Chapter 54
After Chase leaves, I wait to see if Taylor and Ivory will bombard me with questions, but they don’t. We sit in silence on the porch until I finally speak.
“I can’t believe he texted you.”
I’m happy he did. I needed them. Knowing he knew that only makes me love him more. Giving him the words earlier felt right. I only wish I would’ve spoken them out loud sooner despite him saying he already knew.
“You’ve got a good one.” Ivory reaches over and squeezes my hand. Don’t I know it.
“I’m trying not to be salty that you didn’t text us sooner,” Taylor speaks from the other side of the couch.
“Don’t think you’re one to be throwing stones at secrets right now.” Pot, kettle.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asks.
“What’s going on with you and Grant?” Two can play this game, sister. Don’t get me started.
“Nothing. This isn’t about me. This is about you” Taylor’s constant deflection only makes me more curious.
“Sooner or later, you’re going to have to tell us, Tay.” It’s hypocritical of me to expect her to share all her secrets when the reason they’re here is because I didn’t share mine.
“I choose later, thank you.”
“Gabby, can I get you anything?” Ivory changes the subject.
“Just water for me tonight and maybe some ibuprofen.” The pain is setting in now that the adrenaline is seeping out.
“Sure thing.” Ivory goes inside to get them for me.
“And I love you, but can we maybe go inside? I want to lay down.”
“Yeah, babe. Let’s go.” Taylor guides me inside and waits until I get comfortable on the chaise side of the couch.
“Here you go.” Ivory passes me the pain medicine and water.
“Thank you.” I swallow it down and reach for a blanket to tuck around me as they bring in all the snacks they set up on the porch.
“Okay, where do you want to start?” Ivory asks.
“I guess the beginning.”
I tell them about the scare last year during Ivory’s wedding planning. How I didn’t want to worry them when it came back to be nothing and then explain everything that’s happened the last few weeks to get us here. “So now we wait on the results of the biopsy.”
“Oh, Gabby, I’m so sorry.” Ivory’s trying to hold back tears as she crawls over and hugs me.
“We’re here for you. Whatever it is.” Taylor wraps me up too. Sandwiched between my two best friends, I feel dumb for keeping this from them. For not letting them in when they’ve never been anything but supportive.
“Sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“You told us now,” Ivory soothes.
“That’s all that matters.” Taylor clutches my hand, letting me know we’re okay.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Ivory doesn’t release me until I’ve confirmed I’m okay.
“Not really. I’d like to watch a movie and hang out with my best girls if that’s good with you?”
“It’s perfect.” Ivory smiles at me before getting up and taking the opposite end of the couch with Taylor in the middle.
“We watch enough baseball anyway,” Taylor teases.
“I think we can take a night off. Everyone gets one every now and then,” I joke back.
While they pick out a movie, I text Chase to let him know everything’s okay here and that I can’t wait for him to get home. Miller texts at the same time Chase tells me to let Miller know how I’m doing.
MILLER
How are you?
ME
I’m really tired. I think I’m coming down from the stress of it all but trying not to think of anything else because then I’ll spiral.
MILLER
Get some rest. I’ll check on you later.
ME
How is he?
MILLER
He’s okay.
ME
How is he really?
MILLER
He broke down for a minute but he’s good now. We’ve got him.
ME
I don’t know what I did to deserve you.
MILLER
You didn’t have to do anything. You’re stuck with us.
ME
Never been so happy for that.
MILLER
I’m saving that for later.
ME
I need to get back to the girls. Love you, Mills.
MILLER
Love you too, Gabbadoodledoo.
“How’s Chase?” Taylor asks leaning her head on my shoulder.
“Mills said he broke down a bit when he got there but that’s he’s fine now. I hate putting him through this.”
“You’re not putting him through anything.
You didn’t cause this. It happens. We’re here because we love you and want to be there to support you no matter what,” Taylor assures me.
As someone who never wants to be a burden, this is a new feeling for me.
Letting people support me and be there for me.
Sharing my troubles and letting them sit with me in the hard times.
It’s not something I’m used to. In the past I’ve white-knuckled my way through and hoped for the best. That’s not how it should be.
We’re a family. We lean on each other. I’d do the same for them so it’s time I listen when they say they’ve got me.
“Thank you for being here. I love you girls.”
“We love you too.”
“Love you big, G. Should we get some ice on that boob or what?” Taylor leans back and looks down at my breast, breaking the tension as only she can. The rest of the night passes in shared laughter and I know no matter what happens, I’ll be okay with them by my side.
If I thought the pain was bad last night after the numbness wore off, it’s nothing for how it feels today.
Chase all but demanded I sleep in this morning to recover from the stress of yesterday, but I finally convinced him to let me move downstairs where I’m currently snuggled under my oversized fleece blanket and propped up by the pillows.
PRESTON
How are you feeling today, Gabs?
ME
I’m feeling horribly.
MILLER
What’s wrong?
ME
Tired, it hurts, headache, garbage.
IVORY
Better or worse than last night?
TAYLOR
Is it still bleeding?
ME
A little. It hurts so bad.
CHASE
She’s bruised and sore but otherwise okay.
MILLER
Is it supposed to bleed like that?
ME
I called the doctor this morning because I was worried. They said it was normal.
CHASE
The bruising is gnarly.
ME
Gee, thanks. Just what a girl wants to hear.
CHASE
Sorry, Princess. I still love you and it.
MILLER
I’m choosing to believe you’re only checking and not fondling.
TAYLOR
Fondling >>>
IVORY
I can’t believe we’re discussing Gabby’s boob as a group right now.
TAYLOR
More tit talk in the group chat.
MILLER
Should we add Grant to the tit talk?
TAYLOR
I will end you Millicent.
MILLER
Touchy. Maybe you need some fondling. I have two free hands.
ME
This is exactly what I was talking about.
CHASE
I see it now.
IVORY
What do you see?
CHASE
That Miller should be scared of Taylor.
TAYLOR
MILLER
PRESTON
You do it to yourself. One day you’ll learn to shut up.
MILLER
Never.
ME
Never.
CHASE
Bree is going to take a nap now. You can come over later if you want.
ME
You’re telling me what to do now?
IVORY
Get some rest.
TAYLOR
We’ll be over later when Chase leaves.
MILLER
Watch the game from home again tonight.
PRESTON
Agree, don’t come to the stadium.
DADDY MIKE
If I see you at the stadium today, I’ll be pissed.
TAYLOR
DADDY MIKE!
ME
Who added dad to the chat?
MILLER
Whoops, meant to add Grant.
GRANT
You did add me. Why am I here?
TAYLOR
WHY IS HE HERE RYAN MF MILLER?!
MILLER
Byeeeeeee
GRANT
Gabby, glad you are feeling okay. Please take the rest of the week off. We’re fine here. Take care of yourself.
DADDY MIKE
What he said.
ME
Fine. My nurse is pushing me to bed now.
PRESTON
Nope. Don’t want to hear about that.
“Lay down, Princess.” Chase takes my phone before I can respond to any of the numerous messages that continue to pour in.
“Will you stay with me? Can we stay here?” The couch is too comfortable to move.
“Of course. Do you want an ice pack?” He doesn’t wait for me to respond, getting up from the couch to retrieve the small circular pad from the freezer. Bringing it back, he passes it and another dose of ibuprofen for me to take.
“Thank you for taking care of me. Sorry, this isn’t very sexy.”
“I’ll always take care of you.” He leans down and kisses me before taking the glass of water from me and setting it on the coffee table. “Even with a blue and purple tit, you’re the sexiest ever.”
“Oh god, it looks so bad doesn’t it.” I’ve never seen bruising this color. He was right, it’s gnarly. The purple and blue spots around the incision site with a hint of yellow around the edges.
“It’s not the best.” He chuckles when I smack him on the stomach.
“You’re supposed to say ‘no, baby, it’s not that bad.’”
“Princess, I love you but I’m not going to lie to you. That’s a helluva bruise.” He settles on the couch beside me and pulls my legs into his lap. “Get some rest. I’ll be here.”
Why I ever thought he wasn’t one-hundred percent in this is beyond me.
He’s everything I’ve ever wanted. All I’ve ever needed.
His constant presence since he found me crying after the mammogram and the reassurance he’s given me every day have healed me in a way.
Without him, I don’t know that I would’ve opened up the way I have with my friends or with him.
Through every small act, every text message, and every night wrapped in each other’s bodies, Chase has broken down my carefully constructed walls.
My mind is a mess with worry about what comes next, but I know one thing for certain—I love him with every fiber of my being.
The next day, Taylor and Ivory come over again after Chase leaves for the game so that I have company.
After going through this alone before and hiding it for so long, it’s weird to have everyone taking shifts with me.
It’s like they don’t trust me to be by myself.
I’m trying not to get aggravated by it. I know they’re being supportive and doing what friends do, but I’m irrationally annoyed with it all of a sudden when Taylor asks to check my breast.
“Just leave it be,” I snap.
“Wow, someone’s grumpy,” she responds, looking over at Ivory who has concern written all over her face.
“I’m not grumpy.”
“Could’ve fooled me.”
Sighing, I let them know what’s plaguing me today. “I’m really okay today. I want to know the results, but I’m also kind of in this weird realm of what do I want the results to be.”
“How so?” Ivory asks from beside the stove where she’s preparing dinner.
“Like I don’t want to have cancer, but also I already feel really dumb about this whole thing if it’s benign.
” I lift a hand when she opens her mouth to respond.
“I know that makes no sense but that’s kinda where I am, and my mind just keeps going back to finding out it’s malignant and what my response will be. ”
“So basically expecting the worst but hoping for the best?” Taylor asks, sitting down beside me at the island.
“Yeah, just in my head. Then I’m mad at myself, like ‘am I hoping I have cancer?!?! What the fuck.’”
“I get it. Obviously not what you’re going through, but the thought process of preparing for bad news so you’re not surprised if it is.” Ivory offers a sad smile.
“When will they contact you?” Taylor asks.
“They had to send it to pathology and said that takes three to five business days.”
“It’s only been two so there’s still time to wrap your head around it.” I nod at Taylor’s attempt to comfort me.
“Did they say how they’d let you know?”
Responding to Ivory, I shake my head. “I’ve been playing that convo in my head too.
Like do they just tell you the bad news over the phone?
Or do they tell you to come in and that’s how you know it’s probably bad?
” It feels like I’ve replayed every conversation I’ve had about this the past few days, yet at the same time it feels like I’m not remembering anything accurately. Is that common?
Ivory brings plates down from the cabinet and sets them in front of us. “Don’t jump to conclusions. They may just want you to come in so they can explain it all. You know medical terminology can be confusing.”
“Yeah, I don’t know. I just keep wondering if I’m just mentally preparing myself and reaction or if I’m manifesting bad news. Almost like that’s what I’m hoping for?”
Taylor wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me close. “I wouldn’t say that. I’d just say that your brain is trying to plan out every possible scenario. That’s what you do, Gabby. You overthink literally everything. We just need to quiet the intrusive thoughts.”
“Any idea on how to do that?” My face is smushed against hers, so my words come out jumbled but they understand them perfectly.
“We have dinner and watch our favorite guys on TV.” Ivory finishes plating our food.
Taylor adds, “Then wait for Miller to text you and ask if you saw something that probably didn’t even happen.”
We all laugh as we dig into our dinner as the opening ceremonies start for the game. Our boys all play phenomenally and we cheer from the comfort of my couch all the way through. It's official: The Troubadours are headed to the postseason.