Chapter 25 #2
I wanted to tell him that he wouldn’t always be around or that I could fight my own battles, but right now, seeing his determination and feeling his grit and anger fueled something deep within.
An emotion that I couldn’t put my finger on.
When I cupped his face, the heat exploding into my hand forced me to take a deeper breath.
“You’re an amazing man, Steel. Just remember, you can’t always be my hero. ”
He pulled my hand into his, bringing my palm to his mouth. “Wanna bet?”
“Children. I need you both over here. Let’s get this finished before we lose the light,” Prince called, quite annoyed with the two of us.
At least I could get back to work, which would take away some of the angst. But not all. I knew how Kenneth was when he set his mind to something. Another buzz of my phone caused a full-blown panic attack. This time, I ripped my phone into my hand and Steel was ready to blast Kenneth a new one.
“Wait. It’s a local number,” I whispered then lifted my head, searching his eyes. “Violet Livingston.”
“Ms. Livingston, I was given your number by Jameson Beckett. This is Amy Young from Blackstone Labs. I’m sorry but the people who purchased the puppy you found are ready to take him to his new home. I’m afraid I’m going to need to ask you to bring him back.”
“Um… Of course. When do you need him?” My stomach was full of knots, swirling and bumping. This was sheer torture. I wasn’t even certain I’d agreed out loud.
“Well, tonight if possible. The owners are coming in from Colorado early tomorrow morning.”
My heart sank, every cell in my body on fire for all the wrong reasons. “I understand. We’ll drop him by. Thank you for giving us extra time.”
“Absolutely. I’m sorry it couldn’t have worked out differently, but I am very grateful for how much you cared for the little tyke. See you soon.”
As I hung up, I could no longer feel my legs. I held the phone to my chest, taking several shallow breaths. “The breeder needs Zorro back tonight. His rightful owners are coming to town in the morning. What am I going to do? I just…”
“Oh, babe. I am so sorry. I tried to talk her into allowing us to keep Zorro.”
“How am I going to tell Damon? His birthday is coming up in a few days. His birthday. He’ll be crushed.”
“If you want, we’ll do it together.”
Nodding, I looked away. “Why are things so cruel? We’re both happy here.”
“Maybe it’s time to think about making a change.”
“Unfortunately, sometimes we’re trapped in a moment, a life that cannot be undone easily.”
Steel sighed. “If you want something badly enough, you can always make a change.”
I looked him directly in the eyes, feeling even more of the connection we shared. “Thank you for being with me, for caring. It’s meant a lot.”
Meant. As in past tense.
I was always mentally and emotionally preparing to leave.
* * *
“What does that mean, Mom? I don’t understand. Why are you taking him away tonight?” Damon’s eyes were open wide. His arm was wrapped around Zorro’s neck, the pup’s tail wagging and his dark brown eyes locked on his master’s.
I couldn’t take this. There wasn’t enough strength in the world to manage to break his heart without losing mine. “Zorro was stolen from the breeder. Another family had already picked him out. It’s not fair to them to take him away because some bad people did a terrible thing. Do you understand?”
“I’m not giving him up! I found him. He’s mine.”
Zorro jumped on Damon’s lap, obviously realizing something was terribly wrong.
My hands were shaking and I had no idea what words I could use to make this any better.
I wasn’t equipped in dealing with breaking my child’s heart.
Other people had done that. Not me. Completely exasperated, I looked toward Steel.
This was my cross to bear, but I was ready to lose my sense of rationality.
No one prepared you for breaking your child’s heart. Not this way.
Steel moved closer, crouching in front of the couch.
He took a few seconds to do nothing but pet Zorro.
“Damon. I know this is so hard. I can’t blame you for not wanting to give up Zorro.
You two are very close. But what if a little boy just like you had already picked him out and was just waiting, eager to get the pup in his arms, counting down the days until he and his mom and dad could bring him home?
Don’t you think that little boy would be crushed? ”
Damon’s mouth had twisted, his little chest rising and falling as the news began to wrap around his mind. “I guess. But he’s mine. What about me finding him?”
“Honey, you did an amazing thing in rescuing him. You saved the pup’s life.
” I had to remind myself to stop calling him Zorro.
God, I couldn’t take this. I was sick to my stomach, a single tear rolling down my cheek.
I wiped it furiously, fighting hatred and anger as much as I was sadness.
My hands were shaking, another rush of adrenaline crushing my soul.
“That’s right. You saved this little tyke so he could grow up big and strong. You were the hero and that’s why you’ll continue being one by letting Zorro go to his family.”
Damon bent over, hugging the pup. Finally, the tears began to fall, my son doing his best to be the little man I’d always called him. So big. So strong. But as he wept, so did his mom.
I cinched my eyes shut, wishing I could make promises but uncertain of the future. But I couldn’t take this. Before I had a chance to comfort him, he was already telling his best friend that he had to go to a new home.
Steel and I locked eyes and there was more emotion, more of a connection than before as we listened in on a very private conversation.
“Mom says you already have a home. And a little boy who needs you. I need you too.” He stopped long enough to issue a tiny wail.
Needing strength, I eased my hand toward Steel’s, grasping his fingers. This was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do.
“What if she’s right, Zorro? Huh? What if the little boy is sick? You might heal him. I’m sure they’ll give you a good life, but I’ll miss you. I love you so much. I love you.” He threw his arms around Zorro’s neck, crying into his fur and the tears refused to stop sliding down my face.
There was no sense in wiping them away because they would just continue.
Every muscle was tight, every synapse in my brain on fire.
I couldn’t breathe correctly, had no sense of understanding the reason why this had to happen.
Forget all the crap about everything happening for a reason.
That was a load of garbage. This was torture.
This was nothing my child deserved. I hated this fucking world. I hated having to disappoint him.
I hated…
Damon lifted his head, blinking several times before tipping his face toward me. The worried look he always gave me when knowing I was upset swept across his face, the dark shadow touching the deepest part of my soul. “It’s okay, Mom. Zorro understands. He’ll be okay.”
“Ah, honey. You are such a brave, incredible little boy. And I promise you that we will get you another new best friend. Okay? That might be a little while, but we will when we can.” I stroked the back of his head, still squeezing Steel’s hand.
My son surprised the hell out of me. He nodded, giving Zorro another squeeze before climbing off the couch. “Bye, Zorro.” When he walked out of the living room and we both heard the door to his bedroom close, that’s when I lost it.
As the tears slipped past my lashes, my eyes stinging, I took several gasps. “I can’t… I can’t just break his… heart. Never again. Never…”
“Oh, baby,” Steel whispered, yet his voice and the tone was strong, so strong. Just like the man. He pulled me into his arms, holding me against the warmth of his chest. “I’m so sorry for both of you. I’ll take Zorro so you don’t need to go through that. Okay?”
I nodded against his chest, gulping for air. How long had it been since I’d been so close to being this hysterical? I lifted my head, my eyes darting back and forth across his. “How am I supposed to get through this? How is Damon?”
“Together. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” As he cupped my face, an entirely different feeling of warmth slipped into my system.
The sensations weren’t about the passion we shared, desire that usually overshadowed everything else. It wasn’t about the combative nature of our relationship, banter that fueled our interactions. What I felt was much stronger, much more alive.
For a few seconds, I couldn’t put my finger on what that was.
Yet as soon as he brushed his lips across mine, capturing them seconds later, I realized what I was searching for.
Home.
Being with him felt like home.