Chapter Five
Alice
“I’ve never been hornier in my life,” I say sipping on my iced decaf. “Did this happen to you too or am I some kind of sicko?”
The low hum of country music and chatter surround me as Sara pulls a comb through my wet hair.
“Nope! Completely normal! I was masturbating like three times a day when I was pregnant and I was still hungry for more. I had a moment there where I got addicted to BDSM porn. There’s something about a man being in control sexually that just—” She shivers playfully. “Anyway, how’d your appointment go?”
“Great!” I close my eyes as I talk, enjoying the way the teeth of the comb feel against my scalp. “I have the sex of the baby in the back pocket of my jeans. The doctor asked if I wanted to know but I wasn’t sure. I mean, knowing kind of makes everything so real and there’s still so much to do.”
Sara shakes her head. “It’s been real, honey. You’ve only got five months left. That baby’ll be here before you know it.”
“I know.” I pinch my lips together and stare at myself in the massive mirror.
Why do I always look worse in these things?
Maybe it’s the dramatic lighting. Whatever it is, all the color is drained from my face, and yet, somehow Sara still looks great.
Maybe it’s just me. “Oh! I ran into Wyatt yesterday at the diner.”
“Oh God!” She widens her dark blue eyes. “How did that go? Did you tell him about the baby? Are you guys going to hook up? That might help, ya know? Everything feels better after a good solid trip to bang-town.”
“Bang-town?” I laugh. “And no on all accounts. I wanted to do all the things, but… it’s complicated.” I tap my toes down on the ground and spin my chair toward her. “Then all last night I stared at old pictures of him and fantasized about the sickest things. I don’t know what my problem is.”
The bell above the salon door rings and a woman I don’t recognize walks in with her young child. I glance over for a second then up at Sara who’s back to cutting off my dead ends.
“Logically speaking,” she says, dragging the comb through my hair, “it would be hard not to fantasize about that man. He’s very attractive.
Maybe instead of beating yourself up for having a normal, human reaction, you should accept it and focus on the real stuff like whether or not you still love him. ”
I nod my head slowly. “He used to talk about this fort he wanted to build for our kids. We even spent an entire night making a sketch for it.” I stare down at my fingernail and tear at a piece of skin next to my thumb.
“I know he messed up, but I don’t know… seeing him yesterday made me realize how much I really miss him. ”
Sara cuts a few inches off the end of my hair before gathering another bunch. “Maybe it’s time to forgive him then. I mean, nobody gets through life without stumbling. Look at patterns in people, not mistakes.”
I straighten as she twists my chair back toward the mirror. “That’s actually good advice.”
“Thanks! Now if only I could actually take it myself.”
“Has it gotten that bad?”
“Yeah,” she says, adjusting the chair height. “It’s pretty bad. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. It’s like my brain is getting scrambled or something. I can’t think straight. It’s like I’m stuck in this cycle, and I don’t know how to get out.”
I look at Sara in the mirror, her bottom lip quivering as hair falls to the floor. I’ve only known her for a few days, but I know she doesn’t deserve whatever is happening at home. I can’t imagine someone that does.
“I’m sorry,” she sniffles. “Last night was rough.”
“Don’t be sorry. You’ve listened to me go on and on.”
“Yeah,” her hands move quickly as a rhythmic snipping hums between us, “but you sound like you have your shit together. I sound like a train wreck.”
“Have my shit together?” I say sarcastically as I whip the cape up to show off my expanded stomach. “Baby, if you’re a train wreck, I’m a shipwreck. Like a Titanic level shipwreck.”
She laughs and shakes her head before wiping away a tear that fell. “I’m not sure a shipwreck is worse than a train wreck.”
“What famous movies do they have about train wrecks? I think that’s the deciding factor.”
She tilts her head to the side and laughs. “I’m bad at this game. I can’t remember movie names on the ready.”
“Which is why a shipwreck is worse than a train wreck.” I shrug.
“I don’t remember why we were doing this now, but that’s not the point.
The point is, you need to leave that jerk and find a man that appreciates you.
Or better yet, we could both ignore men and start a commune for single moms.” My tone brightens as I say, “We could have so many chicken coops!”
“That sounds like the best plan yet!” She brushes off the cape before running her fingers through the back of my hair. “I’ve been wanting some of those Easter-eggers. You know… the chickens that lay the pretty eggs.”
“Yes! I’ve seen those. The kids would be so happy collecting eggs and running free on our little peace, love, and chickens commune.”
She smiles and tilts her head to the side.
“Ya know, my parents gave me an old cabin in the woods. It’s nothing much, and it needs a ton of work,” she sighs, “but I’ve gotten to be good friends with the guy that runs Blackrock Contracting.
I have a cut with him today, actually. Maybe he can help me fix that place up for a fresh start. ”
“Wade?”
“Yeah! Do you two know each other?” She unsnaps the cape and removes it slowly, being careful of the hair that falls to the ground.
“He knows Wyatt really well. I mostly know of him. From what I hear, he’s a great guy. Gruff, but he gets stuff done.”
“He comes in for haircuts every other Friday.” She grabs some kind of balm off her station and squeezes a bit in her palm before rubbing it into my hair.
Why do salon products always smell extra good? This one is like fresh strawberries.
“So, he’s coming for a cut today?”
“Yeah, I think I just saw him pull in. Hard to miss him in that tank impersonating a truck he drives. But, anyway, you need to tell Wyatt about the baby. You should do that today. You leave in the morning, right?”
“Bright and early.” The second I acknowledge leaving, my brain starts spinning, desperate for a reason to stay. I know what my heart wants, I’ve always known what my heart wants, but hearts don’t make very logical decisions, and I have a baby to think about.
When the balm is properly rubbed into my wet hair, she grabs the hairdryer off the station and goes to work on my blow dry.
I’ve always liked this part best. There’s something about the low hum of the dryer, the gentle tug of a round brush, and the heat that relaxes the heck out of me.
I close my eyes and attempt a meditation of sorts, but I’m drawn back to Wyatt and the life we almost had.
A little cabin in the mountains with a stream rolling behind. Our kids barefoot in the grass climbing up to their fort. A lazy Sunday afternoon in the garden with his filthy hands all over me, hauling me into the house for his pleasure.
My clit throbs against the seam of my jeans and I open my eyes in a quick flash, rediverting my attention to the buzz of the salon.
I need to get a grip. I can’t go back into this thing with Wyatt super horny.
I need to go slow, let us build time again, give us a chance to prove ourselves to each other before we’re tearing off clothes and making bad decisions.
Then again, maybe he had a temporary lapse in judgment. That happens to me every single hour of every day. Take the table fort at the dinner. I still don’t know what possessed me to climb under there.
I’m dragging in a deep breath when the doorbell dings over the front door. It’s Wade. I haven’t seen him in a long while. I forgot how massive and inked he is. The man is definitely hard to miss.
He nods hello when he sees Sara then glances toward me. “Alice?”
I nod slowly as I stand from the chair and reach up to hug him. “Hey, how’s it going?”
“Pretty good. A lot of work coming into town, so that’s positive. How about you? You back for good or just a visit? We all miss seeing your articles in the Gazette.”
“Just a visit, but thanks! I miss the Gazette too. I miss a lot of things here.”
He crosses his arms over his chest and stands with a wide stance near the doorway. “Wyatt will be excited to see you. He was quite a mess when you left. He’s out at the old mill working for me today.”
“That’s great! I ran into him for a minute yesterday at the diner and we had a short conversation. I’m glad he’s getting his life back together. He deserves good things.”
Wade nods slowly then draws his gaze back toward Sara who’s sweeping up the last of the hair from my cut. It’s not a quick glance. He studies and watches her as though he’s trying to memorize her movements.
Oh God! Is Wade into Sara?
Talk about an age gap. There’s got to be about twenty-five years between them. I thought Wyatt and I were crazy at thirteen years.
“Well,” I turn back toward Sara and offer her a hug before handing her cash for the cut and tip, “I better get out of your way.” I lower my voice to a whisper near her ear as I say, “This dude is totally into you.”
Her cheeks turn pink as she squeezes my hand, and for a second, I wonder if maybe she’s into him too.
Oh damn! That would be a fun little twist. They’d be really cute together and I know Wade would take really good care of her and her son, though I might be jumping the gun. She did say they were friends. Then again, friends don’t stare at friends the way Wade is staring at Sara.
Guess I’ll hear the updates through the grapevine.
A wash of sadness hits me in the stomach with the reality of that. The reality that this isn’t my life anymore. I don’t live in this little town, I’m not going home to Wyatt, Sara isn’t a neighbor I’ll run into on the regular, and whatever happens on this mountain won’t be a part of my life.
Biting back a smile, I hug her again, say my goodbyes to Wade, and head out into the cold toward the rental I parked across from the bakery on Main.
I hadn’t planned what to do with the rest of the afternoon, but I’ve got a fresh trim, my hair smells like strawberries, and I have a sudden hankering to visit an old mill.