Chapter Eighteen #2
Another sad smile. “No. Many have now met their end and most others I don’t speak with that way anymore. Their minds need space to make a bond elsewhere, if they so choose.”
“Do you not want to bond with anyone?” I ask, stopping as we reach the top of the wall where Ninon has been spending most of her days.
She opens her mouth, then closes it before giving me another one of those long, sad smiles. “It’s complicated.”
Before I can probe further, she nods toward the watch-chamber. “There they are now.”
I look inside and see Ninon bent over some parchment, pen in hand frantically writing or drawing out something while Issa looks over her shoulder, nodding thoughtfully.
Issa sees us first. “Well, well, if it isn’t trouble.”
Ninon looks up, her face brightening. “Kaisa, come. I have something to show you.”
With one firm squeeze on my shoulder, Atlanta turns and leaves.
I watch her move away, my heart heavy for her and the burden she carries.
Maybe she’s stronger for it, but I can’t help wondering how strong and exceptional she would be if she didn’t have to fight so hard for every ounce she has now. I wonder how strong I would be.
I settle down beside Ninon and she shows me all that she’s been working on with Issa.
Most of it goes over my head, but from what I glean, Ninon has been able to track a series of patterns Dyēus uses that follow the stars, dependent on the type of clouds visible in the sky that day.
According to Issa, if they can accurately place where Dyēus will be on any given night, they can calculate the furthest distance from those posts to create entry and exit points in the barrier.
“She’s a genius, this one,” Issa tells me, clapping a hand on Ninon’s shoulder. Ninon comes as close to blushing as I’ve ever seen, the light inside her practically beaming.
After that, Issa sends us off to prepare for sundown.
As Ninon and I walk towards the enclosures for the night, I wait for her to tell me to stop following her, to go and explore my draconem abilities as she’s done every night since we’ve both gotten through the savagery.
And maybe I should. If Zhoric doesn’t ever show again, I might only have my strength to rely on when the time comes.
“No pushback tonight?” I inquire when we make it to the enclosures without her saying a word.
“Hm?” She seems surprised to hear my voice, a bleariness in her eyes. “Oh…right. Of course you should fly.”
I bend to catch her eye, my concern an arrow piercing my heart. “Are you all right?”
“I’m tired. I’ve been working hard with Issa.”
I hum, rubbing my mark, far more faded than hers, my brows pinched with worry. “Make sure you’re resting during the day, too. Maybe it would help you in the nighttime?”
She reaches up and drags her thumb between my wrinkled brow.
“You sound like Issa.” When I rear back to give her look of mock offense, a weary smile tips up her lips.
She drops her hand. “Your meaning, not how you say it. She uses much more colorful language than you,” she says, though it’s with fondness that lights up her eyes.
“Issa seems to like you, an amazing feat of accomplishment since she doesn’t seem to like anyone,” I joke.
Ninon’s smile unfurls, slow and gentle. “She’s a hard one, but I like her.”
“She seems like a hard worker, too. I can appreciate that.”
Ninon nods, joy lingering on her face.
She is tired, but happy, too—happier than she’s ever been at home these last few years. I wrap one arm around her upper back and give her a solid squeeze.
“I haven’t been able to read much,” she says with a yawn.
“I told you not to worry about it.”
She goes on, pretending she doesn’t hear me. “But I did read something fascinating. Apparently, if your bond dies before you, you keep any magic or elahi they had in life.”
That is interesting. “Oh, so after I bond with Zhoric, then kill him, I’ll get to keep his power?”
“Oh, no. If you’re the one to kill them, you lose it all.”
Oh. The air in my lungs all but leaves me.
“So, probably best not to go killing him,” she says.
I wonder why Ozias didn’t tell me that when I mentioned killing Zhoric when I first agreed to all this.
I want to ask her for more, but her blinks are long and her steps are short.
I hope tonight is the last time exhaustion takes her so deeply.
I hope that tomorrow she will be awake and alert and we can take to the skies together.
As we say our goodnights, and night falls and my body slips into its scales, I drift off to sleep, wondering if Zhoric will show himself.
I don’t wonder for long.
I hear the sound of running water before I even realize I’m asleep.
I stand still as I finally come face to face with Zhoric, watching him cross the room.
He stops the moment he sets eyes on me, then his gaze drifts away before he continues on his way.
For all I can tell, I may as well be a phantom rather than a manifestation of myself he can actually see.
But I know better than that now. “Good of you to show your face tonight,” I say.
He ignores me as he heads into another part of his suite that’s fully open with no doors.
The bathing room. In the very center, the basin, large enough for two, is filling with water from a long, curved faucet.
Zhoric shrugs off his robe and it pools to the ground behind him.
I spin away as fast as I can, but not before I notice the whole of his back.
Like his front, the skin is flawless. No scars cross his arms or body, save for three brutal lines running in jagged ridges across his back, right behind where his heart lies.
“A few nights without seeing me doesn’t mean I cease to exist.” I think back to those first few days manifesting before him where he couldn’t see me, but those days are far behind us now.
“Be gone, Kaisa,” he says, but he doesn’t push me out.
I sigh. “Clearly, I would if I could.” Even I’m tired of saying the same words. I’m certain he’s sick of it.
When he says nothing to that, I try for a more conversational approach. Endearing. Welcoming. “What are you doing?”
“Bathing. Clearly.” His reply is curt and to the point.
I clench my teeth and whip my head back toward him at the exact moment his pants fall to the ground, revealing the curve of his backside. Also lacking scars. Also very nice, which I could have gone my life without knowing.
“Gods beyond,” I say, flustered and exasperated, spinning back around. “A warning next time would be nice.”
“As far as I’m concerned, you are not here.”
I pin my gaze to the ceiling. I will stay calm. “Why not shove me out again, then?”
“I’ve decided that ridding myself of your presence isn’t worth my effort.”
I hear the slosh of water. A half sigh, half groan slips from him as he sinks down into it and my low belly responds instinctively at the indulgent sound.
Once I’m certain he’s settled, I turn back around.
His head is tilted back with his throat exposed.
I’m reminded of the images of him I saw when I was still savage right after entering the Realm.
“If you’re intending to pretend I’m not here, then why speak at all? Or do you perhaps talk to yourself often?” I bite my tongue. Antagonizing him is certainly not going to help, but I can’t seem to stop myself. Then again, maybe any response from him other than apathy is progress.
His arms dangle outside of the tub on either side, and I see his fingers twitch. “Endlessly.”
I purse my lips to keep from smiling. Still studying the column of his throat, I walk closer to the bathing chamber, but stop at the door frame and lean against it.
From the top of his head to his mid-abdomen he is completely, utterly smooth.
An errant thought crosses my mind, an image of me raking my fingernails down his chest, across his back to mark him.
That reaction can’t be natural. I make a note to ask Ozias or look into Atlanta’s book to see if the bond affects physical desire.
I swallow thickly, needing a distraction.
“Who did that to you?” I nod to the smooth expanse of his skin.
It’s not a question I meant to ask, but it’s taking up residence in my brain.
I can’t stop noticing it. I can’t stop thinking of it.
Not after what Ozias said about scars. I hadn’t even remembered he didn’t have scars before seeing him again.
There’s a beat of silence, then, in a whisper, “Someone tried to tear out my heart.”
Everything in me goes deadly still, but a wave of dizziness blurs my vision. It takes me a moment to regain my composure to clarify my question. “I meant who took the scars away.” I stare him down. He opens his eyes and holds my gaze for so long I don’t think he’s going to answer.
“Alixor’s aggression had nothing on the one who chose me. But that is long since passed and matters no more.” His head falls back again, unbothered, as if he didn’t reveal something deep and intrinsic about his past—about himself.
I asked, but I didn’t expect him to answer.
I didn’t expect to feel a pang of sympathy strike me to the core.
He’s saying that his bonded partner did that to him?
Or someone very near to it did? I push off the wall and enter the bathing chamber, not stopping until I’m at the edge of the tub by his feet.
I thank the gods that the water is cloudy so I don’t have to fight a blush.
I squat down, the slits of my skirt parting to fall between my thighs—one near flawless, the other torn through with the new, nasty scar from Ozias, still sore and healing.
I fold my hands over the lip of the tub and rest my chin on them.
“Then I’m surprised you aren’t taking the effort to push me out. I know what me coming here means now. Does that not make you afraid of me?”