Chapter Fourteen
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Malcolm could get used to this. To waking up with Josie in his arms after a night full of the sweetest lovemaking imaginable. It’d been hard to let her sleep at all. But he knew she wasn’t just here for him. She was here to work with Mari to get the reading retreats up and running. And he needed to catch a few hours of sleep as well so that he could continue to help out in any way he could.
Yet again, they woke too late to do anything more than give each other a lingering kiss, gulp down some coffee and a quick bowl of cereal, throw themselves in the shower, and head out. The painters and the decorator were already there, waiting for them.
“Sorry we’re late,” Josie said, dashing over with the keys to unlock the doors.
A part of him wanted to lay claim to Josie in front of everyone, to make sure all of them knew that he was the reason they were late, because she hadn’t wanted to get out of his bed. But he knew she wouldn’t appreciate that, so instead he headed over to finish work on the rock wall.
A couple of hours later, he was able to give her the good news. “The rock wall and the stone pathway are completely repaired. No one coming to the retreat will trip on tilted or fallen stones.”
She launched herself into his arms, giving him a huge hug. For a moment, it looked like she was about to kiss him, but then she realized at the last moment that wasn’t their agreement.
He wanted to tell her to forget about their agreement. That he didn’t care who knew they were together. Hell, that he wanted everyone to know. But it wasn’t just him in this relationship. Because that’s how it felt—a proper relationship. More real, in spite of their agreement that it was just a casual fling, than any relationship he’d ever had. And what she wanted mattered as much, if not more, than what he wanted. So he wouldn’t dare do anything without discussing it with her first.
It was the mark of not just a real relationship, but an actual partnership, he found himself thinking. He could see it all so clearly in his mind. The two of them working together to set up reading retreats all over the world. Exploring all those places that she had talked about and more, while they both enjoyed the work. Working with his hands, building and rebuilding. Josie making the spaces cozy and welcoming and filled with books and private gardens that would delight people. It was crazy to have such a clear vision of the future with a woman, especially with one who’d made it plain she wouldn’t be staying.
Reluctant to let her out of his arms, he finally let her go. He needed to spend more time with her and had an idea.
“Will you be okay to take off for a few hours with me? I’d like to take you somewhere.”
Josie looked surprised and then uncertain. “But there’s so much I have to do here. I wouldn’t feel right about just blowing off the afternoon.”
“Oh no, this would come under the category of work,” he told her. “When I was renovating the houseboat, I found an outdoor marketplace in East London that sells the tiles I used in the kitchen and bathroom, and some of the rugs and even some of the paintings on the walls. I thought it would be good for us to go there today and see if there’s anything you might be able to use. Fiona’s doing a wonderful job with the soft furnishings, but we might find some paintings and furniture that would fill in the extra spaces.”
Her face lit up. “That’s a great idea. As long as we’re back in a few hours so I can continue working, I’d love that. But Fiona might—”
“I already told Fiona our plan, and we have her blessing, plus a list of things she wants us to look for specifically.”
What he didn’t tell her as they headed out, catching the Tube to make their way from West to East London, was that there were also several antique booksellers in the market. He had a feeling she was going to want every book she saw. Fortunately, it would be simple to ship as many as she wanted to acquire to the cottages.
He forgot that it was Josie’s first time on the Tube until they went into the station.
“Wow, the London Underground,” she marveled. “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to travel on the Tube.”
He was glad that he was there for her first ride. She loved everything about the Richmond Station, and he couldn’t wait to take her to some of the older, more ornate stations. She even seemed to think that being in this crowded carriage with dozens of other people was romantic.
“It’s just as I imagined,” she said in a soft voice. Everyone else was reading or looking at their phones, and she spoke softly enough that it would be difficult to listen in.
Strangely, he found himself enjoying the ride too. “The key is to avoid rush hour,” he said. “It’s not nearly as fun then.” And yet, how much of his life had he spent on Tube trains during rush hour? Barely able to find space to stand, let alone sit and read a paper. Not that he spent much time reading the paper either, even if there had been space, because he’d always been so busy dealing with another call or email or another fire that needed to be put out. He could have afforded a chauffeur-driven Lamborghini, but he preferred to pop out and use the Tube.
He hadn’t stopped thinking about their conversation on the dinghy last night. He’d always thought that he was an adventurer. And because he had spent so much time on planes in exotic locales, he figured that counted.
But did it really? Did it count when all he saw was the inside of a boardroom or another airport? He hadn’t ever been free to explore. No, that wasn’t true either. If he really had wanted to explore, he could have made time. He could have told his assistant to hold his calls, to deal with his email until he could get back to deal with it himself. He could have blocked off time. Delegated more. He’d had choices. But he’d chosen work. Genevieve Duvall was a brilliant woman, ready to take on more responsibility, but he still felt he needed to be involved in every deal.
Being with Josie made him see that maybe he had other choices. She’d grown up with a single mother, and he had a feeling that money had been tight. And yet, it sounded like they had done so much together. They’d made choices to enrich their lives, rather than getting locked into a job that demanded every hour.
“Penny for your thoughts,” she said.
“Just miles away,” he said.
“I can see that,” she said with a smile, then she reached for his hand.
He liked that she wasn’t shy about showing her affection to him in the Tube, because the likelihood of either of them knowing anyone was quite low. And yet, it didn’t feel like enough to him. He still wanted more. He found himself wanting to declare that she was his, and not just to the people on this train, but to everyone. To his family. To hers. And to her as well.
He leaned over and kissed her gently. That was when he heard someone say his name.
“Malcolm.”
Josie drew back, her eyes big.
One of the guys from his firm was just getting on the Tube at St. James’s Park.
Edward Willoughby was on their finance team. Young and entitled, Edward had attended all the right schools, knew important people. His grandfather was a lord. He was perfectly competent at his job, but more than happy to coast on his connections rather than putting in real work wherever possible. He was also addicted to gossip.
“Edward,” Malcolm said, nodding and doing his best to signal to the man to leave them alone.
He turned back to Josie, trying to be as dismissive as he could.
But Edward wasn’t so quick to be dismissed. “Is this the famous Katrina I’ve heard so much about?” he asked in an accent so posh it sounded like he was putting it on. He looked at Josie, clearly confused that she wasn’t six feet tall and whippet-thin.
Before Malcolm could even try to explain, Josie spoke up. “No, I’m Josie. A friend from the States.” She smiled at the man, but it didn’t completely reach her eyes the way her smiles normally did.
Edward offered a hand. “Edward Willoughby. Make sure Malcolm shows you around London properly.” He raised an eyebrow, clearly having caught them kissing and no doubt wondering what Malcolm was playing at taking a date on the Tube instead of in a chauffeured car. “Aren’t you supposed to be on holiday somewhere exotic this week?” he asked Malcolm.
It was pretty obvious Malcolm hadn’t been in the office, and he had cleared his schedule to go on holiday, so it wasn’t an outrageous question. But he’d be speaking to Edward later about reading the room. Or the train carriage.
Malcolm shook his head. “I had some family matters to attend to this week and next,” he told Ed, even though it was none of his business. Malcolm had never warmed to the man. He reeked of everything that Malcolm found distasteful about the financial world over the years. A sense of self-importance. An arrogance that he and he alone knew everything and that anyone who disagreed with him was automatically wrong. And worst of all, that he was untouchable and didn’t have to abide by the same rules as mere mortals.
“Well, this is my stop,” Edward said when they reached Blackfriars. “Nice to meet you, Josie.”
Willoughby got off the train, and Josie looked at Malcolm. “I’m not wrong in thinking that your kissing me is going to be all over the office by tonight, am I?”
He wasn’t going to lie to her. “No. If I had known that someone might see us…”
But that in itself was a lie, the idea that he would have not kissed her. He leaned in close and whispered in her ear, “I don’t think I would have been able to keep from kissing you, even then.” He felt her give a slight shiver as his breath wafted over her earlobe. And he was glad when she didn’t pull away.
He wasn’t nearly as glad, however, when she said, “Well, I don’t know how much of a scandal it could possibly be, given that I’ll be gone in a little over ten days. Just another woman to pass in and out of your life, that’s all I’m claiming.”
That wasn’t what he wanted anyone to think. And even hearing her say aloud that she was leaving made his chest clench tightly. Previously, whenever he was with a woman, and they talked about the future, that was when his chest would clench, at the idea of being “stuck” with her for much longer. But it was the exact opposite with Josie.
He was the one who didn’t want to let go. She was the one who reminded him that he would have to do exactly that.
* * *
Josie tried really hard to take being spotted by Malcolm’s associate in her stride. What did it matter if someone from his world had seen them together? Sure, there was that obvious look of surprise when the man realized she wasn’t a supermodel. And she got the clear sense that he thought she was punching way above her weight. She was, so she couldn’t argue with that. But she’d assumed that Malcolm would be more upset about it. And at first, it seemed that he had been. Until he whispered in her ear that he would have kissed her all over again even knowing they would be spotted. She couldn’t quite add that up. Couldn’t quite make sense of the way it sometimes felt like this was more than a fling to him. That when he looked at her, when he touched her, when he kissed her, she meant something to him.
Something big, something special, something real. Something lasting.
In any case, she refused to let being spotted spoil her day. Her time here was so precious, and she already felt like she was counting down the minutes. It was so great that Malcolm had thought to bring her out to East London, an area she had heard so much about and had longed to explore.
After they got off the Tube, they stopped first for incredible falafel from a street vendor. They were so delicious and yet another wonderful thing about being in such a cosmopolitan city. She had heard London referred to as one of the ultimate melting pots, and she was witnessing it. People from all cultures and countries, all coming together to enjoy this incredible city.
And then, hand in hand, their appetites sated, they headed toward Old Spitalfields Market. There was yet more food at the street market, but also fantastic vendors who sold everything under the sun, from clothes to handmade purses to wooden carvings to exquisite tiles.
“This is perfect,” she exclaimed for what felt like the hundredth time as they sourced lamps and side tables and even cushions for the retreat.
Mari had made it explicitly clear to her in the past couple of days that she fully trusted Josie to set up the cottages according to her vision. Of course, Josie was sensitive to the fact that Mari’s funds were limited. But whenever the price of something seemed too high, Malcolm was able to negotiate it down to a more reasonable amount, or he claimed he’d give it to Mari as a gift. First for her birthday and then as an early Christmas gift.
And then, when he needed to come up with another occasion, he decided the item would be a sort of business-warming gift to commemorate the launch of her reading retreats. He was generous, almost to a fault.
Josie sensed that he wanted the time that he had put into his work and the money he’d earned doing so to mean something. To matter. To be more than about what he could buy for himself, but how he could help the people he cared for. So while she knew Mari would probably have discouraged him from buying half of everything they chose, Josie understood why it meant a lot to him to be able to do so.
From there, they wandered around the area, and Josie’s attention seemed to dart everywhere, from the people on the streets, to the pubs that had been standing for hundreds of years, to the trendy boutiques. And then Malcolm was pausing with an expectant smile on his lips as she gazed into a huge and well stocked vintage bookstore.
“Did you steer me here?” All this time, she’d thought they’d just been wandering, but when Malcolm nodded, she knew he’d brought her here, knowing how much she’d love this bookstore.
He looked gratified to see her joy. “I was hoping you’d be pleased.”
“I’m beyond pleased.” She caught his face in her hands and drew him down for a kiss. “Thank you. You’re so thoughtful.”
His skin flushed lightly at both her kiss and her words, and she was glad that she could make him happy too. He deserved nothing but the best. All the joy in the world.
Her stomach twisted at the thought that he’d find that joy with someone else one day. That when he decided he was ready to fall in love, some other woman would come along, and they would have a life together. A life without her.
The thought was like a sharp pain in the center of her chest.
She silently reminded herself yet again that she wasn’t going to waste time lamenting a future that would never be, but would instead fully appreciate what she had now. This beautiful moment with Malcolm.
And, of course, all of these incredible antique books. And, oh, what a treasure trove it was. Everything from Dickens to Harry Potter. Old Penguin paperback books and leather-bound and beautifully silk-bound editions of famous novels packed the shelves.
“I was thinking that having some of these in each cottage, just sitting on the shelves, might inspire some impromptu reading,” he said.
She nodded, almost overwhelmed. “I was planning to ask Mari to order some titles, but I didn’t want to ask for too much. I’d love to have as many options as possible for the retreat participants. Sometimes I don’t know what’s right for a person until I meet them.”
“You knew pretty quickly to give me Walden .”
She smiled. “That was easy.”
“I’ve been reading it. It’s definitely making me realize there’s more to life than making money.”
So many of the titles were on her various lists, and there were books she wanted to add to her library of resources. A bookseller came up to them, clearly spotting a serious buying couple. When she explained what she wanted, he pointed out a full set of Anthony Trollope novels. He had a section of prewar female novelists, some of whom she’d never heard of, and she immediately wanted to read every one.
Malcolm seemed to enjoy her excitement over the books almost as much as the bookseller, who was clearly a fellow bibliophile. She didn’t want just one copy of some of the books she knew well—she wanted several.
After a while, she came to her senses, as though snapping out of a dream. “Oh my gosh. What am I thinking? This will cost a fortune. Mari can’t afford so many books right at the start, before we even know if the retreats will be successful.”
“These will be my gift to Mari. Although I’m going to need a forklift to get them to the cottages.” He chuckled at her delighted expression.
A few quiet words with the bookseller got him a bulk discount and the business card of a delivery company. While Josie was still poring through the books, he made a quick call, then told her, “They’ll ship everything to the cottages by tomorrow afternoon. The painters should be done by the end of today, and we’ve got the bookshelves coming in tomorrow.”
“You really do take care of everyone and everything, don’t you?” She put her arms around him, needing to kiss him again. “You’re a wonderful man, Malcolm Sullivan.”
When it looked like Malcolm was going to argue with her, she put a finger over his lips. “I won’t hear any arguments on the matter. What’s happened in the past is in the past. For both of us. Right now, today, I’m having the most wonderful time with you. I don’t want to think about the past, and I don’t want to think about the future. Just right now with you. That’s all that matters.”
He smiled into her eyes. “So wise. And so beautiful.”
He kissed her again, and she momentarily forgot that they were in the middle of the crowded market hall. Were it not for the books that she was clutching to her chest between them, the kiss would surely have deepened. But the time was ticking away, and not only was there still a lot of work to be done at the cottages this afternoon, but there was Mari’s big book launch tonight. They couldn’t miss that.
All their purchases made, they headed back toward the Tube. Everybody else on board was used to this and it was no big deal for them to be traveling beneath the streets of London through these marvelous stations that were each so unique. But for her, it was yet one more thing to add to her memory bank. She’d never forget coming here. And never regret a second of it, even as her heart broke into a million pieces when she had to leave Elderflower Island and Malcolm.
Fortunately, they made it to Richmond and to the cottages without any issues on the train line, as Malcolm had warned her there might be.
They both got to work. He pitched in with the painter to finish up the sitting room on the last cottage, while she got dusty cleaning out the last of the cupboards. They were close to being able to decorate the common areas, just as he’d said. She couldn’t wait to see it all come together even more than it already had. This reading retreat was going to be absolutely beautiful.
And the work that Alice had done in the garden while they were gone was incredible as well. She’d done more than just cut back overgrown shrubs and clear away the brush. She’d also planted flowers, bushes, and even a little tree in the corner.
Josie could see it all come to life, and she made herself a promise that, no matter what, she’d come back to Elderflower Island one day and see it when it was full of happy readers and when the garden was lush and blooming. And if Malcolm happened to be married with children, she would be happy for him. Even if on the inside, she would wish that he was with her. That she had been strong enough to let go of her fears of being hurt again so that she could actually give her heart to him.
That stopped her short.
The thought that she might truly regret holding back. Not telling him how she felt. Not even fully admitting it to herself. That maybe staying safe and keeping as many walls around her heart as she could wasn’t the best plan, when she had convinced herself so thoroughly that it was the only plan that made sense.
“Are you ready to head out to get changed for the book signing?” Malcolm said, surprising her.
She almost bonked her head on the shelf she was cleaning, catching herself at the last moment.
“Yes,” she said. “I’m ready.” But she didn’t feel ready. Because it finally occurred to her she was going to meet his whole family. And if they were just friends, that really wouldn’t have been a big deal. But now that there was this part of her that was suddenly longing to be so much more than just friends with benefits, she was constantly going to be wondering, What if? What if their relationship was real? What if his family became hers? But no, she thought with a firm inward shake of her head. That was crazy thinking, given the boundaries they’d both set out and especially when it had been only a matter of days.
As it was just the two of them alone in the cottage, he drew her to him and kissed her until she forgot her spiraling thoughts, her worries, even her fear of letting him get too close. Every time he kissed her, she forgot everything except how much she wanted him. And how much he was coming to mean to her.
And when he drew back and looked into her eyes, she couldn’t help but wonder if he was feeling all the same things.