Chapter 49 #2
“Enough!” my mother says, raising her voice.
The girls subside, clearly trying not to laugh.
“So,” she says, turning to me, “am I to understand that you allowed a cursed pirate to steal your…cobwebs and seashells, and it never occurred to you—it never occurred to you—” She seems unable to finish her thought.
“Roth, tell her,” she says, turning to my father.
My father looks between us with wide eyes. “It doesn’t make much sense to me, either,” he finally says. “I suppose your mother is trying to say…you may have put yourself in rather a vulnerable position with a near-stranger.”
“A pirate,” Mother reiterates.
“He’s my friend,” I say, suddenly feeling very tired.
“I’d never do anything—” Bash begins.
“This is so stupid,” Sasha breaks in. “They’re clearly in love with each other; everyone can see it, and no one’s willing to just say it. They’ve been absolutely ridiculous about each other for months. Even I figured it out.”
“It’s not real, if he’s cursed to fall in love,” I say, miserably.
“Oh, for the love of crackers, Tandy,” Sasha says.
“He fell in love with you despite his stupid curse. The curse just makes it harder for him to fall out of love with you. It means that if he were parted from his heart—willingly, if he were to steal something, or accidentally, if he were to fall in love—it’ll be harder to get it back.
It doesn’t matter how he’s parted from it. Am I right?” she says, to the sorcerer.
“Ineluctably,” the sorcerer says.
“Capital,” she says, sitting back and crossing her arms, looking satisfied.
“But if you were in love with me,” I say to him, “why didn’t you tell me this morning? Or last night?”
“What happened last night?!” Mother interrupts.
“I kissed him,” I say, defiantly.
“Tanadelle,” Mother says, sounding aghast.
“Why shouldn’t I have?” I say, my voice rising. “I’ve been kissed by seven people I didn’t want to be kissed by, at least two of whom definitely didn’t want to kiss me. Why shouldn’t I kiss someone I do like, and who wanted to kiss me? I’ve never kissed anyone else before.”
“Last night,” Mother begins, “you already knew we were coming back with the sorcerer. There was no need to disport yourself just to try to break the curse. You were going to be free.”
“I didn’t kiss him to try to break the curse! I kissed him because I wanted to. And he kissed me because he wanted to, not because he felt he had to. And you’ll be delighted to know he was extremely reluctant about the whole thing and it made me feel absolutely terrible.”
“Tandy,” Bash says, half rising, his voice pleading.
“And you,” I say, turning on him. “I told you I was in love with you, and you still couldn’t bring yourself to say anything real.”
Silence falls over the room.
“He probably thought the curse—his curse—made him fall in love with you,” Honey says, gently. “And didn’t want to give you false hope.”
“Well then, let him say that!”
Eight pairs of eyes turn to him. Bash colors and swallows hard. “I didn’t want to make things worse for you.”
“You didn’t want to make things worse for me? I’m leaving. I told you I love you, and you know I have to leave, and you couldn’t say it back, even if you thought it was a curse and not real? And I was so worried about hurting you!”
“I can’t go with you,” he says, his voice broken. “You’re leaving, and I can’t go with you. I would follow you to the ends of the earth if I could, but I can’t. And I hoped…if you could leave without feeling that you were leaving that behind, too, it wouldn’t hurt you as much, in the end.”
“You told him you love him?” my mother repeats.
“What happens if I don’t leave?” I demand, ignoring her.
“You are leaving,” Mother says.
He gives me a look filled with such raw emotion I look away, chastened.
“You are leaving,” Mother repeats.
I sigh. “I’m not. Or, even if I am, I’m not going back—” Home isn’t the right word for it. “I’m not going back,” I assert, more confidently than I feel.
“Roth, talk to her,” Mother says, throwing her hands up in the air. My father looks between us with big eyes.
“Honeyrose?” Mother says.
Honey shakes her head. “Oh no. I quit.”
“I beg your pardon?” Mother says, half rising.
“Honey,” I gasp.
“I can’t do it anymore,” she says, almost conversationally.
“I hate having my loyalty torn the way it is. I can’t be a true friend to anyone when I must answer to the Crown and the Crown alone.
Researching this curse, seeking a solution…
well, I received an intriguing job offer, and I think I’d like to explore it.
” She looks at me. “That way, at least, I can write to you without worrying about who’ll be reading it.
” Something inside me pops at her words.
She’s leaving…but she’s leaving to live her own life. I won’t lose her entirely.
“Who on earth has offered you a job?” Mother gasps, clearly totally agog.
“The Dark Wizard,” Honey says, evenly.
“Are you kidding?” Sasha gasps. “The guy in the castle? With the, like, bats and snakes?”
“Among other things, yes,” Honey says.
“Honeyrose Brambling,” Mother says, in the tone of voice that means she’d banish her from the Widdenmar for treason if she could, “you cannot be serious.”
“As a curse,” Honey says. And then she smiles at me, and I feel some sort of weight lift from my chest. She opens her dossier and pulls out a slip of paper. “Here’s my letter of resignation.”
“Mother of all the gods,” Mother says, taking it. “My daughter has decided she’s fallen in love with a pirate who’s terrified of water, and the only sensible person in the room has just resigned.”
“Hey,” Sasha says. “We’re sensible.”
“You’re twelve,” Mother says.
“Fifteen!” Amaritha yelps.
“The point being,” Mother continues, “that absolutely none of this is acceptable.”
“I’m not going back,” I say again.
“And I’ve quit,” Honey adds.
“And I do love her,” Bash says. “Though I can’t say that’s worth very much.”
Sasha punches him in the arm. “That’s how you do it, you weird hot idiot,” she says, as he rubs the spot she hit.
“I am in love with him,” I add. “But that’s not why I’m not going back. He’s very irritating.”
“They’re both weird,” Amaritha whispers to Sasha.
“I confess, I’m very curious about this ‘ironic curse meets water magic’ business,” the sorcerer pipes up.
“May we please,” my mother says, rising, “please finish this conversation without all these people around, Tanadelle?”
I rise. “It won’t change anything. I’m not going back.”
Every time I speak the words, I feel another weight rise off my shoulders. No more corsets, no more dances, no more ribbons or five-hour state dinners or moving from palace to palace.
“You’re putting us in a terrible position,” Mother says, and I cringe. I hate to disappoint her.
“She’s not, not really,” Honey pipes up.
“You ascended to the throne at sixteen, Your Majesty, and you did it all, from what I’ve read, with careful and deliberate planning; you did what you could personally, and delegated the rest. It could be done again.
I have no doubt the people of the Widdenmar would be understanding that you have one daughter spending time with her new baby, and a second who’s, well, retired. ”
“You can’t retire,” Mother says, ignoring Honey. “It isn’t done.”
“I’m doing it,” I say.
“And you’ll, what, stay here? Run a shop? With a pirate?”
“I’ll stay here and run a bookshop. I can’t answer for anyone else.”
“I’m really a pirate in name only these days,” Bash adds, unhelpfully.
My mother sits down again.
“He wouldn’t be very good at running a bookshop anyway,” Sasha whispers.
“It’s just a lark,” Mother says. “You’re tired, you need a break. We can give you a few months to yourself, and then you can reconsider.”
“I am tired,” I say. “But a few more months won’t change my mind. This”—I wave a hand at the room—“this is the first real home I’ve ever had. I wear my own clothes, I go to sleep and wake up when I want.” I smile, a little sadly. “I kissed someone because I wanted to.”
“But this is our life,” Mother says.
“I know, Mama,” I say, softly. “I’m sorry.”