Chapter 34. Ace
Ace
I had always loved visiting Haley’s house.
Not just because of her family, but because it was always full of people.
Neighbors were constantly dropping by, usually to talk to her dad over a new gourmet treat he’d just whipped up in the kitchen, but sometimes to chat with her mom about everything from legal issues to PTA meetings or costumes for the school play.
Paige was always there, and Matt often invited friends over to game with him in the basement.
I’d grown up mostly in silence and I was drawn by the constant hustle and bustle, the music and chatter, the endless activity, and Haley, at the center of it all.
Over the course of the next day, the house came alive again.
The local sheriff came first, followed by Haley’s mom and stepfather, and then the state police and finally the FBI.
Her mother’s campaign team showed up in a convoy of black SUVs and organized a press conference in the town square to urge her constituents to vote, and to keep any attention off the drama going on at the house.
Mav and I spent half a day giving statements and filling in paperwork.
We put the authorities in touch with Chad and Theo, who shared the information they had uncovered.
Theo was given immunity for his illegal hacking activities because his actions had contributed to the arrest of the people who had conspired to interfere with a Senate election.
Chad managed to keep his “sources” confidential with a little help from his journalism professor.
He was given the green light to publish a heavily redacted version of his story after the election was over, although his professor hinted that he could expect to lose a few marks on his final project for sleeping with his sources.
By the time the police and FBI were finished with me, the afternoon light was just beginning to fade.
I pulled on my jacket and boots and took a walk through the forest behind the house.
Snow crunched under my feet silencing the birds and forest creatures as I made my way to the creek.
I still hadn’t been able to bring myself to look at Matt’s letter, but I was booked on the red-eye back to my job in LA with Jessica, and I wanted to read it before I left.
Hands shaking, and not from the cold, I studied the familiar writing on the envelope.
I’d written a letter to Matt before I deployed and burned it the day I heard he’d died.
For a moment, I was tempted to burn his letter, too.
But Haley had been brave enough to open his boxes and let him back into her life. How could I not do the same?
Dear Ace
I hope when you read this letter you’ve made it back home safe. Maybe you’re in Riverstone down by the creek, or in the forest behind my house walking the trails like you used to do. Or maybe you’re fishing at Smith Mountain Lake, and if you are, catch a big one for me.
I’ll have been gone months, maybe even years by the time you receive this letter.
I know my family. My tough boxes will have been sitting in the garage unopened because Haley and Mom won’t be able to accept that I’m gone.
But one day something will change, and I’ll finally be able to tell you what I need you to hear.
First, whatever happened to me is not your fault.
I don’t know how you will have rationalized it, but I know you will have convinced yourself that you are to blame for my death. But I was exactly where I wanted to be, and I died doing what I always wanted to do.
Yes, you read that right. I always talked about applying to dentistry because my dad desperately wanted me to get a professional degree.
It was the one regret he had in life and the only thing he wished he could have changed, and I wanted to honor his wish for me.
In my heart, though, I always wanted to be an airman, and when you enlisted, I realized that he would want me to be true to myself.
You inspired and encouraged me. You made me believe that anything is possible.
Thank you for giving me the courage to follow my dream.
It was an absolute privilege being your best friend.
You were my brother in all but name. You made me see beauty in a world that had lost its color after my dad died, and you gave me hope in my darkest days.
If I had a wish, it would have been that we’d met earlier and you would have been spared the pain of your past, but that childhood led you to Riverstone and brought you into my family and that’s something I would never change.
Don’t be sad or angry for me. I have been blessed with the best friend a man could have, a wonderful family and the honor of serving my country doing something that gave meaning to my life.
I found my true path because of you. My only regret is that it caused you to suffer, and for that I am truly sorry.
Let me go in peace, and don’t waste any more time mourning me or feeling guilty for something that I freely chose to do. Live your life, Ace. Live it well. I would tell you to follow your dreams, but I know what’s in your heart and now it’s time to go and find her.
You and Haley have always had a connection.
I knew it from the first day you met. You were the calm to her chaos, the port in her storm, and she was the sparkle and sunshine in your life.
She is warm, generous, selfless, funny and when she loves, she loves deeply and with all her heart.
She buried all her emotions after our dad died, and my death will just make that worse.
She’ll lose herself to grief just as you’ll lose yourself to guilt, but you can help each other find the way back.
She needs you, Ace, and you need her.
I know you love her, and you held back out of respect.
I’m grateful for that because it meant that I wasn’t put in a position of having to choose before I was mature enough to understand that the heart wants what the heart wants and not even a bro code can change that.
I cannot imagine a better man for Haley, and I cannot imagine a better woman for you.
Be strong. Be brave. Be free. Find your heart’s desire. And when you do, give her a hug for me.
Your friend always,
Matt