Chapter Seventeen
OZIAS’S WORDS RING in my ears and I don’t sleep. I can’t sleep. I sit awake outside of Ninon’s enclosure, waiting for her to rouse from her ever deep sleep when morning finally comes.
Sitting up, she rubs her eyes with the heel of her hand, catching sight of me instantly. “I thought you’d be with Ozias or Atlanta by now.”
“I’m not supposed to meet them until the afternoon,” I say, pushing myself off the stone wall I’d been leaning against, the cool dampness lingering on my skin.
“Then you should be resting,” she chastises, getting up slowly. Too slowly.
I frown. “I’m restless.”
“I’m unsurprised.” She comes to my side and falls into step with me.
“And you? Going to Issa or have you found some kind of library to busy yourself with.”
A half smile quirks her lips. “Of course I found the library.”
Relief floods me at the same moment excitement courses through my veins. “I should have known. Will you show me?” I say it as casually as I can, but it doesn’t matter. Ninon narrows her gaze at me.
“What use do you have for the library?”
“I like to know where you are at all times.”
“Some people would find that concerning.”
“I consider it being overprotective and overprepared. I might need you. You might need me.”
“So needy.”
I laugh. “It comes naturally.”
Ninon shakes her head, a softness in her eyes telling me she’s amused with my antics. “This way.”
I follow her to the Alcazar, but instead of climbing up, we descend a set of stairs I’d never noticed before.
The Alcazar itself is lined with books, but Ninon told me most of those are from the rest of the outside world, divided into sections based on the language the books are written in.
Everything in our language is in the underground library.
A shudder wracks my body as the coolness of the cavern seeps into my skin, reminding me of home. A feeling of being split in two overcomes me—one that says you do not belong, and another that says this is who you are. An unexpected homesickness twists my heart.
“Strange, isn’t it?” she says. Ninon’s perceptiveness means, if I require her assistance, I need to prepare myself to divulge everything if it comes to it. If she feels inclined to pry.
“I miss it and yet…I don’t.”
She nods.
The rock surrounding us is identical to Nevoba’s caverns, except where Nevoba is alive with the echo of life, the library resounds with a silence that muffles the ears.
“So what kind of books have you found here,” I whisper, not wanting to disturb the quiet.
Ninon’s voice is soft, seamlessly fitting into the hush. “Some are accounts of their lives before; some are fictional stories. Others are historical events, or texts about different elahi or unique draconem traits.”
“Anything about bonding?” I inquire. If I’m not direct, even my roundabout questions may be lost on Ninon.
Ninon pauses and regards me. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“I just want to be prepared.” She doesn’t speak while I squirm with the words fighting to fly off my tongue. “I need to do my best.”
“Let me help you.”
A smile spreads wide across my face. “I was hoping you would.” Ninon is smiling too, but she turns away from me before I can relish in it.
We spend a long while combing through the stacks.
Ninon pulls out anything she can about bonding from personal accounts of draconem here in the Realm, to more educational texts and historical accounts and events—including one from the time right before Zhoric took power.
There’s not much else here that’s quite that old.
While she assembles a pile for me on a large slab of rock that acts as a low table, I scan the shelves for anything on mind walking.
I’m not having any luck until a name stops me in my tracks.
Atlanta of Nevoba, b.y. 15 od, s. Thera et. Voxil.
It takes me a moment to register this is the Atlanta I know.
Born in the year 15 Of Dyēus, sired by Thera and Voxil.
Thera must have been her mother and the other…
whoever sired her. Crossed out as it is, either she or someone else didn’t want him as an official part of her lineage.
Knowing what I do of Atlanta, and my own history, it fits.
I open the book and my chest constricts at the title:
The Nuance and Practice of Mind Walking Between Bonds – The Close and the Many
Atlanta wrote a whole book on mind walking? I turn the book in my hands, daunted by the size.
“What did you find?”
“Something on bonds written by Atlanta,” I answer with a shrug, then raise my chin towards the books in her stack. “What about you?”
“I can’t seem to stop finding them. Clearly it’s an important subject.”
“Any you care to read and relate to me?”
“The thought of you reading one, let alone ten of these, was too good a dream to be true.”
I laugh. “I’m only half teasing. I’ll read them.”
She picks up more than half the stack she collected. “I’ll handle these.” The books look heavy and cumbersome in her arms and in the dim light I finally notice the dark circles under her eyes.
“Go sleep.”
“You’ve set me up with a week’s worth of reading. I’m not sleeping.”
I fix her with a hard stare. “You will sleep or I will take those books from you. You can’t fight me.”
She blinks at me. “You need me. Don’t fight me.”
“I’ll be the death of you.” If only if she knew how true I fear my words are.
She shakes her head with a tired smile, passing by me to plant a light kiss on my cheek. “You give me life.”
Ozias told me I didn’t have to do this alone, but the guilt of asking Ninon when it’s clear she’s already overexerting herself on my account claws its way up my chest and into my throat. When I don’t follow her, she calls down to me from part way up the stairs. “Are you coming?”
I swallow hard. “I’m going to stay and keep looking.”
“Don’t strain your eyes,” she replies, the sound of her steps echo until I’m left in silence.
Once she’s gone, I skim Atlanta’s words. I begin reading, getting the basics of mind walking and how and why it happens within the first few pages:
Mind walking occurs when our dragon forms send a metaphysical human form to our bonds or potential bonds.
When we mind walk, we allow the other half of ourselves to journey along predetermined paths to our bonds.
Those with the strongest potential are easy to see and follow, like a well-trodden trail.
Others are more difficult and need crafting, while some are impossible.
No matter the strength or validity, they all take work to maintain.
However, even the most comfortable path may not be the right one as far as creating an everlasting bond.
Reading on, I learn that mind walking is a trait that all bonded pairs use to stay connected with one another. There’s information on why that is, and references to other books that explain more on those subjects that I’m certain Ninon must have found.
My vision is already burning as I flip through the pages until something catches my eyes:
For strong potential bonds, it’s rather easy, if not impossible to avoid, mind walking, especially if there is already some deep emotion seeded for the other within one or both of the partners.
I frown. I’m inclined to presume that’s my position with Zhoric, but the only emotion I hold for him is seething rage, and I’m fairly certain the closest emotion he feels for me is mild annoyance. Then again, he did stop me from incidentally ending my own life.
I skim through again, taking note of this line: Physical sensations are possible in mind walking if unbonded, though rare or often fleeting.
Once bonded, physical sensations between the pair is possible.
I click my tongue with the side of my teeth.
No wonder my hand passes through nearly everything I’ve touched.
I flip back to the index and skim the topics until I find what I’m looking for: Unwanted or unintentional mind walking. When I find the page, I find the section that directly relates to unintentional mind walking.
Sometimes, particularly with strong potential bonds, one or both parties may unintentionally mind walk. Typically, these unintentional sessions occur when one or both parties are slumbering.
That explains enough, but I want to know how to stop from going to him.
I continue reading through the page, but one thing becomes clear; I won’t stop going to him until whatever emotion that’s tying me to him stops.
Does that mean I have to feel nothing towards him?
I don’t know how I’m going to let go of my anger.
I groan in frustration and give the next few pages a cursory scan before I notice a line about enacting a bond:
Bonds are easier to enact once each partner feels emotionally connected to the another.
Often, potential pairs will attempt mind walking prior to enacting a bond to ensure they are thoroughly connected to produce an easy bonding experience.
For more on enacting bonds, see Vierna lo Draconem, b.y. 3648 pd, m. Sosia
None of the books in my pile are the one referenced. It must be one Ninon took with her. My pulse ticks in my veins with the sudden desire to know how to bond, to know what to expect.