Chapter 9
nine
It’s been almost a week since I threw the ball into Everett’s court and walked away.
Since that night, we’ve avoided each other like the damn plague.
I leave for work before he wakes up and I try to stay out until I know he’s gone into the shop.
I just can’t look into his eyes and see rejection there, or worse, longing.
Longing for something we both know could be so amazing, but he’s too scared to acknowledge.
I know the idea of only one woman warming his bed is so completely foreign to him.
I’m not blind to the way he’s always been.
Honestly, I don’t really care. Everyone has a past. When you choose to be all in with someone, really be all in, you have to choose not to hold their past against them as well.
Sometimes that’s hard, but I can’t fault him for things that happened before me.
If the man wants to be a whore, he has every right to.
“Do you think you guys are ready for the big show?” I ask as I browse through the racks of tiny baby clothes.
“Yeah, I think so. I’m not super excited about the whole delivery part, but I’m ready to have them here. I’m ready to be able to breathe and sleep in a normal position,” she laughs softly. I can’t imagine having my lungs compressed into my throat for nine months.
“And climb your gorgeous tree of a husband without your gigantic children in the way?” I give her a saucy wink and she rolls her eyes at me, but the blush creeping up her neck tells me all I need to know.
“We do just fine, thank you very much,” she says, avoiding eye contact and smiling to herself.
“Oooo, do tell! I wanna hear all about the aerobic sex you’re having,” I prod her for all the sordid details, but I know she won’t give them up.
“Not gonna happen, and you know it.” She shuts me down. I give her my best pouty face and she laughs me off.
“I’ve gotta live vicariously through you, babe. Your girl hasn’t seen any action in a loooong time.” Mindlessly, I flick through the hangers of outfits, not really paying them any attention.
“You know you don’t need to live through me. Kelsea, you are hot as hell, and an amazing person, too. You could have any guy you wanted,” she tells me, and I try not to let my face give away any emotion.
“Yeah, but all the guys I want never want me,” I mumble.
She stops her browsing and looks up at me with her eyebrows raised.
“What the hell does that mean? Who doesn’t want you?
” I avoid eye contact at all costs, knowing she’ll be able to read my face in a matter of seconds if I look up.
“Kelsea Scarlet Sawyer, look me in the eye right now!” I slowly drag my eyes up to meet hers and she stares back straight through me.
She’s always been able to see right through my bullshit, a great and also inconvenient talent of hers.
As soon as we lock eyes, I know she knows I’m hiding something.
“Please, for the love of all things holy, tell me you haven’t been talking to that assface ex of yours, Jake, again!” She shrieks, and I put my hands up to shush her, looking around at the people now staring at us.
“No! God, no. When I said I was done with that asshole, I meant it. I haven’t spoken to him since I left Duke.” My ex was a total douche who cheated constantly, and I finally gave up on him before I moved to Grovewood.
“Then why do you look so guilty? You’re obviously keeping something secret. You’re the worst liar I’ve ever met,” she tells me, and my eyes dart around us as if Everett is going to jump out and tell me to stop talking at any moment.
“It’s not him, Em. Really, it doesn’t matter.” I do my best to disarm her, but there’s no use. She stands rooted in place in the middle of the aisle with her arms crossed over her chest. She’s giving me the ultimate ‘mom look’ right now and I have to admit, it’s pretty intimidating.
“No way, Kels. We don’t do that. We don’t lie to each other or keep secrets. Whatever it is, you know you can tell me anything.” Placing a reassuring touch on my shoulder, she calms the storm swirling inside my chest slightly as I consider spilling my guts.
“I’ll tell you, but you’re not gonna want to hear this,” I shrug, making my way over to a bench beside the walkway. Ember slowly shuffles down onto the seat, relief instantly apparent all over her face.
“I’ve told you a million times, Kels. If it matters to you, then it matters to me. So come on, give it up.” Ember has always had a calming effect on people. I feel like I could pour my heart out and she would sit here and listen to it all.
Fumbling with my fingers in my lap, I take a deep breath and brace for her reaction. “I kissed Everett,” I mumble softly.
“WHAT?! My Everett? As in my brother Everett?!” she screeches and my shoulders draw up in defense of my poor ear drums. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, processing what I just told her.
“Okay…” she pauses. “I’m processing… still processing…
and I’ve decided I’m okay with this. You’re both adults.
And I obviously have no room to talk,” she scoffs, pointing at her belly.
I smile at her softly, knowing her experience with her brother’s best friend obviously turned out well.
“So, what happened? Why aren’t we happy about this? ” She asks, and my face falls.
“He is who he is, Em. And I am who I am. Don’t get me wrong, it was magical.
I mean total fucking fireworks and heat and everything else you want to feel when a connection is really real.
But then he pulled back, and it stung. He told me I wasn’t some ‘casual fuck’ and, of course, I went into full bitch mode on him.
” I drop my head into my hands, exhausted just thinking about Everett.
“I guess I don’t understand. He knows if anything happened between you guys, it wouldn’t be casual. He said he doesn’t want to treat you like he treats every other girl. So, where is the problem?” She asks.
“Thats just it, Em. He won’t treat me like every other girl, but he also isn’t willing to be with just me. He’d rather have nothing at all,” I reply.
“He said that? He said he’s not willing to even try?” She reaches over and lays a reassuring hand on mine.
“Not exactly. It was more in the way he said nothing at all. I asked him if he was interested in more with me, and he said nothing.” I shrug.
“Kels, I would hope you know Everett well enough by now to know he takes his time to process things. I wouldn’t have expected him to give you an honest answer without thinking things through. Thats just not his style,” she’s trying to reassure me, but I just don’t see it.
“I may have fucked up in kind of… giving him an ultimatum,” bracing for the judgement I know she’s going to give me. I see her eyes bug out slightly before she schools her features and gives me a look that almost resembles pity.
“Oh, Kels, you know that’s not the way to go with Ev. I’m absolutely not making excuses for him, but he’s horrible at snap decisions. Literally, he’s the king of working through every single side in any situation!” She says, and I know she’s right.
“I know that, really I do. But I’m not willing to be in the grey area this time, Ember.
I feel like I did so much accepting and covering up for Jake.
I won’t be that girl again. I will not take any less than I deserve ever again.
” The finality in my tone must be clear because her eyes light up when she hears the confidence in my voice.
“Well, I have to say, I’m very proud of you.
I’ve always hated seeing you treated like a doormat.
You deserve to be treated like the absolute queen you are, nothing less.
Even from my dumbass brother.” A small smile graces her face, and I relax a little.
“Don’t get me wrong, it’s gonna be weird if you guys become a thing.
But only because I can’t imagine anybody putting up with Everett’s bullshit long enough to build a relationship.
” We both dissolve into a fit of giggles.
I find myself thinking that even if Ev doesn’t make up his mind in my favor, I’m glad I have her support, no matter what.
“Don’t plan the wedding just yet. He hasn’t spoken to me in days. He avoids me at all costs at home. Honestly, I’m not even sure I remember what he looks like at this point,” I joke.
“He’ll see the light, babe. I know it. He can be a total moron sometimes, but he knows what’s right in front of him.
I’d be stupid if I didn’t admit I see the way he looks at you,” she says, and I’m shocked by the revelation.
She nods slowly. “Oh yeah, I’ve seen him giving you those longing eyes of his for years.
” My heart warms at the sentiment. But it doesn’t matter if he isn’t willing to act on it.
“I guess we’ll see. I really just need to have some good karma come my way.
I’m just sending out peace, love and orgasms into the universe and hoping they come back to me.
” Ember chokes out a laugh at my crass comments, but I doubt she’s surprised.
I’ve said far worse. “Come on, let’s go feed my niece and nephew before they rebel.
” I give her a hand up from the bench and we make our way to the car to grab some lunch.