Chapter 7 #4
She nodded. “That’s exactly what it means, and then every time I step on the court I feel even worse because I know I can’t hold up my end,” she shared, with a sigh.
“Sorry, that sounds terribly painful.”
She laughed. “It’s my own fault. I get suckered into doing these things, and then, when it doesn’t go well, I don’t know how to get out.”
“Does that apply to your volunteering too?”
“No, I do the volunteering because … honestly, I love it. I feel protective of all these animals. This volunteer work fills my heart. I don’t have a boss demanding my time, as I freelance.
I don’t have a partner. I don’t have any kids, so it always makes me feel strange to go out with my friends, when they are all paired up and have kids.
They make it worse by always asking when I’ll start a family and all that stuff.
So I make some joke about not having a partner, and it gets more awkward, and we change the subject. ”
She shrugged. “I’m not sure I want kids,” she admitted, “though I’ve never really allowed myself to think about it since I’ve never been with anyone I could see in that role.”
“You’ll sort that out when you get there,” Sterling noted.
She smiled and nodded. “That’s what I’ve always thought.
Anyway, I won’t be out there tonight.” Suddenly she frowned.
“I think, … damn, what is her name? Chelsea. I think her name is Chelsea, your cousin or whatever. I’m pretty sure she plays on one of the volleyball teams. That would be weird if she were there tonight. ”
“I don’t know about weird,” he countered, “but she’s got to have a life too. I guess it depends on whether she’s reasonable or not.”
“Right, well back in school, she was quiet as a mouse,” Lindsey said, “and maybe that’s one of the reasons why we didn’t really get to know each other because we were both hiding out as much as we could.
While I was always friendly with everybody, I wasn’t necessarily in the popular crowd.
So, when you’re not part of that crowd, you feel sidelined or whatever,” she explained.
“Therefore, I spent a lot of time in the library, and so did she. I think because we were both naturally introverts, we just naturally avoided each other too.”
He burst out laughing at that. “That sounds sadly familiar.”
“Yeah, that’s what school is all about,” she declared, “just getting through it.” Then she laughed and added, “So the answer is no. I can’t be at the Haven. I’ll be at volleyball instead.”
“Good enough,” he replied.
As he finished loading up, she called out, “Of course, if you wanted to come to the volleyball game, you could always let me know.”
He raised one eyebrow. “Doesn’t sound like my cup of tea.”
“It’s not mine either,” she declared. “I just thought, maybe if you came, it wouldn’t be so painful.”
He stared at her and raised one eyebrow. “What? So, making me suffer would mean you don’t have to? How does that work?”
“I don’t know,” she muttered glumly. “I just thought maybe we could share the pain.” With a big grin, she held up a hand and waved him off. “Go enjoy your evening. It’ll be better than mine.”
He asked, “Do you need emotional support?”
“No, I do not,” she declared, frowning at him. “Just because I don’t want to go make a fool of myself doesn’t mean that I’m not fully capable of handling it and am also very used to it.”
He winced at that.
“I know, right? It totally sucks. Yet I really don’t want them to forfeit just because I’m not there.”
“Yeah, but it’s up to them to find more players too,” he pointed out, “and they won’t do that as long as they’re happy to have you.”
She stared at him and then nodded. “That’s true, but it’s a bit late to bow out now.”
He thought about it as he drove back to the Haven, wondering at all the things we get each other into, even things we don’t want to do. He was still thinking about it as he finished putting stuff away into the food storage unit.
Toby asked him what was on his mind.
He told him about Lindsey and the volleyball game.
“Ah, yeah. Seems she’s somebody who doesn’t know how to say no,” he pointed out, “and then, when she’s roped into something, it becomes even harder on her.
And being part of a friend group like that, where they’re used to having her do what they want, is something that she’ll have to learn how to manage herself. ”
“She also thought it was possible that my cousin might be on one of the opposing teams and so could possibly be at the game tonight.”
“That would be an excuse to go into town and see her.”
“See who?” he quipped, with a note of humor.
Toby grinned at him. “I wondered if you would be honest about Lindsey.”
“Hey, Lindsey is a great girl,” he began, “and it’s obvious that she’s trying to fill her life by staying busy.”
“She is, but at least it’s the right kind of busy.”
“Oh, I agree with you there,” Sterling replied. “She’s all heart, that one.”
“That also means it will be pretty easy for her to get her heart broken. It’s just the nature of the beast.”
“Not something my aunt is afflicted with.”
“And your lawyer said her response was not positive?”
“No, not positive at all, and we’re looking at a legal fight.”
“Seems the property is still in your name, and the fact that she tried to get your name off of it—without your knowledge—won’t hold her in good stead either.”
“She says that she thought I was dead.”
“You mean, she hoped you were dead.”
He snorted at that. “You could be right. Probably so.”
“It only makes sense that she would try that angle because anything she wants, she’ll have to justify.”
“Yeah, but it’s still not something I’m totally comfortable fighting over.”
“If you won’t fight for yourself, maybe fight for your mom,” Toby told him. “She clearly intended for you to have the farm. She didn’t deserve to die so young, and she sure as hell doesn’t deserve to see everything that she worked for go to a sister who wouldn’t even raise her child.”
“Maybe she had a reason for that.”
“Maybe one of the best things you could do is make contact with her.”
“I wondered about that, but I didn’t ask the lawyer about it.”
“Check in with him, and, if it’ll mess things up, then stay well away. However, if he thinks it might help, then I would highly suggest you go visit them. At least it will give you an idea of what kind of people they are.”
“I have a hunch I know exactly what kind of person my aunt is.”
“That’s one of the reasons it might be a good idea to see her daughter instead. You don’t even know if she lives at the farm or whether she’s affected by all this or not.”
“Right. I don’t know,” he said. “It just feels wrong.”
“Yeah, I hear you,” Toby noted, “but you were badly hurt as a little boy, cast out and rejected at a time when you should have been wrapped up and made to feel safe. That experience conditioned you to think you had no value, to think you are nothing but garbage to be thrown out for somebody else to deal with,” Toby declared, his tone hard.
“The military helped bring back some sense of self-esteem,” he stated, “but it didn’t do enough for you to come out of all this intact.
You simply cannot let somebody like your heartless aunt push you around.
So, if it goes legal, then so be it. That’s just the fact of it.
If, in the end, the law doesn’t give the farm back to you, you’ll be justifiably pissed off, but at least you would know you had done all you could,” Toby explained.
“Maybe you could let it go after that. That would be the hope at least.”
Sterling thought about it through the night and into the next day. He phoned Lindsey later that morning and asked, “Hey, how was the volleyball game?”
“I sucked,” she announced cheerfully. “As in, I seriously sucked, enough that they took me off the court as soon as they could, but I had to be in for one round in order to keep the game going,” she said.
“However, I have decided I’m not doing it anymore, and I told them last night.
They weren’t impressed, but I told them that, as long as I kept filling in, they weren’t looking for another player, but they needed to, preferably one who liked to play. And you know what? Chelsea was there.”
“Was she?” he asked.
“Yeah, so maybe you should have come.”
“How did she look?”
“She looked fine. She was busy, I mean, playing on the other team, so it’s not as if I had a chance to talk with her.”
“No, of course not. And she may not know anything about the family drama, and she might not even live there with her mother,” he pointed out.
“Yeah, I don’t know anything about her, so maybe that’s something you should try to talk to her about.”
“I will talk to the lawyer about that first and maybe get a look at the farm. I want information on my grandfather too,” he added. “I want to know where he’s buried.”
She looked at him curiously. “When did he die?”
“I don’t know exactly. Per the foster home’s explanation, my grandfather was dead. I’d been living with him one day and the next day he was dead. CPS came and I was placed in a foster home not really understanding any of it at the time. It was just another loss for me.”
“Of course you did,” she agreed. “Could he be in an old folks’ home or something?”
“Maybe, and maybe that’s when my aunt attempted to transfer the farm into her name.”
“Was your grandfather’s name on it?”
“Maybe, I don’t know,” he admitted. “The lawyer told me it was in the name of my mother and me, but it was in a trust. Maybe she put it in my … I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head. Of course she couldn’t see that. “Anyway, I just called to check up on your game.”
“I’m glad you did. And I’m glad you missed seeing the very last game of my volleyball career.”
He burst out laughing at that. “I think you’re too hard on yourself. I’m sure you were just fine, or they wouldn’t have had you.”
“No, no, no,” she argued. “You have no idea. Honestly, it’s awful. Yeah, I’m not going on the court ever again.”