Chapter 4
FOUR
EVE
As I make it through the week, I feel more like myself again. By Wednesday, I’m proudly focusing on myself, as I should be. I’m fully invested in romanticizing my life.
This morning I spent time picking out my outfit and doing my hair so I feel cute and confident on my day off. I’m in my staple red platform booties, a cozy sweater dress, fun tights covered in hearts, and a pink scarf tied in my hair.
The initial shock from Shawn has passed and the breakup is beginning to sink in. This time it’s final—I’ll never get back together with him.
I smirk, the melody of one of Taylor Swift’s breakup anthems with that sentiment playing in my head. I’ve blasted a playlist full of empowering songs the last two days.
Art inspiration struck me last night. I wanted a reminder to keep my head up when things are looking down. The adorable end result of daisies and the uplifting reminder of no bad days makes me smile.
No bad days. That’s my new outlook.
I ordered stickers so I can plaster them everywhere when I need a positivity boost.
Ideas for products I could do other than stickers come to me as I stroll across Heston U’s campus to meet Dad. Whenever I have time, I like to have lunch with him.
On my way inside the practice rink, a text distracts me. The message from the group chat with my friends makes me smile. We bonded for life in college, and although we don’t see each other every day like we did on campus, we get together as often as we can.
Caroline: Craft night soon? Please, I’m desperate for a girls’ night.
Eve: You know it! How’s next weekend? I have off Friday and Heston’s playing away so I don’t have plans.
Julia: Yes!!!!!!
Caroline: That’s perfect for me. We’ll bring the wine!
Lauren: I’m in, see you then queens!
I wonder if now’s the right time to tell them about Shawn, or if I should wait for our crafty session. Pursing my lips to the side, I draft a few ways to word the news in my head.
“Keep it up. That’s it. Get ahead of the play.”
I stop in my tracks, head snapping up. I forget all about texting. Though I’m used to being at the rink to visit Dad, the familiar voice following the sharp blare of a whistle has me whipping around.
Cole is here. On the ice.
Not just on it, but skating with the hockey players geared up for practice. He borrows one of their sticks and demonstrates a defensive move I remember from watching him play hockey in high school.
He glides in my direction after giving the order for the players to run through it again. My mouth goes dry when he leans against the half wall separating us. He’s tall enough on his own, but his height when he wears skates has always made me warm all over.
“What are you doing here?” I blurt.
Cole blows his whistle again, then turns to face me, resting his arms on the boards.
“Hey, Evie.” His smile is crooked with the whistle caught between his teeth.
A pulse of heat hits my core.
Oh god. Why is that hot? My gaze sweeps him again, taking in the athletic jacket with a Heston U Hockey logo on one side of his chest. It says STAFF beneath it.
“I’m the new assistant coach,” he says. “You didn’t hear about it?”
I shake my head, unable to form words. I’m still stuck on seeing him on the ice in skates again. It takes me right back to my secret infatuation from when we were younger. He still looks just as good in a pair of skates—better, honestly.
There’s always been this sense that he’s at home when he’s on the ice and it’s no different now.
Once I manage to get a hold of myself, I wonder how I missed this. Between my dad and my job tending bar at The Landmark, hockey gossip is pretty much all I hear about.
“No, I had no idea. This is why you came back to Heston Lake?”
“Yeah. Crazy, right? I never thought I’d be coaching at this level.” His green eyes glint. “I’ve done some youth programs and training camps, but never anything like this.”
“It looks good on you.”
His charming smile stretches with amusement. “Does it?”
I jolt at his inviting tone, realizing how that came off. “I mean, it suits you. Coaching. You look like you’re happy doing it.”
His eyes crinkle and he scans the rink. “Yeah, I think I might be. Today’s only my first day.”
Flustered, I look for my escape. “Is my dad around?”
“He’s with Steve doing offensive drills.” Cole motions to the other end of the rink.
“Thanks.”
“See you later.”
I suppose I will if he’s here working with Dad every day.
In my head, I add another reason why I’ll never have him—besides the fact he never figured out how hard I used to crush on him.
I almost laugh at myself because used to is such a lie.
Those feelings are still around, and they only seem worse with him back, all grown up and irresistibly sexy.
Not only is Cole my brother’s best friend, now Dad’s his boss. There’s no way he’d be interested in his friend’s younger sister and he definitely wouldn’t risk pissing off the head coach by going for his only daughter.
Which will never happen, because I doubt Cole’s ever looked at me the way I look at him when he’s not paying attention.
Shaking my head to clear it, I walk around the rink. A few of the upperclassmen wave and I return their greetings.
“Hey.” I hold up the takeout bag from The Landmark. “Brought our lunch.”
Dad’s a gruff man most days with a reputation for being a tough yet dedicated coach for this town’s beloved D1 men’s ice hockey team. That flies out the window when he’s presented with Mr. Boucher’s famous wings.
Mom’s getting on all of us about eating better and moving more, so these are secret wings and burgers. They’re our little thing. At least when we need some comfort food, which I totally do.
I don’t really want to restrict myself with a diet like Mom always has.
Not that she’s too hard on herself, because she loves a good treat, but it’s something ingrained in her from her mother.
We don’t talk to Grandma after Dad made it clear at one Christmas dinner that he wouldn’t let her talk to Mom like that anymore before he made us all walk out.
Mom’s been working on unlearning all the nasty things her mother put in her head since, making a point to always tell me positive affirmations to uplift me instead of nitpick my physical appearance.
I’m content with how my body is, with curves from my boobs to my ass and thighs.
I don’t mind that my stomach has a little pooch or the silvery stretch marks from growth spurts once I hit puberty.
I’m a real-sized woman and it makes me feel beautiful because she instilled the importance of self-confidence in my body image.
I shake the bag. “I hope you’re hungry. I needed emotional support fries this week.”
“Is that right?” Dad’s lips twitch. He checks his smartwatch with a quick nod. “Steve? Finish up practice after this. And send Cole over to me when you’re done here.”
“Got it.” Steve doesn’t take his attention off the action on the ice.
We take the food to his office. He clears a space on the desk and points at me with a fry.
“What’s up with you? You’ve been in lurk mode.”
I pull a face. “What the hell is lurk mode?”
“When you or your brother get mopey with teen angst, that’s what your mother calls it. You lurk around the house.”
My new positive outlook is a work in progress. “Okay, well I’m not a teenager now.”
He gives me his stern coach face when his players mouth off to him, thick brows pinched and laugh lines deepening when his lips thin. I sigh in resignation.
“It’s not a big deal. Things ended with Shawn. And before you go all Dad mode,” I taunt. “It’s permanent.”
He frowns, then nudges the fries closer to me.
He doesn’t have to say anything else and I appreciate him for it, accepting his brand of comfort in the form of quiet solidarity.
I love Mom to pieces, but Dad is who I gravitate to more often when I’m pissed off or upset because he helps me cool my head down and sort out my thoughts on my own.
“What do you want for Christmas this year?” I raise a hand. “And please don’t say ‘whatever’.”
He closes his mouth, scratching his trimmed graying hair. “How about…anything?”
I melt in my chair. “Dad. That’s the same thing.”
A knock at the doorway interrupts. Cole leans in.
“Come sit.” Dad waves him in, gesturing to the open chair beside me.
Cole takes it, shooting me a wink and a lopsided smile. Rather than sprawl in his chair like he might when he’s at my family’s house, he sits up straight in front of Dad.
“We’re all wrapped up. Steve and I let them hit the showers. He said you wanted to see me?”
“Here, have some of this. We never finish the whole basket.”
Dad slides the large order of fries closer to the edge of the desk. Cole stretches across me to reach for some. Awareness of his proximity lights up my senses. I cross my legs when his heady forest scent fills my lungs. My lashes flutter and I duck my face to hide a blush.
“I volunteered you for ice skating lessons at the lake again this year,” Dad says.
My head pops up. “Again?”
Things at the bar slow down through the end of December into January while the college is on winter break.
I planned to use the time to see if I could start a business at an online marketplace like Etsy.
I’ve been toying with the idea after watching some studio videos from other small businesses that sell their stickers and stationary designs.
It would give me the chance to start out small and test the waters.
“You said you liked doing it last year.” His brows furrow. “Sorry, should I not have told Vic you would? I can call him back.”
“I did like it, but…”
I trail off, wondering if it’ll be a good way to keep myself busy. Then I don’t have to think about Shawn. Or—I hold still so I don’t look at Cole.
There will still be plenty of time for everything else I want to do. I don’t have to rush anything.
“Never mind. It’s fine. I promised Victor last year I’d do it. Don’t make him stress over who else would teach on short notice.”