Chapter 28
Beck
“Then kiss me,” Jensen whispers, and my whole world explodes.
My lips capture hers and in a fucking instant, everything becomes crystal clear. No more mud mucking whatever this is between us.
I love her. Can’t imagine my life with-fucking-out her type of love. The worst-case scenario is wasting another second of not actually being hers.
My tongue explores her mouth as our kiss turns demanding. Her hands lock around my shoulders and I lean her farther back deepening the kiss.
When I feel her soft moan against my mouth, my knees threaten to give out on me. I need her, with every fiber of my being, I need all of her. Forever.
Hoisting her back into my arms, I carry her up the stairs and straight to my room.
This isn’t our roommates-with-benefits deal anymore.
It’s not just fucking her in a public place or in the shower.
It’s her and I genuinely giving this an actual chance.
I don’t want there to even be a thought of this being temporary.
Everything is different this time, and I want that to be abundantly clear.
Our kiss never wavers, and with every pass of my lips, I’m begging, promising, demanding that she knows she has me.
Standing at the foot of my bed, I finally set her down and truly look at her. I am fucking mesmerized. “You’re so beautiful, Jen.”
Her blush comes with a smile, but I can see the concern written all over her face. I know everything I said about my reasoning for not wanting this is lingering in her head.
And for that I can’t blame her. I know a kiss isn’t going to be enough to reassure her. I want to tell her every part of me belongs to her. That I’ll never love someone other than her, but the words get stuck in my chest.
Her hand presses softly on my chest. “Beck…” Anything she might have wanted to follow up with doesn’t come out.
I brush her hair behind her back and rest my forehead against hers. So many words are still sitting on my chest. The weight of them physically hurts. Letting out a deep breath, I need to say something, but what comes out isn’t nearly as poetic as I hoped.
“I’m with you, Jensen.”
Those deep amber eyes lock with mine. Lust might be fighting to take over, but I can still see the small hints of fear.
She takes a small step back and her hands rest on my waist. “Beckham.” My full name comes out as a plea this time.
I pull her back in, I can’t let her get in her head. They’re valid fears, I know that, but I need her to know I want us. I press a soft kiss to her lips again. “I promise.”
Her hands find either side of my face and she lets out a soft sigh. The smile on her face tells me enough that I haven’t completely fucked this up already. “I know—now, show me.”
She leans in and her kiss sends shockwaves through my body.
She’s right, words can wait because loving her isn’t just confessions and promises—she deserves those things, but for right now, I need to prove to her that I’m right here with her.
I’m in this with all the passion and love she’s giving me.
Picking her body up closer to mine, I hold her to where her toes barely touch the ground. “I need your clothes off.”
She chuckles softly. “You’re going to have to let me go for me to do that.”
“I don’t want to.” I grab a chunk of her hair, kissing her deeper. When her tongue tangles with mine, I nearly come in my pants. Shit, not that again. Not this time at least.
Breaking away from her the best I can, I try to find any form of self-control and grit out. “Clothes off, or I rip them off.”
Jensen’s smirk turns wicked as she pulls her shirt over her head. “Maybe next time.”
My shirt follows. “Oh, definitely.”
We pull off the rest of our clothes, but once she reaches for her underwear, I grip her wrist. “Allow me.”
Gliding them down slowly, I lower to my knees. Placing soft kisses to her hips, the tops of her thighs, and right on that perfect cunt of hers.
Her hands grip on to my hair and her head falls back with my name coming out at barely a whisper.
I pepper a few more kisses along her inked skin then take advantage as she steps out of her underwear by sliding my tongue from her center then sucking her clit into my mouth.
A curse comes and her grip tightens. I’m tempted to stay down here all night and be perfectly happy with that, but this time is different.
Rising up slowly, I trail more kisses on her skin. When I reach her face, I grip her chin and pull her flush against me. Her eyes stay shut, but her arms wrap around my back. “Stay with me, baby, please. Open your eyes.”
As they slowly open, I have my thumb glide across her lips. “We’ve fucked before, but that’s not this.”
I feel her swallow against my hand. “Good, make love to me, Beck. I’m right here with you.”
“Fuck,” I groan, spinning her around and laying her back down on my bed.
Hovering over her again, I note every line and swirl of ink on her skin lit only by the moonlight streaming in through the blinds.
God, I could look at her all night.
Looking at her and committing every inch of her body to memory would be more than enough for me, but if I get to touch her…kiss her…make her all mine, I’m going to do that.
My fingers trail slow from her chin down her collarbone, then the valley of her chest.
Biting back a smile the best she can, I nearly lean in to bite her bottom lip myself, but I’m not done taking in this view.
Jensen’s hands pull at my torso. “God, Beck, get down here.”
I love her.
Our kiss fuels my soul a little more.
I. Love. Her.
Rocking back and forth ever so slightly, I know my piercing is giving her quite the tease. I know she’s wanting me to move, but it wouldn’t be us if I didn’t edge her a little.
“Beckham,” she groans in warning against my mouth as she hooks her ankles around my ass.
I pepper a few kisses on her face. “You’re going to have to give me a second. Kissing you is about to send me over the edge.”
Jensen’s nails dig into my back with a soft moan. “Believe me, I’m hanging on by a thread, Beck.”
I capture her mouth again as I slide all the way in with ease. My thrusts start slow, but nowhere near lazy. Each drive into her carries the promises I can’t voice right now.
I wish I could fucking say them. I want to, and part of me is terrified that not getting them out will be my downfall, but praying with each second that she can feel what she means to me.
Jensen’s nails continue to claw at my back and she loses the rhythm of our kiss. I know my ring is right where she likes it on her clit and with the way she’s squeezing my cock she’s close.
Wrapping my arms under her, I pull her tighter against me and kiss her neck, letting every moan of hers come out crystal clear. The force of my thrusts increase but I don’t dare change our pace.
“Come with me, Beck,” she whispers.
I nip at her ear. “I’m always coming with you, Jen.”
Every time. Everywhere. In bed. In life. Just with her.
It doesn’t take but a few more strokes in and out before we’re both falling over the edge.
I want to take that as a good sign, but as our highs come down I’m afraid it won’t be enough.
Her legs unhook and entangle in mine. I place one then two kisses on her collarbone before going up her neck, and giving one more sensual kiss to her lips.
She hums softly. “I knew if I kissed you I’d be fucked.”
My head goes back with a laugh. Rolling off to the side I pull Jensen to me. Her head rests perfectly on my chest as I brush my fingers through her hair softly. For the first time in years, I’m not afraid of what my future will look like. I just see her.
Jensen and I spent the rest of the night in my bed with a lazy naked make-out session to make up for lost time. When Dottie whines outside our door, I throw on some sweats to take her out one more time before bringing her back up with me and falling asleep with Jensen in my arms.
Everything feels so right when I shut my eyes, but then that bubble pops.
I know I couldn’t have slept for more than an hour, and Jensen’s still cuddled close to me when Dottie starts pawing at my leg.
“Dot, go back to bed. I already took you out,” I grumble, snuggling deeper into Jensen.
Dottie paws at my legs again, but then I hear it: my phone ringing from downstairs. Getting up to answer my phone is the very last thing I want to do, but know I have to look at who’s calling.
Sliding out of the bed, I pull my sweatpants back on, then pat Dottie’s head.
Once I make it downstairs the ringing stops, and for a second I pray it doesn’t ring again, but then it lights back up and my stomach drops.
Racing over, I see the name I really didn’t want to see. Answering, I can’t even get a hello out before I hear everything in my dad’s voice.
“Beck, your mom—”
“I’m on my way. I’ll call you on my way to the airport.” I feel the panic attack coming on immediately, I shove it back as best I can.
I’m both grateful and absolutely hate that he doesn’t argue because fuck this means that it’s it. I’m going to have to say goodbye and I’m not ready to.
I clench my fists as an unimaginable pain sweeps through me. My throat tightens and I swear I’m choking on air. This panic attack is going to take me down, but I can’t let it. I have to get back home.
Grabbing a sweatshirt from the top of the laundry, I just move with that one thought in mind. I slide my shoes on at the door then snatch up my keys—except they’re not mine, they’re Jensen’s.
The pain in my chest comes back in full force. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I whisper-shout. I should wake her up. Every muscle and instinct is begging me to go wake her up and bring her with me.
I stumble over to the island and brace myself against the wood. All that fear comes racing back tenfold and I’m seconds away from passing out but I can’t afford that. Whatever’s happened, I need to get back home.
I know what I’m about to do might be unforgivable, but I feel like I’m dying. What if this is too much? What if she actually sees what could happen and I lose her too? Why can’t I fathom the idea of walking up the stairs?
Waking her up feels like it will seal every fear I have. And then what words would even come out of my mouth? My mom is…
I can’t breathe. Fuck. I can’t breathe.
I try everything to get my breathing under control, and even with a few deep breaths, I know I won’t be able to. My eyes latch on to our notepad. A small bit of clarity hits me. Grabbing it and a pen, I write down every word I wanted to tell Jensen earlier.
It’s nowhere close to what she deserves. I promise this is the last thing I ever want to do without her, even though I wish I had enough courage to go back up those stairs and wake her up.
As I drop the pen and grab my keys I’ve never hated myself more, but I walk out the door and head to say my final goodbye.