Chapter 34 Eve
THIRTY-FOUR
EVE
In the end, I didn’t finish the camper in time for the maker’s market. I’ve come to terms with that thanks to Cole’s reminders that I don’t have to be perfect.
The impulsive side of me wanted to cancel my spot since it isn’t ready. My nerves are a mess today. I haven’t been able to eat anything yet.
Cole’s tried a few times to coax me into having something other than coffee and water. Before we hit the road, he packed me a protein bar, a sandwich, and a bag of cereal to give me options.
“There’s a rest stop up ahead at the next exit. Hungry?” He’s checked if I want to stop at every sign for food we pass.
I shake my head, eying the thick gray clouds blanketing the sky from the passenger seat with a frown. “I hope the snow holds off.”
“I have all-wheel drive. Take a breath for me, okay?” His thumb strokes my thigh comfortingly.
My head hits the seat and I close my eyes, drawing a deep inhale, holding it, then letting it out until my pulse stops skittering like a panicked rabbit.
“Good girl. Better?”
“A little. Sorry, I’m just so nervous. There are a million thoughts going through my head. Checklists, the order I want to set up in, the freebies I made.” I gulp. “What if no one comes to my table?”
He shoots me an empathetic sidelong glance that stokes warmth in my heart, temporarily taking the edge of nerves away. When he untucks his hand from between my legs and offers it, I clutch it like my lifeline.
“They will, sweetheart. What will make you happy about today?”
“If just one person comes over,” I push out in a rush. “Last night I dreamed no one could see me.”
“I see you,” he promises sincerely.
As usual in the face of my insecurities, he’s patient. He remains calm and doesn’t raise his voice. I’ve never felt like I’m frustrating to deal with.
I massage my forehead. “Sorry I’m like this. I know it’s irrational. It’s hard to switch off if I don’t talk it out.”
“No.” He squeezes my hand. “You have nothing to apologize for. It doesn’t matter if it’s logical, what you’re feeling is real. It’s normal to be nervous and I want you to tell me so I can help. I’m listening. Do what you need to if it’ll make you feel better.”
If I didn’t have him here, I think I would’ve turned around and driven home. He called out from the Knights’ away game for me and arranged for Lainey to watch Bauer for the weekend. He told me I needed him as my coach more than the hockey team does right now.
“I’m so glad you’re with me,” I admit.
“I’ll always be there for you when you need me.”
My eyes water as a result of being overwhelmed. I blink away the tears, feeling silly.
“Want to listen to your audiobook? It might give your mind a minute to rest.”
“Okay.”
He gets my phone connected to the speaker system. The story sucks me in, creating a welcome escape from my imposter syndrome. He opens a protein bar, giving it to me when I glance at him, then gets another for himself.
I relax for a while. Until it begins to snow.
Needing an outlet—without bothering Cole with my indignation—I vent to my friends.
Eve: The weather better not fucking try me today.
Caroline: Major middle finger to the storm. My flight home is canceled. Chin up, babe. It won’t stop you.
Julia: It’s your day. Nothing can hold you down. We’re cheering you on!
Eve: Thanks guys. I’m just dumping my feels here so I don’t keep piling on Cole, ignore me.
Lauren: Never [heart emoji]
Julia: You know this chat is open to all therapeutic unloading because none of us have it together all the time.
Eve: Okkk, I needed that. [heart hands emoji]
We’re less than an hour from the town north of Boston where the market is being held when the snow falls in fast, heavy clumps, decreasing visibility. It’s nearly a whiteout.
“Damn,” he mutters, pointing ahead. “They’ve got every lane blocked up there.”
I lower the volume on the book. “What?”
The car slows to a stop as the one in front of us U-turns from the police cruiser and flashing caution signs. Cole lowers his window. The officer waves to the blockade.
“Sorry, folks. Road’s closing down. We’re asking everyone to turn around and get to safety from the storm. If you’re coming from anywhere beyond fifteen miles, I recommend finding accommodations for the night until this lets up.”
“We only have a bit further to go to our destination. There’s no way around?” Cole asks.
“No. We’re shutting all major roadways across the tri-state area. It’s coming down faster than expected. It’s not safe.”
“I understand.”
“Follow the detour. There are places to stay nearby in town.”
“Thanks.”
I listen to the entire exchange, but it doesn’t sink in until Cole swings the Bronco around, taking the first exit. I twist to look at the highway disappearing behind snow-covered pine trees as we round the bend.
“I’m going to miss the market,” I blurt, voice wavering.
All of my doubts rush back. This is out of my control, yet I feel like the world is telling me I’m not good enough to do this after all.
“There’s still tomorrow,” he says gently.
At the anguished sound that snags in my throat, Cole throws me a concerned glance and pulls into an empty parking lot.
He reaches for me. “Evie—”
“It’s over. I can’t go to the market,” I choke out.
“Hey. Don’t do that.” He cradles my face, brushing away the tears leaking down my cheeks. “Don’t run away. I know that’s not what you want. You’re not giving up.”
My throat burns with frustration and the sting of failure. I shake my head.
“This is just a bump in the road. We’ll figure it out together, okay?”
His gentle tone shatters my aching heart. I try to stop crying, crumbling more in the face of his tender treatment.
“I hate it when you cry, Evie,” he murmurs.
I hiccup, sniffling. It hurts to swallow.
“I’m sorry.”
“Come here.” He draws me in, kissing my forehead. “You don’t have to be sorry. I just want to take your tears away when you cry.”
My eyes close as his scent surrounds me. He runs his palms over my shoulders and cups my nape, kneading until the tension ebbs from my limbs.
“You’re okay.”
“I don’t deserve you,” I whisper.
“Yes you do, sweetheart.”
“You don’t—” I break off with a strained gulp.
“What is it?”
Don’t ask. Don’t. There’s no need to know.
“Do you ever think I’m too much?” My voice is small and cracked.
He releases a rough noise, practically crushing me in his embrace. “No. You’re not too much.”
A fresh wave of tears flow at his firm contradiction of my fear. He swipes them away, whispering reassurances until they dry.
My fingers tangle in his coat. “I should email the event organizers that I can’t make it because of the storm.”
“Let’s get off the roads first. Do me a favor? Find us a hotel for the night. We’ll keep an eye on the weather. In the morning, we’ll get there. You still can make it tomorrow.”
I nod feebly. Find a hotel. I can do that.
It doesn’t occur to me until I’ve skimmed through nearby options and picked one that he offered me the task to give me a minute to catch my breath. I reset our GPS, accepting the situation.
While we’re following the detour signs, Dad calls. I startle, nearly dropping my phone. Cole takes it from me and pulls over to the shoulder to answer it. Dad’s brusque voice comes through the car’s speakers.
“Hey, Eve.”
“What’s up?”
“I’m with the team on the bus to play Vermont, but we got snowed out. I wanted to check that you’re not on the road, either. They’re a mess in this storm.”
“We’re not,” Cole says. “We’re a little under an hour from Middleton and they just closed the highway.”
“Sorry the storm stopped you, honey.” Dad’s voice muffles, pulling away from the phone. “What? No, you can’t talk to them. Sit the hell down, Blake.”
A huff leaves me. Cole smirks.
“We’re going to try to get there tomorrow morning,” I say.
“Alright.” Dad’s pauses. “Take care of her, Cole.”
I exchange a look with him. He stares at me, hand resting on my knee. The corner of his mouth lifts.
“I will,” he promises. “She’s safe with me.”
“Good, good. I knew I could count on you.”
We smile at each other. I fight back a laugh, feeling lighter than I have all day. He squeezes my leg.
“Looks like you didn’t have to call out after all,” Dad continues. “Today’s game will be rescheduled sometime later in the season. We’re heading for a hotel. Get somewhere safe and hunker down. Call me when you do.”
“We will,” I say.
“Drive carefully.”
“You too. Thanks, Dad.”
He hangs up, shouting something at the players to keep them in line. We pull back onto the road and head for the hotel I booked.
“There was only one room left. It’s a king,” I say.
His head jerks with an amused huff. “Only one bed. Just like your current read.”
I smile at the paused audiobook on my lock screen. “Look at you, learning the tropes.”
“Gotta keep up with what my girl likes.”
Once we arrive at the hotel, the world is blanketed in thick piles of snow. I check over my stock packed up in the back while he texts Dad and gets our bags.
“It’ll be okay out here overnight,” he says.
“You’re right.”
The room is nothing fancy. It’ll do as shelter from the storm tonight. After setting our bags down, Cole’s arms slip around my waist from behind.
“Should I put a pillow wall between us?” He kisses my cheek. “Or lay down some ultimatum about not touching each other?”
I play along. “Don’t look into it if you wake up with me snuggled against you. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“We can’t fight these feelings,” he rasps, imitating the narrator for the hero. “I can’t resist you anymore. I need you, even if it’s only for tonight.”
I spin in his embrace, winding my arms around his neck. “I’m glad I get you for more than one night.”
“I’m not going anywhere. You get me forever.”
I play with his hair and kiss his jaw. “Then that’s how long I’m holding on.”
“Good, because I mean it.”
A chill wracks me. “I’m going to warm up in the shower.”
“I’ll join you.”
We strip down in comfortable silence. Steam fills the bathroom by the time we step in. The hot spray feels good against my muscles. Cole helps by massaging me until I’m pliant.
“How are you feeling?”
“Okay. I wish this didn’t happen, but I’m hoping we can make it tomorrow at least.”
“I know it sucks right now, but this isn’t a setback. It’s like I say to the guys after a loss, you just keep going. That’s how you turn it around. And you will, Evie.”
I trace water droplets on his skin as he caresses my back. “You always know what to say to get my gremlin brain to stop being such a jerk to me.”
“Because I love you,” he says simply.
My heart skips a beat. Hearing him say it stokes an ember that echoes throughout me. I meet his warm gaze.
“I love you, too,” I murmur.
He presses a smile to my wet hair. “I know.”
“You do?”
“You’re always showing me. The things you make for me, or when you bought me that dog figurine. How you melt against me when I have you in my arms. The way you smile at me is different. Like you’re so happy you can’t contain it.”
I nuzzle into him. He’s been telling me he loves me the same way, with his caring gestures like checking in to remind me to eat and always needing to touch me in some way.
His caress skims up my spine. I match him, shifting closer. His arms lock around me.
It’s more about intimacy and our connection than seeking anything out of it other than enjoying being pressed together with nothing between us.
“Thank you for being you,” I say against his shoulder.
He responds by holding me tighter.
Even when I’m drowning from doubt, imposter syndrome, and fear, Cole doesn’t leave me on my own. No matter what problem I’m facing, he’s always here for me to help me through it. I have him to hold me up.