Chapter 6
Rayne
Alone—Chandler Leighton
“By the way, I’m Rayne,” I say, introducing myself as we walk through the empty hallway back toward the entrance hall.
“We know. Pearson told us about you,” Mae replies. Her voice has a gentle, compassionate tone that makes me nervous.
“We’re so sorry about your parents,” Zoe adds, just as gently and sympathetically.
I blink frantically and take a deep breath.
“Thank you.” Silence grows between us, the two exchange a quick glance, and it’s like when Pearson greeted me before.
It feels uncomfortable and weird. They don’t know me.
They can’t say anything to make me feel better, and to be honest, I don’t want to hear anything either.
“What’s it like here?” I blurt out because I can’t stand the silence. I want them to fill it. With anything. It doesn’t matter what.
“In three words: exhausting, challenging, awesome,” Mae says, counting on her fingers.
Zoe rolls her eyes, but smiles. “You’ll definitely like it here. There are only twenty people in our class. No class has more, either. It’s small, but that’s the great thing about this school. It means we all get plenty of individual attention.”
“Have you been here long?” Mom told me that some students start here even before college. They don’t just dance, they get their high school diplomas at the same time.
Mae shakes her head. “Only since September. We’re both still pretty new.”
We leave the building and I shiver, hunching my shoulders as an icy wind sneaks under my coat.
“Where are your things?” Zoe asks, pulling gloves out of her jacket pockets.
“Still in the car.” I point to the parking lot, and the two of them walk purposefully toward it.
“You don’t have to help me,” I say quickly. I don’t want to put them out.
They look at me skeptically. “Of course we’ll help,” Mae says. “You have more than just one suitcase, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I’ll have to make a few trips.”
“See? Then you definitely need our help.” Mae makes a few happy dance steps and looks so pleased that I almost laugh. “Let us help you, you’re one of us now. We do these things for each other.”
I give in. Something tells me they wouldn’t let me talk them out of it anyway.
Mae links arms with Zoe and then reaches for mine like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Taken by surprise, I let her. It’s been ages since someone treated me like that.
I feel a twinge inside. I can’t help thinking about Hailey.
She used to be my bestie, but Mom and Dad’s death changed not only me but also our friendship.
I force myself to put thoughts of Hailey aside before it starts to hurt.
Maybe it will always hurt, who knows? There’s so much pain inside me that sometimes I don’t know if there’s any part of me that doesn’t feel it.
“Did Pearson give you your schedule?” Zoe asks, with a quick glance at Mae.
“Yeah, it’s in here somewhere,” I say, holding up the gray bag that the principal just gave me.
“Great, then we can have a look later to see which classes we have together.”
“Don’t we have them all together?”
She shakes her head. “The whole class has theory in the afternoon together. We also have technique, pointe, and pas de deux together, but the sophomores are in those too. Technique and pointe are every morning, and pas de deux is only twice a week this semester on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On the other days we have practical classes. This semester I’m taking contemporary dance, among other things.
In those classes, we’re also mixed with students from other years. ”
“Sounds complicated.”
“Not really. You get used to it.”
We reach the car, and I tell Francis I want to get my things. A moment later he’s opening the trunk, helping us take out the suitcases and boxes.
“Is that a record player?” Zoe asks incredulously, and I feel the blood rush to my cheeks.
“Yes.”
“That’s so cool! I bought Taylor Swift’s Midnights on LP even though I don’t have anything to play it on. But I just had to own it, I couldn’t help myself.” She laughs, and I don’t know why, but I already like her somehow.
“I have it too,” I confess. “And pretty much everything she’s ever recorded.”
Mae sighs theatrically. “I think you’re going to be our new bestie. Just so we can listen to all your records, of course.”
“No objections here,” I say with a smile. It’s a real smile, the first one in ages.
It’s strange how easy it is for me to talk to them, and how easy they make it for me. How naturally they accept me. They know who I am and they know what happened. But they don’t ask questions, they give me space, and I don’t think I’ve been this grateful for anything in a long time.
There are plenty of people who would have grilled me right away. About LA, about my parents, which musicians and actors I know—all the things I don’t want to talk about. I’ve met people like that. But Mae and Zoe aren’t that way at all.
“Even with three of us, I think we’ll need to make two trips,” Zoe says as she grabs one of my suitcases.
“I’m afraid so.” Mae glances briefly in Francis’s direction, but there’s no way I can ask him for help. If Grandma comes back and he’s gone, it would be a problem for him.
“I’m sorry. Honestly, you don’t have to help—”
“Don’t be silly!” Mae interrupts me. “Of course we’ll help you. We don’t have anything else to do right now, and Pearson chose us to show you around, so that’s what we’re going to do.”
“Mae can be a bit overdramatic sometimes. Not that you’ve noticed.” Zoe winks at me conspiratorially, and Mae feigns being offended and sighs heavily.
“It’s true, I love drama.” She stacks two boxes on top of each other. “Now let’s go! We’ve got a lot to do.”
* * *
“Hmm, is there anything else we have to show Rayne?” Mae asks Zoe, but she shakes her head. “I don’t think so. You’ll see the ballet studios early tomorrow morning, and the theory classrooms aren’t that exciting.”
“What about the gym and the sauna? And the swimming pool?”
“You have a pool and a sauna?” I somehow missed that when I did my research.
“Cool, right? Not that I used either one of them very much last semester, but it’s still great to have so many options,” Mae says.
Zoe pushes a strand of hair out of her face, her brown eyes glinting happily. “Maybe this semester.”
“It’s definitely not a bad idea.”
Later that day, we’re downstairs in the dorm dining room. With its arched windows and green velvet-upholstered armchairs arranged around the tables, it’s very cozy. In fact, the whole place is pretty cozy for a school, even if it is a ballet academy.
After putting my things in my room, the two of them showed me around the dorm, our common room, and the roof terrace. We didn’t go outside, though, because it started raining again. I guess it’s not cold enough for snow yet.
Now we’re sitting at one of the tables drinking smoothies, which are freshly made for us every morning.
“That’s pretty much everything we wanted to show you for now,” Zoe says. “Do you need help unpacking?”
“I think I can manage on my own.”
Mae plays with the straw in her glass. “Are you sure we shouldn’t—”
“Mae, leave it, okay?” Zoe says, interrupting her friend. “Not everyone needs company when they’re unpacking.”
“I really enjoyed your company,” Mae replies, pouting.
“Yeah, and you’re pretty chaotic too.” Zoe turns to me. “I totally get it if you want to do this alone.”
“Oh, God, please don’t tell me you’re as much of a perfectionist as Zoe.” Mae reaches across the table and takes my hand. Her grip is firm, her skin warm.
I shake my head. “No, I’m part of Team Chaos. But I’d just rather unpack alone.”
“All right, I forgive you because you’re on my team. See you at dinner?”
I nod. “Sure.”
“Super, we’ll pick you up.” Zoe gets up, and we follow her. Our glasses are empty, and we clear the table before making our way to the fourth floor for the second time today. Our rooms are directly under the roof. In nice weather, the view up there must be breathtaking.
We say goodbye in front of our rooms. Zoe’s and Mae’s are right next to each other, across from mine.
Then I close my door behind me, and I’m finally alone.
My shoulders slump in relief. This room is smaller than the one I had in LA and the one I had at Grandma’s house, but I already like it better.
The floor is dark wood like at Grandma’s, but the walls are white and friendly, with pretty plaster moldings.
There’s a little entry area with a closet and a tiny bathroom.
The bed, desk, and dresser complete the furnishings.
My record player has already found a home on the dresser.
I’m not quite sure where I’m going to keep all my records, but I’ll find a place for them somehow.
I get my earbuds out of my backpack and reach for my phone.
I definitely need music to unpack. A couple seconds later, I hear the first notes of “You Don’t Go to Parties” by 5 Seconds of Summer.
I love this song. I love its vibes, but while I can usually let myself drift away on it, that’s not possible at the moment.
I’m still holding my phone, and of course Easton hasn’t written to me yet.
Somehow I managed to go all morning without thinking about him, but now when I look at the screen and don’t see any notifications, I can’t help it.
It’s been two days since I visited Repeat Records.
Two days of silence. It can’t go on like this.
God, I want to talk to him. I want to tell him why I’m here in this city, at this school.
We were friends. He was my only real friend in the past six months, and he doesn’t deserve me ghosting him, or running away.
I open our chat on Instagram, wanting to tell him everything that’s going through my head, every confused thought.
I have so many of them. Instead, I only type two words.
But I think they’re the most important ones.
mockingbird:
I’m sorry.
Seen