Chapter 5
five
LULU
Sue's frown serves as the perfect reminder that I'm doing something wrong. I shouldn't be on the ground or cowering away from her boss. I'm being offensive beyond belief. So much so that I'm really struggling to hold my emotions in check.
The last thing they want is for me to start crying. Goodness, I already fell over in my haste to leave and regressed too far, hindering my ability to speak.
With my shoulders back, I shove Little me into her cozy corner in my mind and request the interview I was promised. I need this job, embarrassment be damned.
Guilt and worry for my safety flare as the man, Preston, groans. He struggles to stand and all I can think is how it's my fault he was down there in the first place. My apology makes him frown for half a second, immediately making my throat clog with worry.
The disapproving look on his face disappears quick, though. So fast I wonder how he's able to pivot like that. I'll need to remember that.
"Come on, little one."
Why does he call me that? He can't know about Little Lulu. Internally rolling my eyes at my automatic concern, I chalk it up to the fact that I'm bony and short. Will he let me work here considering my appearance?
I keep my steps light as I follow Preston down the hallway. It's a very large building, making me feel small and insignificant. There's nothing warm and cozy about this place, which surprises me.
"We open in one week. Right out the window, you'll see the path that leads to the residents' cabin. Those are for the people who come to us needing shelter," Preston shares, hands shoved in his pockets as he slows his steps to let me catch up.
"Pretty," I compliment. The forest gives the property a whimsical feel but it's missing something.
Preston stops and turns his full attention to me. "I sense a but."
"Oh, nothing." My face flames red and I avoid his gaze.
"Please tell me."
His voice sounds so soft and gentle I'm unable to hold myself back from peeking at him. The openness of his gaze sets me at ease enough to share my thoughts. "Twinkly lights strung in the trees would be a cozy, comforting touch."
Preston angles himself to look out the window. I watch as he cocks his head as if he's picturing my suggestion. Is he actually considering my idea?
"You're right. Especially at night I'm sure that would help people feel more safe. Thank you," he says with a soft smile that only makes me blush harder. The thoughtful look he pins me with makes me shift nervously.
Keep it together.
"Down this hallway," he murmurs, twisting on his heel as he encourages me forward, "are the offices. I'll show you where Sue's is in case you need her. Or if you just want somewhere to hang out. Cora hangs out in there too. Some of the other girls join."
I hum, wondering if that's distracting for Sue. Surely she has a lot of work she needs to do.
"What's going on in that brain of yours?" Preston presses, thankfully continuing to walk this time.
Nibbling on the inside of my cheek, I chance a look at his face and once again only see curiosity and openness. I blow out a breath. "I was thinking it must be distracting. A hangout room near the offices could be nice. For the... girls."
"Amazing," Preston praises and turns the corner into what seems to be his office. "Please, take a seat, Lulu. I have an idea."
The beanbag chair in the corner sparks my interest. Then there's the low hanging bookshelf and bin of coloring supplies. I must stare at it for too long because he chuckles. "Yeah. My friends' Little girls often need somewhere to breathe, so your idea is perfect."
"There will be many kids around?" I'm not sure I'm good with kids. I've never been around them but maybe my job won't be with them so I won't have to find out how horrible I am at it.
Preston takes a seat in the leather chair behind the desk. With his arms resting on the dark-brown wood, he once again overwhelms me with his intense attention. "Sit, please."
Gulping, I do as he says. Instead of placing my butt in the cushy corner, I sit stiffly in the seat opposite him. Do I make eye contact or look away? I don't know what to do. My socialization skills are lower than low.
"I'm assuming Bash and Sue told you this is a kink-friendly establishment.
There will be multiple nondisclosure forms you'll need to sign and additional trainings if there are terms, lifestyles you don't understand.
We will be very strict about this being a no- judgement zone.
We have other options, places to go, to provide the people who need shelter and support if they can't follow these expectations as guests.
Same goes for our staff. Tell me, Lulu, do you understand? "
Gosh, I think I'm going to cry. "Yes, sir." He's scaring me.
"What do you know about kink dynamics?" His take-no-nonsense tone and the way he’s putting me on the spot has my muscles tensing and trembling. "Shit, I'm sorry, little one. Take a breath."
He tells me to breathe like his order is law. My body sure seems to think so. "S-sorry. I know a few th-things. Um, I-I won't judge anyone. Promise!"
"Okay, Lue. I—"
"Don't call me that." My eyes widen with horror. I cut him off. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I'll g—"
"Lulu, you'll stay in your seat."
I do as he says.
"It's me who needs to apologize. I should have asked before giving you a nickname. I'm mucking this up. You're one of my first interviews."
"Oh..." What do I say now? Where's the handbook? "Well, I can wash dishes. I know how to mop and sweep. I'll clean."
Leaning back in his chair he rubs his lip with his thumb. "I have a better idea. You have a good eye for improvements that could make this place more comfortable and welcoming. I'd love your opinions and ideas."
Pulling my gaze away from his plump lips, I flush. "Y-you want my opinions?" Nobody has ever wanted to hear me talk, let alone know what I think about something.
"Yes, little one." He looks so genuine...
It makes me want to know more. "Why do you call me that?"
He cocks his head, and gives me a little smile. "I'd like to tell you about myself, then I want to know more about you. Okay?"
I nod, because what else am I supposed to do?
Absently, I stroke the strings coming off of Binks to ground myself.
My father always made me feel so small and insignificant.
This is new territory for me except I still feel Little.
Like Preston building me up and making me feel important is tugging on my Little side too.
The beanbag chair is calling my name. So much so that I accidentally glance at it.
"Let's get more comfortable," he suggests. I watch him stand and seat himself in the big chair near the beanbag and when he gestures to the cozy corner, I blush so hard. He notices.
Even so, I'm incapable of denying myself the experience. Flopping into the beanbag chair, I sigh contentedly. I don't think I've ever been so comfortable in my life.
What if I never have the opportunity again?
Preston could decide I'm too messed-up to work here and send me home.
I don't know if I'll ever gather the courage to find another job if this doesn't work.
Then I would be stuck in that cold, deteriorating house I grew up in forever.
Until it collapses around me and I decay with it.
A warm touch pulls me from the prison of my anxious mind. Blinking, I see Preston leaning close with his hand on my knee. He's not frowning, he's smiling actually. It's small but it does wonders to help me lean back and snuggle my blanket.
"I see I'm losing you to some yucky thoughts, so I'll start. My name is Preston Bailey. I studied psychology in college and completed my Master’s degree.
Reclaiming Red has been my dream and after my parents died, I decided this was something I needed to do.
I knew they would be proud and supportive, so I pushed forward and found like-minded people who helped me build this place. "
"Wow," I breathe. Are there hearts in my eyes?
He chuckles and releases my knee with a squeeze. Suddenly cold, I tuck further into my chair, hoping he doesn't read my movement as fear.
"I settled on Reclaiming Red because many survivors who we will help and guide toward a better future will need a safeword. Many have probably said no and been ignored. Here they can reclaim their control and find respect. Red, the stoplight system, is a common safeword. Reclaiming Red."
"Amazing..." I murmur, unable to control the awe radiating from my heart. I stopped saying no a long time ago because it only made my punishments worse.
"Thank you, baby girl."
My stomach somersaults and I suck in a very audible breath. Tucking my knees up, I try to hide from the embarrassing reaction I had.
Preston just smiles even wider at me and places his hand on my knee again. He's so warm... I'm always cold. "It's okay, Lulu. Hopefully after I explain you'll feel a bit better about me and your feelings."
"My feelings?" I blurt. What does he know about my feelings?
"Mhmm." He nods, still donning a soft smile. "I know being called baby girl made you feel nice, right? You don't have to say anything yet but I'm going to tell you something about myself that requires an open mind."
Nodding, I wiggle my toes in my mom’s too-big shoes. What could he possibly want to tell me?
"Do you know what a Daddy Dom is?" he continues when I suck in a breath and nod.
"Okay, you can stay quiet. You understand that I'm attracted to an adult female whom I can take care of in the most intimate ways?
I want to be able to provide a space for my woman to regress and enjoy the simpler things in life.
There would be no sexual activity of any sort while she's Little.
That's just not me. But I'll ravish her when she's my brave beautiful woman again. "
I nod, filing that information away even if I knew most of it. Then I come to a horrible realization. Sitting up fast, I blink away the dizziness from not eating this morning. "Do you have a Little?" I gasp. Glancing around I realize he definitely might have one and I'm in their spot.
"No, baby. I don't have a Little. Many of my friends have found theirs, though. I didn't lie about this being a place for them, so you are more than welcome to use this spot."
He nudges me back, and I go willingly. I'm going to soak this chair in through my pores if it's the last thing I do. Maybe I'll blush hard enough it melts to my butt and I have to take it home.
Wait...
His hand presses into my knee a little more. "Shh, just relax, little one. I'm going to make a guess, and you may slap me if I'm overstepping. But I think there's a reason you feel comfortable with me off and on."
"Okay," I whisper keeping my hands tightly wrapped in Binks.
"Your anxiety over a new place and new people is battling with the sweet Little girl inside of you who wants out to play with Daddy."
"You're not my Daddy," I blurt. Immediately, I gasp and cower away.
"Oh baby," he coos. I feel him tug my blankie and drape the dingy fabric around me gently. "I may not be your Daddy yet. But you most definitely are my Little girl to protect and that sweet baby inside of you feels safe with me. I'll do everything in my power to make sure Big Lulu feels the same."
I'm going to pass out. Or maybe adult me is trying to escape and Little me wants out.
Can I let her? Can I let go?