Chapter 31
“Gabbadoodledoo, I’ve missed you!” Miller bounds through the door, using his key and letting himself in per usual.
“You literally just saw me.” I laugh as he helps himself to the drinks in my fridge. It’s barely been an hour since I left the stadium and he was headed to shower.
“You know what I meant. Also, impressed with your door locking skills tonight, well done.” He claps while holding a soda can in one hand.
“Oh my god, can y’all lay off me about the doors.” I groan and let my head fall to the back of the couch.
“Um, who is y’all?” He steps up and looks down at me.
“Chase said something about my door being unlocked earlier.”
“How would dear old Rookie McGee know that your door was unlocked, Gab-brEE-elle?” He bats his eyelashes at me from his place above me. The upside-down angle only makes him look funnier.
Shit. This is why I can’t be in a secret relationship.
“You know, don’t you?” Of course, he knows.
“What? That the rookie has the hots for you? Or that he was trying to subtly ask about you and was very interested in what was going on with you at work.” Miller walks around and sits beside me on the couch.
“Really?” I sit up, surprised he tried to talk to Miller about me. Bold move.
“Oh yeah, he was digging. That reminds me.” He leans over and frogs me in the leg.
“Ouch! What was that for?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about all the shit Mark and Ricardo were doing? What the hell?”
“I’m sorry! I thought I was handling it. I didn’t want to cause more issues and rumors about us than were already swirling.”
“Too stubborn for your own damn good.” He shakes his head at me.
“Do you forgive me?”
“I’ll think about it.” He side-eyes me, acting upset. Only one way to remedy this.
“I’m happy you’re here tonight.” I smile with my best angel face.
“Me too. I needed a night with my best gal.” He relaxes back into the cushions.
“What’s going on with you?”
“Nope, nah uh, you’re not getting off that easy. What’s going on with Rook?”
“We’ve been hanging out. Seeing each other. Sleeping together.”
“Are you together?”
“Ugh, I don’t know. We haven’t put a label on it, but we talk all the time. When you guys were on the road, we texted. And he came straight here Sunday night when he got back. It’s why I said I was busy on Monday too.”
“Figured.”
“Figured? What does that mean?”
“The man had his head buried in his phone the majority of the time we were gone. He’d asked Preston how he got Ivory to fall in love with him a while ago.
I’m not an idiot, Gab, you’ve been crushing on him for a while.
He flat out told you in that kitchen he couldn’t be friends with you.
Something was bound to happen between you.
Not to mention I caught you in the hallway at the stadium.
Was it that night? Is that when it happened?
” How he can be both endearing and a gossip in the same breath will always surprise me.
“Yes, nosy, that’s when we first slept together. It’s complicated.”
“What’s complicated about it?” Taking a sip of his drink, he maintains eye contact, so I know he’s fully engaged in this conversation.
“Well, age difference aside, there’s the bit about me supervising his plea arrangement.”
“And? Has Grant said it’s an issue?” he asks.
“How would Grant know?”
“Gabby, I know you. As soon as Grant mentioned the promotion, you would’ve at least confessed to being involved with Chase in the past. Wouldn’t put it past you to try to suss out whether a future was improbable.”
“Well, that’s rude,” I say, because of course that’s exactly what happened.
“I know you.” He pokes me. “Which is why I know you’ve thought and overthought and planned out every single reason why this can’t possibly work out. Don’t do that. Just live in the moment for once. Are you happy?”
“Yes.” I sigh. For the first time in a long time, I’m really happy. I won’t say it’s all Chase, but the past few weeks talking and being with him have made me feel like I’m living.
“Then be happy! The rest will fall into place later. Don’t end it before it has a chance to really get started.”
“Thanks, Mills. You’re the best.” I lean into him and give him a hug.
“Also, it doesn’t hurt that I like the guy. He’s cool and he cares about you too.” He squeezes me quickly before letting go.
“I’m glad y’all get along. Do you know how awkward it’d be if you didn’t?”
He shudders. “Terrible.”
“So, are you going to tell me what else is going on?”
“How are you feeling with your appointment coming up?” Where did that come from?
“How did you know?”
“G, it’s been almost a year since I walked in and found you in a ball on your bed. Not something I’m going to forget easily.” His solemness hurts my heart. I love that he was here when I needed him, but I hate the feelings it brought up for him.
“But how did you know about my appointment? We haven’t talked about my scare in a while.”
“Just because we don’t talk about it doesn’t mean I don’t think about it.” I know the feeling. I think about it more than I’d like. I’d prefer to forget it ever happened. I don’t want it ruining all the good in my life right now.
“My appointment is the week of Labor Day.”
“Have you felt anything?” he asks, making sure I’ve done my self-exams occasionally so another lump doesn’t go unnoticed.
“No? I don’t know. I don’t trust my own brain when I check, if that makes sense.”
“Like you may feel something that isn’t there because your brain is telling you to be scared?”
“Yeah, exactly that. Like I’ll feel fine and then feel discomfort in my breast and wonder what it was, and when I try to do the palpations, or whatever they’re called, I can never tell if what I feel is a lump or just my breast tissue.
” It’s the worst feeling to not trust your own brain. I hate it. I hate it so much.
“That has to be hard. I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Sometimes it’s easier to pretend it’s not happening. You have enough history with breast cancer. I don’t want to add to your trauma,” I confess, twisting the blanket in my hand.
“Fuck that. I want to know. I need to know.” He takes a breath to calm down. I can’t imagine how it feels for him. Softly, he adds, “Please don’t keep it from me. It makes it worse”
“Okay, I didn’t mean to keep it from you.”
“Other than that, are you doing okay?”
“Nervous to get it over with so I don’t have it hanging over my head. Tired of thinking about it for now. It’s weird. It’s like this thing I think about all the time and never at the same time. I do better when I try not to think about it.”
He tugs my hand free of the blanket and holds it tightly. “Trust me, I get that. But I’m here for you, and since I’m the only one who knows, if you don’t tell me, then you’re in it alone and that’s not how we do things.”
“You’re right.”
“I know. Now, enough of the mushy stuff. What are we watching tonight and where are the snacks?”
As we settle in for a movie, I can’t help but think about what he said.
As someone who wasn’t close with her family and has been no contact for years, it’s still hard to shake the habit of shutting down and dealing with my problems by myself.
Even though Ivory and Taylor have been in my life since college, a lot of our friendship has been long distance, so there was no one here to tell me I wasn’t alone.
Both Chase and Miller have called me out for keeping things from them.
It’s time I start listening to the people around me.
It’s time I figure out how to let them in.
The best I can do is try and hope they don’t give up on me if it takes longer than they’d like.
True to his word, Chase comes over first thing Wednesday morning and gives me a good morning, then he comes back over after the game and spends the night. A text pings on my phone on the nightstand, interrupting our morning coffee in bed.
IVORY
Don’t forget, lunch at our house today!
Shit, I lost track of the days. When Ivory mentioned hosting a lunch this Thursday, it sounded like a great idea.
That was before Chase slept over last night and we made plans to spend the day together, except for the photoshoot later this afternoon for Bark in the Park promo.
Other than Labor Day when Bark at the Park is scheduled, Chase doesn’t have another day off for three weeks and a lot of the games are on the road, which means today is the last day I have to spend with only the two of us for a while.
When Miller responds in the group chat, I feel bad for even debating blowing off my friends. They’ve all been busy too, and we haven’t had a proper cookout since the beginning of last month.
MILLER
Say less, Ivey.
Can your husband come play outside for a while?
IVORY
You’re literally in my kitchen right now drinking coffee with him.
MILLER
I still need to know if he can come play. We kinda made plans.
PRESTON
Quit being an idiot.
TAYLOR
I don’t think he knows how.
MILLER
Taytie Tot, you’re still here?
TAYLOR
You literally saw me yesterday.
I get so lost in the back and forth that I miss Chase reaching for his phone on the nightstand until he’s typing and an alert comes through in the chat.
CHASE
Looking forward to it.
“Why are you in the group chat?” I turn to him in the bed beside me where he’s already looking at me with a smug smile on his perfect face.
“Your friends like me, Princess.” I shoot off a quick text to Miller separately.
ME
Why is he in the group chat?
“But seriously, why are you in the group chat?” I ask again as he takes my phone and tosses it to the side with his. Ivory said she may include Chase in our next cookout, but I didn’t anticipate him being added to the group chat.
“Is that a bad thing?” He buries his face in my neck, kissing gently along my neck.
“I’m not sure.” This feels very couple-y, and no one besides Miller even knows we’re a couple. Are we a couple?
“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” He taps my temple.