Chapter 33
thirty-three
I draw my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms tightly around them.
Tears still fall lazily from my eyes, just as they have since the moment Everett walked out.
It’s a cool night tonight. I really should have brought a blanket or something, but I feel like I deserve to feel uncomfortable right now.
It makes the pain in my heart feel more at home.
I don’t want to let the negativity in, don’t want to let my fears tear apart something we’ve worked so fucking hard to keep together. But I don’t know how to quiet the voice in the back of my mind that keeps telling me he’ll change his mind, that I’ll make him miserable.
The back door swings open and I feel a momentary pang in my heart, wishing it was Everett coming back. Breaker steps out onto the porch and my face falls.
“Damn. Most people aren’t that disappointed to see me,” he says sarcastically.
“Sorry, I thought you were Everett.” I give him a smile, but it doesn’t reach my eyes. “If you’re looking for Rory, she’s in her room.” I wave him off, hoping he’ll take the hint and leave me alone to wallow.
Instead, he sits in the chair across from me. He leans back, fingers steepled under his chin, and takes a deep breath. “Well? You gonna make me beg or just tell me what’s wrong?”
I scoff at the thought of the man in front of me ever begging for anything from anyone. “You really don’t strike me as the begging type, Break.”
“You’re not wrong. But I can tell you’ve been crying. Wouldn’t be very friendly of me to ignore that, would it? I’ve been told I need to be… friendlier.” He grumbles.
“Who could have possibly suggested that?” I ask, giving him a teasing side eye.
He looks back at me, his face deadpanned, as if there’s anyone who could ever give him an order he would follow.
Anyone other than Rory, of course. She could ask him to fling himself off a cliff and I’m sure he would do it, but he’d never admit he did it for her.
“Whats wrong, Kelsea?” He asks me, straight up.
“Ev and I got into a fight,” I minimize, not wanting to admit that I know I’m wrong here.
He gestures for me to go on, and I huff out an annoyed sigh. Id much rather talk to Ember or Rory about this. At least then I may have a sliver of a chance that one of them agrees with me.
“He asked me to marry him,” I whisper. Breaker’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline in surprise. “Well, he didn’t ask so much as… command,” I smirk.
“And you said?” He pushes.
“I said I’m scared. I’m afraid that in a few years he’s gonna want things I can’t give him, that he’s going to resent me for things I have no control over.
No matter how badly I wanted to say yes, life isn’t a fairytale.
Reality always comes back around and I wouldn’t survive it if he woke up one day and realized he made a mistake in choosing me.
” The burn in my eyes matches the lump forming in my throat again as I push my emotions back down.
“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you’re talking about babies, right?” He asks, tiptoeing around the subject. I nod back at him and he seems to think hard about what he wants to say.
“The doctors told you there’s no chance?” He asks, and I shrink into myself.
“They told me it is incredibly unlikely. I don’t want to drag him into a mess like that. I love him too much to ask him to,” I reply.
Breaker barks out a laugh, and I snap my gaze to his, unsure of what could possibly be funny in this discussion. He gets a far away look in his eyes before leveling me with a stare that is full of pain and understanding.
“Has he told you anything about me? About where I come from?” He asks, and I shake my head.
“Figures. It’s not really anything I like to share.
The people who created me were… broken. Thats the best way I can describe them.
They were both drug users, in and out of rehab and jail more times than I can fucking count.
Once they got tired of beating on each other, one or the other would take their turns beating on me.
Finally, when I was five, my teacher noticed I came to school dirty, noticed more bruises on me than a normal little kid.
Long story short, the state intervened, and I was put into the system.
I won’t lie to you. I was fucking terrified.
Even though I was just a kid, my parents always told me horror stories about the shit that happens to kids when they get put into foster care.
I cried myself to sleep every night for a fucking week in my first foster home.
But then something really incredible happened.
My teacher, the one who I blamed for taking me away from my parents, told me her and her husband wanted to adopt me.
She explained to me she had cancer when she was young and couldn’t have any children of her own.
She told me she believed everything that happened to her was meant to be that way just so we could find each other.
She just knew I was meant to be hers. Until that moment, I never felt like anyone in this world cared if I disappeared.
What if everything that has happened in your life is leading you to the one who is supposed to be yours, Kels?
” His voice is soft and genuine as I choke back my tears.
My heart aches for the little boy I see in my mind, the one who grew into the man I see in front of me.
He’s rough around the edges, but he’s a good person.
I’d be lucky if I was able to raise a man like him, Everett, or Elijah.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you, Breaker. But I guess the universe knew what it was doing when it put you through that,” I reply.
“Kelsea, I won’t sugarcoat it. You may never carry children.
But that does not mean you will never be a mother or have a family if that’s what you want in this life.
I know Everett will do absolutely anything to make it happen if that’s your dream.
My parents aren’t perfect by any means. They fight just like every other married couple.
We all had some growing pains after my adoption.
But there’s no one in this world who has ever loved me or each other as much as they do.
It’s not fair to Everett or yourself to give up a life that could be incredible over a what-if.
Because what if you said yes and a year from now, a kid like me shows up in your life?
What if ten or twenty years from now you still lay your head down every night knowing you have a man by your side that loves you so fucking much, he’d die for you?
Do you really want to miss that?” He asks, staring off into space.
“No. I’d never want to miss that,” I whisper.
“Well, I guess you have your answer then, huh?” He says, smiling back at me.
“Wow, old age really does make you wise, doesn’t it?” I joke and he scowls back at me.
“Just had to be a fucking smartass,” he grumbles, and I laugh.
“You’d never have me any other way,” I wink at him and he scoffs. “Thank you, Breaker. Really.”
He nods back at me, letting the silence drag out between us.
“Well, I guess I should get going,” he says, standing to leave.
“Hey, can I give you some advice too?” I ask him as his hand hovers above the doorknob.
He quirks an eyebrow in my direction and I go on.
“It doesn’t matter. Whatever you think is so important that you can’t have her, it doesn’t matter.
When she was scared and needed someone to save her, yours was the name she called. That has to mean something, right?”
I see his spine stiffen, but he doesn’t say another word. He walks through the door, slamming it behind him and leaving me to wrestle with my own demons in peace.