Chapter 18 #3
“Obviously, I don’t know the details of what this ex has done to you, but I do know that’s what you were thinking about when you heard about the Jeep. He isn’t going to lay one finger on you. Not one. Damon either.”
He almost managed to brush his lips across mine.
The ache was there. The need. The longing that had already stripped me of common sense.
This should be a reminder that I wasn’t in Missoula to play house.
I was here to work. That’s what needed to happen.
I tried to turn my head, which further frustrated him.
His fingers dug into my face, not enough to hurt, but so possessive I was strangled by unseen icy fingers wrapped around my throat. I did care about him.
“I don’t think Kenny will try. I just… Just don’t worry about him.
He’s not here. He’s not important. And you don’t need to take care of me.
I’ve done pretty well on my own.” What I didn’t want to do was to fall into needing him.
That wasn’t fair to either one of us. Not with the time limits or the work I had to do.
“Hey. You need to listen to me. No one will touch you. Not while you’re here.”
“Like I said. You don’t need to worry about me. Just let me go. We can be friends.”
“Friends.”
“Well, that’s better than being enemies, which is what I thought you wanted.”
His reluctance was evident, but he finally released his hold. “I don’t want to be your enemy, Violet. But you’re right. I also have no business trying to be your hero. I’ll talk to the guys about the calendar. I can tell how important it is.”
I shouldn’t become riled because of what he’d just said. Yet he had a way of shutting down at the most awkward moment. “Stop. You don’t need to fight my battles. They might feel the exact same way you do and that’s fine. I knew that risk coming here. But I need to concentrate on figuring this out.”
I could tell my words just continued to irritate him.
“Alright. Do what you need to do.” He took a wider step away from me. With the car still running, the continued disagreement was getting ridiculous. Maybe both of us really were hardheaded.
“If it’s alright with you, I don’t want to spoil Damon’s dinner. He’s missed out on enough in his little life. We can be civil for that long. Right?”
“Yeah, we can do that.” The awkwardness was ridiculous, as heavy and unwanted as the argument.
He took another step back and toward his car, wiping his hands on his jeans. This time when he turned away, I had a feeling his effort to shut down would be more permanent.
Neither one of us could stand to get hurt again.
* * *
“You didn’t eat much of that big, fat cheeseburger, Damon,” Steel said as he turned down the road leading to both cabins.
My son, the recently talkative kid, had said very little at dinner. “I wasn’t that hungry.”
“You didn’t like the cheeseburger?” I asked.
“It was good.” Three words. Now we were back to the way he’d been before arriving in Missoula. How he’d seen us act in the restaurant bothered him more than he was willing to let on.
“Well, I’ve been known to heat them up when I couldn’t finish one.”
To Steel’s credit, he’d tried to pretend as if the evening hadn’t been ruined.
But it had. The argument had established a path of least resistance between us, which included keeping our distance.
Not that it was a bad idea, but the timing was terrible.
At least the cat was out of the bag. I’d always considered myself a control freak and at this point, I had no control over anything. My job. My feelings.
I wasn’t in love, nothing crazy like that, but for the first time since losing my self-control over eight years ago, I felt alive. That was a dangerous situation to be in when away from home and people I knew who could talk me down from the rafters.
“Sure,” Damon said.
With a sigh, I glanced at Steel as he pulled into a driveway, although not the one for the house where we were living. “What are you doing?”
He placed his finger across his mouth. “I have something that will cheer you up, Damon.”
“What?”
The dull tone in my son’s voice gutted me.
Steel put the gear into park before answering. “I guess you’re going to need to come in and find out. Won’t you?” He had no plans on taking no for an answer, unfastening his seatbelt and climbing out before I could object.
When he closed the door, I let out a deep sigh.
“Mom. Do you love me? Do you want me around?”
“What kind of question is that? Of course I love you and always want you around.”
“Just askin’. You’re angry with Steel. I thought it was because of me.”
“Honey…” Oh, this wasn’t the conversation I needed to have. “I’m not angry with him. He was furious with me. I should have told him about the calendar.”
“Yeah, you should have. I like it here and you’re messing everything up.” He didn’t wait for me, crawling to the other side and managed to get himself out from the backseat.
While I sat quietly, watching as my son hopped up on the stoop, waiting patiently as Steel unlocked the door.
Realizing once again I was a terrible mother.
But I wouldn’t give it up for the world.