Chapter Twenty-Six #2
“I am. Thank you.”
She isn’t, but I can’t guess why she won’t say. “Your wounds?”
“Nearly healed already,” she says, barely turning her head to answer over her shoulder.
“Are you…certain?”
She sighs and nods emphatically. “Yes. I’m sorry. I was hoping to see Ozias. I didn’t realize how early it was.”
I cast a glance out the nearest window, noting the dim light of dawn. “Of course.”
I feel her take in a steady breath, then she faces me fully. “And you? Are you all right?”
“Fine. Thank you, for yesterday. You put yourself at risk saving me.”
“It was nothing.”
“It wasn’t,” I argue. “I owe you.” There’s a pregnant pause between us where I want to say more—I want to tell Atlanta about my omission.
Even though Ozias has his reservations, he respects her a great deal.
I wonder if now is the time, but she still seems shaken from last night and the words die on my tongue. “I’ll see you later?”
She holds my gaze for a moment, a flicker of disappointment crossing her features. “Of course. Get some rest.”
Suddenly I realize she must know, or at least have guessed. She knows more than anyone about the power of mind walking. At some point in her own journey, she hid this very thing from others, too. She’s just waiting for me to tell her. “Atlanta?” I call after her.
She stops again and turns.
“I have something I need to tell you.”
To my relief, she doesn’t look surprised. Instead, she heaves a sigh, sits on the step, and waves me over to join her.
I start with a piece of the truth. “I told you I read your work,” I begin. “On mind walking.”
She nods, laces her fingers together and waits for me to speak.
“I wish I was a faster reader. Or rather…I wish I had come to you sooner.” The words I need to say stick to my tongue.
“You’ve been seeing Zhoric.” A statement, not a question.
My mouth draws into a thin line and I lower my head in an approximation of admission.
Her sigh is heavy and it pains me to feel her displeasure, reminding me of all the times I let down my mother.
“I wish you’d come to me, too. Does Ozias know?”
Relief soothes some of the tension pinching along my shoulders. At least he kept his word. “He does.”
She’s silent for a long while. “How are you doing with it all?”
“The potential we have…it’s strong.” I meet her eyes, showing her every ounce of my strength and determination with the lift of my chin. “But I know my loyalty.”
“Why didn’t you come to me?” she inquires.
“I couldn’t risk you questioning whose side I was on,” I admit. “Not even for a moment. I think…I think Ninon is at risk. I couldn’t have you pulling me from the task because you feared I’d choose him.”
Atlanta’s quiet again for a long moment. “Has it been every night?”
I nod.
“Did you happen to find out anything useful?”
My brows pinch together. I’ve learned so much, but there’s one thing that I learned she would hae most interest in. “You were right.”
Atlanta angles her body towards me more fully. “About?”
“The ravaged. They’re hoarding them. Selnor is keeping them. Dozens of them at least, if not more.”
She grips my wrist. “Do you know where?”
I nod and explain how I followed them from Zhoric’s chambers, the pathway they covered, and the cavern they were sealed in.
She considers this for a long moment. “Did you tell Ozias?”
I shake my head. “It never came up. We’ve been so busy trying to find my elahi – which we did. Finally.”
“What is it?” she asks
“I can…take energy from others.”
“It makes you stronger?”
After my night with Ozias, I know it does something more, too. “And them weaker.”
She blows out a breath. “That’s good. With an elahi like that and such a strong potential…I guess that means you can bond with him at any time?”
“Ozias seems to think so,” I admit. And realization dawns on me as surely as it does on Atlanta. We can end this anytime we like. I can’t imagine how surreal that must be for her, who’s been trapped here for so long.
Her thumb runs along the heel of her hand, but after a while, her head drops. “He needs to know. About the ravaged hoard.”
I nod. Of course he does. Shame whirls in me at having forgotten to mention it to him. I’ve been so wrapped up in Zhoric, in Ozias’s attentions, that it slipped from my mind.
“Can I tell him?” she asks. Her face is so open and raw, that even if I had a reason to deny her, I wouldn’t.
I’ve already taken up so much of Ozias’s time these days, and it’s clear that they care deeply for one another.
It reminds me of how I feel with Ninon spending so much time with Issa.
Atlanta has been trying to convince Ozias of her theory on the ravaged a long time, and I don’t want to take this moment away from her.
“Of course you can,” I say, then after a beat, I ask, “Are you angry at me? For keeping this from you?”
Atlanta sighs, pushing her hair back from her shoulders. “I understand where you’re coming from, but I could have helped you. You could have been in real danger if Zhoric—”
“Wanted me dead?” I finish for her.
“To put it mildly.” She’s quiet again. The early morning air is so cool it makes the hair along my body stand on end. “This isn’t going to be easy,” she murmurs, almost as if she didn’t mean to say the words out loud.
“What?”
“The end.”
While I contemplate that, Atlanta rises, pats me on the shoulder, and descends the stairs. “Get some rest,” she calls over her shoulder.
I sit there long after she’s gone, until my body feels numb. Then I stand and go back to perch on the receiving room’s terrace to watch the sun rise. The light washes Dyēus in gold, chasing away the blue of the night. I didn’t sleep at all. I wonder if Zhoric did.
Laying my forehead down on my bent knees I close my eyes and try not to think of him alone in his rooms, but I can’t help but wonder if last night he suffered on his lone balcony again.
When I open my eyes, it’s because I feel the heavy weight of a hand on my shoulder. I gasp, raising my head, and find Ozias sitting beside me. A small flicker of disappointment rushes through me, but I push it away.
“Do I snore?” he asks.
“What?”
“You’re sleeping here. I wondered if it was because of me.”
I blink my bleary eyes and note the sun has tracked higher in the sky. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t sleep.”
Ozias hums and takes my hand in his. I let my legs stretch on the ground, wincing as my muscles protest.
“We can take things more slowly,” he offers.
“No,” I say, thinking back on my conversation with Atlanta, remembering the reason why I hid all the things I did. For Ninon. “There’s no time to waste. I want to end this thing with Dyēus as soon as we can.”
Ozias dips his head to catch my eye. “I meant this thing between us.”
My heart flutters. “Oh.” I avert my gaze to our entwined hands. “And what is this thing between us?”
“Potential. I hope.”
“To bond?”
He inclines his head. I fall silent and close my eyes.
“It’s your choice, Kaisa. You don’t have to answer our kind’s calling. There are other options.”
I shake my head. “To go against our nature? I don’t think I want to fight that anymore.”
Glancing up, I see him offer a small smile.
“Are you afraid?” I ask.
“Of what?”
“Of doing this with someone else?”
Ozias draws in a long breath. “I am. But I know she would want me to go on.” He leans in. “I know she would like you.”
I smile at that. I let my gaze roam over his face.
He’s kind and genuine. He’s helping my people.
He would be a good partner. I can see it, that path that would lead me to him.
There are places my heart would never be able to touch his, where it still belongs to her.
I think that would be okay. “Slowly, then?”
Ozias brings my hand up to his mouth and places a soft, lingering kiss on the back of it. “As slow as you like.”
As I smile, a crack splinters somewhere deep in my chest.