Chapter 3
Tuck
Heard you were ugly.
I shake my head at my kitchen sink, those words still running around in my brain.
Jesus, they’ve been on replay since I left Maria’s place this afternoon.
Sure, those words were twisted and misconstrued by the time they reached Maria’s ears, and who she heard it from I’ll never know.
What I do know, however, is that I’m glad she said them and doused the room in cold water.
Sort of.
No. No. No.
You needed that cold water, dude.
Because the truth is, I was two seconds from ignoring every rational thought, from pressing my lips to hers, sliding her back against the counter, and losing myself in her sweetness.
What is it about us and kitchens anyway?
Is it the closeness, the heat, the smell of baked goods and something homey in the air that makes everything else disappear? I make a mental note to never, ever step foot in a kitchen with her around again.
What the hell was I thinking? Getting involved with Maria the first time was a mistake—no matter how much I’m drawn to her.
I knew better than to have a casual hook-up because deep inside, I suspected one kiss, one touch and I’d want more.
Knew I’d want the chaos and laughter in her home, the boys and the noise, the way she makes any room she’s in feel like home.
But I can’t be the guy she needs. Not now.
Not ever. She has two teenagers and they have to come first for her.
And after what she went through with her ex—after the secret baby she discovered, the betrayal, the heartbreak—she can’t afford to let anyone close who isn’t rock-solid, reliable, permanent.
And I…I can’t do that.
I know what it’s like to lose someone you love because life moves faster than your heart can catch up.
Before the NHL, back in Nova Scotia, I was in love with Suzanna and her two-year-old son, Ben.
That little boy meant everything to me, and I treated him like my own.
I loved him. Raced home to him at the end of the day.
But then, I made it to the NHL, and that’s when everything changed.
She didn’t want to move to Boston—couldn’t leave her work, or her support system behind.
Didn’t want to be alone when I was on the road, even though I explained she’d have the other WAGs.
Then I pivoted, understanding and supporting her need to be around her friends and family.
I was sure long-distance could work. I believed it could. I was wrong.
I flew back to Nova Scotia one weekend, hurried home to our shared house buzzing from winning our away game, expecting smiles, hugs, normalcy.
Instead, I walked in to see her packing.
Ben came running to me, arms wide, eyes full of love.
I picked him up and before I even realized what was happening, she tore him from my arms, told me how badly I’d failed him and if I kept it up, I’d ruin him for good.
That cry. Jesus that cry. The way he sobbed—because even at two years old he understood the world he knew was collapsing—still haunts me. I wanted to scream, to beg, to fight for her, and Ben, but all I could do was break down and cry alongside him.
To this day, I can’t forgive myself for hurting him like that, for failing him. For not being the man he needed. Honestly, kids don’t get over something like that. It stays with them, ruins them.
And that’s why I can’t.
Why I won’t.
Kids, heartbreak, chaos—it’s a weight I can’t risk carrying again.
Because with kids, there are no do-overs.
No stats sheets. No fresh starts. When you fail them, you fail them.
End of story. So after that night with Maria, a woman I want so much more with, I stepped back quickly, before it could go any further because some fires aren’t meant to burn.
I turn the tap off, realizing it’s been running the whole time I took a trip down memory lane. I grab a towel and dry my hands, still feeling the weight of those old memories pressing at my chest. A glance at the clock tells me it’s time to head to Jaxon and Rowyn’s for dinner.
Third wheel.
Yeah, I might be team captain, but sometimes, when it comes to team activities, I feel like the odd man out—and dinner with friends is no exception.
I grab the alcohol-free wine from the fridge for Rowyn along with the beer I picked up for Jaxon and me.
Just as I reach for the door, my phone buzzes. I fish it out of my coat pocket.
I smile when I see the number. Sliding my finger over the screen, I say, “Hey, Kit Kat. What’s up?”
“Can’t a little sister call her big brother just to say hi?”
I chuckle. “You remind me of Stella.”
“Stella? Ooh, is this a new girl I should know about?”
I laugh, shaking my head. “Stella’s five, and one day she’s going to make a great hockey player…or a lawyer.”
“I like her already,” she says.
I open the door and lock it behind me. “Speaking of lawyers…I have a friend and she’s thinking about going back to school to become a lawyer.”
“She?”
The teasing lilt in her voice makes me grin. “Yeah, she. And she’s a friend. Why does everyone care so much about my love life?”
She laughs. “Whoa, Chucky.”
Chucky. Her childhood name for me, because she was trying for Tucky but had trouble with her T’s. So Chucky stuck.
“I never said anything about your love life, you did. Even if I wasn’t a trained lawyer, I could read between the lines. Something’s up.”
Something was up. Something I shouldn’t even think about when it came to Maria.
“It’s nothing. She’s just a friend,” I mutter, knowing how ridiculous I sound.
“He who protests too much,” she teases.
“I’m hanging up now,” I say, sliding into the car and starting the ignition.
“No, don’t,” she yells, laughing. “I won’t pick at your love life, or lack thereof.”
“Kate,” I growl, but my tone is more amused than angry.
“I called because I wanted to talk about next month. I know it’s busy for you, but it’s slow for me.
I was hoping I could visit. I know you have away games, but honestly, Tuck…
I just want to veg out and hang out at home with my big brother when he’s free.
Maybe even meet a few of your friends. If there’s time I’d also like to visit Violet.
I haven’t seen her since she moved to Boston after our undergraduate ceremony. ”
“That sounds great, Kate.”
“I know you’re coming home at Christmas if you can, but I’d still like to come see you before that.”
I smile, my heart doing a little flip at the thought.
Home. They say you can take the boy out of Canada, but you can’t take Canada out of the boy, and I fully agree.
Would Maria and the boys ever cross the border?
Sure, Boston feels a lot like Halifax, but I bet they’d love the scenery, the food, the culture, maybe even whale watching.
And Mom and Dad would undoubtedly fall in love with the boys, just like they fell in love with Ben.
My thoughts screech to a halt. What the hell am I doing?
“Bro, you still there?”
“Yup, just driving. Had to focus for a second.”
“So you’re good with me visiting?”
“Just…stay away from Nicklas.”
“Nicklas?” she asks, a playful edge in her voice.
“You know exactly who I mean. Nicklas Walton.”
“You should know by now, when I’m told not to do something, it makes me want to do it all the more.”
I grip the wheel a little harder, my jaw tightening. Damn her. “Fine, you can’t come.”
Her chuckle warms me. God I miss her. Miss home. “Fine, I’ll stay away from Nicklas.”
“Good,” I grumble.
“Okay, bro. I’ll fine-tune the details and send them to you. Can’t wait to see you, and your friend who wants to be a lawyer.”
“Kate,” I warn.
Her laugh fills my chest with brotherly love. “Love you, Tuck.”
“Love you too.”
I hang up and grin, my chest lighter. I can’t wait for her visit, can’t wait to introduce her around. Like I said to Maria, I’m sure they’ll get along. They’ll have so much to talk about, so much in common.
I drive the short distance to Jaxon’s and pull into his driveway. The sky hangs heavy, dark and overcast, rain threatening on the horizon. I step out, the chill of the evening brushing against my skin, and walk up to the door, rapping my knuckles.
It flies open. Rowyn stands there, radiant, her face glowing. God, she looks so happy and I’m genuinely thrilled these two found each other after all those years as childhood friends.
She winks at me, one hand resting protectively on her belly, the other poking my chest. “Hey…heard you were ugly.”
I scrub at my scruff. “Jesus.”
She laughs. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re very handsome. Why you’re still single is beyond me.” She pulls me into a hug. Her big belly presses against me, and for the briefest heartbeat, my mind flashes back to Ben. My chest tightens.
What would he look like now?
Would he even recognize me?
Does he watch me play hockey?
I push those thoughts back with a hard mental shove and plaster on a smile. Not tonight. Not here. Rowyn pulls back, grinning as I hold the wine out to her.
“Non-alcoholic wine for the beautiful mother-to-be.” She frowns and I raise an eyebrow. “You don’t like this brand?”
She takes it from me and sighs. “I like it. But I miss wine.”
I chuckle, shutting the door behind us, and follow her into the kitchen where Jaxon stirs something aromatic on the stove.
“What smells so good?” I ask, setting the beer on the counter. I pop open two and hand one to Jaxon.
“Scallop linguine,” he says, the rich scent curling into my nose. “My speciality.”
I breathe it in deeply. “Man…I need to learn to cook.”
Jaxon arches a brow. “You’ve been a bachelor for how long now?”
“Not long enough,” I say, my stomach twisting slightly. “Which means I’ve still got time to learn how to cook.”
“Or,” Rowyn begins, stepping up to Jaxon and rubbing his back. “You find yourself a partner who loves to cook.” She smiles at him, tender and soft. “That’s what I did.” She casts me a glance. “How lucky am I?”
“We’re a team, babe,” Jaxon responds. “You excel at other things,” he says.