched in a small, victorious smile which only made me angrier. Did he want me to argue with him?
He raised his eyebrows. “By fawning and smiling and joining in their fake words and chatter?” His voice wasn’t loud, but he sounded truly angry. “You shouldn’t have to pander to them.”
I frowned, confused, mortified by his behavior, and at a loss of how to respond. “Well, what do you expect me to do? Of course, I’m going to smile and make conversation and be nice. It’s a party. That is what these events are for. That is my job as your wife. Don’t you have a single friend here? A single ally? How are you meant to survive without people on your side? Surely you know that from strategy for your campaigns.”
He turned his intense eyes to the room. “Some of these people are murderers. Many are liars. That pathetic excuse for a man was practically undressing you with his eyes. I could tell you felt uncomfortable. Yet everyone smiles and bows and acts as if nothing is going on. I’m sick of the facade, and I don’t want anyone thinking they can treat you like that.” He lifted his arms to bracket my shoulders. “These people are not my allies and never will be. Don’t be forced into their games, Sophie, I can’t stand it. Don’t smile and pretend that what is going on is all right, saying only what they want to hear. If there is one thing real in this whole world, I want it to be you.” There was a pain and anger in his expression that I didn’t understand at all.
I opened and closed my mouth, shocked by his words. “I was just exchanging pleasantries with people I didn’t know, Kasten,” I said softly. I looked away.
He jerked away at the hurt in my voice with a muttered curse. “Sophie, I’m sorry.”
I swallowed, desperately trying to read him. “I didn’t mean to make you angry.”
His expression softened. “You didn’t make me angry. You’ve never made me angry. Those people do.” He gestured around the room. “And those who trained you in that constant fake smile and the need to please and self-abase.”
I flinched as if he had hit me. Is that really what he saw in me?
Kasten’s face fell at once, and his arms slipped down to my elbows as if trying to cling to me. “That didn’t come out as I intended.”
I looked down, embarrassed by the tears now pressing on my eyes. Fake smile. Need to please. Self-abasing. I sounded pathetic. His words hurt more than any Frederick had used. I had thought I’d made a far more positive impression on him. He had said I was precious. I was trying so hard to be a good wife, but all he saw was weakness and dishonesty.
Kasten bowed his head toward mine so there was barely any space between us. “Sophie, look at me, please. I am sorry. I was careless with my words.”
I didn’t meet his eyes and stepped away, turning completely so I could rub my eyes with the heel of my hand before my makeup smudged. His hands were left empty and suspended. “I’m fine.”
Kasten only stepped closer. It took my body a moment to register the touch of his chest against my back and how his strength always seemed to suck mine away. His breath tickled the shell of my ear. “I only meant…”
I steeled myself, turned, and met his eyes, straightening my back. “No, you’re right. I do put on a smile, try to please others, and generally think less of myself. I just didn’t realize you found those qualities so unlikeable.”
“You don’t understand.” He let out a breath with a frustrated shake of his head. “You’re beautiful, Sophie. Underneath it all, you are so beautiful. I hate that you’ve been told you have to hide that.”
The air whooshed from my lungs as my mind struggled to process his words. How could he suddenly say things like that?
Callum sauntered to Kasten’s side with a wide grin. “Trouble in paradise?”
Kasten glared at him as I looked away. “Why are you smiling so widely?” he growled at his friend.
Callum shrugged. “It’s just nice to see you two actually talking. Having a lover’s quarrel means your relationship is definitely progressing. But you may want to have it somewhere more private.”
I glanced over his shoulder and saw that, while we were far out of the other guests’ hearing range, some were giving us curious glances, quickly covered up by sips of wine or waves of their fans.
I smoothed my expression to something less readable. “We weren’t quarreling. I was just telling Kasten not to be so rude to the high-ranking guests.”
Callum snorted. “Good luck with that.”
I raised my eyebrows at the lack of support. “But they were a duke, a viscount, and a baroness…”
Callum lifted an eyebrow. “Duke James, by any chance? Last time Kasten spoke to him, he threatened the life of his son. I think today will pale in comparison. I wouldn’t worry.”
My stomach dropped and I gaped at Kasten, who shifted awkwardly as he glared at Callum. “Don’t tell her things out of context.”
Callum only grinned.
I pressed a hand to my stomach as my heart rate struggled to slow. Had Kasten really threatened that man’s son?
Kasten sighed. “Duke James seems powerful, but he is Lord Lyrason’s puppet through and through. It means Lord Lyrason has influence over the actions of the city guard, and he can get away with literal murder.”
Kasten’s words made me uneasy. There was so much I didn’t know, so how was I supposed to help him find allies?
The sound of violins and cellos swelled from a nearby room, and I was grateful for the distraction. I looked at Kasten in question. “I thought you said the ballroom opened after dinner for dancing?”
He nodded. “That’s not the ballroom. It’s a side room where people may dance before dinner if they wish, but it isn’t expected. It’s a much simpler affair in there. Sometimes people discuss more sensitive business matters in the corners where the music will prevent them from being overheard.”
I looked toward the origin of the gentle sway of music, eager to move on from the unpleasantness of our argument. If Kasten was going to mope in the corner and damage his reputation further while people talked, we might as well dance. It seemed madness that I had been married for months and not had a single dance with Kasten. And if I danced with other men, it would smooth over our relationships and make us seem approachable as a couple.
I took Kasten’s hand. “Shall we dance?”
Callum smirked and raised an eyebrow at Kasten in a teasing expression.
I licked my lips. I’d been told countless times by nearly everyone how much he hated to dance. “Or I could dance without you, if you would be happy to excuse me? I’m sure there will be a few available partners there.” I looked at Callum. “Maybe with you?”
Kasten cleared his throat and took my arm in both hands, curling it around his and locking it in place. “I’ll dance with you.”
Callum appeared to choke on his wine and turned away to grab a napkin.
My heart lifted. “Really?” I tightened my arm around his and smiled.
He stared at me as if drinking me in, his eyes lingering on my smile, then he abruptly looked away. He led us toward the music with quick steps. “I much prefer smaller dances than the ballroom where everyone watches and gossips.”
I felt an unexpected thrill walking into the side room on Kasten’s arm, feeling his strength and confidence radiating through me. For once, I didn’t mind the glances of strangers; their scrutiny simply washed over me. Kasten made me feel above them all.
There were only two couples dancing, and we entered just as the last dance was finishing. Kasten’s grip slid down to my hand as he led me to the center and stood opposite me. His expression was as severe as ever, but somehow, I could sense warmth in it. His earlier anger had vanished.
“Anyone in this room I shouldn’t speak to?” I teased.
He lowered his head closer to mine. “You only need to speak to me.” The words made my mouth dry and my heart rate pick up. I couldn’t even work out why. He let go of my hand and stepped back into position.
The dance was a simple, familiar one. We started with small steps, rotating in a circle while keeping our gaze on each other’s face. The pace built and we circled each other faster and faster, almost touching every time we met in the middle, but not quite. I’d never realized the dance was meant to be teasing before, but then I’d never felt as drawn to the man opposite me as I was drawn to Kasten.
It felt good to dance again. The music unlocked my limbs and gave me the freedom to move until each flowing gesture became an expression of joy straight from my heart. I beamed at Kasten, hoping he felt some of the freedom I did. His eyes didn’t leave my face, and for a moment, his lips twitched upward. It was enough to know he felt joy in this moment, too, and my cheeks warmed.
We stepped toward each other again, our bodies only a hairsbreadth apart, and my heart lurched as I drew closer to his intense gaze. Those fascinating eyes. I looked down as we retreated, spun, and then came back together. He raised his hand, and I held up mine in a mirror image. Our skin was so close to touching, I could feel static between our palms.
We stepped away once more, and I sucked in a deep breath of air. I turned, and then Kasten was behind me, close enough for me to feel his breath on my neck. The dance was no longer an expression of freedom; it made me feel like I was tied to him, gravitating toward him. I couldn’t feel my own movements—only his. It was the opposite of freedom, yet I didn’t feel trapped. More and more, I wanted our skin to touch and my body to find its center again. Because, right now, my center was him.
I stepped away, a little farther than needed, confused by what the dance was making me feel. Kasten’s lips had parted, and he appeared flushed. The room was getting hot. My eyes drew back to his lips, and I remembered our kiss.
I missed my step and stumbled on the hem of my skirt. Kasten stepped forward and caught me, pulling me into him. All at once, I could feel him everywhere, and after the teasing absence of his touch, I gasped at the shock. “Sophie, are you all right?”
I realized the few other couples in the room were watching us. I swallowed with embarrassment as I righted myself and tried to step back, but Kasten’s hands didn’t leave my forearms.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. Why had I allowed myself to get so distracted staring at his face?
He smiled, a small but tender smile I’d never seen before. It completely transformed his face, softening every angle. He helped me back into position and slipped his hands around my middle for the next part of the dance, which had slowed in pace. His hands were big enough to encircle my waist. I wished he would hold me like this more often.
Too soon the music died, and Kasten stepped back, taking my hand and brushing his lips against the back of it. I could only stare at him, my breaths short of oxygen. Yes, this room was too hot.
Kasten guided me to the side of the room and handed me a cup of cranberry juice from the table, before picking up a second for himself. Excitement and wonder bubbled away in my stomach as I felt closer to Kasten than before. Even our earlier argument made our relationship feel more real.
“Sophie, I—” He broke off abruptly, his face hardening as he looked over my shoulder.
A servant approached in royal livery, catching me by surprise, and bowed deeply to Kasten. “General Batton, the king has asked for a private audience with you.”
Kasten instantly tensed, and his face became a cold mask. I was seeing the brutal general once more, unknowable and without weakness.
Callum hurried to my side and said nothing. That, more than anything, told me this was bad.
Kasten turned to me. “This shouldn’t take long. Remain with Callum and stay away from Duke James, that lecherous viscount, Lord Lyrason, Lord Charles and Lady…actually just stay away from everyone until I return.”
Before I could say a word, he strode after the servant, striding with wary grace. I felt the absence of his presence at once and tried to cling onto the warm feelings that lingered in my chest from our dance.
Callum whistled under his breath. “He is not going to be in a good mood when he gets back.” He looked back at me and forced a smile. “Come. I don’t think Kasten would forgive me if I asked you to dance when he’s only had one dance himself. Let’s look at the gardens from the balcony. You’ve not been to the palace before, correct? There might still be enough light left to enjoy them from afar.”
We turned and were startled to find Lord Lyrason lurking on the other side of the open door. My heart fled to my throat, but his manner was relaxed despite the sharp cut of his navy jacket. He gave me a small, non-threatening smile and bowed politely, before slipping his glasses back up his nose. His short grey hair was shot through with pure white, despite not looking much older than forty, and he was clean-shaven.
I gathered myself and curtsied in return while Callum sketched a bow that was borderline mockery.
Lord Lyrason clasped his hands behind his back. “I’m sorry, Lady Sophie. I didn’t mean to startle you. Please forgive me.”
I bowed my head in agreement. “Not at all.”
He nodded and turned to Callum. “It’s been a while, but your dress sense is impeccable as always.”
Callum raised an eyebrow. “Has it really been a while? Pity. I’d hoped it would be longer.”
He was almost as bad as Kasten, and I thought about standing on Callum’s foot to remind him to be polite while he was in the palace, but Lord Lyrason only laughed.
“Indeed. Well, you and I share a lot in common, Mister Tavolyn. It’s a pity you don’t want to be friends. We would have some very interesting discussions, I’m sure.”
Could he really be the man Kasten and Callum believed him to be? He seemed so amiable. Did he really turn people into monsters and set them loose in the poor districts of Adenburg?
Lord Lyrason focused his smile back on me. “I won’t hold you up further, but you look well, Lady Sophie. Being Lady Batton seems to suit you. I’m glad. I am sure Kasomere is thrilled to have you.” He turned back to Callum. “A small warning, Mister Tavolyn. I respect you and the general. But don’t push things too far. I would hate for things to become an unfortunate mess.”
I glanced at Callum in question, but he was completely focused on Lord Lyrason. His smile wasn’t friendly. “Quite. The last thing anyone needs is a mess. Good thing yours get cleaned up for you.”
Lord Lyrason’s smile widened. He bowed again and left.
Callum shivered. “I hate it when he sneaks up on you like a snake. Come. Let’s see the garden.”
I nodded and decided to put Lord Lyrason from my mind, focusing instead on what it had felt like to dance with Kasten.