Chapter 15 – Out of Contro
Puck Sli p
Christmas Day
Jaxson
The arena is buzzing with energy all around me. It always hypes me up for the game.
This isn't a regular competition, though. It's the Christmas Day charity game, and it's about more than just hockey.
I'm always happy to support a good cause and have volunteered for more than my fair share of these games.
But right now, I'm in my head. All I can think about is Melly.
I can't reach her. After I busted my phone this morning, I borrowed Rod's a few times, but I still can't get through. I punch the air in frustration .
We're lined up in the tunnel, waiting for the commentators to cue us, when Rod walks up.
“You okay, man?”
“Yeah,” I grumble, shaking my head. “Just… you know… Melly.”
He pats my shoulder. “Just get your head in the game so you don't get injured. You'll get hold of her sooner or later. I mean, it's not like you don't talk every day anyway, right?” He laughs.
I shoot him a guilty look.
“Dude, you do talk to her every day, right? Or at least once a week?”
I drag my hand down my face. “I've not actually spoken to her since the season began.”
“Why not?” He looks at me in disbelief.
“I don't know. Busy. Didn't really think about it. Maybe a little ashamed to face her,” I admit finally.
“Jaxson, you can't neglect your wife after opening your marriage,” he says, incredulous.
“That's relationship suicide. Cassie and I set ground rules to keep us on track, and the most important thing was not letting anything come between us.
That meant making her a priority and nurturing our relationship, not letting it die because of lust. That's why we initially agreed to it, to take the edge off temptation while I travel for games. ”
I lean against the wall and press my cheek to its cool surface, trying to steady myself.
“You might've led with that when you mentioned opening my marriage.”
“Hey, I did. Repeatedly," Rod says, holding his hands up. "Do the words boundaries, honesty, rules, or commitment ring any bells?"
I stare at him, shame crawling up my spine. "Maybe?"
Vaguely. I admit to myself
"Fan-flipping-tastic!" he grumbles under his breath.
"You can't make this cluster up! You weren't listening to me that day, were you?
You heard the words open marriage and multiple partners, and your brain traded places with the joystick in your pants.
Am I right?" He leans back against a vending machine, arms crossed, glaring as he waits for me to confess.
I shake my head, trying to push the memories out. Months of chasing distraction, only to wind up tangled in one mistake after another. I should have manned up and put a stop to Mandy sooner. Even when I tried to avoid her, she kept finding her way back to me. It was wild and fun for a while .
But the lifestyle quickly revealed itself—everything was about money, status, access. Nothing real.
I'm done with it. Done with the parties, the puck bunnies, Mandy.
This morning, the truth finally settled in, heavy and undeniable.
I can't wait until the season is over. I need to fix my marriage, and I need to do it now.
I sidelined my soulmate for this, and Rod's right.
I can admit it at least to myself. I wasn't thinking clearly before.
I let my body take the lead and ignored what I knew in my gut.
There's no time left for excuses anymore.
Melly is my future.
My forever.
What if she doesn't understand? What if she can't overlook my reckless behavior, my selfishness? I'm terrified I've made a mistake she can't forgive. I've destroyed the thing that matters most. Us.
"… so don't blame me for your screw ups,” Rod continues. “Besides, Cassie never traveled with us, but Melly came with you to every game. Our situations aren't even the same.”
Turning away from him, I let my forehead rest against the wall .
“I thought you two were the dream couple. It's hard to believe you just stopped talking,” Rod remarks, frowning.
I… that's on me, I guess. She tried texting and calling after we opened the marriage, but I just avoided her. Everything was all so new and intense at first, but somewhere along the way, I forgot what held value and lost sight of her. Now that I can’t reach her, she’s all I think about.
“Until I tried to call her and heard that automated voicemail greeting, I hadn't realized it had been months since I’d last spoken to her. I miss her voice. Just thinking about it now turns my stomach.”
“I guess it makes sense now why you're in such a state. You've probably tanked your marriage,” Rod mutters, shaking his head.
Panic claws at me as I glance around, as if searching for a way out of the mess I've created. If I weren't committed to this game and the nearly eleven thousand fans waiting out there, I'd already be on a plane home.
Noticing my distress, Rod admits, “Truth is, it's not really working for us either, despite all the safeguards.
Even though I put her first every time, it wrecked our intimacy.
Relationships just aren't built for more t han two people.
The dynamics are too complex, and everything throws the balance off. It's not fair to anyone.
“Every time I kiss her, she pulls back and asks if I'm comparing her to someone else. If she's still enough. It’s made her unsure of us… of me.”
This is too hard to hear, and I try to swallow around the bile creeping up my tightening throat.
He sighs deeply. “I hate to own up to this, Jax, but Cassie left me a couple of weeks ago, and I've been reeling ever since.”
I grip my face, then drag my hands through my hair.
“Perfect. Just perfect. This is a nightmare,” I moan as I think back on the night Rod told me he and Cassie opened their marriage.
[Flashback]
It's a couple of months before the new season starts, and we've just wrapped up an out-of-town charity game. Rod walks behind me, arms around two beautiful girls, laughing and whispering as we head down the tunnel toward the locker room. I glance back. One of the girls is the blonde who was checking me out earlier. She’s taller than most women, wearing booty shorts that show off legs that seem to go on forever.
Seeing her has this effect on me. Uncomfortable, I adjust myself, trying to fight the urge, but my body isn't listening.
Lately, I've been noticing the female fans in a way I never have before.
I can feel their eyes on me, hungry and eager.
I shake my head and turn back toward the locker room.
I love Melly! I chastise myself. She's my person, my forever.
No one else even comes close. Still, my gaze drifts back and lingers on the blonde.
Her eyes are locked on me. She smirks and licks her lips seductively.
I can't seem to look away from her mouth.
I adjust myself again and pick up the pace.
Inside, I take off my skates, strip off my clothes, and toss them in my bag. Rod struts up to his stall next to mine, peeling off his gear like the cat that got the canary, oozing smugness.
"What's going on with you, Rod?" I finally bark out in frustration. "You and Cassie… split?"
"What? No!" he laughs, sitting down to take off his skates. "Why would you ask that?"
"Maybe because you've got two hot chicks hanging off you like you're single."
"Jealous?" he flashes me a cocky grin. "Nah, man. Cassie and I are good. Better than ever, actually. "
I snort, "Yeah? It doesn't appear that way to me. It looks more like you're auditioning for a reality show or for the front page of the gossip sites."
He leans back against the stall, the grin permanently affixed to his face. "We opened things up. Took off the pressure. No more pretending temptation doesn't exist. If someone catches one of our eyes, we talk about it. No sneaking around."
I blink at him. "You're serious?"
"Dead serious," he says. "Look, everyone's doing it. Especially when you're famous." He stretches his arms wide like he's posing for a magazine cover. "They all want some of this. Full of himself, he throws back his head with a rumbling, contagious laugh.
He turns back to his stall, stowing his dirty gear in his bag. Retrieving his towel and body wash, he heads to the showers, and I follow close behind. Hanging his towel on the hook, he turns the shower head toward himself and soaps up under the steamy jets.
I come up next to him, mimicking his actions. "And Cassie's okay with it?"
"She didn't agree immediately," he shrugs. "It took her a minute to warm up to it."
In that moment, when Rod starts explaining this new "trend", my thoughts instantly go back to that cute blonde who was eye-banging me earlier. A shudder runs through me as my lower stomach tightens, and I nearly drool thinking about the possibilities.
My mind drifts to her mile-long legs and the fun we could have while Rod keeps talking. Words like "honesty," "no lies," and "rules" roll off his tongue as he grins. He's just a blur now, his voice fading in and out behind the fog in my brain.
"Cassie even said it's… freeing." He smirks, like he's just won at marriage. "You'd be amazed at how easy it is once you stop pretending that monogamy is the be-all, end-all."
He turns, rinses, and shuts off the water. On his way to the stall, he dries off and wraps the towel around his waist in one smooth motion..
I follow quickly, now more interested than ever. I'm convinced that if Cassie's on board, Melly will be too.
As Rod dresses, he's still talking, something about boundaries and respect.
Whatever. I've stopped hearing most of it.
I'm thinking about the blonde again, the way her hair curled and bounced as she cheered us on, the fullness of her mouth when she smiled at me.
I can almost smell her perfume, sweet and sexy.
Rod slaps my shoulder. "You listening, man? "