Chapter Fifty-Two
Lisa, Cindy and I returned to Milo’s studio a couple of hours later.
Having now eaten at the Starlight Arms and engaged in a bit of chit-chat with Cilla, I left the pub feeling like I’d made another new friend. It was such a shame there were no properties currently for sale in the village.
‘I’m not going to linger,’ said my bestie, when we reached the garden gate. ‘You look worn out, so I’ll take myself off. I suggest you have an early night.’
I looked at Lisa blearily.
‘Honestly? I can’t wait to get into bed.’
‘Good girl.’ She flung her arms around me and gave me a big hug. ‘You’ve had an emotionally exhausting day.’
‘That’s an understatement. Look, Lisa…’ I hesitated.
‘What?’
‘Can I beg a favour?’
‘Sure. Spit it out.’
‘This revelation today… Jake… a long ago secret…’
‘Yes?’
‘Well, I know the cat is out of the bag at work, but I’d rather leave it there, if you don’t mind.’ I nodded my head meaningfully at Starlight Cottage. ‘I don’t want my new landlord knowing. Milo and I didn’t get off to the greatest of starts. It’s only recently that a thaw took place between us. He might wonder what sort of hussy is inhabiting his studio if he knew the truth.’
‘I’m sure he wouldn’t judge you, Tilly.’
‘Maybe not, but I’d prefer the subject to remain private. I’m still coming to terms with it myself. As it is, the thought of facing everyone at work on Monday makes me feel queasy. I mean, what will Leslie say when the office gossip reaches his ears?’
‘Today’s news is tomorrow’s fish and chip paper,’ said Lisa firmly. ‘And anyway, if anyone is indiscreet, I’ll spread some other gossip.’ She tapped the side of her nose. ‘You’re not the only one who has been keeping secrets.’
‘Eh?’ My brows knitted. ‘What do you know that I don’t?
She tapped the side of her nose for a second time.
‘A ticking time bomb, that’s what,’ she declared. ‘Something that would take the spotlight of attention right off you.’
‘I don’t believe you,’ I tutted. ‘Listen, you can’t make things up about people. Spreading rumours and telling porky pies is wrong.’
‘It wouldn’t be porky pies,’ she assured. ‘Do you remember when I walked in on Leslie picking his nose?’
‘Lisa, our boss picking his nose is hardly headline gossip.’
‘It is,’ she said indignantly. ‘Especially when I said to him, “Leslie, is that a bogey on your finger?” and he said, “No it’ snot . Snot, geddit?’ she guffawed. ‘Ha! Made you laugh! But seriously, I do know a real secret.’ She looked about furtively, as if the entire staff of Home and Hearth might be lurking. ‘Ready for this one?’ She lowered her voice to a dramatic whisper. ‘Candace and Leslie are having a ding-dong.’
‘Stop it,’ I said, clicking my tongue.
‘It’s true!’ she exclaimed.
I looked my bestie’s face. Earnest expression. Eyes wide. Blimey, she was telling the truth. Flipping heck. Candace and Leslie were both married – and not to each other.
‘How long have you been hugging that bit of information?’ I gasped.
‘Since we were in his office this afternoon.’
‘You’ve lost me,’ I said, confused.
‘Remember when I went to the drinks cabinet to get us all a brandy? Well, there was a love letter posted between two of the bottles. One corner of the note was poking out. I could see some of the words, and recognised Candace’s loopy writing. So, I was nosy and read it.’
‘What did it say?’ I breathed.
‘Naughty things,’ Lisa winked. ‘Darling Leslie, you melt me into a puddle in my panties…’
‘Don’t,’ I snorted, clutching my mouth.
‘… enjoy your meeting this afternoon and grab my boob when you’re ready…’
‘You’re winding me up,’ I said, snorting again.
‘… lots of love from Randy Candy, your personal supplier of sugar tits.’
I burst out laughing.
‘You cannot be serious,’ I said. ‘I mean, not really.’
‘You’d better believe it,’ said Lisa. She made a criss-cross over her heart. ‘Who would have thought, eh? Sweet Candace with her tweed skirts and cardigans buttoned up to her windpipe. Nor Leslie, with his horn-rimmed glasses, and picking his nose when he thinks nobody is looking.’
‘Blimmin heck,’ I said, blowing out my cheeks. ‘I’m gobsmacked.’
‘Indeedy. And let’s hope their respective spouses don’t find out. Otherwise Home and Hearth will be seeing a completely different drama – which will make Jake’s appearance positively tame.’
‘Having been on the cuckolded end of an office romance myself, my heart goes out to their spouses. How are we going to look Leslie and Candace in the eye again?’
‘Quite easily,’ said Lisa firmly. ‘Especially when it comes to Leslie and our annual salary reviews. Let’s put it this way’ – she smiled wickedly – ‘if he trots out guff about poor targets being the reason for no pay rise, I might ask if he likes his tits with one sugar or two.’
‘You wouldn’t,’ I gasped.
‘Tilly, you are my best friend and I love you loads, but you are sometimes incredibly na?ve.’
‘Don’t remind me,’ I said sagely. ‘I have thirty-four-year-old son to prove it.’