Chapter Three #2
Lord, I’m begging for help here. A minor earthquake, a tiny tsunami, even a small little kitchen fire would do. Anything to get me out of this situation right now.
“You want to sit and eat with me?” Wyatt offers me the half-smile thing he does when he’s nervous. “I’d like to catch up with you. I hear you’ve got a lot going on.”
Lord… it’s not working! This is not helping!
My heart hammers against my chest as I stare up at the giant in front of me. The one I’d never have left had he not been so stupid. “Yeah, let’s eat something. Why not?”
Why did I say yes? I wanted to say no. Clearly, my body is doing whatever it wants.
“Or we can eat separately… if you’d like. I don’t want to intrude.”
“Intrude?” My voice raises three octaves as I say, “No way! I’ve got the best booth in the place. We should take advantage of it.”
He chuckles low under his breath. “I think I took advantage of you quite a few times in that booth. You remember the night we came back from that concert in the Springs? You were high as hell.”
I slide into the booth where I sat before building a fort beneath the table.
“Yeah,” I bite back a smile and pull my jacket up onto the seat next to me, “how could I forget? That vibrator with the remote was the best gift you ever got me. I had two orgasms in the car on the way here, and another in this very booth.” I bite back a nervous grin, wondering why I said that?
We’ve been talking for a measly five minutes, and I said vibrator and orgasm.
Vibrator and orgasm.
What the hell? Those are not words a soon to be mother uses with the man she’s trying to sideline for the betterment of everyone’s lives.
“It was memorable for me too. The way you squirmed when I extended your orgasm after you erupted, I was hellbent on seeing if you would crack and scream out for the whole place to hear,” he says, donning a devilish smile.
“I still have it if you’re interested. You left it at my place before you skipped town.
” He leans back on the opposite side of the booth, seemingly in an attempt to slow himself down, his long arm stretched out over the back, his tattoos peeking from the cuff of his flannel.
“How’s all that going, anyway? I hear you’re dating.
Does he buy you toys to play with in public too? ”
I pinch my lips together as my eyes widen. “Wow, we’re getting right to it.”
“Yeah, well, it’s what I do best. Straightforward to a fault.”
I nod slowly, avoiding the dating topic completely. “The newspaper isn’t what I was expecting. I mean, I love writing, you know I love writing, but… I don’t know. There’s no inspiration in San Francisco. At least not the kind that sparks me.”
He perks as he says, “Yeah? I thought you were excited about the city? Hell, you had a shrine to it in your cabin.”
“It wasn’t a shrine.” I roll my eyes. “It was a vision board, and I was excited… until I got there.” I shrug. “You know me, I get all excited to leave the house until it’s time to leave.”
“That mean you’re coming back?”
“I don’t know.” I shake my head and twist my straw around in my Coke while I talk. “Ben thinks I haven’t given it long enough. Apparently, acclimating takes time. He moved from Oklahoma and I guess it took him like a year to get used to city life. He’s been there fifteen now, and he loves it.”
“Ben?” Wyatt widens his gaze. “Who’s Ben?”
Well, that was stupid.
“He’s the senior editor at the newspaper.”
“So, he’s not the guy you’ve been dating?”
The sizzle from the flat-top griddle sings in chorus with the low country playing over the speakers. I try to lose myself in both before finally answering.
“We’re not dating. We’ve just gone on a few dates.”
Wyatt tilts his head back and forth slowly as his jaw tightens. “A few dates… so you’re dating?”
“No.” I smile nervously. “I’m not dating anyone. We just went out a few times.”
He rolls his shoulders back as though they’re tense. “They do things different in the city then, ‘cause around here, if I take a girl out a few times, we’re dating.”
“So, you’re dating?” I glance down at the table as the words slide out. I’m not sure I want to know.
“Nope,” he says flatly as Betty returns to the table with a silent sorry on her lips for me. I wasn’t planning on holding a grudge, but the sweet scent of my cranberry pancakes is more than enough to forgive even the most heinous crimes.
“Can I get you two anything else?” Betty smiles sweetly and tucks a strand of silver hair behind her ear with a faint smile. I get the feeling she’s rooting for us, which I’m not sure how to feel about given the circumstances.
Wyatt and I look toward each other than back toward Betty simultaneously. “No. Thank you.”
For a second, the table is silent and I’m not sure what to say. He’s obviously upset that I went on a few dates, but he doesn’t really have the right to be. That’s what happens when people break up. They go on dates. They meet people. They try to put their lives back together again.
His massive body resituates in the booth as he tugs the pie plate in front of him. As long as I’ve known this man he’s been a pie first kind of guy. I used to wonder how we’d explain that to our kids. How do you convince a five-year-old to eat their vegetables first when Daddy is eating pie?
“People do things differently in the city,” I say grabbing the syrup from the tray near the window overlooking Main Street.
“In the city, people date multiple people until they find someone worth spending all their time with.” I shrug.
“It was weird for me at first too, but then—” I take a bite of the cranberry pancakes and sigh. “Oh my God, this is good!”
He glances toward me, holding his gaze a beat too long before slicing into his pie. “So, you like this guy?”
I smirk. “Are you jealous?”
He widens his shoulders. “I’m not jealous. I just asked a question. Are you into him?”
He’s most definitely jealous.
“I don’t know. He’s different from what I’m used to. More refined.”
“Refined?” Wyatt clears his throat and takes another bite of pie. “Since when do you like refined? You’re the girl who begged to keep wild animals in the house, and preferred muddin’ on our anniversary over a fancy dinner.”
“I’m not saying I prefer refined. I’m saying it’s different.”
“You let him take you on another date, though.” He rubs his hand down over his beard as he talks. “Where’d he take you?”
I stuff in another big bite of sweet but tart cranberry pancake. “Are you being serious?”
“Yeah.” He shrugs. “I gotta know what this refined guy planned for you.”
I roll my eyes and swallow before speaking. “He took me to this rooftop garden restaurant overlooking the city for our first date. They have this orange foam stuff that he was excited to try.”
Wyatt laughs under his breath and folds up his sleeves. “A grown man excited to try foam?”
“What?” I shrug. “The man likes a good culinary adventure. It’s more exciting than eating pie at the same diner, in the same town, with the same people every week until you die.”
“Is it, though?” He shifts his weight again. “This pie is the best pie on Earth, and a good man don’t need to taste every pie in every damn windowsill to know which one was baked for him.” His gaze locks with mine, and I don’t think we’re talking about pies anymore.
“I miss you, peach.” He reaches his hand across the table, landing it on top of mine. “I miss everything about us. The banter, the bullshit, your face, the sex… I fucked up and I spend every day wishing I knew how to fix it.”
“Maybe you can’t.” I shrug. “Maybe that’s the problem.”
“Nah, everything can be fixed, just gotta find the right tools.”
“I’m not a home improvement project, or a broken transmission. I’m a whole person. A whole person you lied to.”
He rolls up his sleeves further as he talks, exposing more dark ink. “I get it. You deserve every bit of anger you have. I made a shit decision.”
For a moment there’s silence.
“But…”
“But nothing,” he says, taking another bite. “I’m an asshole. An asshole who was trying to escape.”
“Escape from what?” My tone is unintentionally harsh. “If we were so happy, what did you need an escape from?”
His gaze draws up to mine slowly. “Myself.”
“What are you talking about? You love yourself. You’re one of the most confident people I know.”
“Some days I feel like that guy. Other days, acclimating back into real life is hard. I spent so many years in the desert surviving. Some days, that weight is… exhausting.”
Suddenly, I feel like the biggest jerk ever.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were struggling? I’d have helped you, Wyatt!” Tears threaten their way onto my cheeks, but I brush them away quickly. “You didn’t have to suffer alone.”
“I didn’t want to burden you. You were working hard.
You deserved a happy life with a happy guy, not whatever I was.
So, I blew off steam at the casino… and it got out of hand.
” He readjusts his hat then takes another bite of pie before looking toward me.
“I’m putting things back together now. I’m working on myself in the hope that you’ll change your mind.
I love you, peach. I never stopped loving you. ”
My eyes don’t leave his, and for a long moment, I just stare as my chest warms, my body tingles, and I fight off the urge to tell him I love him back, climb over the table stripper-style, and give into every urge pulsing through me.
“I’m only here for one more day.” I set my fork on the plate and stare at him, holding the heat of his rough hand in mine. “I was going to head up to the look out at Eagle Rock. Do you want to go?”
“The pass is blocked. We had unusually high snowfall this year. I could take you up on the Ski-Doo, though. We could have a picnic in that old hunting shed we found.” He grins and glances down at his plate as though the kinky little memory we had there is coming back to him. “You remember that place?”
“Yup!” I smile, trying to push that night of ropes and fun back down where it belongs. “We’ve definitely had memories all over this mountain.”
My eyes are still locked with his, like there’s some sort of invisible pull holding me there. An invisible pull that also heats the room, makes my thighs ache, and stirs emotion in me I haven’t felt since I left. It could be the revelation he’s just unearthed, but most likely it’s hormones.
It’s just hormones.
It’s just hormones.
It’s just hormones.
I’ve read about this. Pregnancy hormones can make you do all kinds of things. Things I need to avoid if I’m ever going to make sense of my life.
“The Ski-Doo sounds fun.” Well, the pep talk I gave myself was clearly effective.
“Won’t be very refined.” He leans back in the booth and grins. “You’ll need to wear your long johns and some warm boots you don’t mind getting dirty.”
Excitement spills over me at the thought of spending the day snuggled up behind this giant man that I still have feelings for. This giant man that clearly still has feelings about me.
God, what am I doing? I can’t let myself get sucked back in so easily.
I’m thinking for two now. And yet, the thought of breathing him in, holding him tight while we bounce over divots and ruts in the snow, stopping at the little hunting cabin in the woods for a warm fire, snacks and hot cocoa, reigniting our love, letting ‘things’ happen, it all sounds amazing.
It would be one of the best days of my life.
Then all at once it hits me.
Duh, I’m pregnant! I can’t go snowmobiling, especially in the back country. I’d get rocked around like crazy. That can’t be good for the baby. What was I thinking?
This whole thing is stupid. I can’t run back into a relationship with him because he bumped into me with one nice apology. We broke up for a reason, and I need to remember that!
“Umm… actually, I just remembered I have a big meeting tomorrow so I should probably run.” I pause for a second and glance toward him before sliding up from the booth, tossing twenty dollars down on the table.
“I’m so sorry for this. I… yeah, I should go.
” The words feel painful leaving my throat, like my mouth and my brain are at war with each other.
“You don’t need to pay for breakfast, peach, and you don’t need to leave.” Wyatt stands from the booth, towering over me like the biggest, strongest, best smelling man alive.
Okay, I really need to masturbate some of this sexual energy out of myself if I’m going to be able to do anything else today.
“I know.” I look up at him, desperate to fall into his arms. “It was really great catching up with you. I’m so sorry about the ride.
Umm… maybe next time I’m in town.” I stay in his orbit another moment before I force myself to shuffle down the checkered aisle toward the door and into the cold blur of white.