Chapter Sixty
‘Robin…’ I trailed off helplessly.
‘Yes, darling,’ he said. Like a light switch, his words flipped to endearment.
I shook my head, too flabbergasted to find words. But eventually I managed to spit a few out.
‘Of course it’s too late,’ I spluttered. ‘ Way too late.’
‘But it doesn’t have to be,’ he quickly countered. ‘We can start again. Properly. Move. A new county. A new country , if you’d prefer. And you can forget about work. Give it up. I’ll sell my half of the business to my partner. Take early retirement. You can be a lady of leisure. Spend your days in, gosh, I don’t know’ – he spread his hands wide – ‘Tuscany. Gazing at the vineyard beyond the kitchen window as you make fresh pasta. Or, if the lingo puts you off, we could go to America. Or, I know’ – his face lit up – ‘what about Australia? You’d like it there, wouldn’t you! They have kangaroos and koala bears. You like fluffy creatures. You’d be in your element.’
I put my head on one side, like Cindy did when trying to work out if I’d said Do you want a chew, or do you want a poo?
‘Robin, I don’t want to emigrate-’
‘Fine, fine,’ Robin placated. ‘We’ll stay in the UK.’
‘And as much as I like kangaroos and koalas, I already have a fluffy .’
‘Do you?’ said Robin in surprise. His gaze shifted to the interior of the studio, as if he might spot a wallaby in front of the television.
‘I have a dog,’ I pointed out.
‘Oh, right. I see,’ he nodded. ‘It can always be rehomed.’
I scowled.
‘My dog is not an it, and Cindy will not be rehomed-’
‘Okay, not a problem.’ He put up his hands by way of apology. ‘The dog can stay-’
‘Because’ – this time it was my turn to interrupt – ‘you and I are not getting back together.’
‘Now don’t be hasty, Tilly,’ Robin soothed. ‘You and I got along very well together. All we need to do is put an unfortunate episode behind us.’
‘An unfortunate episode?’ I repeated. ‘Robin, we are divorced. We have the certificate to prove it – not to mention mutually depleted finances to pay for it. I think those circumstances go way beyond an unfortunate episode. ’
‘Listen,’ he implored. ‘We wouldn’t be the first couple on this planet to remarry-’
‘Remarry?’ I cried. ‘Flaming flipping Nora, Robin. What on earth has come over you?’
‘Common sense,’ he declared. ‘That’s what’s come over me. And not before time. I think what happened was quite simply a mid-life crisis. Terrible. Awful. Hideous. Even so, I’ve worked my way through it and know now where my priorities lie. I want to marry you all over again. Please, sweetheart. Think of me as your very own Richard Burton. And you are my Elizabeth Taylor. Or I could be Don Johnson to your Melanie Griffith.’
‘Melanie Griffith?’ I frowned. ‘Wasn’t she married to Antonio Banderas?’
My thoughts immediately splintered off to another man who looked like Mr Banderas. A man who wasn’t a million miles away either.
‘Tilly, I implore you to listen to me – to listen to common sense. To give up this ridiculous’ – Robin stumbled for the right word – ‘ dwelling… and come home with me. Please. Let me help you pack your stuff. We’ll do it together. Right now. I can’t wait to have you home again. To hold you tight. I don’t think I’ll ever let you go again. In fact’ – he took a step towards me – ‘let me hold you now, Tilly.’
My hand shot up.
‘Stop! For heaven’s sake, Robin. I’ve had enough of this nonsense.’
‘It is not nonsense,’ he protested. ‘I told you. It’s common sense.’
I folded my arms across my chest.
‘And where does Samantha figure in this apparent grand reunion?’
‘She doesn’t,’ said Robin airily. ‘She and I are no longer together. We weren’t getting along.’
‘So she dumped you.’ I gave Robin a knowing look.
‘It was a mutual decision,’ he said, chin jutting. A mutual decision. Those famous words from my youth. ‘And anyway’ – he continued – ‘Samantha is now with someone else.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ I said. Surprisingly, I felt genuinely sad for my ex-husband. He’d thrown away a twenty-year-old marriage, spent money buying me out, and paid a hefty legal bill. And all for what? To have a fling with a woman young enough to be his daughter. A woman who’d now cast Robin aside like a chewed up old slipper. ‘I suppose she’s met someone nearer her own age, eh?’
Robin looked momentarily mutinous.
‘As it happens, no. She met someone older.’
‘Older?’ I gasped. ‘What, a year or two older?’
He gave a thin smile.
‘Try a decade or two. The guy came to me as a client. He was extremely wealthy. He took my tax advice, then he took my girlfriend.’
‘Ouch,’ I said.
Robin’s chin jutted again.
‘Good riddance,’ he said belligerently. ‘Good riddance to gold-digging rubbish. So, Tilly. You and me. Second time lucky, eh?’
Milo chose that moment to emerge from Starlight Cottage, Rambo at his feet.
‘Sorry about that,’ he said cheerfully, coming over to me and Robin. ‘That was JJ checking in.’ Milo suddenly noticed the strained look on my face – and the hostile one on Robin’s. ‘Hello,’ he said politely to my ex-husband. Robin didn’t deign to reply. ‘Everything okay?’ said Milo to me.
‘Er–’
‘My wife is perfectly okay, thank you,’ said Robin proprietarily. He then turned back to me. ‘Have a think about what I said, Tilly. Then call me. Preferably when you’re on your own,’ he added, giving Milo a filthy look.
Without waiting for me to say anything further, Robin turned on his heel and stomped off. The garden gate slammed behind him.