Chapter Twenty-One
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Sunday morning, Josie and Malcolm took a stroll around the island before heading over to the cottages. The local café would be catering breakfast and lunch at the reading retreat, so Josie wanted to make sure everything was on track. Malcolm liked having a meeting with Jacob over coffee and fresh croissants in the bakery. It was so far removed from the life he’d lived for the last decade.
There had been satisfaction in closing the big deals, he wasn’t going to deny that. But there was something about creating something beautiful with your bare hands and with the kind of partnership that he and Josie had so naturally together. They often thought of the same thing at the same time, and when one of them did have an idea that the other hadn’t thought of, it was always a good one and easy to agree upon.
He loved working on the cottages with her, taking a lunch break with her and whoever else was onsite—usually one of his sisters—under the shade of a cherry tree, sprawled on the lawn, eating a sandwich and an apple. It all felt so simple, in the best way.
The life where he took clients out for two-hundred-dollar lunches felt like someone else’s life now. And yet, it had only been a week. Funny how much had changed in that week. Not just what he did during the day, but how he felt about the woman he was with.
Before Josie, his heart could always stay closed and, frankly, a little cold. But with her, everything was warm. He’d never been with anyone like her. Never thought he would find anyone like her. And the truth was, even in high school, she’d been different from everyone else. And he’d never stopped regretting what he’d done or how bad he’d made her feel back then. She’d forgiven him, absolved him of the sin he’d carried around for so long. And yet, in his heart of hearts, he knew that what he’d done could never be completely erased and that it had affected her deeply. He’d spend the rest of his life making it up to her.
The thought stopped him cold. The rest of his life? Was that really what this was?
Malcolm had never been a man who questioned his path. Not until recently, anyway. He made a decision, and he moved forward. In business, he made quick decisions and stuck to them. It was one of the things he was known for, that he never wavered. And that he never operated out of fear. But now he had to wonder if the reason why he never had any fear in business was because he’d just never really cared that much.
This last week, he’d found himself caring more than he had in a very long time. Of course he always cared about his family, but he never got that deep with women. No long-term relationships. That was what made a guy start to think about things like forever. But was he truly cut out for that? Was he truly a man who could stay the course, no matter what?
He was a realist. Just because things were butterflies and rainbows now didn’t mean they’d be like that forever. He and Josie were certain to have bumps.
When they left the Elderflower Café, they spent a couple of hours at the cottages. It was mostly small stuff left now to be done. Picking up books from Elderflower Island Books that had been special ordered for particular guests, making sure there were enough seating areas inside and out, and enough plates and cutlery.
They were also setting up tradespeople to help transform the bedrooms so the guests of the next retreat would be able to sleep in the cottages.
To shut out his thoughts, he turned and pulled Josie against him, kissing her hard. Kissing her so that it would block out all the other thoughts.
Then he checked his watch. “Are you ready for Sunday roast?”
She smiled up at him, her cheeks rosy from his kiss. “I can’t wait. Partly because everyone in your family is so great. And partly because I’m starved, and Sunday roast sounds amazing.”
He kissed her again. “The way Mum makes it is better than amazing. My aunt in Maine—well, she’s an aunt once removed, but close enough—is from Ireland, and she is the chef at her own café. I’ve often said to Mum that she could do the same. But she loves her job at the V&A enough that cooking was only ever second place.”
“Now I really can’t wait.” She looked down at herself. “I need to change into something cleaner first, though. If we leave now and drop by the houseboat, we should still make it on time, right? I want to make a good impression.”
“Yes, we’ve got plenty of time. But even if we didn’t, I don’t think it’s possible for you to come across badly with my family. At this point, I’m pretty sure they’d trade me in for you.”
She laughed. “No, they all adore you. Even the way everyone teases you. You’re all so great together. I always wondered what it would be like to have siblings.”
His answer was easy. “Great most of the time, a pain in the neck for the rest.”
She reached up and put a hand on his cheek. “Has anyone ever told you how sweet you are? Especially when you’re being all grumbly.” She went on her tippy-toes to press a kiss to his lips.
A burst of sunshine exploded in his chest, the same thing that always happened when she kissed him. But there was also that tightening in this gut, the tightening he was doing his damnedest to ignore.
As expected, forty-five minutes later, when they arrived at his parents’ house in St. Margarets, everyone was overjoyed to see Josie again. He almost felt invisible, but frankly, that was a nice change. He felt like all eyes had been on him for many years. While plenty of people assumed he enjoyed the limelight—just because he tended to be in it frequently due to his big business deals—the truth was he enjoyed being in the background. He liked having a chance to watch and to take in everything around him.
For the first time in a long time, it was nice to simply sit quietly beside Fiona and appreciate the joyful chaos in the home they’d grown up in.
“I’m so pleased things are going well for you, Malcolm,” she said.
“I never saw this week coming, that’s for sure.” Part of him was afraid to jinx things by talking about how great it was.
“So what do you think you’ll do?” she asked. “Stay on the houseboat and give up the London flat? Do you think you’ll chuck in the job while you’re at it and focus more on carpentry and renovation projects?”
He knew she was asking partly because she was curious about what he was going to do, but also because there was a part of her that clearly longed for the same thing. He still didn’t understand why she wasn’t at least working as an interior designer. And why she always had to be at her husband’s beck and call.
“It’s tempting,” he replied. “The thought of going back to suits and an office indoors… It’s lost its allure after this week.”
She nodded. “Thought as much.”
Just then, her phone rang. Not surprisingly, it was her husband. She looked a little anxious. “I’d better get this.” She walked off, holding the phone to her ear, probably on the receiving end of another laundry list of tasks he demanded she take care of for him.
Malcolm got up, grabbed a beer, and took one over to his father, who was standing in the garden grilling some vegetables to go with the roast. Everyone else was inside, so it was just the two of them.
His father had always been the most quiet and reserved of anybody in the family. He thought before he spoke, and he was quite measured in his actions. Gratefully, he took the beer from Malcolm. “Cheers.”
They clinked and then took long pulls of their drinks.
“How are the cottages coming along? I’d like to help when you get to work on the upstairs bedrooms. Of course, as you know, I have to leave immediately if I get a call.”
“Thanks. We’re actually ahead of schedule, at least if we keep pushing forward at the rate we’ve been going. And no worries, I know that when you get a call, it’s serious, and you’ve got to be there for other train drivers and workers dealing with trauma.” He was so proud of his father for the work he did helping others cope with PTSD.
He studied his father’s face. “I know you probably can’t give me the details, but is everything going all right with the man who drove the train that hit that boy?” Malcolm knew the bare bones of the most recent story. The driver had heroically managed to stop the train before the boy on the tracks was killed, but still, the teenager was in the hospital. Hopefully, he’d recover fully, but the driver would never erase that vision and experience from his mind.
“Yes, I think he’ll be all right. It’ll take time. It always does, but fortunately he has a very supportive wife and extended family.” His father was silent for a moment. “I was lucky too. I was lucky to have all of you when I went through my own traumatic event.”
Malcolm looked down the neck of his beer. Guilt boiled in his chest because he didn’t feel that he’d been there. In fact, he knew he hadn’t. He’d not only run, he’d jumped continents to get away from his father’s pain.
“Malcolm,” his father said, “all these years, I don’t think I ever adequately found the words to thank you for being there for me that day.”
“It was nothing.” Malcolm didn’t deserve praise. He hadn’t done all he could have, should have.
“It was everything. Who knows how much more I would’ve drunk, or how far I would’ve sunk if you hadn’t been there to take that bottle away and to tell me that everything was going to be all right? To listen to me? And not only that, but I want to apologize for placing that burden at your feet. A son should never have to save his father the way you saved me.”
He went on, “And all these years, there’s been a part of me that’s worried that what happened to me affected you badly. But seeing you now, with Josie, I’m so happy you’re happy. She is a wonderful woman. She’s everything you deserve.”
Malcolm had grown increasingly uncomfortable with their conversation. When he’d brought over the beer, he hadn’t thought his father would immediately bring up the past. About that night. “She is great. And I am lucky.” He knew his father was waiting for him to say more, to talk about his feelings about that night back in high school before he’d left the country. But that clenching in his gut was only growing tighter.
He tipped his head back and emptied his bottle. “Can I get you another?”
He could feel his father wanted to say something more. Instead, he simply shook his head. “I’m okay with this one.”
“I’ll see if Mum needs anything.” He could feel his father’s gaze on him as he walked away. And when Josie reached out a hand to him as he passed, he squeezed it lightly before continuing on to the kitchen and working like hell to ignore that clenching in his gut.
* * *
Josie was having the best time. The Sullivans were amazing. Although she knew she’d miss her mother terribly upon moving to England for her new job, she felt as though she would still be surrounded by family simply because the Sullivans were so incredibly welcoming to her. She had offered to help Penny in the kitchen, but both Penny and Fiona said that she was a guest and that they had everything covered. Alice had been excited about her further plans for the cottage garden, showing Josie pictures on her phone of additional blooms she wanted to incorporate. Owen and Mari were still flying high from the book launch, and Mari had said repeatedly how excited she was that Josie would be staying to work with her.
Aria had run over to give Josie a hug as soon as she and her father arrived, and Tom was full of his usual flirtatious grins. She didn’t take any of it seriously, though. She got the sense that’s just how he was. That he lived life with a permanent smile on his face.
Malcolm shared so many similarities with his siblings and his parents, and yet, he was so unique. He was a little more serious, and despite the charm that he was capable of putting on, fairly reserved. Upon meeting his father for the first time, she had been struck by their physical likeness. But she could see now, after spending more time with his family, that Simon shared that same reserve. These men didn’t speak just to hear the sound of their own voices. They waited until they had something to say, and then people knew to listen.
It was time for them to take their seats, and she loved the way Malcolm took her hand as they walked over to the very large dining table. It was a beautiful and comfortable home a few blocks inland from the river. The style of this house and the others in the neighborhood was different from what she was used to in the United States—these homes were all two stories, and none were ranch houses, at least, not in this neighborhood.
Penny’s kitchen looked a little different, too, along with furnishings that were decidedly European. But despite the differences, the warmth was the same. Her mother had always made sure that their house felt warm and inviting. The Sullivans’ house also felt like a place where you wanted to kick up your feet and laugh with people you cared about and who cared about you.
Malcolm lifted her hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles lightly. Just that one small kiss sent shivers running through her. She knew her face must be coloring and that everyone could see how deeply in his thrall she was, but she didn’t mind. This was his family, and she wanted them to know how much he had come to mean to her. And yet, there were a few times over the course of the past hour or so when she’d looked across at him and felt that something was troubling him. But whenever he caught sight of her, he’d smile, and she’d wonder if she was imagining it.
Once they were all seated, Simon Sullivan raised his glass. “I’d like to propose a toast to the pleasure of having Josie Hartwell here with us today. Though we’ve only known you a week, it feels like we’ve been friends for much longer. I know everyone at the table is so glad that you came to England and Elderflower Island, and we’re so pleased that you have decided to stay on.”
They were all about to clink their glasses when Alice piped in with, “And we’re really glad that you’ve decided to stick with Malc too. I thought he was a lost cause there for a while.”
Josie put her free hand on his leg and squeezed it. She knew how much Alice and the rest of his family loved him, but they could be hard on him. She wanted to love him in all the ways no one but his family had ever loved him. Wholly and completely, unselfishly and unconditionally.
And she hoped—oh, how she hoped—that he would love her the same way. Silently, she reminded herself yet again that he was the one who had suggested they make things serious, real, proper. That always made her grin—a “proper” relationship. Especially when the things they did when their clothes were off in the dark were anything but proper. Pulling her mind from the delicious gutter, she said, “Thank you. Thank you for being so welcoming and for making England feel like home. I am so excited to start this new adventure.”
Mari was also bubbling with excitement. She said, “The first reading retreat starts Wednesday, and it’s just the first of many.” Now she raised her glass. “I want to thank all of you for helping us get the cottages ready in time. To the Sullivans.”
After they’d all sipped, Malcolm’s mother spoke up. “If you ever need anything, all you have to do is ask.”
It was so touching, Josie thought. Amazingly, the retreat was only a few days away, and in spite of all the work they’d had to do, the cottages were going to be ready. She could hardly wait to welcome the first guests.
And then, with the toasts out of the way, it was time to eat her first Sunday roast.
When Malcolm offered to serve her, she took some of everything. How could she resist? It all looked so delicious—roast beef, roast potatoes, cauliflower with cheese sauce, grilled vegetables drizzled with gravy, plus big, fluffy Yorkshire puddings.
Around a mouthful of beef, Tom asked, “So, Josie, are you planning to stay on Malcolm’s houseboat, or will you—”
“She’s staying on my boat.”
Josie turned to Malcolm, a bit surprised at his insistence and the fact that he hadn’t even let Tom finish his question. They hadn’t actually talked about whether or not they’d move in together right away.
“And I take it your flat’s out of commission for a while still?” Tom asked, one eyebrow raised.
Malcolm seemed to glare at his brother. “As far as I know, that’s the case. But I wasn’t planning on returning to it anyway.”
Again, this was news to Josie. They’d been so busy with the cottages and then making love once they were back at the boat, plus keeping up with their two businesses, that they hadn’t really discussed the logistics of how this would work. Only that they were together now.
She didn’t know why it worried her, but it felt like things were moving so quickly. Shouldn’t this be what she wanted? For them to fall head over heels for each other and never want to be apart? But the thing was, with Malcolm she wasn’t convinced it was quite that easy. After all, he’d been a lone wolf for pretty much his entire life. For him to want to switch that abruptly, well, she wasn’t going to say it felt forced. It was more that she wasn’t quite sure it rang completely true. She didn’t doubt his feelings for her. On the contrary, she knew how much he cared. He told her and showed her constantly. But she also understood that just because you decided something didn’t mean that it was simple to just switch to it overnight.
Which was only reinforced when Tom next asked, “And the job? Are you chucking that in too? Not that I don’t think you should, because I’ve wondered how you’ve managed to stick it out in an office that long.”
There seemed to be a bit of a rivalry between the two brothers, maybe because they were so close in age, or maybe because Tom didn’t tiptoe around Malcolm quite as much as everyone else did. They were all honest with him, but Tom seemed more likely to go straight to the heart of things. Almost as though he was trying to provoke a response.
“The more I think about it,” Malcolm said, “the more I’m starting to wonder if it’s time for a career change. Back to working with my hands.”
Yet again, this wasn’t something they’d discussed. Of course, she knew that he really enjoyed working on the cottages, and she also knew that his work wasn’t nearly as fulfilling as it had once been. But the fact that he might not only decide to change his relationship patterns with her but also to switch careers, all in one fell swoop?
Unsettled sensations swirled low in her gut. But maybe this was just her own fears popping up. Maybe this was just being worried that she would be hurt again. But he had promised he wouldn’t hurt her. That was one of the first things he had said to her after they’d started to connect. And she believed him. So then, why did her smile feel slightly forced as everybody chimed in on what a pleasure it had been to work on the cottages and what a great job she and Malcolm had done? This time, his hand was the one going to her lap. And under the table, she clasped it, as though she was trying to hold on to the sweet feeling she had whenever it was just the two of them and they weren’t thinking about the real world.
When the meal was over, she insisted on helping with the cleanup. And it was lovely drying dishes at the sink with Malcolm and his mother and father. She just wished she could shake off that slight sense of unease. Would her past relationship battles always be with her? Or would she one day be able to embrace love without fear at all?