Chapter 28
Opposites Repel
Ihad enough time left to contact my family before the final began, and now was my best opportunity since Sarina was off doing laundry and Corra hadn’t reappeared since yesterday.
It had been several weeks since my last message, and I owed my family an update. I didn’t want to leave this message, but it had to happen and I couldn’t put it off any longer.
This was a major choice, but after facing so many, I was equipped to make it.
I twisted the ring on my finger, contemplating my upcoming nuptials and how best to approach this. My wedding was still set for the day after graduation. The day after tomorrow.
What would happen if I didn’t attend? That was an entertaining thought, me sipping sweetstalk nectar at a bar while Jessarian stood prim and proper waiting for me.
Would my family hunt me down and drag me to the altar?
But they couldn’t make me pledge myself to him, even if they trapped me in the chapel.
The whole thing would be a colossal waste of time and energy for everyone involved, because no one could force me to go through with it.
It would shame my family more than Jessarians’ if I refused though, and my family had already been through enough.
I fantasized about tying Jessarian up to a tree somewhere remote until after the wedding. I’d be in the clear. No pesky smudge on my family’s honor.
Maybe my family would see reason if I approached this with logic. Operations would have me traveling more often than I’d be on the island anyway, it was a recipe for marital trouble if I wed someone stuck on the mainland.
Even if they didn’t accept that reality, Jessarian and I were like two puzzle pieces that never quite fit.
He was refined and polished, and I climbed trees and cliffs in clothes fit for a ragamuffin.
Mischief and I were old friends, and Jessarian didn’t even swear.
We didn’t share any hobbies, interests, or values.
Being around him was emotionally draining.
He’d never shown me the slightest bit of genuine interest, much less empathy.
I wasn’t sure he was even capable of it, we were so fundamentally different.
He might be traditionally attractive, but seeing him didn’t make my heart race, and his polite chatter made my teeth hurt. My brain took a detour to Zevrial’s kiss and I flushed.
What it boiled down to was that there was no world where it made sense for me to marry Jessarian. Or where I would.
I had strength and survival skills now. The tarnished reputation of my family was an issue of their own making, and I wouldn’t let them sacrifice me as their solution. Again. I’d climb or dig my way out of any chapel on Mesmoria.
Vulnerability left me wanting to leave this message for Mama or Nessa, but they weren’t the one dead set on this wedding. This would have consequences, but there was no telling what they’d be.
Picking up the mirror, I thought of my father and tapped the surface twice.
“Hey Papa. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I need you to hear it anyway.
I won’t be marrying Jessarian after graduation.
Please cancel whatever arrangements have been made, and let his family know.
It’s my decision and I won’t spend my life tied to someone I don’t love.
This has nothing to do with Jessarian, our family, or the deal you made with his father.
I just can’t go through with marrying him.
“I’ll be gone on operations constantly once I graduate. I know you think I’m being selfish, but I will provide whatever I can for you and Mama to make up for the loss of the bridewealth. But I can’t marry him. I won’t.
“The final exam is today, and I’ll get through it, no matter what.
I hope that in time you’ll understand my decision not to spend my life with Jessarian.
The Tide of my life is just too important, and your vision of that Tide is…
too different from mine. I’ll return the engagement ring the next time I see you. I love you, Mama, and Nessa very much.”
I tapped the mirror twice, wiping at my face with my sleeve before tears broke loose.
Getting the words out had been like talking through gluey paste. Something bulky had lifted off my shoulders with this message though. My emotions were muddy, but I’d sharpened mentally.
Tucking the mirror back into my nightstand, I caught my own reflection on its surface.
My eyes were fierce with determination.