Chapter 29 - Steel
I shook my head as I stepped through Smoke’s front door.
This big ass nigga was in the middle of his living room jamming with the kids to Gracie’s Corner.
Maceo’s equally big ass was right there with Marino dancing just as hard.
The Veggie Dance was playing, and while the kids were jumping around uncoordinated, these niggas were hitting the Dougie and Harlem shake.
This shit was comical.
Romi and Shar stood in the entryway to the kitchen, doubled over in laughter, while recording them on their phones. When Romi saw me, she tried her hardest to gather herself as she walked over to greet KJ and I.
“Look at their big stiff asses,” I said, pulling her in for a hug.
“They have been at it for a good twenty minutes,” she said, wiping her face before plucking KJ from my arms. “Hey, puddin’!”
She smothered his face with kisses, causing him to giggle. Shar finally put her phone away and came over as well.
“You see this shit?” she asked, hugging me and pinching KJ’s cheeks.
“Those are your husbands.”
I turned my head in time to see them hitting the Kid n Play, looking like they were having the time of their lives.
This was fatherhood. Just doing dumb shit with your kids.
Maceo finally turned to see me, and a grin spread across his face.
He came over to dap me up and take his nephew before going right back to dancing.
The front door opened again, as the song switched to the phonics song, and Deuce walked in with Liam and Darlyn with Salima right behind them. When he saw our brothers, he frowned and shook his head.
“Y’all too big to be gyrating like that!” he called over the music.
“Don’t act like this beat ain’t fire, nigga,” Smoke said, hitting the Milly rock.
Darlyn and Liam scurried out of his arms to go join their uncles and cousins.
The door opened again, and Jaeda and Quaid walked in.
This nigga didn’t even speak before he was rushing past us to join in on the fun.
I expected nothing less from him, because he loved teaching the kids new shit, and he ran this channel in the fucking ground whenever he and Jaeda babysat.
“Now that’s a damn shame,” Deuce said, shaking his head. He turned to me. “Come on out back and blow one with me.”
He didn’t have to tell me twice. I kissed Jaeda and Salima before following him out back. We claimed seats by the pool, and he sparked up the blunt. For a while, we smoked in silence before he finally said something.
“How you doing? I haven’t checked in with you in a minute.”
“I’m good, man.”
“You sure? I mean, you jumped into this relationship after everything that happened.”
“I didn’t jump into it. I love Neha. I’ve always loved her, and I never stopped loving her. I just pushed that shit outta my mind. It still hurts. I can’t lie about that. But knowing what I know now, I’ve forgiven her. I feel much better after taking care of that muthafucka.”
His eyes widened. “When did this happen, and why didn’t I know?”
“About two weeks ago. Me, Pops, and Quaid—”
“Aw, hell nah! How you took that nigga with you and ain’t say shit to your brothers?”
“’Cause that nigga is my brother too.”
He nodded. “My bad. You right.”
“Anyway, you know your daddy has connections every fucking where. He got us in. I gave that nigga a paralyzing agent and beat the fuck outta him before snapping his neck.”
Deuce grinned. “You love using them damn hands, nigga.”
“For a muthafucka like that, he didn’t deserve the mercy of my gun. He liked to hit women, so I made him my bitch.”
“And here I thought Smoke was the unhinged one behind his woman. He was terrorizing the city, and you out here sneaking into prisons and beating niggas to death.”
I chuckled. “Protect and serve. Ain’t that what Pops said?”
“His old ass can’t stay out the field when he’s supposed to be retired.”
“I don’t know if we will ever see the day that Senior fully retires from the game. This shit gives him a thrill. Maddie’s overseas with Mia, and it’s not like he’s getting any pussy right now to keep him occupied. Other than running between our houses, he ain’t got shit else to do.”
I laughed. I could agree that I saw my father ten times as much these days than when he was in charge.
No lie, I enjoyed him just being my father and not my boss.
We joked on Senior a lot, but the man had wisdom, especially with being a parent.
He was one of the first people I called when anything was going on with KJ.
No matter what time it was or what he was doing, he showed up.
“He definitely has to find him a woman.” I chuckled. “You know, since his woman is married to Aaron.”
Deuce shot me a glare. “Don’t do that shit. Senior better leave my mama the fuck alone. He had his turn. Aaron is good for her, and you know I couldn’t stand that nigga at first.”
“You can’t stand anyone that tried to holla at Ma.”
“And? You always liked Hershel?”
“Actually, I did. Hersh ain’t ever been on no fuck shit. He came in with love and respect. Never treated me or Jaeda like anything less than his kids, even when him and Ma had their own. What do you have against Senior and Ma being a thing?”
“Look, I love and respect your daddy, a’ight? But that woman is my heart, and he’s made it clear he can’t handle hers correctly. She’s got a good nigga now. He can find him a good woman, any good woman. Just not her. History ain’t repeating around this muthafucka.”
I shrugged. “There’s three sides to every story. His, hers, and the truth. That’s all I’m saying. I don’t think you have anything to worry about, though. Aaron ain’t coming up off Ma anytime soon. That man was all over her at the spot.”
“Please don’t piss me off.”
I laughed and shook my head.
It wasn’t long before our brothers finally joined us out back. They sat down, breathing all hard and shit.
“Y’all got tired of shaking what your mama gave you?” Deuce asked with a smirk.
Smoke shot him a middle finger. “Fuck you. It’s lit in this house. Just wait ‘til I get my boy. We are really gonna turn up.”
I laughed. “Nigga, you got four kids already. You want another? You really are yo’ daddy’s son.”
“Listen, I love this daddy shit. I want as many as my wife is gonna give me, but I really want my boy. Don’t get me wrong. I love my girls. Those are my lil’ hittas, for real. I just want somebody to carry on the Dillinger name.” He pointed at Quaid. “This nigga already made Jaeda a Michaels.”
Quaid rolled his eyes. “She hyphenated her name, jackass. Our kids will have hyphenated names as well. I know how important your last name is for your sister. Shit, I even offered to take her last name as a sign of respect, but she said no.”
Maceo smirked. “Jaeda got your ass whipped.”
Quaid grinned. “Man, you don’t even know.”
“At least y’all ain’t like Mia and your best friend,” Deuce said. “He crashed out about her leaving yet?”
Quaid chuckled. “You know he’s already plotting on making his over there. Vinchi is watching her. I do know he’s been trying to get her to come back, but she ain’t hearing him. She won’t answer his calls or texts. Nigga said the only other thing he can do is go snatch her ass back up.”
Deuce shook his head. “I’ma stay outta their shit. They already give me a fucking headache. Nothing we say will keep them apart anyway.”
That much was true. I was just waiting on the day they stopped their bullshit and got it together.
It was clear that he loved her, and she loved him.
If they stopped fighting the shit, they might actually be happy.
But alas, you couldn’t tell grown niggas what to do.
Just like the rest of us, they had to figure their own shit out.
Hopefully, it was sooner rather than later.
I sighed heavily as I pulled up in front of Ms. Anita’s house.
I hadn’t heard from her since the water park incident a few weeks ago.
She hadn’t called. She hadn’t texted. She hadn’t checked in on KJ.
She and I needed to have a serious conversation because, while I understood she was going through a lot, I was sick of this back-and-forth shit.
Like I told her, my son wouldn’t have any part-time people in his life.
I’d been patient.
I’d been accommodating.
But I was fed up. When she called me this morning, I was reluctant to answer. She said we needed to talk, so here I was. Climbing out of the truck, I grabbed a sleeping KJ and headed up the front steps to ring the doorbell. A minute or so passed before she finally answered with a smile on her face.
“Hey, Kerrion.”
“Ms. Anita.”
“Come on in.”
I followed her into the house where she motioned for me to take a seat on the couch.
“Can I get you anything to drink?” she offered.
“No, thank you. I’m fine.”
She sat down and crossed her legs, staring at me for a moment without saying a word. I gave her a blank stare, waiting for her to tell me why I was here.
After clearing her throat, she finally said something.
“I’m sure you’re wondering why I called you.”
“If it’s to have the same conversation we’ve been having, we can skip that.”
“You have no idea how hard this is for me—”
“I don’t, and I pray I never have to. I don’t wish any of this on you, Ms. Anita.”
She sighed heavily as she wrung her hands together.
“When Donna was younger, she went through this rebellious stage. It seems like everything I told her was wrong in her eyes. I couldn’t seem to give her advice about anything without it offending her.
Back then, she told me she couldn’t wait to be grown and be out of my house so she could live by her own rules.
“Then her father died, and all we had was each other to lean on. We became closer . . . did everything together. I became her best friend, and she became mine. Losing her, . . . it broke something inside of me. I could handle losing my husband. I knew we wouldn’t spend the rest of our lives together, but my baby?
I expected her to bury me, not the other way around.
“I wake up day after day knowing she’s gone.
I can’t call her. I can’t text her. I can’t meet up with her for brunch or shopping.
I talk to her, and she can’t talk back. There’s no arms to wrap around me when I need to feel her.
No kisses on the cheek. No . . . no more Mommy, I need you.
Nothing. I’m a childless mother, and it kills me, Kerrion. It kills me.”
She paused to wipe her tears while I remained silent. I didn’t have the words for her. Nothing I said could ease that pain.
“I want you to be happy,” she continued. “I know that’s what Donna would have wanted, too, because she loved you so much. It’s just . . . your girlfriend. She looks so much like Donna. I don’t know if I can be around her, Kerrion. I want to be here for KJ, honestly, I do. I just . . . it’s her.”
I sighed. “I’m sorry you feel that way. Neha and I are going to be together.
She’s gonna be around KJ, and at some point, y’all will share a space.
It won’t be all the time, but it will happen.
You’re family, Ms. Anita. I love you, and I don’t want this to draw a deeper line between you and I or you and my son. ”
She looked from me to KJ. When she reached for him, I handed him over. She cuddled him against her chest and kissed his curly head. Tears pooled in her eyes as she rocked him.
“I love him so much,” she whispered. “You have no idea. Can I keep him this week?”
I pondered her request. My son had never been away from me for more than two days. I wasn’t sure I could go a week without seeing him.
“Please . . . I need this.”
I sighed. “Okay. I’m gonna be stopping by though. He’s never been away from me that long. I’m not gonna know what to do with myself.”
“That’s fine,” she said as she stared down at him, caressing his cheek as he slept. “Grandma is gonna take good care of you, precious.”
I didn’t worry about that. Whenever she kept him, he was always fed, clean, and happy when I came to pick him up.
“Do you need anything for him?” I asked.
“Nope. I have everything he needs. Don’t worry about a thing.” She finally looked up at me. “Thank you for giving me chance after chance. Maybe I don’t deserve—”
“It’s not what you deserve. It’s what he deserves. But this is the last chance, Ms. Anita. I meant what I said. KJ needs consistency. I don’t want him to have to keep getting used to you.”
She nodded. “He won’t have to.”
“Good.”
My phone vibrated in my pocket, and when I pulled it out, I saw that it was a message in the family group chat from Deuce. We had a case, and I guessed her asking to keep KJ came at the right time.
“I gotta go.” I stood from the couch and went to kiss my son. “I love you, Fat Man. Be a good boy.”
After kissing Ms. Anita’s forehead, I made my way out the front door and headed to my car.
Something was pulling at me. I didn’t know what it was, but it was heavy.
I figured it was the weight of this whole situation.
So much had happened to me in the last year.
I had a baby and lost my best friend in the process.
I’d been thrown into single fatherhood, just winging that shit.
I found out I had a child with the former love of my life.
Now I was navigating being a father of two and rekindling an old flame.
I couldn’t take another fucking thing happening to me.
With a heavy sigh, I backed out of the driveway and headed for the compound.